It was a dark, stormy night when Dr. Arkham and his wife Mrs. Arkham had decided to make love together in their waterbed. The two were unaware that they were being watched by two of the most dangerous villains in Gotham.
The red and black jester, known as: Harley Quinn snuck into their bedroom, dragging her mallet behind her.
Mrs. Arkham's moans of pleasure soon became screams of horror when she saw Harley Quinn's twisted, demented grin in the overhead mirror on the ceiling's reflection. Dr. Arkham turned to see what was frightening his wife when he saw Harley Quinn toss her mallet upward into the mirror, shattering it and causing glass shards to rain down on Dr. Arkham and his wife, impaling them and causing the bed to burst into a mixture of blood and water.
The Joker watched in amazement as their former captors' body parts rained down around him and the bloody water splashed up against his shoes.
"I love you!" He grinned before picking up Mrs. Arkham's severed ring finger and kneeling down in front of Harley.
"I should have asked you this a long time ago!" He removed the ring from Mrs. Arkham's finger and offered it out to Harley.
"Harleen Quinzelle; will you be my bride?" He proposed.
"Oh puddin'! Yes! YES!" Harley exclaimed with glee, crying tears of joy as The Joker slipped the bloody ring onto her black-gloved finger.
"SHE SAID YES!" The Joker cheered with a psychotic laugh that rang out through the city of Gotham as Harley admired her new ring. She thought for a while that diamonds were a girl's best friend but then she realized something; The Joker was her best friend, her true partner in life and the diamonds on the ring just symbolized that. This made her even more proud to wear the ring. As her Mother once told her: You should always marry your best friend.
Weeks after the proposal, The Joker and Harley Quinn had taken over Arkham Asylum and had turned it into a dormitory for villains. They became King and Queen of the villains for their accomplishment and had in no time turned what was once Gotham City into an abandoned ghost town.
Batman, Batgirl and Robin however were stripped of all of their weapons, forced into The Batcave and barricaded within by the angry mob of villains and prisoners. They were ordered to be permanently sealed within The Batcave until they died of starvation or dehydration.
"The villains have completely destroyed Gotham..." Robin complained, wiping the sweat from his forehead as Batgirl laid on the floor and Batman looked at the map of Arkham Asylum's floor plans. They have been trapped in the Batcave of nearly a month. Their costumes were tattered, Batgirl's hair was matted and the room reeked of unwashed bodies. Batman ripped up the floor plans in frustration as sweat dripped from his face when suddenly, an explosion vaporized the pile of boulders that had been keeping them trapped within The Batcave. Standing in the entrance was none other than Catwoman.
"You..." Batman growled.
"You've got some nerve coming here after what you did to us cat!" Batgirl spat as Robin narrowed his eyes at her disapprovingly.
"You're lucky I came here at all. Do you you have any idea what The King and Queen would do to me if they even caught me around here?!" Catwoman explained, fearing The Clown Prince of Crime and his bride to be's punishments as they could be quite brutal especially with their lack of trust toward the cat-like villainess.
"Why don't you run along and leave this to the big dogs little kitty?" Batgirl smirked only to be roughly shoved to the ground by Catwoman.
"I didn't come here to save you pest!" She hissed before wrapping her arms around Batman and smirking at him seductively.
"Save it! how do I know you're not in cahoots with Quinn and The Joker?!" Batman snapped as he roughly shoved Catwoman away from him.
"I'm not Batman! I swear! Do you have any idea what it's like being their servants?! You have to help me Batman! Please...?" She pleaded, putting on her best, seductive, puppy-dog face.
"Okay..." Batman reluctantly agreed with an annoyed sigh before he realized Batgirl and Robin were missing.
"Where'd they go?" He asked darkly, glaring at Catwoman.
"Don't look at me; I'm on your side." Catwoman smirked before Batman stormed off in search of his sidekicks.
~Meanwhile.~
Batgirl and Robin had set out on a revenge mission. They were determined to make the clown couple pay for everything they did to them.
"You take The Joker; Harley's mine..." Batgirl ordered as her and robin used their grappling hooks to get onto the roof of Arkham Asylum.
"No! No! NO! It can't wait until tomorrow! It has to happen today! TODAY!" Robin could hear The Joker's voice shout as he looked in through the skylight. He could see The Joker yelling at Twoface and The Penguin while Scarecrow and Killer Croc watched. There was also a large wedding cake in the room with them.
"Calm down Joker...Calm down...Everything's taken care of. Killer Croc's the minister and Scarecrow will be the musical entertainment." The Penguin reassured as Scarecrow practiced singing Here Comes The Bride flatly.
"Just get out! EVERYBODY OUT! I need to be alone!" The Joker shoved the four of them out before slamming the door and locking it. He then pulled a small, heart-shaped picture frame from the inner pocket of his suit and looked at it forlornly.
"Harley has your smile..." He whispered quietly to himself as his eyes burned with tears he refused to let fall.
"I hope you're proud of me..." He sighed when Robin suddenly swung down from the skylight and dropkicked him, causing him to drop the picture on the floor and crash-land into a nearby table.
"Hmm..." Robin picked up the picture frame and inspected it closely. The picture was of a pregnant woman with shoulder-length, strait, blonde hair and a beautiful, warm smile.
The Joker groggily stood up then double spin-kicked Robin in the face, sending him flying into the large wedding cake before he even had time to ask questions. The impact had also caused Robin to accidentally smash the picture against the wall.
"NO!" The Joker cried before letting out a low growl and picking up the cake cutting knife. The second Robin leapt back up,prepared to fight, The Joker rammed the knife into his heart, making Robin cry out in agony.
"Tell Barbara...I love her..." Were Robin's last words before he died on the cold blade of The Joker's knife.
"GET OFF MY KNIFE!" The Joker shoved Robin's corpse from his knife as he fell to the floor, limp and lifeless. The Joker looked at the destroyed wedding cake then back at the dead Robin before grinning evilly and saying, "I hope Harley likes red velvet cake." With his infamous. psychotic laugh.
~Meanwhile.~
Harley was applying her face paint while Poison Ivy was preparing natural, plant-based horderves for the wedding.
"Red; where are the rings?" Harley asked worriedly.
"In my purse..." Ivy replied.
"And where's your purse?" Harley questioned nervously.
"In the kitchen...Now Harl'; I know you're nervous but you need to relax. Marriage is a beautiful thing even if it is with that creep." Ivy explained.
"Ah whata you know?! ya've never had a man in ya life!" Harley snapped under pressure, her stress getting the better of her.
"Now Harl'; I don't have to take that from you..." Ivy scolded when Batgirl swooped down from the skylight and tackled Harley to the ground.
"You're gonna pay for trapping us in The Batcave Quinn!" She growled as she wrestled and fought with Harley brutally.
"Ya stupid brat! YA FILTHY COW! YA PICKED THE WRONG DAY TO MESS WITH ME!" Harley screeched before roughly yanking Batgirl's hair, causing her to squeal in pain. Batgirl retaliated by yanking Harley's jester hat off which did little as Harley sank her teeth into Batgirl's shoulder. Batgirl screamed in pain before pushing Harley off of her but Harley bit her arm, drawing blood. They continued to wrestle as Harley's costume was getting ripped and torn in the scuffle. Seeing as how she had a wedding to attend, this furthered her stress level. She shot up suddenly, grabbing Batgirl by her skinny neck and holding her up with one arm, her grip tightening the more she struggled. She then kicked Batgirl in the stomach, sending her flying into an open fusebox that electrocuted her at high voltage.
Harley watched with a demented grin as Batgirl screamed and convulsed in agony as she was electrocuted. The lights flickered on and off, casting shadows of Batgirl's flailing arms on the wall. The power went out at the same time Batgirl took her last breath as she laid limp and lifeless across the fusebox, smoke poring from her mouth and chest.
"Harley..." Ivy stared at the dead Batgirl in shock then looked to Harley who's costume had been torn to look like the dress version of her costume. Her pretty, blond pigtails draped over her shoulders.
"You're beautiful..." Ivy gasped.
"Yeah! Yeah! Hurry up! We got a weddin' to get to!" Harley stormed out.
~Meanwhile.~
Scarecrow walked in to find The Joker slamming a bag of wedding presents against the wall repeatedly in a fit of rage.
"Hey Joker; I just came back in to get...What are you doing?" Scarecrow asked.
"GET OUT!" The Joker roughly shoved Scarecrow back out into the hallway before slamming the door shut again. Scarecrow shrugged then went to where Twoface and Penguin were and said, "The Joker's finally lost it...Because I don't care. I don't care..."
Twoface and Penguin didn't wait for Scarecrow to finish his sentence as they quickly rushed off to check on The Joker. His back was turned to them and his hands were cupped over his eyes when they found him.
"Joker?" Twoface placed a hand on The Joker's shoulder but her just pulled away from him.
"Joker; what's wrong?" Penguin asked but The Joker didn't respond. It was then Twoface noticed the shattered remains of the photograph, recognizing the woman in the picture as The Joker's ex wife.
"You miss her don't you?" Twoface asked as The Joker looked up at him sadly with tears and black grease paint streaming his cheeks.
"I miss her so much Harvey!" He sobbed, clinging to Twoface, seeking comfort in his warm embrace.
"I know Joker, I know...There are some days when I miss Rachel too but I don't let it get to me because Rachel just wasn't 'the one' and I know there's someone else out there for me, someone special and there is for you too Jack; her name is Harleen Quinzelle..." Twoface explained as he comforted his clown friend.
"You're right harvey...Get ready boys! We got a wedding to do!" The Joker cheered.
~Meanwhile.~
Batman and Catwoman had made their way into Arkham undetected.
"Where is everybody?" Catwoman wondered out loud when Batman notice Batgirl's charred remains sprawled across the fusebox.
"Barbara!" Batman gasped as he rushed over to her aid. Catwoman checked her pulse then sadly gave Batman the signal that she was dead.
"I promised The Comissioner I would protect you..." Batman whispered as a few tears fell.
"They WILL pay for this! COME ON!" Batman stormed off as Catwoman followed him.
~Meanwhile.~
Harley Quinn walked down the isle as Scarecrow sang Here Comes The Bride in his flat, emotionless voice.
The Joker trembled as he progressively grew nervous at the sight of his beautiful, Harlequin bride approaching him. Sweat dripped from his forehead as he began to panic.
"I can't do this!" He tried to run away but he was restrained by Twoface and Penguin.
"Yes you can. This was meant to be." Twoface insisted but this didn't help The Joker's nervousness as he felt so nervous that his bladder felt as if it would burst at any given moment.
"I have to go to the bathroom!" He squirmed.
"It's just nerves..." Penguin tightened his grip on The Joker's arm as The Joker pinched his trembling legs together tightly. His breathing quickened a bit as Harley stood next to him at the altar.
"Duh...Dearly belothed: We are gathered here today to join The Joker and Harley Quinn in moldy macaroni. Do you, Harley, take The Joker to be your awful wedded husband?" Killer Croc asked.
"I DO!" Harley answered excitedly.
"And do you, Joker, take Harley Quinn to be your awful wedded wife?" Killer Croc asked, looking to The Joker.
"I d-d-d-d-d-do!" The Joker stuttered nervously as he trembled.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now tie the knot." Killer Croc handed them a piece rope and in a team effort they tied a knot into it right as Batman snuck in.
When The knot was tied The Joker's nervousness faded, making him realize that he really did need to use the bathroom.
"I'll be right back pooh; I have to squeeze the lemon." The Joker excused himself with a smile.
"Why don'tcha take me with ya?" Harley flirted with a seductive smirk.
"Well we are married now." The Joker smirked as he swept Harley off of her feet and carried her to the bathroom bridal style.
"Alright; I'm not waiting for them. Let's cut the cake." Scarecrow picked up the bloody cake cutting knife as Bane pulled the tarp from the cake, revealing it was blood-red, badly smashed back together and was sprinkled with bits of Robin's hair, flesh and costume. When Batman saw this he lost it and with a war cry he leapt out of hiding and began beating Scarecrow senseless.
"Oh Batman?" Catwoman purred flirtatiously but the second Batman turned to face her, his fore head met with the blade of an axe, causing him to grunt in pain. The holder of the axe was none other than Catwoman.
"Meow..." She taunted before yanking the axe from Batman's head. Batman let out a pained groan before falling to the floor.
"Selina...Why?" He coughed.
"Face it Bruce; we were meant for each other and if you don't want to be with me then you must die..." Catwoman hissed as Batman closed his eyes. Catwoman then turned her attention away from Batman's lifeless body to the whole room full of villains glaring at her menacingly.
"What? I set him up so I could kill him. If you ask me, I did you all a favor." She defended.
"Favor to chu, poop to me! Chu and chour double crossing! Clean this up!" Bane ordered as Catwoman threw Batman's body down the trash shoot.
"What'd we miss?" The Joker exited the bathroom, holding a toilet brush in his right hand as Harley followed him.
"More like what'd we miss; why do you have a toilet brush?" Scarecrow asked as Harley and The Joker both exchanged glances and answered with, "No comment..."
~Meanwhile.~
Batman climbed from the dumpster and removed his mask. Lucky for him, Catwoman's axe only dented his mask and left a small bruise on his forehead.
"They will pay for this..." Batman promised as he walked back toward his home. He would get revenge but first he needed to find a new Batgirl and Robin.
As Batman walked away the picture frame that The Joker's ex wife's picture was once in was sitting on the windowsill, now tabled back together. It now held Harley and The Joker's wedding photo.
THE END