He watched her leave, the door slamming as she walk through it. Not quite understanding what had just happen, Darien could only stand there and stare. Had they just broken up? No… Serena wouldn't do something like that… would she?
"No," his voice echoed through the empty apartment. "She'll be back."
Smiling, while believing what his mind was saying, he walked over to the couch and sat down, his foot nearly missing the pieces of a broken vase that sat in front of it. Amiss the broken apartment were flowers that had seen better days, cushions that lay on the floor covered in water, and other odds and ends that needed to be picked up and thrown away. But Darien saw none of it.
"She'll be back," he said again. "She always gets angry when I come home late. She just went to cool down, yeah….Just to cool down…." The tears fell from his eyes, unchecked by him as he succumbed to the sobs that overtook him. Laying down on the couch, covered in water and dead flowers, Darien cried himself to sleep.
The weeks went by and still no word from Serena. Darien drowned himself in work, staying until wee hours of the morning, or not coming home at all. He saw no point in it, no one was there to welcome him, to ask about his day or to just give him a hug when they saw he was too tired from his job.
At first, it was easy. He just kept telling himself she'll be back, that they hadn't broken up, and to just give her some time. However, as the days went by, then the weeks, and soon a month had gone by without a word from her, he started to worry. He called her friends, asking if they'd seen her. What a mistake that had been. Ami had quietly, in her polite voice, called him an asshole. Minako had told him to not give up, to change his ways and she'll be back. Makoto threaten to come over and beat the living shit out of him, and Rei… Well, Rei had been the worse. He'd only seen Rei completely angry once, and that had to do with her father and some other man; and at the time, Darien was glad that that anger wasn't directed at him. However, now it was and he was scared.
Rei had, in a calm and understanding tone, told him that Serena needed time. She wasn't coming back, but she would call him as soon as she could face him. He would have to be patient. Then she hung up. It took Darien a whole twenty minutes and the "If you liked to make a call, please hang up and try again," tone before he followed the strange robotic woman's words and hung up the phone. Rei hadn't screamed like Makoto had, hadn't reassured him that Serena be back like Minako had, or called him any names like Ami had. She had just simply told him that Serena wasn't coming back, but she would contact him when she needed to. She had said to wait.
Although waiting was what he was doing, Darien wasn't a very patient man.
It got easier, as the weeks went by. Easier to get caught up in work, easier to pay attention to his patients, to understand their needs. Easier to lose himself and the light in his eyes. His patients knew, his staff knew; they all saw the light that had been inside him slowly dying out. There wasn't anything anyone could do to stop it.
Sitting on his couch, watching as the players passed the ball back and forth in front of his eyes on the television, Darien leaned back and closed his eyes. He'd learned to take quick cat naps, never sleeping longer than two hours at a time. If he did, the nightmares came and he woke up in a sweat, breathing hard. So two hours was all he needed.
However, this time it was longer and Darien woke up with a scream, lungs breathing hard, sweat pouring down his body. Dragging a hand through his damp ebony hair, he sat up and tried to calm his breathing. "Same dream, same person," he said quietly, his eyes closing as the dream came back to haunt him. Opening his eyes, he looked at the television, saw that a different program was on and wondering how long had he been asleep. Realizing that it didn't matter, he sighed and picked up the remote to change the channel.
It was the song that made him stop. The music starting out slow, before the singer began to sing.
"God, I'm down here on my knees. Cause it's the last place left to fall, beggin' for another chance, if there's any chance at all, that you might still be listenin', lovin' and forgivin' guys like me." Darien turned up the volume, the words striking him in the heart.
"I've spent my whole life getting' it all wrong. And I sure could use your help just from now on. I wanna be a good man. A do like I should man. I wanna be the kind of man the mirror likes to see. I wanna be a strong man. And admit that I was wrong man. God I'm askin' you to come change me, into the man I wanna be.
"If there's any way for her and me to make another start. Could you see what you could do, to put some love back in her heart. Cause it gonna take a miracle, after all I've done to really make her see..
"That I wanna be a stay man. I wanna be a brave man. I wanna be the kind of man she sees in her dreams. God, I wanna be your man. And I wanna be her man. God, I only hope she still believes, in the man I wanna be
"Well I know its late at night, that talk is cheap. But Lord, don't give up on me, yeah..
"I wanna be a givin' man. I wanna really start livin' man. God, I'm askin' you to come change me. Into the man I wanna be…"
The music ended and Darien turned down the volume. He sat on his couch, his hands on his knees and stared at the screen as another song began to play, but he paid no mind to it.
Dropping to his knees, he began to pray.
"God, I'm down here on my knees. It's the last place for me to fall, begging for another chance at love," Darien said, hands clasped and eyes closed as the tears began to fall. "Hoping that you might still be listening, loving, and forgiving guys like me. I just want her back, God. I want her here with me, lovin' and forgivin' me. Could you use one of your many miracles to bring some love back into her heart? I wanna be her man, God; and yours. I wanna be a good man." Using the back of his hand, he wiped the tears from his face and stood up.
He didn't hear the door open, nor did he know that she stood there, listening and watching him.
As always, nothing belongs to me; except for the story.
Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi
The Man I Want to Be belongs to Chris Young & RCA Records.