I don't own Hey Arnold, and use characters for entertainment purposes only. No profit was made from this text.

Swayed.

Morning, myself. Happy freaking morning. Tweet, fucking tweet. I hate mornings. They always bring out the worst in me. By the midday, I'm usually much more mellowed. I don't let it out, like I used to in the old times. No need to. I just grumble until I get a fix of coffee. Oh well... Criminy. I forgot take off my earrings yesterday. I'm lucky to evade ripped ears.

I made my bed, and checked my sheet, just for a good measure. All clean... Good. I took some time to brush my hair. It took me longer and longer each year. On the other side, most girls envied my hair. Not that I needed it much - I looked good enough anyway. My early teens were good to me, and I had what to flaunt. On the other hand, I never had the incencitive to use that. As I overheard boys saying once, 'Helga is just too much for a normal guy.' I suppose they were referring to my ass-whooping skills rather then my beauty, through.

I finished with my hair, and looked in the mirror. Acceptable. So, I put on jeans and top, and went down to the kitchen. Mom wasn't that delinquent with her house-keeping chores, as she was before, and when I modified the timer to add extra minute each ten she set, food became consumable, and even palatable, on lucky days. Dad never even noticed.

There were some toasts and waffles in the kitchen, already ready, but there was noone there. That's ok by me, I don't really have much to talk to parents about. I didn't had much appetite, as well, so I swallowed two toasts and waffle, and left Kitchen. School is soon to start, and I have to go - I promised to pick Phoebe up.

I slung my backpack on the shoulder, and went to my car. Being a daughter of Big Bob Pataki sometimes has it's perks - such as my Corvette. Dad bought it practically for peanuts on the police impound lot. It was dumb luck mostly, through - I once heard Gerald talking about how police closed up autoservice shop in the south end of town. He was waxing poetics about rare cars they probabily had there, so I decided, why not? Dad long ago told me I needed a car, but in the same time I knew I'll probabily end up with caddy, if I'll agree - he wanted me to own a car with image, but he wouldn't spring for expencive modern car.

So, I hinted him about police lot - it ought to have something worth the name of Pataki, and not cost arm and leg. It didn't took much to persuade him - when push came to shove, he always took the possibility to cut expences. So we went to look. And returned home in my current car. We got it really cheap, because it was in the middle of tuning-up, when it was impounded. Main works were done already, but interiere was a little better then a cardboard box. That quickly changed, through.

I threw my backpack on the rear seat, and just sat for a second on my seat, inhaling smells of gasoline and oil. Then, I turned the keys, and floored throttle - I was almost late. Phoebe should already be ready, don't want her to wait. It was quite a short trip, and I didn't really had time to think about anything. But I had things to think about - a lot of. Phoebe was on the top of this list, by now. I was a bit worried about her.

Phoebe waited me on the steps of her house - as usual. I leaned over passenger seat, and opened door for her. She climbed in with cheery - "Konichiwa, Helga-chan!"

"Morning, Pheebs." - I groused, swerving back on the road.

Phoebe shook her head - "You're really not a morning person, are you?"

I snorted - "As always."

Phoebe shrugged. She was usually more talkative, but lately, she tended to think of her own stuff. I think I know, what does she thinks about. But I very rarely had the chance to discuss her problems with her. I've got to talk to her now, through - I'm too worried to sit this out.

"Hey, Pheebs? What's the deal with you lately? You seem aloof." - I asked, squeezing between two trucks.

Phoebe shrugged again - "I have some things on my mind lately."

"What things?" - I prodded again.

She winced - "Helga, I don't think you want to know that."

I shrugged - "Phoebe, that's what best friends are for - among other things. That is, if it's not too personal."

She smiled a little helplessly - "I don't think you really would know what to say. It's about Gerald, and you don't really have any experience in that area."

I signed - "Even if I don't, I can provide you with fresh perspective. So, what about him?"

Phoebe hemmed - "Well, I... I just see less and less of him lately. It's almost like he's avoiding me."

I could easily tell she's hiding something. But I knew quite well, that pressing on her would yield nothing - she had a temper. It was usually consealed and repressed, but when she was pushed to certain limit, she was downright explosive. So, I took a least resistance path.

"Well, it can't be worse, then me and Arnold." - I replied.

Phoebe snorted - "That's because you deny it. If you said at least one word to Arnold, he wouldve noticed you."

I winced - "Pheebs, we had this discussion earlier. I don't want to tell him anything."

"Helga, he can't read your brain. If you're interested, you've got to tell him straight." - she pressed on.

"Pheebs, it's not a big brainer to figure out. You know, Rhonda figured it out at the end of six grade." - I said, - "Why can't HE figure it out?"

"Well, let me think... Maybe it's because you told him you'd sooner date Hunchback of Notre Dame back in sixth grade?" - replied Phoebe acidly.

I chuckled - "What could you expect? He tumbled me over and landed on my tummy hard enough to crack me a rib, and all that while watching Lila."

Phoebe shuddered - "Yeah, that was kind of stupid of him."

I winced at the memory. "Pheebs, he's way too dence. He has one-track mind." - I explained.

Phoebe gave me a long look - "Helga, I often hear you complain about it, but you never stop pining for him. Why do you do that?"

Just as I gather my thoughts enough to reply, I turn into school parking lot.

"Oops. We're here." - I quipped, putting Corvette on handbrake. Phoebe frowned, but got out of the car. I grabbed my backpack from the backseat and locked the car.

"So, why do you continue to pine for Arnold, if you don't like how dence he is?" - asked Phoebe again.

"I'll tell you later." - I said.

School wasn't that much to care about - I was smart enough to pass most classes even not trying. Come on, being a junior isn't that hard. I spent my classes on my own, doodling in my notebook, writing snippets of whatever fell in my head, and ocassionally listening to teachers. Before I knew it, lunch came. I wasn't in a hurry - I disliked what they served in cafeteria, so I brought lunches from home, childish as it is. I slowly navigated the crowd, heading for the table Phoebe favoured. Sometimes, I sat with boys, but today, I wasn't in the mood. For once, I wanted to feel effeminate.

Phoebe wasn't on her usual space. However, I easily spotted her - she's been nearby, speaking with Gerald. Well, looks like I'll be eating alone today - Phoebe's busy. Just then, she threw a glance in my side, spotted me, smiled and waved. I waved back. Phoebe suddenly frowned. Why? She sharply turned to Gerald, and said something. She wasn't talking loud enough for me to hear, cafeteria was noisy. But I heard the tone of her voice. Oh-uh. Gerald is dangerously close to ticking her off. Phoebe turned on her heel, and stormed away from Gerald. What just happened?

Phoebe almost screeched to halt near me, and plopped on her seat. Her face was still angry. I, wordlessly, reached into my secret pocket, took out one of my 'spare' pens and handed it to her. Phoebe unscrewed the back cap of the pen, and overturned it over her mouth. She gasped silently, and took a sip from her juice carton. Her face passed from angry expression to sad, then to pencive, then to curious, then back to pencive. I chuckled and took the pen back. I'll have to refill it at home. Phoebe muttered something moderately obscene under her breath, then asked - "You still fill them with that stuff?"

I nodded - "Yeah. We still have two crates of it in the basement."

Phoebe blinked - "I thought Mariam would apprehend it."

I shook my head - "Nah. She had a full bottle when we just got it, and ended up in hospital with OD. Now she won't touch the stuff with ten-foot pole."

Phoebe scrunched her eyes - "I can imagine why. I had only what - half a pony? And I already feel sloshed. Some say whiskey is devil's drink, but I think it's just an appetiser. It's russian vodka what is main course."

I laughed. "Pheebs, what just happened? Did you quarreled with Gerald, or what?" - I asked.

Phoebe sniffed - "He's got an attitude problem. If he wants to spend time with friends instead of me, that's OK, but as soon as I tell him I want to spend time with you, he gets all bent out of shape. After all, I am the girl, not he!"

She slammed her fist on the table - "Dammit, I'm tired of chasing him around. He's got something to do everytime I have time to spend with him, but as soon as I decide to do something else, he always pops up and tries to guilt-trip me!"

I put my arms around Phoebe - partly to calm her down, partly to restrain her from making anymore noise.

"Shhh, calm down, Phoebe. You're just tipsy." - I murmured in her ear. I noticed long ago, that calming her works much better then trying to argue with her. Phoebe just slumped down. At least she got quiet. I'll hate to see her get herself embarassed in front of whole school.

She muttered - "Heck, I sometimes feel like I'm dating you and not him."

I blinked at this idea. Frankily, I never gave it much concient thought...

"Dammit, now I don't want to eat." - groused Phoebe. I smiled at the sudden idea. I haven't unpacked lunch yet, so, I was mobile still.

I asked - "Hey, Phoebe? How about you grab what you still can stomach, and we'll hide away somewhere?"

She looked on me, puzzled - "Hide away?"

I shrugged and whispered - "I have a key to the roof. It's a nice day today, and it should be empty there."

Phoebe thought for a moment, then said - "Sounds fine." She put an apple and small pie in her pockets, and dumped the rest in the nearest trash bin. I picked up my lunch bag, and we slipped away to the hall. Noone noticed.

The roof was drastically differing from the crowded cafeteria. It was empty, and sunny. Phoebe looked around, and headed for the air duct in the middle of the roof - it was just high enough to serve as a bench. We sat down, and I opened my lunch bag. Nothing spectacular - tube of Pringles and bottle of Cola. They didn't sell any of those in cafeteria - all those healthy food regulations. I shared chips with Phoebe, and she shared pie with me. As usual. We always shared food - been doing that since fourth grade. I dunno why, it was just something we did.

Phoebe wasn't very vocal - she kept her talk to monosyllable replies. I knew that this meant that she is making some decision. I was content to let her to - because I suspected, what decision she was making.

She suddenly asked - "Helga? Am I demanding?"

I snorted in surprise. "You, demanding? Yeah, and I'm Elvis Presley."

She gave me one of her glances, which meant - 'Come on, tell me the truth.'

"Honestly, Phoebe. I never saw you demanding anything. You're always politely asking. Way too politely, for my taste." - I said.

Phoebe blinked. "You mean, I don't require constant attention to myself?" - she queried.

I scratched the back of my head in stupefaction. "Who told you that, Phoebe?" - I asked, when I regained my speech abilities.

Phoebe blushed, and looked down. I put two and two, and my surprise turned to anger. "Gerald... I'll kill the bastard and bury him upside down."

Phoebe suddenly seized my arms. "Helga, he's not worth your time. Besides, if you kill Gerald, you'll trash any chance of getting together with Arnold."

I laughed. "Phoebe, since it's choozing between him and you, I'll take you over him any time, no questions asked." - I told her, gently removing her hands from my elbows. She just stared on me.

I looked on her, and knew, that this is the pivotal point. Right now, I cared about Phoebe much more then about Arnold. Criminy, I cared about her much more then about Arnold, period! I pecked her on the nose lightly, and whispered - "I love you, Phoebe. You're superfriend."

Phoebe just kept looking on me. Wordlessly, expressionlessly. Then, something broke... She sobbed. It was quiet - Phoebe never raised a scene. She just cried. I held her the best I could - still awkward, I'll bet... I never held somebody in my arms like that before.

In a few, Phoebe calmed down. She looked on me, her eyes still red, but she had the most radiant smile I ever saw on her.

"Helga..." - she didn't continue, she just hugged me.

I hugged her back. We just sat for a few minutes like that, and it was far more pleasant, then everything I romanced about. Phoebe suddenly made puzzled sound. I quirked my brow on her. She blinked twice, and said - "Uh, Helga... About Arnold... What did you mean when you said you'll take me over him?"

I signed - "Phoebe, I don't love Arnold."

She nodded seriously - "Go on."

I looked in the distance - "Phoebe... You knew I was obsessed with Arnold for quite some time. But do you know why?"

Phoebe shook her head - "I can only speculate... But I guess that's because he was the only one of boys to treat you good when you first came in kindergarden."

I nodded - "Yeah, that's about it. He treated me good, and I had no idea how to get more of his attention. So I started to annoy him. But I slowly, but surely, grew out of this. By the end of six grade, I stopped harassing him mostly, only making a sarcastic quip now and then. By that time, there was a rumour circulating, that I am in love with him, courtesy of Rhonda and Lila. Arnold is about the only one who never pays much attention to gossips... Remember the end of sixth grade? Everybody thought it was a silly rumour, and everybody told it over and over again. So I just rode it - punching Harold every other day for singing 'Arnold and Helga sitting on a tree....' I still was obsessed over Arnold, back then. I just learned to hide it better. Rhonda knew, but she had no proof. So she was reduced to spraying rumours. Can't say I blame her."

I signed again, and stretched. Phoebe looked on me and nodded - "Then the summer camp came."

I chuckled - "Yeah. And all seventh grade noone dared to as much as cough in my side."

Phoebe regarded me with a long look, and then asked - "Helga, what happened? I heard dosens of versions, but they were all so unbelieveble, I never actually understood what happened. And you never told me either."

I continued to look in the distance. "It was... Stupid."

Phoebe quipped - "But it couldn't be what I heard!"

"What did you heard?" - I asked curiously.

"That you..." - Phoebe shuddered, - "... killed someone."

I signed - "Now that's true. Everything other isn't."

Phoebe made saucer eyes. I looked in her face, and said - "It's not a big deal."

She shuddered again, and asked me - "Can you tell me the real story?"

I shrugged - "Yeah. It was stupid. There were three stupid guys, who thought that by kidnapping a bus full of rich kids they can get rich themselves. So they stopped the bus with the old 'broken car on the way' trick, held us at the gunpoint, and demanded us to phone our parents, and say to deliver ten grands each."

Phoebe nodded - "I think I heard about that."

I continued - "They were really stupid, and allowed me to get out my carving knife and stab one of them in the kidney. Others were stupid enough to hesitate to shoot, enough for me to grab first guy's shotgun and shoot them both."

Phoebe dropped her jaw. Slowly, she worked it back to the closed position. "You mean you just up and offed them?" - she asked.

I nodded. Phoebe made a horrified face - "But why?! You could get killed!"

I chuckled - "Ha, do you think I would've minded then?"

Phoebe slapped her hand over her mouth, horror on her face. "You mean while I spent my jolly time in Japan, you've spent a suicidal summer here?" - she asked incredulously.

I made hush motion with my hands - "Nope, only first two weeks. Then I suddenly became a 'kid of iron will and steel nerves'. And it's a quote from our newspaper. All the rest of summer both mom and dad were looking after me like if I was their only kid. Can't say I was disappointed."

Phoebe nodded. "So, this extreme sitution changed your life completely?" - she said seriously.

I shook my head - "No, it started to change at the end of fourth grade, when I dropped ballet, and started on hand-to-hand fight instead. Ivan Vladimirovich taught me how to use knife somewhat by the time of that 'extreme' situation. So it wasn't a start, it was climax."

Phoebe nodded - "I knew you were learning some kind of martial arts. You sort of showed me."

I laughed. It was in the beginning of sixth grade - we with Phoebe quarreled over something, and fought. Scared all the school with our bruises next day. But we never told how we got them - when we realised, what we were doing, we nearly went into histerics from laughter.

I, absendmindedly, started to pull on one of my ponytails. I guess it's really pigtail, but they are almost down to my waist now. Phoebe noticed this, and took my hand in her own.

"Why so nervous, Helga?" - she asked. I shrugged.

"Well... Right now, the only person in school who doesn't think I'm in love with Arnold, is you." - I answered her.

She blinked. "You mean, Arnold knows?"

I nodded - "Yeah, Gerald told him, in the eight grade. He never talked to me about that, but I spotted him looking on me several times, and then overheard him asking Rhonda around after."

Phoebe frowned - "It took him two years to catch up on rumour?!"

I smiled, a bit helplessly - "Phoebe, I think, he just didn't wanted to catch up on it. After all, he was much more comfortable playing dence, then admitting that I might have some romantic feelings for him... That way, he didn't had to do anything. Besides... He was still trying to date Lila back then - of course, he never wanted to acknowledge me."

Phoebe frowned even more - "But if he knew since eight grade, why he hasn't spoken to YOU since?"

I snickered - "Remember seventh grade? Everybody was walking on eggs around me. Helga 'Da Killah'' entered the building! Save kids and women."

Phoebe gave me false smile. I laughed more - "Phoebe, don't you get it? Maybe it wasn't the best thing that happened to me, maybe being famous as thirteen years old killer is really bad. All I know, it gave me a shove in the right direction. I was finally Helga 'Da Killah'', not Helga 'Big Bob's daughter', or Helga 'Olga's sister'. So what if I was feared for a while? It gave me room to breathe. It stripped me of my dreams and insecurities."

Phoebe huddled in a ball, and said - "Helga..."

I cut her short - "Phoebe, don't. Don't preach, don't tell me how wrong I am. I am who I am."

She violently shook her head. "No, I... I envy you." - she uttered.

"Envy me? Why?" - I was so surprised...

"Well, after all what happened to you... You went through hell and came out with demonskin jacket." - Phoebe always had a poetic metaphor...

"Phoebe, I... I don't think my life is bad... Or was, for that matter. I'm proud of what I am, and I am not ashamed of anything I've done." - maybe my life had sucky moments, but what's the point in self-pity? I always prided myself for self-reliance.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts a bit. "Pheebs, we deviated. Trust me, I'm happy with who I am, and how things are now."

She nodded, but asked - "But Helga! Why Arnold didn't spoke to you after Gerald told him? I don't remember anybody 'walking on eggs' around you in the eight grade."

I snapped - "Because, he's goody-goody two-shoe!"

Phoebe cut me off - "Come on, he has the balls to do what he wants."

I nodded - "I don't mean he was afraid to talk to me. I mean, he didn't wanted to talk to me."

She blinked - "Why?"

I shrugged - "Frankly, I don't know. Maybe he was stupid enough to assume that I am too dangerous to be close with. Or maybe, he was smart enough to notice I was already pretending back then."

Phoebe jerked her head up - "Pretending?"

I nodded, letting my eyes defocus, as I usually did, when explaining something. "My... affections for Arnold... Well, in seventh grade they started to wane. I saw that he's no different from other kids. By eight grade... It just became my defence. In preschool, I was mean abusive girl, and noone sought my attention because of that. Now, everybody thinks I'm in love with Arnold - thus noone tries to seek out my attention either. Truth is, I know, that Arnold won't ever think of me in romantical way - and frankly - I don't want to. It all became so cliche, you know? Girl likes boy, boy doesn't likes her back, she pines for boy, everybody get used to it, end of story."

Phoebe nodded in her turn - "You're right."

I smiled - "It gives me some weird sort of freedom - I can came to the party or dance alone, and noone will bother me, asking where's my date."

Phoebe sagged. Then her jaw slowly returned to place. "You mean you DON'T WANT to date anybody?" - she asked incredulously.

I signed - "Phoebe, I need to trust whomever I'll decide to date, and up to date, there is noone whom I trust enough to go out with."

Phoebe shook her head - "Don't you think you're going too far? I don't think there is a boy in our school, who can force you to something you don't want to, for that matter."

I giggled - "Of course, no... But you're the one to speak, mademoiselle Kung Fu."

Phoebe snickered, but asked again - "What are we speaking about, then? If a guy gives you trouble, you can just kick his butt."

I waved no with my hands - "Pheebs, I don't mean trust in sence trusting with my body. I mean trusting them to share my life with them. Trusting them not to run after some alluring redhead one day, for example."

Phoebe continued - "Or trusting them not to insist on going out when you want to spend time with friends?"

I nodded - "Exactly. You see, Phoebe, I just can't trust anybody."

She looked on me strangely. "But you trust me?" - she inquired.

"Of course. You're the closest person to me I ever had." - I answered. She looked me in the eye, swallowed, and without further notice kissed me. Not a friendly peck, like I kissed her earlier, but a full-sized, lips-to-lips kiss. All I could say was - "Ahmm..!", before I was cut off completely. Her arms grabbed my neck, pressing me close to her, and making me lean down slightly. Not that I really minded, of course.

Sometimes, I wondered, what would that be like to kiss Phoebe. I started to think about that in sixth grade, right after our big fight. We ended up on the floor then, our faces not even a full inch apart. Ever since, I wondered. At first, I didn't wanted to think about it. But I kept returning to it, time and time again. I can't say I really made any effort to, but I had it filed somewhere in my brain. I even had an odd wet dream about it now and then. Not too much, through - I think I had about five or six of them, total.

Phoebe... Right now, when I was given bona fide article of my curiosity, I seriously debated, is it worth to go further. But Phoebe decided for me. She started to pull away, and, in contradictive move, I put my arms around her, pinning her in place, and I opened my mouth. Phoebe squeaked into kiss, but I was taking none of it. She didn't put any noticeable resistance, either.

We stopped only when we started gasping for air. For a few, we just sat there, panting, and looking at each other, unsure, what to do next. Phoebe wheezed - "I'm sorry!"

I wheezed back - "For what?!"

Phoebe inhaled deeply, and said, putting each word apart - "For. Kissing. You."

I shook my head as furious, as I could - "No, s'ok, I... I liked it."

Phoebe blushed and asked me - "Honestly?"

I smiled. "Cross my heart, Phoebe." - I swore, actually making cross over my left part of chest, - "If there is anyone I trust enough to kiss, it's you."

She didn't looked very satisfied by it, however.

"Helga, I... I love you. I've been thinking long and hard about me and Gerald, and came to conclusion, that I have purely physical attaction to him. You, however, is different. I long ago denied it, on the grounds that we are both females, but clearly, I have to be honest, right now. Helga Geraldine Pataki, I am in love with you."

Wow. Satori. I wiped my forehead nervously.

"I hope you do realise, that if we'll get romantically involved, we'll be the gossip of gossips until we both leave for college?" - I queried.

She shook her head - "I don't care! Helga, I can take no! Just say you are straight, or that you love Arnold after all, or that you're not finding me attractive, and be done wimmfffttt....!"

I silenced her, by grabbing her, and kissing her again. This one wasn't very long, and it was without tongue, but it carried my point across. "Pheebs... Phoebe... Just shut up, ok? I love you."

She did shut up, but gave me a stare, which almost smoked with question. I signed, this time quite happily. "Phoebe, since you told me your secret, I'll tell you mine. I was long ago attracted to you romantically. I just didn't wanted to risk throwing wrench in our friendship."

She breathed out - "When?"

I frowned - "When what?"

"When you first started liking me that way?" - she elaborated.

"Ever since our big fight. When we ended up on the floor, I wanted to kiss you - I dunno why. I couldn't get rid of that thought ever since." - I explained.

Phoebe suddenly swore, and checked her watch. Her shoulders slumped.

"We're late?" - I wondered.

"Yeah... For the eighth period." - she muttered.

"How about cutting it altogether, then?" - I asked.

Phoebe theatrically signed, and looked on me with mock scorn. "Come on, my sweet grief." - she mocked, - "We can still catch last ten minutes of our last period for today."

I shrugged - "Yeah, but don't forget that today is Friday. Mr. Lombardi always lets class go fifteen minutes earlier on Friday."

Phoebe nodded. I pressed my point - "Let's go, let's get some icecream! My treat."

She got crafty look - "Helga, are you asking me out?"

I nodded, mutely, and gave her a smile.

She winked to me, and said - "Fine, but we're going to the movies next - and this is my treat!"

I laughed. "Come on, Pheebs, let's go. We've got to practice, if we want to blow minds when Monday comes."

She chuckled - "I can't wait to see Gerald's face, when I..."

I corrected her - "We!"

She nodded - "Right, when we tell him!"

I put an arm around her shoulders, and stared in the sky. Hey God, are you there? I don't know what I did, to deserve such gift, but thank you!