A/N: so basically I have a lot of Bellarke feels from the finale and I needed to get them out somehow! This will be a short multi-chapter fic. It takes place immediately after the final B/C scene. Enjoy!

Put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them any more
That long cold black cloud
Is coming down

.

.

Bellamy stepped forward. He paused, staring hard at the ground. He forced himself to take another step. Just keep walking. A few more steps—yes, finally he was at the gate. But then he stopped and, almost unwillingly, turned around for one last glimpse.

She had covered far more distance than he had in the past few minutes. He squinted, trying to make out her figure at the edges of his vision. She was striding forward confidently; so sure of herself. He wasn't even aware of stepping towards her—but then suddenly there was a hand on his arm, gently holding him back, bringing him back to reality.

He looked up, startled, to see Monty looking at him. Was that pity in his gaze? "She has to do this," Monty said, unable to look him in the eye. "We have to let her go."

Bellamy struggled internally, trying to force the dread out of his chest. "She'll get herself killed."

"If you really believed that, you would've stopped her."

"You think I didn't try?" Bellamy suddenly felt anger coursing through his veins. He had tried. Come inside. He had told her, pleaded even. But she was so damn stubborn.

"Must be that Griffin blood."

"What?"

Monty blinked at him, "Her stubbornness, I said it must be—"

"Did I say that out loud?" Bellamy rubbed a hand across his face tiredly. He was starting to lose it. He could feel it the second she had said she wasn't going in. And now he could see evidence of it in the way Monty was watching him, slightly wary and even afraid. "I'm fine," he muttered, his jaw clenching against the lie. "Let's go."

"Just so you know," Monty said quietly as he fell into step with Bellamy, "I tried to stop her, too."

Bellamy didn't say anything to that. His mind flashed, remembering Clarke's hug with Monty. A goodbye hug. He unconsciously touched his fingers to his cheek, feeling the lingering sensation of her lips pressed against his skin. A goodbye kiss.

His gaze landed on Abby, and his heart sank further. There was too much commotion for now, maybe she wouldn't notice, maybe she wouldn't see...

"You should tell her."

"How can I?" Bellamy wasn't looking at Monty; he wasn't looking anywhere, really. "She's already been through hell and back, how can I tell her that her daughter left without saying goodbye?"

"We can't keep this from her," Monty sounded hesitant, "I'll come with you, if you want. We can tell her together."

"No," Bellamy glanced up at him, coming to terms with the decision laid out in front of him. "This isn't on you." Then he took a deep breath and made his way to Abby's stretcher. She looked up at him as he approached, and the small smile of relief on her face slowly disappeared. He could see the exact instant that she realized something was wrong; the exact instant she knew he came bearing bad news.

I bear it so they don't have to.

Clarke's last words were ringing in his ears. He knelt down beside Abby and swallowed. Just as Bellamy opened his mouth to speak, a shadow fell over both of them and he looked up to see Monty standing beside him. His face was somber, "This isn't on you, either. She told the both of us. We can share that burden."

Bellamy's mouth went dry. He merely stared at Abby, desperately willing her to understand. Finally he choked out hoarsely, "I'm sorry."

Alarmed, she tried to sit up on the stretcher and immediately let out a hiss of pain. Kane was at her side in the blink of an eye. "Abby, you need to lie still so they can patch you up—what the hell are you doing?" His gaze darted between her expression and Bellamy's, before he quickly realized that something was very wrong. "Bellamy, what happened?"

Abby was reaching a hand out towards him, but Bellamy couldn't do it. He abruptly stood up, attempting to distance himself from the situation. "I'm sorry," he said again, his voice even hoarser than last time. "There was nothing I could do."

"Bellamy?" Tears were glistening in her eyes now, and he knew the realization was sinking in for her. "Where's my baby?"

Monty stepped forward, almost as if he knew Bellamy had no more words within him. "Clarke didn't...I mean, she couldn't..."

Kane had risen to his feet now as well. "What are you talking about?" he demanded, "Of course Clarke came back with us! I saw her!"

"S-she did come back with us," Monty stammered, "But what I mean to say is she didn't...um, she—"

"Didn't stay," Bellamy finally found his voice, and his shoulders hunched as two pairs of eyes swung over to look at him. He cleared his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets. "She left."

Abby started shaking her head, and kept shaking it, almost as if she couldn't stop. Her voice hitched, "Left with whom, exactly? Is there another threat that you haven't told us about? Is—is she in the forest? Fighting again?"

"She didn't leave with anyone," Bellamy's voice sounded hollow, even to his own ears. "I don't know where she went. I don't...I don't think she knew either."

Kane looked angry now, "How do you know she left? Did she say something to you?"

Monty flinched.

Bellamy turned around, gazing into the distance. Of course, there was nothing to look at. "May we meet again."

"What was that?" Kane strode forward, grabbing Bellamy's arm. "So help me god, if you knew Clarke was going off on her own and did nothing to stop her, I will have you—"

"I TRIED, ALRIGHT?" Bellamy shouted, losing his temper. He wrenched his arm away from Kane and made a conscious effort not to attack the man standing before him. "I tried to make her stay, and she didn't want to hear it!"

"It wasn't just him," Monty interjected, though his voice wavered in the wake of Kane's furious gaze. "She told me, too. I couldn't stop her either."

Bellamy fell back to his knees next to Abby. "I should've tried harder. I'm sorry."

"You've sent her to her death," Kane growled, "She's out there all on her own, probably heading straight into Grounder territory with no alliance to speak of!"

Abby seemed to have forgotten all about being drilled into for bone marrow. She also seemed to be ignoring Kane completely. "Why?" Her voice shook uncontrollably, "Bellamy, tell me why she left. I know she told you."

He stared at her, feeling his chest constrict painfully. "How did you know that?"

"Because you wouldn't have let her go if she didn't have a reason."

Seeing their faces everyday, it's just going to remind me of what I did to get them here. "You're right," Bellamy admitted, lowering his gaze and suddenly (for some inexplicable reason) feeling ashamed that he hadn't been able to do more. "She did."

"Because of what she had to do to get our people back," Abby murmured, her head falling back onto the stretcher. "She couldn't deal with what she had done."

"You know what happened?" Monty frowned, looking uncertain. "She told you?"

"No," Abby whispered, now sounding as if all the strength within her had been sucked away. "Clarke told me she tried to be the good guy, but..." A sob escaped her lips and she clutched a hand to her mouth, not wanting to attract the attention of the camp.

"But there are no good guys," Bellamy continued to stare at the ground, not wanting to see the accusation in Kane's eyes or the heartbreak on Abby's face. "I tried to offer her forgiveness."

Abby's voice was thick with unshed tears, "It wasn't enough."

"No," Bellamy replied, now raising his eyes, "It wasn't."

She took a deep, shuddering breath. "What did she ask of you?"

He frowned, confused. "What?"

"You weren't there..." Her voice was weak, "I saw my daughter's face when she learned you were alive. The moment that she heard you were here at camp...She trusts you, Bellamy. I know she...she must've asked you to stay."

Take care of them for me.

Bellamy didn't say anything, but the answer must have been written on his face. Abby took one look at him and then sighed. A defeated sigh.

"It wasn't just her," he suddenly said, "We were in it together. We did it for the camp, for our people." He shifted forward, needing her to understand. "Clarke didn't do it alone. I tried to tell her, I tried—"

"I know." Against all odds, Abby was holding his hand. He looked up at her, disbelievingly. Here he was, trying to tell her what he had done, and she was the one comforting him. "It's okay, Bellamy. I don't blame you."

"You...you don't?"

She cracked a small, tired smile. "I know my daughter. Once she makes a decision, lord help anyone that attempts to stand in her way." Abby opened her eyes and gave Bellamy's hand a final squeeze. "I know you did everything you could."

He slowly got to his feet. For the first time since Clarke had walked away, he took a good look around the camp. Raven was on another stretcher, Wick hovering at her shoulder. Octavia stood near them, her warrior paint fading from her face. Even now, in relative safety, she stood poised and alert. Lincoln was at her side, his fingers interlaced with hers.

A few feet away from them stood Jasper, holding a pair of goggles in his hand. He looked lost. Almost as if he could feel Bellamy's gaze on him, Jasper suddenly looked up. But the expression on his face never changed. Instead, Jasper's gaze slid to the left and his face imperceptibly hardened before he looked back down at his goggles.

Bellamy looked to his right to see Monty standing beside him. He too had noticed Jasper's reaction, and his face fell. "Maya," Monty said quietly, "He loved her. He's never going to forgive us for what we did."

What WE did. You don't have to do this alone.

Abby followed their line of sight. When she looked back at Bellamy, her face was impassive. He felt his pulse quicken, his heart pounding dimly in his ears. He opened his mouth and the words spilled from his lips easily, as if he had already decided it and his brain was just now catching up. "I'm going after her."

No one looked surprised, least of all Kane. It was Monty, however, who spoke first. "But I thought you said Clarke wanted you to look after the camp?"

"I know." Bellamy twisted around, looking out at the trees in the distance. In the sudden silence, the wind picked up, rustling through the leaves and stinging against his skin. "But I can't do this without her."

*hope you liked the first chapter! All characters will be included except for Murphy/Jaha because I really have no idea what is going on with that whole City of Lights SL...anyway, thanks for reading and be sure to drop a review! xoxo