Ingénue

I saw them, the flowers. The daisies blossoming like I was taken back to the warmest day of spring. Your vines were creeping through the darkest part of my mind, they felt like the very rays the sun radiates in the spring. I could feel them reaching out to me though I felt death was upon me. They sprung upwards towards the sky, thirsting for sunlight. The further they grew, the more that came up behind them. And though I knew they were not ordinary or even safe to touch, I let them tangle in my limbs as I laid amongst them, letting them build a house around my broken body.

I wondered what would happen. I never thought about how insignificant my existence seemed until I was put down. Displayed as a weak human girl before the monsters I had only just learned were in existence.

moon kingdom

Dearest Tsubasa,

Is the summer gone already? I miss the warm evenings. They are vivid reminder of the rich sunsets peeping over the treetops of my old home. The house I used to live in on the opposite block from yours, with the dark bricks… Our parents used to vacation together in June. Don`t you remember how we used to run down the docks and play in the ocean? We had so much fun when we were younger. I hoped that my letters would rekindle our friendship. I hope I`ve been sending them to the right address. They never come back, no return to sender. Perhaps you`re just shy? If you write me and ask to stop then you will have silenced me forever!

I wanted to tell you about school. High School is supposed to be daunting and frightening but I`m actually having a wonderful time! Isn`t that strange? I used to be so reserved when I was younger. Well, I`m sure you remember…

I lifted my pen from the stationary and looked out the window. The lights and scenery blurred below from my castle up in the sky, safely tucked away in the all girl's dormitory where I would remain until the next term started in spring. It had seemed like I had only recently unpacked myself from the mountain of boxes that had occupied the small space with me. Time passes when your head is encased in its own little glass world, I think to myself as I look back up at the fading stars.

I imagined myself reaching out and plucking one from the sky to pin back my hair, and another to buckle my shoe

April seemed so far away. I had spent my summer in a classroom wasting my education on vivid daydreams about becoming a bird on the outside of the walls. It was a wonderful school blooming with opportunities but the only ones worth seeking seemed to only exist in my imagination.

The street lights flickered off as the sun started to make it`s first appearance, a new day was dawning. The sunlight was shoving the moon out of the picture and the stars were fleeing the sky with it. I looked over to the bedside and read the numbers glowing back at me.

6:13 AM

I frowned and turned back to the letter I had been meaning write all evening. I had tried to sleep for some time but I couldn`t fall asleep. My mind kept me awake into the late hours thinking about what kind of adventure he was on and if our paths would ever cross again, if he would only just reply to me.

I had written him every day since April.

We used to pretend that you were a prince and I was your queen. I would weave crowns of underwater blossoms and you would battle sailors. Are you still a valiant prince? Has fate separated us so that we can discover new kingdoms? Sometimes I imagine that you have gone looking for the silver mirror that is the moon on the water at night, the most valuable treasure in our palace. It isn`t tangible, you are looking for something that only exists through a metaphor. I wish I knew. Sometimes I think that your reply to my letters is my silver mirror. It`s unattainable and leaves me despairing. Would it help if I told you that my letters to you are the silver reflection of my mind? Could I be your mirror? My hands look fragile but my fingers can still weave crowns out of blossoms. I could make shell necklaces and crowns adorned with pearls….

I pause. Would he find all this banter silly? Laugh at me like I`m some sort of infantilized child. But he wouldn`t do that to me… not the boy that I`d grown up with. I`d always hoped that one day if he did choose to reply that it would bring me so much joy. What if he replied and he didn't want me to write to him any longer? Would I still be happy knowing that at least I wasn`t sending my words into another galaxy completely. I imagined every little symbol lifting from the page and evaporating into bits of stardust.

I pushed my chair back from my desk, rolling across the minty carpet.

No, I have to have faith in him. Maybe he just doesn`t know what to think of me. After all, I had been the one that had stopped replying to his letters after we`d moved from our first home. This was my punishment. I deserved to be chained in a dungeon and beaten with sticks, or cast out and exiled of the kingdom for all eternity! Shamed, pleading slave for some mercy from the beloved prince…

And if he shows no mercy…?
I run my fingers through the loose curls of my hair, reaching for my long, slender barrette off of the nightstand. I pin back my hair and secure the pin in the center. Pinching my cheeks, I revive the natural glow and check the mirror for impurities. My mascara has flaked and fallen atop my cheekbones like the ashes of singed feathers.

Reaching for the makeup remover, I begin to remedy this as quickly as possible. The bakery down the street would be open soon and I was ready to eat something sweet and savory, something that could possibly make me feel better about my situation.

My eyes wandered in the reflection of my vanity to the floating cranes in the corner of the room, hung from an iron ring. I had folded nearly a thousand and sewn them in rows of pale blues and pinks, some were white, some grey. Nine hundred and ninety nine, secured at the end by little silver beads so they would not escape. Trapped permanently on the thread. How sad! I had convinced myself that they would be forever flying if they were suspended in the air, their wings fanned out. They were not alone, keeping each other company.

A single pale blue square of paper had been left for me to fold the thousandth crane and attach it with the others. I quickly finished lining my eyes before setting the pencil back into it`s drawer to fold the last swan. I started with a horizontal fold down the middle, carefully pressing it into a fold before continuing onto the next step. A thousand cranes is said to bring good health, and you can make a wish on the last crane and it is supposed to come true for you. I longed to wish that Tsubasa would reply to my letter, however I was going to give these cranes to someone special, someone that needed good health, needed a wish much more than I did. So my wish wouldn`t be used on Tsu...

My father always told me that I should never wish for anything more than I already have. I put my lips to the hole in the bottom of the folds and used my breath to bring the crane to life, forming the shape of its body. But did that mean material items strictly or was companionship was included?

I held the completed crane in my palm, staring at its tiny frame in wonder. The thousandth swan. I`d been working on it for a month until my fingers all but bled. Paper cuts stinging as I worked tediously trying to complete them, anxious I was on a time limit. I let my eyes close as I held the tiny paper crane in my hand, and I wished for the good health and a rich future to the soul on the receiving end of my cranes.

I opened my eyes, finding the sun peeking up at me through my window, and I was basking in the first light of day.

I quickly threaded the last swan into place before securing it with another glass bead before going fetching my shoes from the entryway closet. I switched off my lights and wandered into the kitchen. I could see my roommate, Ai, sleeping peacefully on the sofa after a long night of vegetating. The television was still on and the shades were still wide open, letting the sun cast its rays onto the girl`s sleeping figure. She looked like a fair princess asleep with her limbs sprawled across the sofa, her fingers curled around a bottle. Pin straight, excessively black hair cascaded like a waterfall over her shoulders and spilled over the side of the couch, threatening to dip into the floor like the vines of a willow tree lazily swaying over the lake of powder blue carpet.

I noticed how dark her eyelids were, as if she had painted them with shadow. In reality she was a sleep deprived sleeping beauty. I drew the curtains so she would not wake so soon, concerned about her health. I reached for the knit blanket draped over the opposite arm of the sofa and let it fall over her body, tucking it here and there to keep it slightly secured.

Poor thing spent her week cramming for her biology and organic chemistry classes all while forgetting to fuel her body with sleep or food. Ai only had free time on the weekends and it was spent binge watching her favorite TV shows.

I didn`t dare wake her now, letting my feet step lightly around her and out the front door. I made sure to lock the door behind me, protecting her from the terrors that were the other beings that lived in the other apartments in our building that we didn`t associate with.

When we had moved into our apartment in April, Ai and I had never been introduced before. I was rooming with a complete stranger and while I was completely excited to settle down and get to know her, she was more concerned about estranging herself from me completely. The first three months of living together I didn`t have any clue at all as to what the girl had even looked like. She was an invisible force, coming and going at distinct times that I would not be present to see her leave her bedroom. The salt on the counter would be moved ever so slightly and dishes would disappear and reappear in the cupboards. Towels would be left draped over the chair one moment and gone when I returned from class. I felt that I may have been living with a ghost and then would lay awake at night and convince myself that Ai really was a ghost. So much so that one night I had finally gathered the courage and with my bravest face I knocked on her door and demanded that she come out and prove that she really did exist.

I remembered it vividly, my knuckles on the door, the barrier separating us for three whole months. Three! Months!

The door had abruptly swung open and before me stood a slightly taller girl, dark hair disheveled. Her eyelids slightly purple and her pale skin like smooth marble. Charcoal eyes stared back at me, an eyebrow cocked questioningly as an irritated expression spread over her features the longer I stared at her like she was the teacher on the day of a test I had forgotten was on the syllabus. I felt like shrinking, melting into the floor like ice under the glare of the sun on a hot summer day.

"…Yeah?" She yawned, leaning into the frame and closing her eyes for what she had probably thought was only momentarily.

"…Are you real?" I had blurted, "Like a person?"

Her eyes narrowed further and she straightened, crossing her slender arms across her chest. Oh no, I had disgruntled her. But at least she seemed human.

"I don`t know, is that a real question?"
"Well I wasn`t sure what to think," I giggled nervously, sweating underneath her stare, sloping down off of a perfectly pointed nose, "At first I thought maybe you didn`t like me and then maybe that you were just antisocial—but for the past few nights I began to think that maybe you were really an apparition! That maybe you were haunting the apartment and I was all alone," I inhaled quickly, "And then I thought maybe if I never confronted you that if you were a demon, which I am relieved that you aren`t one—whew," I wiped sweat from my brow,

"Anyway if you were a ghost, maybe you would haunt me at night and try to scare me or possess me! Or maybe if you were a friendly ghost we could become friends or something, maybe," It sounded more like a question than a thought. A request, please be my friend!

Ai stared back at me with her eyes wide, as if I was talking circles around her—which people often tell me I do, but I couldn`t help but keep talking under her intense stare,

"Sometimes I feel like I am the only person that lives in the whole building! I am so lonely and I feel that if only I had someone to watch television that I could pretend we have conversations during the commercial break or maybe if you just left your door open so that I know I`m not alone if you don`t want to sit with me…"

"You`re like a child, for Christ`s sake." She drawled, turning her back to me and walking towards the desk cluttered with books on the opposite wall from us, "Listen I can keep my door open but I got a lot of things to do. I have to study for a cycloalkane nomenclature quiz before my eyes fall out of their sockets—"

"—Whatever you say! I can make some snacks!" I shouted, before turning on my heel and rushing the kitchen pantry for ingredients to make cookies with. Any excuse to bake was enough for me.

Long story short, I ended up burning the cookies and the alarms in the building were set off and we all had to evacuate the building on the hottest day of summer when it was just a false alarm. No one was harmed and Ai hasn`t stopped making fun of me since.

Well, she was actually pretty raving mad about it at first because it interrupted her study session and she posted her mediocre quiz grade on the refrigerator to remind me to never bake anything while she was studying again.

But I preferred the smell of cookies, even burning cookies to that of the frigid, fuel scented air that covered the train station. I shivered, my legs going numb in my crisp, white scrubs. I had made sure to grab my jacket and scarf to put over it, but the material around my legs was thin and didn`t do a very good job at containing my body heat. I felt that I was in Iceland or maybe the North Pole, and then I thought of the snow queen. She was angered because her love had left her and she wanted the world to suffer under her early winter frost. It was hardly halfway through the fall and the mornings were brisk as ever.

Don`t be angry, Snow Queen, I thought to myself, plenty of us have lost love before. If you take your mind off of it, you`re sure to discover another when you least expect to.

And then I thought of my own beloved prince. Perhaps he was trying to fight her chill at this very moment too. How I wished I could bring warmth to his cheeks by giving him a kiss on his lips. I thought maybe he could lend her his angel wings and let her fly to distract her from her pain and then the sun would come out, instead of these dark and grey clouds.

Cranes on my lap, I watched as the world sped past me from my seat on the shuttle, I imagined that Tsubasa was my wings and that I could fly if only he would return to me. I could see the feathers in the words on his letter, and the wind would carry it to me without the help of a postman. He was my angel, the grace I feel when a breeze lifts my hair off of my shoulders and tucks it behind my ears. He`s around me in a sense and probably doesn`t even know it…

Once I am through the clean, glass sliding doors I am greeted by the warmth of Chiba Hokusou Hospital and clock in at the computer behind the lobby desk, securing my name tag on sitting just below my left collarbone. I stroll right past the employee coat rack with my cranes and make my way for the elevator, eager to give my cranes to one of my favorite patients in the ICU.

My volunteer work at Chiba Hokusou began in June when the hospital opened. I was offered a position in housekeeping after applying out of admiration of sharing the same name as the hospital. On top of my housekeeping work, I volunteer to take care and visit with patients to receive credit for my volunteer hours. We are required forty hours per semester, and though I have to clock out for my volunteer hours I don`t really mind. The building is brand new and beautiful, with a modern look about its architecture. The university was excited to open its third hospital. Though medicine never really interested me, I was content spending time caring for others.

One patient in particular had always seemed to brighten my day. She reminded me of my mother in the sense that she always entertained every bright thought and idea that came to me. I wasn`t used to people… listening. And it meant so much to me. I had spent well over my volunteer hours just visiting with her even long after visiting hours had ended.

"Good morning!" My voice extended brightly into the ICU, where several patients were already sitting up and awake. The very last curtain was pulled back to reveal a dark haired woman in her mid thirties, holding an oxygen mask to her mouth, inhaling deeply. Her eyes were closed and she had a look of relief on her face, as if it was the first breath of air she`d taken that day.

Another nurse, Harada, was hovering over her, a pensive look about her. Harada stared at the patient as if she could shatter into a million pieces within the blink of an eye. I halted upon the sight and felt a lump forming in my throat. Not all of the patients at the hospital made if out, and it was the first time I had seen this woman`s illness show itself.

"I feel much better now, thank you," The woman removed the oxygen mask and smiled with relief, causing the nurse to sigh as well.

"Hello Hoshiko-chan," The woman smiled up at me from her bed, chestnut eyes brightening upon looking at me, "Oh my, look at all of those cranes."

"I brought them for you, Shiori," I walked around to the right side of her bed, near the window,

"I figured I could hang them here so you can look at them every time you wake up. These will bring you good health for sure!" I drug a chair used for visitors over so that I could reach the empty hook on the ceiling with my cranes. Once I had placed the hanger they floated from on the hook, I let them go and watched them sway back and forth gently on their threads.

"What a thoughtful thing of you to do. Those must have taken you a very long time to make."

Shiori smiled up at the pastel cranes and I admired them once I had stepped back onto the floor. They were sailing on their own now, keeping Shiori company and bringing her good fortune. I eyed the last crane I had made the wish on, knowing that it would not let either of us down.

"One month exactly. But it wasn`t even a chore to me," I turned to her, about to tell her about how I had imagined every single crane was flying somewhere warm and filled with life and that they would take her with them—but I was interrupted by a young man that had barreled into the ICU before visiting hours was supposed to start.

"Mother," He was breathless, falling at Shiori`s side and taking her face in both of his hands,

"I got a call—they told me you were suffocating, so I came as quickly as I could,"

I noticed how unkempt his hair looked, bright red and long. It seemed to be tangled and I noticed that the boy had appeared as if he had just rolled out of bed. Being that it wasn`t even eight yet on a Saturday morning, I assumed that he had. I noticed his t shirt was un-tucked in the back of his jeans as opposed to the front.

Other than his unkempt appearance, he had strikingly handsome features. He could have been a prince if it weren`t for his unruly red hair.

His vibrant, wide green eyes frantically searched Shiori`s face as she reached up and placed her tiny, pale fingers over her son`s healthy and glowing olive skin. She took his hand in hers and smiled reassuringly,

"Shuichi I`m fine, it was just a hiccup. They didn`t need to call you. Oh, look at you," She reached her arm out to smooth her son`s hair and then looked past him to acknowledge that I was still watching the entire scene quietly next to the floating cranes.

"Hoshiko, this is my son, Shuichi,"

The boy turned and met my eyes with a wistful look, distraction in his eyes. He was a soldier and on a mission to assure himself that his mother was truly alright. I could have been a blue bird on a telephone wire outside of the hospital.

"Hello," Shuichi uttered his greeting before turning back to his mother, his frail queen on her throne.

"Are you sure you`re breathing alright? Is your chest tight?"

"I just checked her pulse," Harada verified, "It had dropped for a moment but it`s back to normal now. I think it would be best if we put her on a monitor."

I could feel my lips press into a tight line, and I didn`t have to look at Shiori to know that she had the same reaction. The cranes would help, I told myself. I just needed to have faith, and maybe my faith in Shiori would help to reassure her as well. Harada left to fetch one of the doctors and I was thinking about making my exit as well so that I could start on switching the bed sheets in the recovery room down the hall.

"Shuichi, Hoshiko was in the middle of presenting me with those cranes. She spent a month making them for me. Isn`t that such a nice thought?"

"It is," He verified, nodding at me as he glanced over at my cranes. I appreciated him feigning interest in them.

"Hoshiko is the girl I`ve told you about, the one that tells me the stories. If it weren`t for her I think I might go insane in here."

"Thank you for keeping her company then," He smiled now, baring clean, kept teeth. I noticed the circles under his eyes, next to his long lashes. They were similar to the circles Ai had from lack of sleep. He looked like a weary soldier that had seen many bloody battles. Tired eyes that had seen too much for someone that looked as if they were not much older than I.

"I love Shiori`s company." I smiled back, "But I`d better go, I have to take those sheets to the laundry room downstairs."

"Could you show Shuichi out, dear? He has some errands to run today and should be on his way."

"Mother," He looked cross now, his brows knitting together in discontent that she would shoo him away so soon. Shiori was that type of person, she never wanted to be fussed over the way the nurses did.

Which was probably why she enjoyed my company. I treated her as if she wasn`t a patient, and she treated me as if I wasn`t a basket case.

"If she doesn`t throw you out, another staff member will," I said, "Visiting hours don`t start until ten."

"Go to your club activities," Shiori instructed firmly now, "Scoot." She brushed her hand over his hair once more before giving him a little push. The boy stood from the bedside. He was tall and lean, and towered over the bedside as he leaned down to kiss the woman`s forehead lovingly. A devoted soldier to his queen. I blushed at the sight and turned to the cart filled with bed sheets that needed washing.

"I`ll be up after I clock out this afternoon," I waved at the woman who smiled brightly at me from her pillow. Shuichi held the door for me as I shoved the cart through and we both made our way for the elevator at the end of the hall.

Once we had reached the elevator, he leaned over me and pressed the button for the main lobby four floors below. The doors waited a couple moments before closing slowly, sealing us in the space together.

"I can tell that my mother really enjoys your company." His straight tone concerned me, and I looked across the elevator and watched as the boy gazed straight ahead with his green eyes looking completely soulless.

"It`s almost like you are staring into a long winter." I couldn`t stop myself from speaking with the whir of the elevator in the background. His head turned, shifting to meet his eyes to mine now. I could see how much darker of a green color they had turned. Almost like the healthy green color had begun to turn black.
"What`s so bleak about the future? Is it your mother? She`s going to be fine, I made a wish on the last crane…. That she would be well by the next full moon."

I watched as his eyes widened slightly and then narrowed into a calculating look.

"Why did you decide on the full moon?" He asked, giving me another brooding look. I smiled at the floor before giving my silly little answer.

"Because when the moon is full it shines on the sea and it looks like a silver mirror… I know it seems silly but, the mirror is the forbidden treasure in the moon kingdom and it is supposed to grant a wish as well."

"The moon kingdom?"

"It`s actually underwater, but it`s the moon kingdom."

"And you said on the full moon, the mirror will make her well again?" His question was strange, as if he was actually contemplating the words that I was saying. Something only the Minamino family seemed to have in common, seeing as no one else took me very seriously.

"Mhmm." I hummed, watching as the doors opened before us on our floor. We stepped into the lobby, and I headed for the laundry room. It was quiet, seeing that it was still rather early for visiting hours. I felt long, slender fingers wrap around my arm as I tried to make my way for the door, and I was pulled to a halt by the warrior son.
I turned and saw a realization in his expression, his posture held a sort of confidence to it, and his unkempt appearance did not take away from him now.

"Where do I find this mirror?"

I blinked up at him, and he let my arm slip from his gentle grasp. Not that it mattered, but Tsubasa was the only other person I could think of that had been searching for it.

"It`s unattainable. It only presents itself to those who aren`t looking when the moon is full."

"That isn`t true," He glanced around, keeping his voice low, "How did you find out about this mirror?"

I was hesitant to answer, but the determination on his face was telling me that he wouldn`t let me go without an answer.

"I heard about it when I was a child. That it grants wishes. My wings went in search of it a long time ago,"
"…Wings?"

"The prince of the moon kingdom."

"The moon kingdom," He blinked, "Do you mean the Reikai?" He pressed, "It`s the only logical kingdom I can think of,"

I was bewildered as to why he was acting as if the Moon Kingdom truly existed. He was drawing conclusions from no where about a story that I had only made up as a child. Could he really be serious?

"Could it be that you`re a psychic?" He asked now, leaning forward. I stepped back, right into my cart, intimidated.

"Your mother just introduced us," I stammered, "I don`t understand why you`re asking me… why are you so interested in the story about the moon kingdom, did Shiori tell you about it?"

"So it exists, the mirror," He interrupted, "And it belongs to the kingdom."

"…It`s only a story." I answered, spooked by his behavior completely, "I can tell you about it after my shift if you`re really that curious." Though I was hoping he would just let it go.

He looked past me now, vision clouding over in thought.

"No, you`ve told me enough." He turned away slightly before making eye contact with me again,

"Thank you."

And with that, he turned and vigorously made his way for the front entrance. I stood in the lobby, clutching my cart tightly as I watched this soldier on a mission leave.

Tsubasa, I thought, if he does search for this mirror, this soldier will surely give you a run for your money.

Fin