Roughly an hour after giving out team and dorm assignments, Professor Port takes aside Jaune and Ren and a handful of other freshmen boys who had been assigned to co-ed teams for a Very Important Talk about cohabitating with girls. Most of it is stuff that Jaune has never thought to dwell on, having grown up with seven sisters. For Ren, he's picked up on most of it from being joined at the hip with Nora for three quarters of his life.
Still. Port talks for an hour — with diagrams — and Jaune turns a shade of red so dark it has more in common with infrared radiation than it does with any normal human color.
Team JNPR comes up with a system. Jaune makes a chart for the back of their door just to be extra clear. The girls take the bathroom to get ready in the morning on four of the seven days of the week and get ready in the bedroom the other three days when the boys swap out.
It's more a formality than anything. Jaune had mercifully been desensitized to the sight of a bra strap about two puberty-aged sisters ago. Nora regularly tossed her underwear in Ren's direction for the sheer humor of trying to get a reaction out of him. (She never did get more than a sigh.) Jaune was used to a house of ten where he was vastly outnumbered by women; Nora and Ren had each other for crash courses on the opposite sex.
But Jaune learns early on that, of the four of them, the fish furthest out of water is Pyrrha. After their first team training regiment, they'd returned to their dorm sweating buckets and both he and Ren had pulled off their shirts mid-fighting debrief. Nora hadn't batted an eye. Pyrrha almost fainted.
The four of them have their own The Talk about it over pancakes and card games the next morning. Ren gives them a heads up that he might sometimes cuddle with Nora in bed — platonically of course — because it helps him sleep better. Nora snores if it's too cold in the room so if she does and Ren's not around, they should keep tossing blankets on her until she stops. Jaune prefers morning showers for, uh, health reasons, so if they could arrange their shower schedules accordingly, that would be great. Pyrrha fiddles with her pancakes, steadily glowing redder until her face and hair match, and finally blurts that she's super susceptible to food poisoning. Regularly.
He and Ren see through her confession but offer her the courtesy of pretending to believe her. They finish their pancakes and Nora makes a joke about elephants that makes them all laugh way more than the joke deserves. They go on living together, and they have no more significant issues.
For the rest of that first semester.
It's a Tuesday when Jaune comes back from his morning shower and is disturbed to find Pyrrha still in bed. Yes, he was first to shower, but Pyrrha was typically up an hour before him to exercise. But right then, she's curled into a fetal position and breathing deeply through her nose. She nods minisculely when Jaune asks if it's "food poisoning" again.
He glances over at Ren's bed — and finds Nora in it, looking like she's...crying softly into Ren's shirt. Which was typically Nora's signal for her own "food poisoning".
"She dreamt she killed a Beowolf," Ren says in response to Jaune's raised brow.
The brow only raises higher.
"It had a litter of pups. It was a momma wolf," Ren elaborates as Nora burrows further into his chest and mutters something that sounds like I'm a monster.
Jaune glances back at Pyrrha, then exchanges an ancient look with Ren when it dawns on him that it has happened at last. They've been living together long enough to coordinate.
He makes an executive decision on the spot. Jaune throws a pair of sweatpants on and one of his numerous Pumpkin Pete shirts. While he walks over to the communal kitchen, he shoots Ruby a text on his scroll saying that the whole of Team JNPR has come down with food poisoning. Could RWBY please take notes for them and explain to the teachers in case the e-mail Jaune is about to send doesn't get read before class time. As Jaune boils water for two mugs of green tea, he gets a thumbs-up icon back.
When he returns to the dorm, Pyrrha is trying to get up. Jaune gently pushes her back down into bed and presses the mug of tea into her hands.
"Jaune, we have class in an hour," she mumbles, even as she takes the tea and holds it under her nose, breathing in the fragrant steam.
"No we don't," Jaune says, walking the second mug over to Ren's bedside table. He nods and gently informs Nora of the beverage's existence.
Pyrrha looks at her scroll to make sure she's not delirious. "Yes, we do."
"Nope," he says, sitting down on the bed beside her. "Team JNPR had a bad batch of pancakes yesterday. We've all come down with food poisoning."
Pyrrha blushes. The scarlet glow that makes her look like she's run a mile in a millisecond. "Jaune… You didn't have to..."
He waves his scroll under her nose. "Too late. Sent the e-mail on the way back. We're all deathly sick today, aren't we Ren?"
"We are dying of the plague," he agrees.
Pyrrha looks deeply into her mug. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I've been eating—"
"Pyrrha," Jaune says at last, putting a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, "I have seven sisters. Seven ."
This only makes her blush harder. "I'm sorry," she eeks out again, pulling her knees up to her chest. She screws her eyes shut a moment later and swallows down a moan of pain.
"Is it always this bad for you?" Jaune asks, his hand absentmindedly drifting from Pyrrha's shoulder to her back. He starts rubbing small circles between her shoulder blades. It's what he'd do for any of his sisters.
She nods weakly. "Ever since I started at nine. It's in the Nikos gene. My mom's were so painful, she'd throw up."
"You started at nine ?!" Nora exclaims. She's sitting up now, in Ren's lap, and nursing her tea with wide eyes. "How are you alive ?!"
"Nora was a late bloomer," Ren translates. Jaune's just happy to see that she's stopped crying for the moment.
Pyrrha moans again, curling in on herself further.
"What helps?" he asks. "Blankets? Soup? A heating pad? I think Blake might have from her shoulder injury."
Jaune doesn't think to be careful with his words, because, really, it's ridiculous that they've let Pyrrha go on this long already, but Pyrrha just keeps blushing harder and harder with each suggestion, shaking her head against her knees.
"Talk to us," he tries again, including Ren in the statement who's started scratching lazily at Nora's scalp. It seems to be helping patient number two. Jaune turns back to Pyrrha. "Tell me what you need."
Pyrrha mumbles something that sounds like a new uterus.
Jaune sighs. A semester's worth of leadership training courses with Ruby and Ozpin kicks in.
"Okay, here, lie down on your stomach," Jaune says, taking the mug of tea out of her hands. "I'll tell you when it's cool enough to drink."
Too much in pain to protest, Pyrrha uncurls from her ball and lays back down in her bed, under her covers, facing down. Jaune stands and lines up his two middle knuckles over the tendons of her lower back.
"This always helps," he says, and does a motion like a push-up. It forces most of his body weight down on the individual points of pressure.
Pyrrha moans. Loudly. And not in pain, but in relief . The sound goes straight through Jaune's brain and collects...elsewhere.
His words suddenly have trouble working. "Do...uh, does that? ...Help?"
The blissful yesssss that escapes Pyrrha's lips is downright melodic. Jaune has to try extra hard to fish his mind out from the gutter. He can't place his finger on why this is suddenly a problem because it was never a problem with his sisters and Pyrrha is basically his sister. Right?
Pyrrha's voice is breathless when she says, "I can't believe that worked so well."
Jaune realizes he's still pressing down and eases up, thinking he might need another shower.
"Jaune," Nora demands, slamming down her empty cup of tea and throwing herself stomach-down back into her bed. She jerks a thumb over her shoulder to her back. "Do same."
Jaune walks over and trades places with Ren wordlessly. As Jaune catches his breath and repeats the pseudo-acupuncture for Nora, Ren starts combing through Pyrrha's hair and asks if she would like a massage. She giggles a little ridiculously and says Nora might kill her. Nora starts to confirm this, but completely deflates under the press of Jaune's hands.
"I'll start on pancakes," Ren announces, standing up once Pyrrha's hair is mostly untangled.
"But we had pancakes yesterday," Pyrrha says into her pillow. It almost sounds like a complaint. "Ren, you're making me fat."
"You? Never," he says with full sincerity. "I'll use buckwheat. Jaune? Nora? The usual for you?"
The usual was plain for Nora and chocolate-chip for Jaune. The two of them nod and Ren leaves, promising to pick up that heating pad from Blake. Pyrrha tries to get back up.
"Really, Jaune, I'll be fine," she says when he leaves Nora humming contently to come back to her side. "I've fought Grimm like this before. I can manage the day."
"I already told you, I called us out," he says sitting her down a second time. "You don't want to make me look like a liar to Goodwich, do you?" He says it gently because Pyrrha is so easy to guilt-trip it's almost unfair to her. Predictably, she surrenders.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
"You're not going to get us in any trouble," Jaune promises. "And don't apologize just because you're hurting and hormonal." Though, to be fair, he can hardly tell if there's any mood swinging with Pyrrha at all. He eyes the waterfall of red hair obscuring her face as she puffs out a breath to get it out of her eyes.
"Would you...like me to get that out of your way?" he asks, taking a some strands in his fingers. Pyrrha nods and they shift so Jaune can braid. "Nora, want to help?"
"I've fought Ursas like this before," Pyrrha insists in a mumble, bringing her knees to her chest again as Nora staggers over to sit on her other side.
"Pyrrha, if you saw an Ursa right now, what would you do?" Jaune asks gently.
"I'd break off both it's arms and use them to rip open its stomach," Pyrrha says in complete seriousness.
...Okay then. So Jaune might want to rethink that 'disaffected by hormones' theory.
Instead of helping braid, Nora grabs Pyrrha's ankle and yanks one of her legs out from its tucked position. She grabs Pyrrha's pillow and puts it over that leg and then lies down hugging her human/pillow cushion hybrid.
"But what if it had babies?" Nora asks, curling against the appendage. Presumably for comfort and so she fits on the twin sized bed.
"Grimm can't reproduce," Jaune reminds her. "Port talked about it in his discussion two weeks ago."
"That's terrible," Nora mumbles. "What if it wanted to have babies?"
"Then you could be its baby, Nora," Pyrrha says patiently.
Nora snuggles further with Pyrrha's leg, smirking. "Like this?"
Pyrrha laughs then winces, hugging her one leg tighter to her chest in a double arm embrace. Jaune balances all the hair he has in one hand and reaches back to hand her the cup of tea. It's cool enough to drink.
Ren returns around the time Jaune finishes braiding a crown and one long thick rope into Pyrrha's hair. He carries a mug of maple syrup and a plate stacked high with tiny pancakes of different persuasions. Over his shoulder are two electric heating pads.
"They cook faster the smaller they are," Ren explains, setting the plate down on the bed.
Nora doesn't even sit up. She drags the plate over like a lazy cat and single-handedly shoves her stack of tiny plain pancakes into her mouth. Ren hands her the mug and she starts pouring the syrup into her maw. It's probably the most normal thing Nora has done all morning.
Jaune nudges the plate closer to himself and pours some syrup over the buckwheat ones. "We're probably going to get some of this on your sheets, Pyrrha."
"If it helps with the pain, bathe me in it," she answers. And Jaune laughs because Pyrrha usually isn't dry-funny like that and he thinks he can get used to it. He sticks a fork into the top two pancakes and hands it to Pyrrha. She takes it graciously, considering she's started blushing again.
Jaune collects his own pillow, Nora's, and Ren's, then stacks them up at the head of the bed and has Pyrrha lean back. Ren turns on one of the heating pads and tucks it under Pyrrha's back, then takes the second one and secures it to her stomach. Pyrrha more or less vibrates in gratitude.
"Hey!" Nora whines, chewing her pancakes enough to speak. "What about me?"
With the pancake business settled, Ren climbs into the bed and casually spoons around Nora.
"You," Ren says decisively, "get the best heating pad."
Nora purrs. It sounds a little like a gargle with all the food in her mouth.
Jaune does the only thing he can do and settles on the top half of the bed next to Pyrrha, keeping his legs tucked up so that he doesn't get his feet in Ren's hair. (Twin sized mattresses were not meant for four people.) He lets Pyrrha balance the plate of pancakes over the heating pad on her stomach so they can both eat from it.
"Feeling better?" Jaune asks.
"Much. But...I would have been fine," she insists, nudging his shoulder with a small smile.
"I know," he says, nudging her back. "But you didn't have to be. And that's okay too." He returns her smile. "My mom always says that."
" I would have probably died," Nora announces.
"So we've got the whole day then," Pyrrha says. She sighs as she relaxes under the heat.
"Jaune and I can probably drag over the TV from the common area," Ren suggests.
"Yeah, I've got a copy of the new Spruce Willis movie on my scroll," Jaune seconds. Pyrrha gives him a look. "...that I absolutely downloaded...legally?"
"It better be good if it might get us in trouble," Nora warns.
"We could also play that new board game you bought," Jaune says.
"We could also study for that test we have in two days," Ren says helpfully.
Nora reaches back to smack his leg. Pyrrha glances over at Jaune, playing with the fork in her hand.
"Maybe you could...do that thing...with your hands...again...later?" Pyrrha says, shy and hopeful.
Now it's Jaune who blushes. "Sure. Uh, anything to help."
Pyrrha nods happily and adjusts herself. The pillows slump and she slides a little more against Jaune, bare arm against his own. He doesn't say a word.
"This is nice," she admits finally, putting her last entire pancake in her mouth.
"Yeah, it could be way worse," Jaune says. "One of my sisters usually wants to eat garlic olives all day."
"Nora sometimes drinks nothing but coffee grounds for three days," Ren says. Nora smacks him again.
"At least we're not Team RWBY," Pyrrha says, her tone only half-joking.
Jaune picks up on where she's going as he finishes his own stack of pancakes. "Yeah, who makes them pancakes and tea when it's all four of them?"
Nora squeezes Pyrrha's leg a little tighter to hide a smirk. "I've got a feeling we'll eventually find out."
About a week later, Jaune is jolted awake in the middle of the night by Ember Celica going off. It's followed immediately by sharp crackle of ice crystals solidifying and four voices shouting. Ren emerges sleepily from his own bed and crawls into Nora's, digging through an ocean of blankets before he finds her. Jaune exchanges a look with Pyrrha, who is still up and studying at her desk. They're both worried. Jaune has one shoe already on before he hears Zwei barking and then all the shouting turns to coos.
As Jaune settles back down, Pyrrha innocently comments that tomorrow might be a nice day to make pancakes for Team RWBY.
Author's Note: Originally posted 12/4/16 on AO3. I was digging myself a deep emotional hole on my other fic "Phoenix Down" so I just needed some happy JNPR in my life. Wrote this in a day, sending it out into the world before I am corrupted by the cuteness.