Mystical Holiday Tour
AN: Some dialogue from Depth Takes a Holiday and a smattering from Pierce Me. Allusions to Star Wars and Star Trek locales and stuff here and there.It helps to know Depth Takes a Holiday before reading this. But it is AU, yeah, AU in Depth.
The Holidays came to the last verse of the last song of their last set and Guy Fawkes Day brought his guitar down hard on the stage shattering it as the assembled lesser holidays cheered from the floor of Holiday Island High's gym. Saint Patrick's Day came front and center to assure the students there would be many more concerts and dances. Watch posters in the halls for future ticket sales, he implored.
"That was absolutely brilliant!" Guy Fawkes Day declared.
"We've got parties booked for the next year! This is awesome!" Christmas enthused.
Trent began to gather his equipment before speaking, "Um, I kind of have to get back to my band. We're voting on a new name."
"But we need you. Come on, man! We're making electronica history." Lady Halloween coaxed him with a hand on his arm.
Jane Lane came through, "Hey, no problem. I found you a replacement. Meet Holiday Island's number-one harpsichord player... acoustic and electric."
"Let's shred!," Washington struck a pose sending a small cloud of white powder puffing off his wig.
Christmas' red hat flopped around as he took in Washington's keyboard, "I like it... man, you're in."
Trent cocked his head and studied the new lineup of The Holidays noting that Guy Fawkes Day's guitar was now whole once more as the spiky punk secured it in a hard case.
"Hmm, parties booked all year, you say," Trent considered as he rubbed his soul-patched chin. "Maybe the Spiral could get in on the show? We could open for you...or you for us, whatever. We can change our name if you want, or not."
The Holidays glanced at each other and nodded in mutual happy agreement. Jane was surprised at the practicality of the next question from Trent.
"Um, what do you guys pay?"
"Sugar cookies!" Christmas put in.
"Pumpkins!" Lady Halloween added.
"Bollocks!" Guy Fawkes Day offered then amended, "Sorry mate, I meant the finest kidney pies as my Mum could ever bake."
"Well," the agreeable Trent said slowly, "Not wanting to bum you all out but we really can't spend that too well back in Lawndale. Nick, he's got a kid to support and all."
"Trent!" Jane interjected. "You're turning down kidney pies? And cookies? Remember, we've only an indeterminate red stain in the fridge back home."
She leaned over to her best chum and asked sotto voce, "Should I care that none of this makes any sense?"
Daria realized the moment had gone beyond her, thankfully, and answered, "Nope, this is the best Christmas, Halloween, Valentine's, Saint Patrick's, President's and Guy Fawkes Day ever."
Jane resumed urging Trent, "And pumpkins? Yeah, I guess we could smash those in Lawndale High's parking lot. Not that I'm violent or vengeful. Or anything."
Saint Patrick's Day leprechaun came up and laid a friendly hand on the taller man's arm. "Don't listen to them too close now, lad, they've no head for business here or on Earth. I'm their manager and if you can stand touring with yon English git," he nodded at a scowling Guy Fawkes Day.
"We'll pay you well."
"Besides, lad, the sugar cookies are made of silver. And the pumpkins are solid gold; the kidney pies, well, they're the finest his or anybody's dear Mum bakes now."
"Sounds like the deal of the day," Trent drawled reflectively. "But I'll have to talk it over with the band. I think they'll go for it; last Saturday Jesse sat on the the stage at the Zon and got an infection. He's sick of playing there."
Trent turned to the most important person in his life. Before he talked to Jane he looked down and rubbed the back of his head nervously.
"But Janey, if I go with them, you'll be all alone. It's not fair, almost your senior year and I leave you alone."
He was about to say more but Jane interrupted, "Trent, half the time you're home you're sleeping anyway. Don't blow this chance. You can make it up to me with my weight in gold pumpkins."
"But I'll miss you," they both blurted at once and looked down in reddening embarrassment.
"I hate to break up this touching family moment, at least I think that's what's going on," Daria broke in. "But we should be getting back to Lawndale before my sister falls apart trying to prevent having another sister or brother or something. Not that I fear the pitter patter of little feet around the house again but that didn't work out so well for me last time."
Daria ruminated a moment, "Hey Jane Lane, Mom and Dad actually like you-they're seeing a therapist next week for that. How'd you like to be another Morgendorffer sister? Honorary of course. Move in on a semi-permanent basis. That would definitely cure them of wanting another mouthy kid around."
Daria thought some more and turned to Cupid Saint Valentine's Day. "Of course that's not exactly how or why people, uh, do what they do to get another mouthy kid. What can you do about my parents? Can you at least recommend a doctor?"
Saint Valentine's Day pulled his love taser from somewhere in his robe of which neither Daria nor Jane wanted to know the exact position. He consulted a small screen on the device.
Daria saw him frown and asked, "What?"
"Whoa, it might take a little longer than I thought for it to wear off." He shook the gizmo. "Dang, I gotta get this thing recalibrated."
Meanwhile back at Schloss Morgendorffer….
Quinn returned from the bathroom to the endless task of monitoring Jake and Helen. They were sitting on the couch in the living room. Her father was properly sitting anyway, her mother curled her long shapely legs under her and snuggled even closer to Jake. Quinn ignored best she could her mother's choice of her father's flannel shirt for day wear and nothing further as near as Quinn could tell. Soft smiles curled on everyone's faces except an exhausted Quinn's.
Jake turned and addressed his younger, "You know, Quinn. It's been kind of nice having you
around so much lately."
Helen purred more to Jake than her younger girl, "It has been nice. Very nice."
Quinn who could not take any more long sleepless patrol sessions exploded,"Nice?! It's been the most boring, worst time in my entire life! Go ahead and have your stupid baby! I can't take this anymore!"
Jake looked down at his wife with even greater appreciation, "You're pregnant?!"
"Yes, Jakey," Kiss. "I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you." Smooch. "It's hasn't been even a month yet but, women's intuition or something, I just know it." Snuggle. Snog. Cuddle.
Helen patted her tummy. "And I'm sure it's girl."
"Another girl? Oh, that's terrific, honey. Daria will be so happy too."
Jake turned his face upward and shook a fist, "See old man, I'm more…Oh who cares? Come here you."
If possible Helen got even closer to him.
Quinn turned to go upstairs. She was fatigued and she could not deal with the impending months-long, no years-long crisis without some sleep. Maybe Sandi could help with a new baby. Sandi seemed to have a rare soft spot for babies.
Quinn had been studying vocabulary words virtually unbeknownst to anyone and her talent for synonyms came to the fore as her father asked the next question in a voice which Quinn could describe as satisfied, contented, pleased and, eww, quenched and satiated.
"Quinn, sweetie, what do you think of the name 'Courtney'?"
At that moment Daria and Jane chose to come in the front door.
"Hey, what's going on?" Daria asked as she quickly averted her eyes from the scene of her father's lumberjack shirt riding up on her mother's rear.
Quinn turned and announced, "We're having a Courtney!"
"Well, God bless us, everyone. Is that the new clinical term for mass hysteria? Jane and I and possibly Trent just had a Courtney too if that's the case."
"Not necessarily Morgendorffer," Jane told her as she held up the three silver sugar cookies and one gold pumpkin the size of her fist which Saint Patrick's Day had given Trent as his share of an advance.
"Hey, Mrs. Morgendorffer, Mr. Morgendorffer," Jane addressed the couple on the couch. "Maybe you can best tell me how to turn this haul into good old American bucky-wucks without attracting too much undue attention."
"That's nice, Jane, dear," Helen said. Cuddle. Smooch. "Stay as long as you want." Snog. "You can sleep in the guest room." Kiss. "Until we redo it as the nursery." Snuggle.
Meanwhile in Casa Lane's basement…
Max Tyler was just sitting on his throne and looking at his gold pumpkin which he'd perched front and center on a soft cloth over his floor tom.
"Max," Trent repeated. "Max, dude, I asked what you think."
"We can get more of these?" Max thought a moment. "They're real gold? My Grammy said leprechauns are tricky little greedy things. This ain't gonna turn into a toadstool tomorrow, is it?"
Trent scratched his chin before replying, "I don't think so, man. Little dude seemed on the up and up. As long as we don't chase his pot o'gold over any rainbows I think he'll stay that way. And those kidney pies are actually pretty tasty. But we wouldn't be the first band get shafted by their manager."
Max blew out a breath and made a sudden criminale decision, "Yeah, man, let's go for it. Not much holding me here."
Trent turned to his bassist, "Nick?"
"My little girl needs new school clothes," Nick said decisively. "New everything. This could buy her the best. I'm in."
He said in a lower voice, "What Max said, not much holding me here if it's just a year."
Jesse was turning a silver sugar cookie in the sunlight from a basement window as Trent caught the attention of his best bud and bandmate.
"Trent, if you think we should go I'm there, man. You're the Spiral."
"Then it's settled," Trent declared. "We got three days to get our crap together and book through the wormhole thing at the Good Time Chinese place."
Nick started for the door pushing his loot into pockets, "I'm gonna go turn this into cash right now. I know just the guys. I'll tell 'em you're all coming too."
Trent stopped Nick with a hand on the arm. "Nick, first Janey's asking the Morgendorffers how we can get some real cash from this payment. Second, um, man, you're not going to spend it on…"
Nick cut him off. "I'm a junkie, you know that but I'm one that don't use no more. Okay? You guys straightened me out, helped anyway. Look, any extra dough goes to my kid. That's it."
Trent nodded, he'd have to be satisfied with that but still keep an eye on his bassist. Monique chose that moment to come down having a standing invitation to walk in any time the Spiral had rehearsal.
Trent glanced at the calendar and realized it was about that time for their usual makeup after last fortnight's break-up. He explained the proposal to a Monique who instantly saw their sincerity and believed the outlandish story. Trent looked at the calendar again and finalized his slow realization that he was sick of the insane breakup then makeup cycle. He'd been ticking off pros and cons and mostly come up with pros.
"You could do it, Monique," he finished up his pitch. "Come with us. You've got stage presence. No kidding. More than me and the guys combined."
"I learned from the best, man." Monique the master of accents said in her current flavor, a Texan which Trent had occasionally heard Daria and even Daria's sister sarcastically affecting.
"Okay, I'll go. I'll have to tell Dad to get some help down at Stationery Jerry first."
Meanwhile three short days later...
"Right this way, right this way. All your travel expenses paid by short white man with bad beer breath," Huang Hong Xing ushered Monique, Mystik Spiral, Jane and Daria into his back office at Good Time Chinese.
Four of the five soon to be interdimensional road touring band mates carried a guitar case and modest duffel bag. Max carried duffel bag and a round hard black case into which he was still amazed all his percussive gear fit and he could easily heft.
Huang pushed a large calligraphy scroll aside revealing a black forbidding hole in the wall.
"You hurry please. Almost time for noon lunch crowd. We have egg foo yung special today. I have to watch new lazy nephew from China, he on the line today."
Jane spoke up just as Trent turned to her, "Trent, you start a long weepy goodbye and I'll clean your room out while you're gone, I swear."
"Whoa, Janey no need for threats. I'll be back in time for your graduation, might be cool to go to one, I missed mine, I think."
He gestured at a flat screen in Jane's hand. "You can keep up with us on that etch-a-sketch thing Saint Patrick's Day gave you. He said if subspace interference isn't bad we can talk once a week or so."
Monique gave Jane a hug and drawled in a Texan Daria could find no fault in, "Jane, kiddo, don't worry. I'll keep these bums outta trouble. You just plan how you're gonna spend those gold pumpkins and silver cookies. Hey, Jane, college is on me, okay?"
Jane returned the hug for Monique and turned to see Daria looking from Monique to Trent. Daria seemed to realize then that she may expected to say some farewell words.
"Hey," she addressed Trent. "Um, see you in a year. Like, don't take any polonium nickels. Eap."
She reddened and looked down.
"Daria," Trent said. "I probably wouldn't do this if Jane didn't have such a good freakin' friend to stay with. Thank your 'rents for me. I'll make it up to them, no worries. Hey, I'll bring you back an alien skull model or something."
"Or maybe a real live alien if he's cute," Jane interjected drawing a more characteristic scowl from Daria. "Or one for each of us and not just any three-headed Tom, Dick and Harry either."
Nick was eager to depart and called out, "Monique, Trent, man, c'mon. Let's go."
They turned to see the rest of the Spiral crouched over in a line with the interdimensional wormhole black and deep looking.
Trent gave one more adoring look at his little sister, took Monique's hand and followed the others duck walking through the hole and was gone.
Jane and Daria stared at the hole until Huang replaced the scroll.
"Hey, hey, I get back to kitchen now."
He softened as he looked at the two slight teen-aged girls. He glanced at the silver potstickers on his desk.
"Hey, maybe today only only for you, free egg foo yung. Or you try my new experiment: water chestnut and bean sprout pizza, with hoisin sauce."
Meanwhile in Lawndale during Mystik Spiral plus Monique's tour…
Jane quickly discovered that time was going faster for Mystik Spiral plus Monique than in Lawndale, Maryland, USA, Earth, a week in Lawndale being about two weeks in the life of an interdimensional band tour. Daria quickly discovered new ways to be jealous so eager was she for time to fly, at least through high school. At any rate, a year of touring would work out to around six months of Lawndale time.
Halloween's hope of a quick romance with Trent Lane were dashed by Trent paying attention only to Monique Defarge and possibly Trent's general cluelessness. The intergalactic tabloids gleefully reported on Lady Halloween's quick tear through trysts with the remaining members of Spiral.
A pic of Monique, Trent, Jesse, Nick and a grinning Max fleeing with ice giants in hot pursuit became the cover photo of their first album. A particularly passionate performance of Icebox Woman had offended the Queen of the ice planet Hoth. Max later stated that the incident hardened his conviction that he was a true-born criminale.
The Spiral and Monique drag a squirming, white-knuckled Trent into a bookstore for an album signing. Trent declares it 'not that bad' after he discovers the swimsuit review current and back issues of Alien Sports on Display.
After two months the intergalactic tabloids reported that Trent Lane and Monique Defarge were wedded in a ceremony officiated by Saint Valentine's Day. The Interdimensional Enquirer reported extensively on the bride's piercings and the groom's tattoos and gave the union six months to survive. Jane gave it two weeks. Other tabloids reported on Monique's destruction of Trent's current and back issues of Alien Sports on Display swimsuit review issues. Daria did not come out of her room for two days. She emerged at last and got a titanium navel ring.
Trent trades his rings for Guy Fawkes Day's magical guitar case. This enables Trent to smash a guitar on stage as a statement then put the broken pieces in the case for overnight healing. The boys and Monique use this stunt sparingly.
A month later The Interspatial Enquirer reported rumors that Monique Defarge-Lane was pregnant, an event confirmed by a loose tongued Jesse Moreno. A picture of a beaming Monique hugging Trent looking as shocked as he ever got accompanied the article. Jane did not come out of her room for two days. She emerged at last and got a titanium nose ring.
The N-Dimensional Blatt broke the story of Trent repaying Jesse by giving him a shirt made of the finest Deneb sheep wool. Jesse wore the shirt for two concerts until galactic citizens of many different genders objected and lobbied that they wanted the shirtless, vest only Jesse back on stage.
Reports of backstage parties featuring the mermaids of Dagobah were strenuously denied by Max, Nick and Jesse. Trent and Monique meanwhile are an inseparable item and seem very
happy.
Jesse Moreno was happy or perhaps barely noticed that his nuptials to a four-armed green women on Orion-4 gained less coverage than the union of Trent and Monique. Jesse stated that after touring he was not planning on returning to Lawndale but would take up proprietorship of his father-in-law's spaceship repair shop.
Through a fluke of FTL travel of Earthly local TV public access broadcasts a poster from a Lawndale student. Don't Drink or Do Drugs, became the effective galaxy-wide theme of a campaign of the same name with Nick Campbell as its passionate spokesman Guy Fawkes Day and Max Tyler meanwhile appear in an ad endorsing a new IPA by throwing bottles from a hotel balcony.
In a display of loyalty to his kid sister Trent protests Max's demand that any pre-concert munchie M&Ms be only blue. Trent becomes distracted by the sandwich fixings, regular and ridgy chips and forgets about it.
A hotel on Omega-Three kicked the boys and Monique to the curb when they failed to trash their rooms as per a publicity agreement signed by the hotel and Saint Patrick's Day leprechaun. Trent stated that he just forgot or fell asleep or was late or early something. Jane suggests to Daria sending the Spiral accounts of real wild parties from rock legends to help spice up the news. Publicity value was saved, however, when Max and Nick get into an brawling argument about rhythm and beats in the gutter outside the hotel. A helpful fan passing by gave them Romulan ales and also in the gutter they pledged to overcome their differences and become lifelong buddies. Guy Fawkes Day joined them in the drinking and vowed eternal matehood also. A vicious rumor spread that Nick was drinking barley tea not ale and it was all a publicity stunt.
Near the end of the tour the boys and Monique donned radioactive protection suits to accept the Polonium Record award. Their manager was immune to radioactivity and Saint Patrick's Day was the only recipient whose proud smile could be seen in the pictures.
Meanwhile at Schloss Morgendorffer after six months Lawndale time…
"I gotta go see my little girl," Nick said as he hopped out of the Tank just as Jane was bringing it to a stop in the Morgendorffer's driveway.
Nick paused long enough to thank Trent for the opportunity and arrange for a time to pick up his bass before he hefted his bag of silver sugar cookies and gold pumpkins and started off down the street.
"I gotta see a man about a horse," Max Tyler said in parting. "Trent, that was awesome. Thanks man."
Max called to his now friend Nick and asked if they could share a cab.
Jane turned off the purring big van. "Hey Daria, think we should tell Max sometime that see a man thing means he just really needs to pee?"
"Nah, let's just laugh behind his back," Daria said. Ever since they had picked up the Spiral plus a pregnant Monique and minus a married Jesse Moreno she had not taken her eyes off a Trent suntanned by the rays of a dozen strange suns and a body-modified Monique Defarge-Lane.
The foursome left the band equipment in the Tank but helped each other with the bags of silver and gold payment from the honest leprechaun.
Jake clapped Trent on the back and pushed two fat cigars on a blushing Trent even as Jake tried to ignore Monique's rather evident body-modifications in the rather tightly maternity-stretched top Monique was wearing. Daria was ever so proud of her father for only discreetly staring at Monique.
"Well, well, well, so Trent Lane is back from the Lame-o'palooza tour?" Jane smiled happily at her big brother even as she tried to ignore her sister-in-law's with-child state and body-modifications. Finally she gave up and hugged Monique warmly.
A so-over-it Daria smiled slightly in the background. Quinn stood next to her with interdimensionally portal delivered magazines and albums in hand for the remnant of Spiral to sign for future sale at Lawndale High. Quinn needed new designer jeans after all.
Monique and Helen smiled at each other in the sisterhood of the gravid and hugged in the manner of those heavy with child.
"Thanks for looking after Jane, Mrs. Morgendorffer," Monique said. "Say, sorry, I'm always kind of hungry lately. Trent, maybe we shouldn't bother these good people and just go get something to eat."
"Nonsense," Jake cut in. "You all stay right here and let me cook. So, chicken fried steak, fresh mashed potatoes with braised brussel sprouts okay with everyone?"
Trent and Monique's eyes got big and they eagerly agreed. Jake happily headed for the kitchen coming out a few minutes later to announce the timing of dinner. Daria squeezed Jane's hand to thank her for inspiring Jake to learn how to actually cook.
"So," Trent said slowly. "Nobody's commented on Monique's body-mod changes. It's okay, it's not a delicate topic. We're happy she did it."
"Body-mod?!" Jane could hold back no longer and nearly shrieked. "Trent! She's got four boobs! Oh sorry, Monique."
"Yeah," Monique said happily. "And they're fully functional. Gonna come in handy too, 'cause we're having identical quadruplets, all girls!"
"And we got names picked out too,' A suddenly slightly dazed-looking Trent added as Jake slapped his back again and produced more cigars from somewhere. "Prudence, Sage, Moxie and Maneuver."