Chapter 1
Once again no one seemed to notice that she was a girl as she walked up the steps to meet her friends. She's stopped being offended by this and kept correcting someone when they thought otherwise long ago. If they remembered that she was girl, good for them. She didn't think it was her fault or anyone else's that they forgot as she did like wearing the more comfortable tomboy wear and kept her hair short.
When other girls at a young age had started to get 'girly' in a manner, she had stuck with school. Though that didn't excuse the fact she was still a girl and as such she went through the same things they did, and had noticed boys the same time they did too. She only didn't care.
And Lee knew that her parents would probably flip at her having a boyfriend as they had been the ones to encourage her with continuing to get her to wear her ambiguous clothing. Her mother thought she should spend her time on school and not on boys, while her father was all for Lee dressing in a way that wouldn't let boys give her a second glance.
In grade school, middle school, and even 9th grade she'd stuck to the thought of focusing on her schoolwork, but again, she was still a girl, and her eyes had wandered as she noticed that the boys were changing too. Her friends didn't count as she honestly only saw them in a platonic light, and she was sure they felt the same; as even they had a hard time of remembering that she was a girl half the time too.
At the moment, she found Cam and came up behind him to show him the picture of someone switching her backpack. "Yo, Cam, check it out; this was on the camera from the Gym of someone messing with my bag."
"Guys, guys, guys." Holger said jumping on one leg toward them as he was trying to fix his boot and fell, forcing Lee to catch him. "Oh, my hero holkin." He said making a kissy face at her and she dropped him with a deadpan expression crossing her face and the blond stood back up. "Holger hurry, no miss one minute of super disco party popular fun time day."
"Super…what day?" Lee questioned confused.
"Something we came up with last night Chica. It's about ruling the school based on your new epic prank status yo." Cam explained.
"Super disco popular fun time day." Holger cheered.
"Yeah, we're still working on a title." Cam said flatly.
Lee tried not to roll her eyes. "Guys, I'm sure most people have already forgotten about it." She said shrugging.
"No way, Essay, the Internet was on fire about your prank last night." Cam said.
"Yah, even my cousin Dorwell in Nonagon was blorgerring about it." Holger said holding up his phone and another blond that looked like him was on it and said something that Lee found unintelligible, but knew it was about the prank.
"This is big." Cam said instead. "Huge." He said and put an arm around her shoulder. "We gotta ride this wave of popularity to the top!" he said pointing skyward.
The three of them walked into the school after Lee allowed herself to roll her eyes and so wanted this whole prank mess to be forgotten. She heard a strange noise coming from a locker and the Tazelwurm hung out of the locker that opened in front of her. "Whoa!" she said holding her hands up as it hissed and slithered along the floor and the psycho cleaners ran off after it.
A football suddenly landed in Holger's hands. "Hmm." He hummed before he was tackled to the floor and two other football players whooped.
"Hey." Lee said putting her hands on her sides as she saw the football player get back up.
"Hey yourself." He retorted and tossed the football over her head and when it slipped through her fingers, the player hit her into the locker door and she slid to the floor. "He intercepts and rushes it back to a touchdown cause he is awesome!" he said throwing the football down as he made it back to the other players.
"The jocks might suck, but that clique sure knows how to roll, Chica." Cam said as Lee got back to her feet and walked over to her friends.
The morning news came on and Chaz used a pad to put powder on Tina's face, the girl's expression shocked. "I'm Tina…" she let out a small sneeze. "Kwee-"
"And I'm Chaz Monorainian, hi, and today is the day." The boy said chuckling.
"Our championship football team is holding tryouts after school." Tina said and the football players in the class cheered.
Lee on the other hand went back to looking at the grainy photo and tried to clear it up while blocking out most of the announcement.
"…So will A. Nigma's football team be able to threepeat this year?" Tina asked.
"Thanks for that; speaking of football Tina, star player Steve might have a run for his money when it comes to who's the most popular this year. According to the latest 'Chaz's Corner' popularity pole." Chaz said and while Lee was still focused on her computer, the pole depicted her with the most 'points.'
"Oh, I spy with my gootenhaufy eye, red silvery thingy." Holger said looking over at Lee's computer and accidently spilled a bit of his breakfast on it and Lee pulled back in shock. "Oh, me bad, Holger clean." He said wiping the goop away.
Lee's expression went back to borderline angry as she noticed something was actually on the picture and not just the screen. "There is something there." She said and enhanced the photo. "Good eye." She added.
"Anyway," Tina said, "in far more important news, it looks like last year's school thief is back-"
"And here's what the investigators had to say." Chaz cut in and the screen showed footage of Tine interviewing a cleaner, only it said nothing that anyone could understand.
"A championship football ring?" Lee asked herself in surprise as the photo cleared. "And a red, disgusting scab, which means whoever messed with my bag-"
"Doesn't use silky lotion to make the smooth happy hands." Holger said putting lotion on his hands.
"Yeah, that, and-" Lee stopped when a spitball hit her cheek and her expression was annoyed and saw that there was cheering from the football players.
"Field-goal!" They yelled. "Whoo!"
Lee pulled her drink back from the dispenser during lunch after it filled up and drank it from the straw as she looked at her friends from the corner of her eyes. "So one of the jocks set me up, another one wants to kill me." She said before taking another drink.
"What'd you expect, Essay?" Cam questioned. "You mess with the natural order of cool in school, you get the-" Lee cut him off with a burp as Biffy showed up and scowled at her.
"Did you just burp on my food?" he growled.
Both Cam and Holger began to back away, but Lee waved it off. "Don't worry; we're buds now. Biff, whaz up?" she asked lazily.
"Do you have any idea on how much bacteria leaves the mouth after gaseous emission?" Biff scowled. "It'd be more hygienic to eat off the floor!" he added and Lee began backing away as Cam came up behind her.
"Abort friendship mission." He whispered before fleeing.
Lee kept backing away but stopped when she accidently hit another student back and she grimaced and put a hand on her face when she saw that the line-up of students was knocked over and the vice principal was standing at the end.
"Biffy T. Goldstein, do we really have to go through this day in and day out?" she questioned. "You must know the drill by now."
"Straight down to detention after school, yes vice principal Victoria." Biff said before walking away.
Lee let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding before being joined by her friends and they continued down the line and she took another drink from her cup.
"Hey, check it; the whole enchilada is waiting to see where the new Kings of School sit." Cam said and saw some of the students waving.
"But that's the table I need to be at," Lee said looking over at the jock table, "so I can check hands for scabs."
"Gr-o-os." Cam sounded out.
"Lee," Holger said leaning over to the girl, "is she not your girlfriend?"
Lee almost choked before thinking about how to revise that question as Brandy started walking over. "I…I have no idea what is she."
"Leaping!" Brandy called and Lee started a bit.
"It's Lee Ping." Lee sounded out on her name. "Two words, Lee and-"
"Whatever." Brandy said cutting her off. "You and I are like the talk of the school; people want to see us. You and me, together, eating, talking, laughing. Hello, now." she said and Lee was forced to follow after the girl over to the jock table and she waved her hand. "Scooty scooty."
"No way, he sits at our table." Steve protested.
Lee though was shoved down into the sit by the jock by Brandy before she sat down. "It's she for your information." Lee said flatly before looking at Brandy.
"Don't mind him; he's just upset the school thief stole his stupid, stinky, lucky towel." She explained.
"It's not stupid; he's my bub-bub!" Steve shouted. "He's been in my family for generations."
"Um, could you not cry on my Sushimi?" Kimmie questioned and there were chuckles around the table.
Lee looked around the table at the rings the football players were wearing before Steve glared down at her. "You! I bet this was one of your little pranks to throw me off tryouts! Take a hike, Ping," he said jerking his thumb in the direction away from them, "Or we'll show you what we do with people…who annoy us!" he shouted.
Lee looked to see her friends scatter before Ed the water boy appeared in their line of sight and a football player with a buzz cut stood up. "Like Ed, the water boy." He said before he and several other players dog piled him.
Lee cringed as they gave the boy a wedgie. "Have you guys been working out?" Ed questioned. "You got that one cranked in good." He said as his voice broke.
Lee started to feel nervous about sitting in her spot before a girl yelled, "My bag, someone stole my bag!" and the door slammed open to let their cyborg principal in.
"Ladies and degenerates, this kind of tomfoolery might have been fine and dandelions blowing in the summer breeze last year, but," he said before his red glass eye zeroed in on the partially redheaded girl, "well la de da, is that a Lee Ping in my cafeteria?" he questioned as he stalked over the table and Lee cringed in her seat. "Well I'll be sunshine on a stick." He said slamming one arm down on the table. "What is a major malfunction preventing you from understanding that every free moment of your life is to be spent in detention?"
"What about…lunch?" Lee retorted and got her answer when Barrage squeezed her hamburger and its contents ended up on her shirt and she let out a depressive sigh.
The bell rung as the class let out and Lee and Cam were walking down the hall. "Man, I'd never thought I'd be so upset about not having a single jock in any afternoon class."
"What-ever, you'll do your gross scab search tomorrow yo manyana." Cam replied.
"Last time I checked scabs healed." Lee said. "And tomorrow it could be gone."
"True, but if he's a picker, it could like be there for a while." Cam replied shrugging.
Lee recoiled in disgust. "Now you're grossing me out." She said before they met up with Holger after he tried to check the hand of a football player.
"No scab." He said disappointedly.
Lee patted him on the shoulder. "Thanks Holger, way to randomly help me out." She said before taking out her phone and brought up a photo of the school team. "So it's not Trevor." She said touching the part of the picture with the mentioned player and an X appeared over it. "We just need to do that twenty more times. How'd you guys like to be pals and try out for the football team?" she asked smiling as she closed her eyes.
"And look for scabs?" Holger questioned as his voice held an echo and Lee opened her eyes in surprise before he jumped out in a blue and yellow outfit. "Holger definitely volunteer."
"Wow." Lee said staring before looking at her other friend. "Cam?"
"No way," Cam said crossing his arms, "are you kidding?" his protests stopped after watching three cheerleaders walked by and his tone changed. "I'd love to, cause everybody knows football mean cheerleaders." He said meaningfully before he seemed to realize who he was talking to. "Oh, sorry Chica."
Lee waved it off. "No worries, I gotta go though." She said before sprinting down the hall and barged into the detention room and sat down in a seat ahead of Biff, who was knitting apparently. "Phew." She said grabbed a hold of the desk sides to keep from falling over. "Barrage didn't show yet?" she asked, but received no reply and she nervously looked up at him as she laid one elbow on the back of her chair. "Uh, about that burp incident…why act all," she scratched the back of her head before flaring her hands out, "whacked about it?"
"I don't know." Biff muttered. "I have a reputation to protect; I need people to take me seriously, so tell me honestly, what cat wouldn't love this?" he asked holding up what he had been knitting.
Lee blinked and stared. "Uh…one with more than three legs?" she questioned.
"Aw." Biff said upon seeing that there only were three openings in the fabric.
Lee turned back in her seat and put her hand on her chin as she stared out the window, but her cell phone rang a moment later. "Fine the scabby hand yet?"
"No, Holger no see the scabby hand, Principal Shiny here." Holger said and the air sounded strange.
"Principal Barrage's there? What's that noise?" Lee questioned. "Where's Cam?"
"We…failed…now we suck through the hozen to disappointments time." Holger said before the phone went dead.
Lee sighed as she laid her upper body on the desk. "It's a complete disaster."
"No big whoop, that's what Plan B's are for." Biff said.
Lee raised a brow before turning in her seat and looked back up at him. "What am I supposed to do, run to the football field to do this myself, right in front of Barrage?" she asked sarcastically.
"Uh football, helmets, visors, hello." Biff said like it was obvious.
"But his cyborg eye thingy." Lee retorted pointing at her own eye. "What if it scans me?"
"'Scan's you?'" Biff replied and let out a laugh. "This isn't a big budget Hollywood action movie."
"Right." Lee muttered and picked up her cell.
"Now, sync it up." Biff said raising his own cell and they connected their phones.
Lee moved through the air duct and was right on the vent. "Drop down." Biff said from the head phone.
Lee opened the vent and dropped in, the girl's inside screaming before she let out a yell. "I'm a girl too, remember?" The screaming died down and there were sounds of understanding before Lee walked out of the room and pressed the headset. "You really didn't think that would work did you?" she questioned flatly before her voice rose in anger. "And I don't have time for games." She said as she went into the room where the uniforms were stashed.
"Easy stress ball, white's for newbies." Biff said as Lee grabbed a uniform and put it over her clothing, thankful that it was loose enough for her to get out of easily should the need arise.
Lee made her way out of the locker room and onto the field before finding Cam. "Cam?" she questioned pushing her visor up. "It's me."
"Whoa, Essay, sneaky." Cam replied and whispered the last word. "Hey, number 8 is clear, no scab." He said.
"Hey, nice play dude." Lee said trying to make her voice deeper as she looked at another football player's finger, only to find nothing and pressed her headset. "Number 8 and 11 are both clear."
"Just 17 to go." Biff replied.
Lee gasped as she saw Tina walking over and hid behind Cam before sneaking off. "Yo, Tina bobina, what's the deez?"
Lee backed up until she hit something and looked up and backed off again when she saw it was Barrage. "Thought you could pull this off? Sneaking out here, late? What's your name, soldier?"
Lee put her hand to her headset and an answer came through. "Jimmy Weinerhoussen." Biff said and Lee was about to repeat this until she heard the chuckle and cut it off with a scoff of disgust.
"Come on." She whispered and she pulled back when Barrage spat out the water he'd taken a drink of and Holger showed up, letting Lee sneak away again.
Lee was almost away when Barrage called out the number on her uniform. "77, catch this and you can stay." He said holding a football and kicked it high into the air. Lee looked up at it before running after it.
"Don't miss, don't miss." Lee said to herself as she ran down the field. "Trajectory, minus momentum, plus gravity means it should land-" she cut herself off as she landed on her stomach and caught it in her hands. "Wow, physics works in real life." She said amazed and the whistle blew and got back to her feet, only to get knocked back to the ground on her back and her helmet came off.
"Ping?" Steve questioned. "Aren't you supposed to be in detention? Oh, Barrage!"
"Are you gonna rat me out cause you're afraid I might be better than you?" Lee questioned.
"You? Please! I own this field." Steve retorted.
Lee smirked as she put her helmet back on. "Maybe be when you had your cuddly-wuddly little baby towel." She said in a babyish voice.
Steve grabbed the arms of Lee's uniform and dragged her up off her feet. "No one talks about bub-bub! First; I wipe the field with you, then I give the leftovers to Barrage!"
Lee gritted her teeth as she was dropped on her backside and wondered if he really didn't like her or he had forgotten what she said about being a girl earlier at Lunch. She decided it didn't matter either way though as she joined the other players.
"Impressive! Heck, I'd like to invite each of you sweetie pies to my summer home for ice tea and corn muffins some time!" Barrage said.
"My ears cry for the muffins." Holger said appearing as though from nowhere and stuffed one in Barrage's face and holding up a tray of water in little umbrella cups and checked their fingers for scabs and appeared in front of Lee. "Number 44, 66."
Lee pressed the headset. "44, 66, clear." She relayed.
"Gosh, darn delicious boy!" Barrage said as he finished the muffin. "Now let's see how many of you score a simple touch down." He said blowing the whistle.
In the next moment they were all running down the field and suddenly springs started coming up from the ground and Lee saw player after player get shot into the air. "Ah! There's like…land mines thingys." She said into her headset.
"Hold on." Biff replied. "Got something for that." There was a paused for a few moments. "Left." Lee moved left. "Right, left-oh, I mean right."
Lee kept running and noticed Steve running after her and let out a startled yell and let him go over her and ran past him before raising the football. "Yeah."
"Well, color me purple and poke a crayon in ma eye." Barrage said walking over. "Nice run." Steve dusted himself off as he also walked over to her and glared at her. "Looks like you got some competition," Barrage said putting a hand on the teen's shoulder, "eh all-star?" he questioned before walking off.
Lee let out a small 'heh' in nervousness as the glare intensified. "Hi five?" she offered weakly as she held up her free hand.
"The only reason you outran me is cause I lost my bub-bub." Steve said pointing at her and poked her in the chest, and Lee's face scrunched up. "Get ready for pain, Ping. Lots of it!" he said taking the football out of her arms and walking away.
Lee made her way over to the bleachers and low fived a football player and found no scab, but just as she heard her cell beep, Lee was knocked to the ground and took out her cell. "99 and 12, man; I really hate that guy." She groaned.
"Yeah, yeah, pick it up there." Biff replied as Lee heard the whistle sound and she headed over to where the other players gathered. "You just need Evan and Steve."
Lee felt a hand land on her shoulder before she was pushed to the ground and out of the way. "Evan's clear, it's Steve." She said before rising back on her feet.
"Looks like the same team as last year." Barrage said. "Except for number 77, he might be the team's new captain. Is that what you want Steve? The number two spot?" he said before going over to what looked like an oversized canon that was loaded with footballs. "Whoever scores first is captain. The one who doesn't is his number two. Now show me your gravy guts, boys!"
The football was shot into the air and both Steve and Lee started running in the direction it was going in and Lee saw something, or rather, didn't see something. "No ring." She whispered and the hand she was looking at pushed her face back and she fell back. Lee shook her head before running faster to catch up and the football landed on the grass at the end of the field before bouncing away.
They both looked at each other before looking at the now free Tatzelwurm and began running toward the ball that stayed down on the grass this time and Lee jumped for it as Steve went over her and she stood back up just to see the Tatzelwurm jump up. "Gah ah!" she yelled before being knocked away and the ball fell out of her arms and she was sent crashing into Holger and Ed before landed on top of the water cart.
"Ring and scab!" Holger said as he grabbed Ed's wrist and held it up.
Lee got off the cart and walked over, the confusion evident in her voice. "What? You?"
"Let go of me." Ed said.
"See, I didn't need my bub-bub to annihilate your hopes and dreams." Steve said walking over.
"So, you don't need that thing back then?" Lee questioned as she pointed to the old towel that was visible from the over turned cart.
"Huh, bub-bub?" Steve said before picking it up and other of the people on the field came over.
"My helmet." A football player said.
"My pom-pom." A cheerleader added.
"My hairspray." Chaz said picking up the can. "Great."
"This is your ring too, right?" Lee said gesturing to the silver band on the water boy's finger.
"You took my bub-bub, and my ring?" Steve questioned as he took the ring back. "It's been missing since like, last year."
"It's not fair, I keep all of you hydrated and I never ever get to share in the glory!" Ed yelled. "I want a piece!"
Lee leaned down and glared at him. "The red bag in the gym right before the prank, I have a picture of you messing with it, what'd you do?"
"Do?" Ed asked and reached for something in the cart. "I just took this can of paint out of it." He said showing her the green paint. "You can have it back."
"77, whoever you are, I want you on this team." Barrage said making his way over to them. "I have never seen anyone with such glorious beatin's."
Lee straightened up and while that was meant to likely be a compliment, she saw it in another way. She kept the paint in one hand while putting the visor of her helmet down as she looked at Steve. "I don't want to be on the team, I was here undercover to bust the school thief. We cool?"
"You got my ring back, and bub-bub." Steve replied and showed her the towel. "My whole family's been sweating into this for hundreds of years." He said and Lee recoiled as she swore she saw the towel's stink coming off it. "Trust me, we cool."
Biff's voice came through the headset. "You guys done playing patty-cake? Cause you gotta go, like now!"
Lee swiftly moved and crawled under the bleachers and when she came out from the other side she hit something metallic and Barrage grabbed her by the back of her uniform. "Buwoff! Interception!" he yelled but let go of her when a football came speeding in and took Barrage down.
Lee looked over at the canon and saw Steve give her a thumbs-up before returning it and hurried back into the school and Barrage was right behind her. "Get back here, 77!" Lee kept on running and when she made it back to detention she'd already shed her helmet and took the padded jersey off and tossed it before sitting back in her seat.
The door burst open and Barrage stood there and looked at them both for a moment. "Dismissed!" he shouted before moving out of the room.
Lee let out the breath she'd been holding and let her body fall on top of her desk and was almost instantly asleep.
"So Ed the water boy was the school thief," Lee said aloud as she circled the water boy in the photo of the football team with one hand and held the can of green paint in the other, "he messed with my bag before the prank because he stole this paint can from it. Which means my bag had already been switched at the time." She said putting it on the edge of her desk by her computer. "Cause this sure never belonged to me." She said and one screen came ups showing Holger.
"Lee, me Holger win job as server of water." He said and another screen came up.
"Ombre, you get the info you needed, cause if you cleared your name we should maybe still keep it a secret, you know." Cam said. "Just until I can get a date."
Lee saw from the corner of her eye the door open slightly. "Lights out." Her mother said and the room was flooded with darkness, save for the computer screen.
"See you tomorrow guys." Lee said before turning the computer off. "So the question still remains: who switched my bag, and what's the story behind this radioactive green paint? And when will my body stop hurting?" she asked aloud as she put an icepack on her face before her attention turned to the blue garment she'd brought home with her on her on her books and she bit her lip. 'Then there's that, did Biff put that on me because he's starting to warm up to me, or because of how pathetic I must have looked? Either way…why do I care?'