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I'm Okay
The first time I saw him, I was in Hogwarts for a visit with Amycus and Alecto. I watched him sneak along the corridor, unchaining the little urchins who had very obviously been tortured by the 'crucio happy' siblings. I could have stopped him, I could have grassed him up, but instead I watched him with a smirk, liking the defiance he was showing. He reminded me a little of myself.
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I caught the odd glance of him over the year and more than once, I caught him staring at me through wide eyes, obviously expecting me to curse him. Instead, I'd nod my head to him, telling him to keep up his spirit. He'd surely need it. Battle was coming, and though I knew we would be on opposing sides, I found myself hoping he would survive the oncoming slaughter.
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The day I was marked, his face filled my mind as I remained stoic through the pain. He was turning into my strength, my absolution, my reason for living. It wasn't a good feeling, the notion that I would be happy to let him go in battle instead of killing him would surely be the death of me before this war was over.
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I kissed him, just the once, on April the 15th. I remember it perfectly. I found him in an empty corridor, apparently he was being the lookout for the evening. I talked to him. He asked me why I hadn't told the Carrows he had been freeing the younger kids. I didn't know what to tell him, so I kissed him instead. He kissed me back.
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I wrote him a letter, telling him everything I felt for him, the desire, the devotion I felt to him, the need for him to be alive at the end of the battle, even if I wasn't. I told him that even though we couldn't be together, he should know that I had fallen in love. He didn't reply.
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The battle upon us, I was asked to lead a group of the death eater's over the covered bridge. I was happy to receive such an honor, happy to curse and kill anyone who came upon us. I didn't expect it to be him who greeted us. As we engaged in battle, I was reluctant to send anything harsher that a stunning charm at him. His eyes held mine as he duelled me and the others, and I could see the questions, feel the disappointment coming off him in waves. I tried to show him that I wasn't lying, but he didn't believe me.
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As I fell to my death, I felt peace overtake my body. It had been him, the only person I could be happy to lose a duel against. My name was Ewan Scabior and Neville Longbottom killed me. And I'm okay with that.
