Disclaimer: Laura is not mine, I wish she was, but I like to entertain her as if she were. Pairing: strictly Roslin/Adar.

Setting: before the mini and then altered mini/Epiphanies time line. Warning: Smut and sadness!

Summary: Laura's life with Richard before her diagnosis and what could've happened if the Cylons hadn't succeeded in the destruction of the Colonies.

Desire

It was one of those days. He was in his fifth meeting, Laura in her third. She smiled when his eyes met hers from across the table. He was tired. Another presentation, another discussion – he was annoyed to the point that it was hard to hide. Observing the strained expression on his face, Laura slipped one foot out of her heels and maneuvered it in his direction. Sliding her bare foot over his leg, she looked for a way to touch his skin. Richard jumped – slightly but it didn't go unnoticed. Glaring at him from the corner of his eye, Wally Grey whispered a concerned "Mr. President?" in his ear. Waving him off, Richard shot Laura a be careful look. He was fine.

Averting her eyes, Laura turned her head away from him and continued her endeavor. He needed a break – this was what he got. Pushing one side of his trousers up as far as she could, Laura massaged his calves and thighs with her toes and ball. She knew he enjoyed her treatment as soon as a healthy color returned to his face.

"It is important to talk to the union, sir. We have to avoid a strike at all costs."

Distracted by her massage, Richard only reacted when Laura faced him to nod her head in the direction of the speaker.

"Mr. President?"

"Yes, I agree," he finally answered after a beat. "A strike is the last thing we can afford right now."

Laura smiled to herself. She had more power over him that he was ever willing to admit.

When the meeting continued, Laura found new ways of entertaining herself by distracting him. She leaned forward to grab the water bottle so slowly, Richard risked a pleasantly long moment of staring down her cleavage. Tilting her head from one side to the other to relax her neck, Laura allowed her hair to fall down her back. When she took a sip from her glass, she licked her lips seductively and wiped away a drop with her thumb in slow motion. When her bare foot teased his groin, Richard finally cleared his throat and put the meeting to an abrupt end. Excusing himself, he asked her to follow him as the Secretary of Education. Important issues needed to be discussed in private. Dragging her into his office, Richard gave his assistant hasty signs not to allow anything to interrupt his one-on-one with Secretary Roslin. Pushing her inside, he closed the door with all the patience he was able to muster. When the door was finally closed, he pressed her against the nearest wall to steal a hungry kiss from her. Feeling her hands on his zipper, Richard moved his hands over her butt to her legs and up again. Pushing up her skirt, it was a matter of seconds till he pushed the lace aside and inside of her. His mouth was still covering hers when he muffled her moan and kissed away her breath. Steadying them against the wall, Richard's free hand moved over her body while his lips left little marks on her neck. Thrusting deep inside her, Richard loved how Laura buried her face in his shoulder to release a gasp before she cried out his name in discrete silence. When he found his release, he relaxed with her, leaning against the wall while his mouth left a trail of lazy kisses on her skin. Resisting to speak the words she sometimes thought but never said, Laura breathed her love into him with a kiss. When they parted, they rearranged their clothes only to share another kiss, and another, and a smile. Wiping away some of her lipstick from his swollen lips, Laura looked deep into his eyes. He looked so rested now. He always did after a break with her.

Richard moved his hand into her hair to play and help her comb it with her fingers to look presentable again. Pulling her close against his body, he enjoyed the feeling of her breath so close. Her smell so sweet now with a hint of musk - Richard smiled when his fingers grazed her jaw line and drew circles on her blushed skin.

"You smell like sex on a Sunday morning."

"I smell like you." She let him cup her face in his hands.

"Will you be home tonight?" His thumb caressed her lips.

"I intend to be," Laura closed her eyes to his gentle touch.

"Can I come?" His question almost sounded like a plea.

"Only if you spend the night." And they both knew he couldn't.

It was days later that the strike began, more stolen kisses in his office, sensual breaks in fancy hotels – business as usual. The meetings continued, more issues rising at the horizon, and Richard agreed to tour the Colonies. A 10-day trip, it needed planning. It needed staffing. It needed farewell sex with her. Richard knew he would miss her – would miss the taste of her on his lips and the feel of her skin on his finger tips. He was addicted to her, had been since he had finally seen her. So quiet in discussions she always made her point but hardly ever raised her voice. He loved that about her, the determination without aggression. He had fallen for her. What had started as curiosity soon turned into more than he knew he could feel. Desire. Passion. Lust. He was sure she knew, as sure as a man could be who lost his head around a woman. He loved to watch her, caress her with his eyes whenever she walked past him, risked a glimpse down her breasts or a brush against her back and butt. He was discrete in the presence of others, knew how to control himself long enough to devour what she was giving him in moments of solitude with her. He loved her smell around him, kept a souvenir whenever she was gone for more than a day, called her from a private line to make her yearn for him from the distance.

10 days without her now was hard, harder even because another she was with him, his wife. Janis knew about his affair, knew that it went on longer than any of them had anticipated. She didn't hate Laura for what she was doing, in a way she often didn't care. She only cared when Richard was absent-minded on a trip because his mind was undressing her, the other woman, calling her to hear her voice so soft it made him quiver – it wasn't hard for her to tell. She knew him long enough. When she tried to seduce him as his wife only to have him reject her, it burst out of her like it sometimes did whenever he wasn't able to run to his lover. "It's me you should be faithful to, not her." It only hurt more to say it out loud.

It was 10 days and a couple of hours till he held her again, Laura, so good to see her, such a feeling of coming home. When she took the initiative to make love, Richard knew she had missed him, too. Sitting on his lap, arms wrapped around his neck, she rocked him gently to the bliss that was having her for himself. His eyes caressed her skin when he watched her, eyes closed, head tilting back, she bit her lips when he made her come. He loved to hear her voice breaking when she moaned his name, loved to feel her collapse against him, to be one with her, to fill her. The taste of her skin, a mixture of sweat and perfume, so alluring he wished to be with her for the rest of the day. Never again 10 days away from her, he made that promise to himself.

With the strike going on for weeks, Richard felt things had changed. Flirty with him in the morning, he let it pass that she had set a meeting with Stance without consulting with him. She had that way with him – he still knew where to draw the line. When she returned, he pulled her into a lingering kiss. She had doubts about them, he suspected that but he was determined to love them away.

When Laura saw him close the door behind her, the band aid still giving away her doctor's appointment from two hours before, she smiled to herself. He had missed her, and she got confirmation as soon as he held her close. Her hand on his chest, she loved the feeling of his warmth under her touch, the way he made her want him – it was intoxicating. She had been able to quit a lot of things, said no to too much of everything but he was different, was her vice. A smile so seductive, the way his aftershave mixed with a scent that was uniquely him, his lips so tender on hers and firm – he had his rhythm with her. It didn't take long for their kiss to become passionate, it always did and she secretly loved to feel her pulse running through her swollen lips after a quickie with him in his office. Today was not that kind of day though. Her head still spinning from the diagnosis that cursed her mother, Laura broke their kiss before she ended up entangled with him against the wall. She wanted to tell him, wanted him to know but it was too hard to talk about right now. So union business it was instead, her success with Stance – an agreement without his consent. He flipped. Laura knew he would – if there was one thing he despised it was disloyalty and silence. He knew she was keeping something from him, so no matter how successful she had been, it started things.

Richard stared at her – those words from her mouth and a smile, apologetic in a way but challenging – she really thought she'd made a good deal. He frowned, was angry. Now he had to deal with the situation on her terms, had to consult with her as the mediator between two parties that opposed each other so thoroughly. She was a teacher still at heart, he knew that much, listened to what she advised him to do in so many situations. But a quiet advice was one thing, an argument behind closed doors, going solo on this another. Richard started at her, his mind raging and it was her answer to be prepared to fight when he understood what he had just said to her. Resign, he cursed his pride to be so fast on the tip of his tongue. Looking at her, he saw how she shut down, emotions locked before they burst out of her so raw it might knock him off his feet. Her voice was controlled and calm when she left, the band aid on her hand so evident to him now. He wasn't going to be pleasant company until she returned.

When Laura walked into his office again after her trip to Galactica, she tried to be strong to not break the news to him, to not be weak, to not find excuses for him. He had hurt her, she also understood why though now. When she walked up to his desk, he was about to finish signing papers with his assistant nodding to her with a polite smile. When the assistant finally left, Laura stood until he looked directly into her eyes. He wasn't mad, he was concerned.

"I'm sorry, Laura." She was surprised.

"You asked me to resign, Richard." She observed him as he got up and moved around his desk to stand behind her. Losing the struggle against herself to ask him not to touch her, she closed her eyes when his hands traveled down her belly and waist over her buttocks and legs.

"You made a deal without my approval." One of his hands lifted her hair to give his lips access to her neck. Nuzzling her, he began to leave marks on her skin and pulled her so close to him it was clear how much he wanted her. "That cannot happen again."

Laura nodded. He didn't want to fight, she agreed.

Tugging at her ear with gentle bites, Richard bent her over his desk and lifted her skirt enough for him to enter her. Spreading her legs for him, he knew she was ready to forgive him. When he pushed inside of her, he welcomed her "of course not, Mr. President," and met it with a moaned "I missed you so much." Their sex was fast, deep rather than gentle, a promise for more, reconciliation. After he climaxed, he made sure she was left as satisfied as he was before he bent down to shower her cheeks and neck with hungry little kisses. When they got up, clothes back in place, he sat in his chair and pulled her onto his lap. Kissing her deeply, he pulled one arm around her waist and looked deep into her melancholy eyes.

"Now tell me what's wrong."

Laura shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Glaring at her with serious concern, he caressed her gently to assure her how much he cared to know. "Your band aid, your doubts, you going solo – I know something's wrong."

Avoiding his eyes, Laura smiled a sad smile and took a deep breath. "I have cancer, Richard."

The news hit him like a sneak attack, unexpected and hard. "What?"

"I got confirmation three days ago before I headed to the Galactica. It's terminal, there's nothing left to do but pray." Her voice didn't break when the tears came, silent tears that matched his shock. When his lips kissed away her tears she sobbed and for the first time in all the years of making love to him, she clang to him. Trying to hide away from the pain, from the fear and the sadness, Laura flung her arms around him like a child and Richard held her, his eyes closed to be strong for her and help him bite don his own tears.

When her tears had dried, Richard leaned forward to press the speaker button of his phone. "Marjorie? I'm taking the day off, please postpone the rest of my meetings today."

"Yes, sir. Anything I should say to Mr. Grey if he asks?" His assistant's voice was professional rather than nosy.

"Just tell him it's an emergency in the family." And he thanked her before he hung up.

"I'll get you home now, Laura. You'll take the week off. Come back to work, don't – whatever you want, I'll back your decision." He wiped some hair out of her face.

"Okay." Her voice was small but she welcomed his kiss. When they got up, Richard held her hand before he slid his arm around her waist. Kissing her temple, he opened the door and walked her to her car.

When they arrived at her house, her luggage was already waiting for her. Turning the key in the lock, Richard pushed the door open and smiled at the scent of plants and vanilla that welcomed him. So her, he thought and squeezed her tight. Getting her luggage inside from the front porch, he closed the door behind him and smiled when he found her fixing tea already in the kitchen.

Richard loved her house, so full of light and life. White such a dominating color in her home, it emanated warmth in combination with wood and her collection of colonial plants. Book shelves full of classics and modern tales, Richard smiled at the organized chaos that was uniquely hers. Her couch, red and inviting, faced her patio door and welcomed every guest to share a breathtaking view on Laura's lusciously green garden. Carrying her bags upstairs, Richard passed family pictures and friends, campaign days and Laura throwing her college hat in the air with her peers. She was so pretty and her hair so long – he preferred her now. When he finally reached her bedroom, Richard shook his head when he found her bed unmade but not messed up. A book on her nightstand, a wine glass and a plate with truffles white and dark. He loved her private side.

When he placed her bags next to her bed, he spotted a toy next to her pillows and smirked. Her bathroom so clean he hardly dared to go inside with shoes on his feet, Richard simply placed her beauty case next to the sink and stopped at the sight of himself in some frames on her desk by the window on his way out. Dancing with her at a staff party, smiling for the cameras at a school event, smiling for her from a bed in some hotel. Richard tried to shake it off but it was too late. Sinking on her bed, he cried bitter tears when her words dawned on him. "I have cancer, Richard. It's terminal." He loved her too much to let her go.

It was the sound of her voice, cheerful again in the familiarity of her home that tore him out of his misery. Wiping away his tears, he rushed to the bathroom to splash some water into his face to not worry her. When he heard her footsteps on the wooden floor, her bare feet so quiet but the wood aching to her moves, he welcomed her with an embrace.

"What are you doing?"

"Just freshening up a little." He avoided her gaze to not give away his tears and pulled her into a lingering kiss instead. It was such a gift to feel her so responsive.

"Did you sneak through my stuff?" Laura teased him.

"Only a little," he kissed her again. "I see you like toys."

"Only when I get lonely," her remark was playful and free of sadness.

Richard nodded, not able to meet her improving mood right now. "You made tea?"

"And sandwiches." She took his hand. "If you have the time."

Nodding to her, he followed her downstairs and cuddled her close on the couch. They were quiet, preferred each other's company over words that didn't want to come. A caress of his hand here, a tender kiss there was enough conversation for them for now. When Laura went upstairs to take a shower, Richard left. A note awaited her when she emerged from her steamy bathroom, "I'll be back," it didn't say when. Getting ready for bed, Laura put away her wine glass, the truffles and her toy. She wasn't sad, she was used to spending nights alone by now. It was an hour or two later when Laura woke to silent footsteps on her stairs and the sound of his voice when he hit his toe. Switching on the lights, Laura looked at him, bags in hand, wet from the rain that poured down outside.

Finding her puzzled eyes, Richard set down his luggage and grabbed a towel to dry his head. Stepping out of his clothes, he rested next to her on the bed, negotiating with her to share the blanket with him. When he slid under the sheets, he snuggled his naked form next to her and caressed her cheek. Pulling her into a kiss that said so much already, he whispered, "I am here to stay, if you'll have me." And he seduced her into believing him.

The next morning was odd, waking in his arms, him in her bed – so comfortable a feeling and yet so strange. Laura observed him in his sleep, so peaceful that little smile on his lips, his laugh lines eased down, his breathing so steady. She could get used to this.

There was a moment when she wondered if she would have him by her side without what she was going through but she shrugged it off as soon as she felt sadness threatening to creep into a joyous morning.

When he woke, it was to the ticklish feeling of her hair on his skin, her hands busy pleasuring him where her lips didn't reach. He loved her enthusiasm.

When they got out of bed, untypically late for a weekday morning, Laura made sure he got his tea before he headed to the office. He called her every hour until she made him stop – she welcomed his concern, she didn't want it to start bugging her.

It was two weeks until they sat down to talk. Talk cancer, talk treatments, talk living together. The fact that he wasn't home much in times of renewed strikes and a new Cylon war helped them cope with the changed realities in their relationship. Driving her crazy with his adoration in the first few weeks, Laura got used to him appreciating her imperfections. Welcoming his criticism on a private level, she strangely missed the pleasure of being intimate with him in his office. It was odd to take the step from lover to partner after so long. The press was unusually careful with them. The fact that Janis Adar had confirmed the President's affair as a relationship of 12 years, that they had filed for divorce in consent and that information about Laura's cancer had leaked gave them the benefit of the doubt. The situation wasn't ideal but then it never had been. At some point Laura got used to the looks and the gossip or maybe it started to wear down, she didn't care. When Richard started coming home late more often and missed two lunches with her, she asked him straight to his face. She was astonished to find him seeing a therapist to deal with her condition. They had a little more than six months left. He had to face it. Six months of holding each other and making love, of getting used to a them after years of having more than a lot of couples did.

When Laura took her last breaths after controlling her pain with Chamalla and memories of him with her, Richard held her. His emotions shut down until she was gone, he was her rock in a fierce storm of beeping monitors and blinding lights and needles. She bit away some tears, lasted longer than she would've without him and finally spoke what he needed to hear the most – she loved him. And for all it was worth, he would carry those words with him for the rest of his days.

The ceremony for her a quiet one, Richard tried to meet her wishes as best as he could. Though excluded from the funeral, the press managed to get a picture of the President in his full state of shock and grief. Mourning her more in private than she would've allowed him to do on the job, the press published story after story about a broken leader who thrust himself into work to kill the pain. If they had ever been right, now was the time.

Living in her house that had become part of him as much as she had, he welcomed memories of her wherever he went. He would never be the same again without her in his life.

If he once thought that she was like a drug in his veins, making him high, he now knew she was much more than that – she was life and without her he was just a shell with a title and a name.

The End