Hi guys! This is my first Glee fanfic, I'm new to the show, I literally watched Season 1 two days ago, so we'll see how firm my grasp of the characters is. Also, I hope I didn't offend anyone, but I live in Ohio, so I know a few things about the weather and Amish and Ohio's place in the progressive scale. Read and enjoy, and don't forget to review!
Rachel Berry smiled to herself as she walked down the crowded hallway humming show tunes from Cabaret. Winter had finally given way to spring in Ohio, and she couldn't be happier to put away her long skirts for the winter in favor of her shorter ones. They went better with her sweaters anyway, made her look less Amish. I mean, she lived in Ohio, but come on.
She stopped at her locker to put away her books and cringed only slightly when a hand holding a slushie cup appeared. Glancing up, she saw she needn't be worried.
"Berry," the dark haired boy said, holding the cup out to her.
"Puck," she said, taking it from him.
They may have broken up months ago, after a modestly short relationship, no less, but Puck hadn't thrown a slushie in her face since then. And he even kept up his tradition of bringing one to her locker once a week, always grape, always tasty. Funny how differently things tasted when drank from a cup and not licked off your face, along with your tears of humiliation.
He gave her his trademark smirk, that oh-so-sexy one, and continued his journey down the hall. She ducked her head, smiling to herself, trying to contain that feeling she always got when he smirked at her like that.
She doubted the rest of the Glee kids knew about their tradition, as no one had said anything and no one in the club was particularly skilled at keeping secrets. They all had other things going on in their lives, they probably hadn't even noticed the difference between her and Puck now. How he was nicer to her now, considerate, even. How she had mellowed due to his influence.
They all had so much going on, Quinn and Finn with the baby, Kurt searching for the quintessentially perfect outfit, Mercedes doing…whatever it was Mercedes did outside of Glee. Rachel was positive they hadn't seen the changes between her and Puck.
She doubted the Glee kids knew they talked outside of school. Pretty frequently. It had started on New Year's Eve, when Puck had gotten drunk and called her, complaining about how anal she was, uptight, stuck up, controlling…Yes, she remembered it well…
"Hello?" She was sleeping when the phone rang, but it was late enough to know that whoever was calling wasn't just doing it for fun, and she instantly worried about her fathers, across town at a holiday party.
"You're insane, you know that? Completely insane."
"…Puck?"
"Yeah. You are so freakin' controlling it makes everybody nuts, you know that?"
"Um, yeah, it's not exactly a newsflash that no one likes me. Why are you calling?"
"You just need to lighten up a little! I mean, come on!"
Rachel looked at the clock. 2:30. "So you called me this late to tell me that everyone hates me?"
"Yes! No! I don't know." He was quiet then and Rachel knew him well enough, whether he liked it or not, to know something else was going on.
"Ok. So everyone hates me. Again, not something new…so what's up with you?" She tried to keep her voice light, casual, knowing he wouldn't talk if he felt she was smothering him or making it a big deal.
"Nothing."
"Oh…ok…well, if you're done, I'm gonna go back to bed."
"Wait!"
"Yes?" She waited with bated breath, hoping he would talk to her.
"Well…you've got two dads, right, so that kind of makes you an expert on them, right?"
She laughed. "Well, neither of my dads is really a typical one, so not really."
"Oh." She waited but he was silent again.
"Puck…what's going on?"
He sighed in frustration and she could tell he was warring with himself about opening up. Finally he did. "My dad called tonight. Wants to see me."
Rachel wasn't quite sure what to say. He hadn't said much about his dad in the time they were together, practically nothing, except that his father was an alcoholic and was constantly in and out of his life, mostly only coming back for his mother, not his son. She knew that was the reason Puck had gotten into football, trying to gain his father's approval, but he'd never said as much, just made a casual allusion to how much his old man loved the sport and had played when he was Puck's age.
"Are you going to go?
He hesitated. "I, uh…I don't know. This is kind of a first for him."
"What do you mean?"
Puck laughed bitterly. "Well, usually he just comes back for my mom, you know? Doesn't really give a damn about me, and definitely not about my sister. This is the first time he's even seemed to care."
"Did he say why?"
"Said he's sober now, going to meetings or some crap, said he's made a lot of mistakes and wants to fix them. I don't know."
"Everybody makes mistakes, Puck," she said softly.
He was quiet again and finally said, "Look, I gotta go. Sorry for waking you up."
She started to respond but was met with only a dial tone.
Rachel chuckled at the memory. Yes, that was definitely the beginning of the end for her and Puck, even if it took him awhile to accept it.
He was standing at her locker the next morning, arms crossed, looking menacing. She smiled at him but he didn't return it.
"I was really drunk last night and I will deny any of that ever happened and spend my entire savings on cherry slushies if you tell anyone."
"Why would I tell anyone? You shared some extremely personal things with me last night."
"No, I didn't! And you better just keep your damn mouth shut!" He stalked off as she watched, confused at the exchange.
Glee practice was a tense event that day, with him glaring at her and watching everyone around him, trying to see if she'd told anyone.
She approached him after practice, even though he tried to flee. She had to nearly sprint to catch up with him, he was walking so fast and his legs were much longer than hers.
"I know what you're doing and it won't work," she panted.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Get lost, Berry.
"You can push me away all you want, but you can't stop people from being nice to you. It's going to happen eventually."
He stopped abruptly and turned around. "Is that what you're doing? Being nice to me? Well, I don't want it. I mean it, get lost."
She was left standing there as he made it to his truck and drove off.
That was really the end of her interaction with Puck, at least for awhile.
She hummed a Grease song as she let herself into the house after Glee practice. The house was quiet, but as she sifted through the mail she remember her dads had gone to Toronto for a few days to see Phantom of the Opera, one of her favorite-Oh! There it was! A letter from Julliard, hopefully her acceptance to their prestigious summer music program, which could only cement her place in their program after high school and shoot her off towards Broadway!
She tore the envelope open excitedly, hands shaking with anticipation as she unfolded the piece of paper. This was it, her big break, the next step in her dream and-what? Rejected? How could that be? Her eyes scanned the words desperately, hoping she had read it wrong. Wide field of competition…very talented…unfortunately not enough slots…there's always next year's program… The words blurred together after that, the tears making them impossible to read. She was a failure. Everything she had done, her entire life, it meant nothing. If she couldn't even get into Julliard's summer program, her chances of going there for college were shot.
She didn't even realize she had the phone in her hand or that she had even dialed it until she heard his voice. She wasn't sure how much he even understood, because she was crying so much that speaking had become difficult. All she knew was that when he hung up on her she cried harder.
She was still crying when he showed up ten minutes later, not even bothering to knock, just walked right through the front door. He was holding a pilfered bottle of wine from his mother and her favorite chick flick, also from his mother. He looked so cute standing there trying not to look like he cared that she kept crying.
"Rachel."
She looked up at him, still crying.
"Hey, what's wrong? I could barely understand you on the phone, all I got was 'Julliard' and 'rejected'."
She cried harder at the word rejected and he was at a complete loss what to do. He hated it when girls cried. Had seen his mom cry more times that he should have, which was one of the reasons he hated his dad so much. But Rachel was crying harder now, making little noises when she tried to breathe. He figured crying that much wasn't healthy, but Rachel cried with the same passion she did everything else.
He hesitantly put his arm around her, not sure if that would be helpful or make her cry more. She leaned into him instantly, turning her face into his neck. He could feel her tears against his skin and it kind of tickled a little but he didn't move. He didn't do anything except hold Rachel Berry in her tastefully decorated kitchen while she cried.
She stopped crying eventually, he kind of figured she had to, a person that small shouldn't have that many tears. She avoided looking at him, like she was embarrassed or something, and asked what he had brought.
Which was how they ended up in her living room, sharing a couch and a bottle of wine, giggling hysterically over his mom's favorite movie. He hadn't said anything more about her phone call and she seemed grateful for that. It wasn't until she went to the kitchen for more wine that it came up again.
She came back in the living room with the rest of the wine and a piece of paper in her hand. She sat down quietly beside him and sipped from her glass as she handed him the paper. He read the letter and felt a slow anger course through him. Who were these people to tell her she was rejected? Who were these people to make her cry like that?
He handed the letter back to her and watched as she delicately set it on the coffee table in front of them, as gently as if it had been her acceptance.
"It's just the summer program," he said suddenly, startling them both. "I mean, it's not like they rejected you forever. You'll apply again and you'll get in."
"No, I don't think so," she said slowly. "Do you know what I'm supposed to be, Puck? I'm supposed to stand out. I always have. I have to. Stand out among the rest of the world and be noticed. That's why I endured the slushie facials all these years. Because, as much as they suck, and they really do, even they were a testament to the fact that I stand out. No one would bother with someone who is invisible, you know? So I took it. Because that just fortified my belief that I was meant to be a star and stand out. But Julliard doesn't think I do. They don't think I stand out and they don't think I'm a star."
"You read the letter, they had a record number of applicants this year."
"That still doesn't excuse the fact that I didn't stand out! No matter how many people there are, I should still be seen, heard, known! But I'm no different than any other kid they rejected this year, I'm the same as all of them."
"So you're the same as everyone else. Is that so bad?"
She looked him dead in the eye. "Yes. It is. This is all I've ever had. This is it. I have no friends, no social life, no boyfriend. My entire life has been about being a star and you have to stand out and make someone see you before that happens. And I failed. I have nothing now."
"Come on, that's not true. What about Glee Club?"
"Glee Club was supposed to be an outlet for me to be heard, a means to further my career end. Which obviously it has not."
He didn't like what he was hearing. "It's just one summer program. There are other summer programs and other schools."
She fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "Yeah. I guess so."
"Rachel." He waited until she looked at him. "You'll be fine. You are not going to end up a Lima Loser."
She gave him a half smile, a pathetic excuse for her usual one. "Yeah," she said again.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, the movie playing in the background, before she spoke again. "I'm sorry I called you. I didn't mean to."
"It's fine. It's not like I haven't called you."
She turned to him, her smile a little more natural this time, and he found his breath caught in his chest at the sight of it. "I thought we weren't going to talk about it."
He gave her a look. "We're not."
She giggled. "Ok."
He had gone home shortly afterwards, she remembered, but not before covering her with a blanket from the back of the couch as she lay half passed out from the wine.
She giggled. She doubted anyone knew her first time getting drunk was with Puck. And she doubted that anyone would believe he didn't try to take advantage of her inebriated state. But he was rather sweet about the whole thing, and maybe that's when it really started.
They began talking almost regularly, outside of school, that is. They seemed to have an unspoken agreement that things at school and Glee would stay the way they were. They both had things they kept hidden away from the group, and neither wanted the outside to intrude on the growing bond they had, odd though it may be.
He learned she hated chocolate. Said it clogged things up, messed with the vocal chords, but he always suspected it was more. Turns out she actually hated Valentine's Day, which he didn't find out until she started ranting about it when they were hanging out one night. He suspected there was more to that too, but she hadn't gotten around to letting that out yet.
She learned he loved popcorn, with extra butter and lots of salt. She tried telling him salt wasn't good for him and it really wasn't good for his voice, but he wouldn't listen. Turns out it reminded him of simpler times, when his mom would hire a babysitter and take him to the movies for his birthday every year. Before she had to watch her spending so much and before it became uncool for a guy to hang out in public with his mother.
He learned that no matter how much she loved her dads (and she really did) and how progressive she was, she still had a hard time with it. I mean, it was Ohio, not exactly the progressive state. He learned that she kept her torment at school from her fathers, in case they got upset and think it was because of them. She yearned not to hurt or disappoint them. And she would never, ever tell them that sometimes she wanted a mother, a real womanly presence in her life, so badly that it hurt sometimes.
She learned that he was so close to his mom, he borderlined on being a mama's boy. The look on his face when she told him that was priceless. She had giggled but found it completely heartwarming how deeply he cared for and respected his mother.
He learned that no matter how well-adjusted and confident she seemed, she was secretly an insecure mess. Her words, not his. She questioned everything about herself and every cruel word tossed in her direction stirred up all her insecurities. He figured that explained her overbearing personality pretty well and exposed it for the façade that it was.
They spent so much time learning about each other and seeing new sides that they never really noticed when the change occurred. Didn't notice how Puck had become one of the group, that seeing Rachel through new eyes unconsciously made him see everyone in the group that way. They didn't notice how Rachel had toned the intensity of her personality way down, an unconscious reaction to finally finding acceptance from someone, even after they saw who she really was.
All they knew was that they had found something in each other, something neither of them had ever been given before. And really, that was all that mattered.