Neon Genesis Evangelion – Clone and Clonability
By Greenfang
Evangelion is owned by Gainax. I make no claims as to ownership of the characters, plotlines or T-shirts. If they not like, I take down. Okay? Okay. :-)
I guess that this story is supposed to be Humorous, with a little drama as well. With some poor writing and character development thrown in at no extra cost! Yay!
Anyways... please enjoy
Chapter 1
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Rei opened her eyes. She was waist deep in a sea of LCL under a crimson sky. Standing on the shoreline facing her was a blue haired, red eyed girl. A girl that was an exact duplicate of herself, right down to the white plug suit and neural connectors in her hair.
"Who are you?" Rei asked the apparition.
"I am you" The girl replied.
"And you are me?" Rei asked confused
"As you are me."
"And we are all together." The two Reis sang in unison.
The Rei on the shoreline morphed into a large black walrus and loped off into the distance.
Rei furrowed her brow slightly and tilted her head to one side in a way that most of the fanboys agreed was so kawaii.
Pen-Pen floated past, paddling a large cornflake across the sea of LCL.
"Waaark!" He opined, waving his tambourine for added emphasis.
Rei felt that she was in no position to deny that this was indeed some really weird shit.
"Rei."
A distant but familiar voice cut through her thoughts. The crimson sky, LCL Sea and its cranky penguin shimmered and faded into blackness. Again she opened her eyes. Before her, tinted an unhealthy yellow through the LCL in the tube she was floating in, stood the Commander. By his side was doctor Akagi, looking at her with undisguised distaste.
"Let's eat."
"I must apologise Commander." Rei replied. "I have already been invited to dine at Major Katsuragi's apartment for dinner this evening. I hope that you will understand."
"Of course Rei." Gendo replied. "After all, it has always been a part of my evil, self serving but ultimately doomed mysterious plan to have you get closer to my whiny and annoying son."
Rei nodded and continued to float impassively. Not many people can pull off being impassive while floating nude in a tank of alien blood, but Rei was not like many people.
"Dr Akagi," Gendo said turning to the blond scientist in the white lab coat, "I shall have dinner with you tonight instead."
Ritsuko smiled. 'Arrogant prick' she thought to herself. Not that she held too many illusions as to the place in the Commanders personal pecking order she held; it was still galling to a woman of her intelligence and ability to be a distant second to a genetically engineered doll.
Still though, she did feel some twinges of guilt for dropping that LSD into Rei's floatation tank this morning. But it was all in the name of science, she told herself. Not that the Commander had any idea about her 'experiments' on Rei of course. This was just as well as she doubted he would have approved, or let her continue to keep breathing for that matter. Just the day before she had tipped eight cans of Red Bull into the tank. Surprisingly Rei hadn't acted particularly differently, but the girl had emitted a slight, almost inaudible buzzing noise for several hours afterwards.
'Still all is fair in love and Eva' chimed in her mind. That would teach Gendo to treat her love so callously.
Damn but that man looked fine in a leopard skin thong though.
"I'm sorry Commander," Ritsuko said with a slight mocking smile. "I'll have to take a raincheck on that. You see, I've also been invited to the Katsuragi's home for dinner this evening. Maybe some other time?"
'Ha ha' she thought sourly. 'Burn!' As she pondered what she would put in Rei's tank tomorrow.
"I see." Gendo said huffily. "Well I'm sure that the Sub-Commander is free this evening. I shall dine with him."
Ritsuko stifled a laugh. Little did the Commander know that tonight was Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki's famous Bi-annual 'Porn and Prawn' night with the bridge-crew. Old Kozou would be pissed as hell.
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Shinji Ikari had had himself a busy day alright. First he lay on his bed listening to his SDAT player. Then he had ogled Asuka in the shower. Shortly after that he had been called a Hentai and slapped upside his head. Then had run away. Come back. Grown a spine and kissed Asuka. Been called a Hentai and slapped upside his head. Blushed. Run away again. Been brought back to NERV by Section 2 goons. Defied his father. Screwed up his face and repeated "I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away!" Tripped and fallen on top of an inexplicably naked Rei. Run away for a third time. Come back when no one had noticed that he was gone. Been subjected to an exhaustive and humiliating probing session by a bored Ritsuko. Been hit on by an inebriated Misato. Gone on some kind of weird existential train trip having cryptic conversations with a younger version of himself and, strangely, Pen-pen. Then he had lain back on his bed listening to his SDAT player.
Just an average 'Day in the Life' of 'Fanfic Shinji' (as opposed to Anime Shinji or Manga Shinji) He rolled over, the light catching his features in just the right 'bishonen' way. Outside his bedroom, in the apartments' kitchen, he could hear Asuka and Misato talking.
"So, is Kaji coming tonight?" Asuka was saying.
"No," Misato replied with a certain amount of venom."Mr Wonderful has a 'Conference' with Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki this evening. He won't be able to make it."
"Sheiss!" Asuka said pouting. "He's always busy! How can I make him forget about his work and concentrate on developing completely normal and entirely appropriate relationship with me, a precocious fourteen year old under the guardianship of his ex girlfriend?"
'Beer' thought Misato. 'Need Beer' She grunted at Asuka in a non-committal way as she staggered to the fridge.
"Hey Shinji!" Asuka called out. "Get that lazy butt of yours out here and get some dinner ready! The guests will be here in an hour!"
"Leave him be," Misato said."He'll be in there listening to his SDAT player. Lying on the bed and brooding on the unfairness of the World, the meaning of life and why nice girls won't talk to him."
"Why he insists on listening to that antiquated piece of junk I'll never understand! It gets stuck on the last two tracks; you haven't been able to buy new tapes for it since just after the Second Impact. Mp3 players are cheap and have been around for nearly twenty years now! AND" She said, raising her voice even higher." most importantly, he needs to get his good for nothing self out here and make some dinner! We've got guests on their way for crying out loud!"
"Leave him be Asuka." Misato said placatingly."Shinji's not making dinner tonight. I am."
"N... n... Nani?" Asuka said so shocked that she momentarily forgot this wasn't the subtitled version.
"That's right, I'm cooking tonight. Katsuragi's famous Secret Ingredient Soup!"
"Let me guess," Asuka said dryly. "There is no Secret Ingredient?"
"I'll never tell, it's an old family secret! Now get out of the kitchen I've got to start the soup."
"Mi...Misato..." Said Asuka desperately. "Why don't we get take out tonight? My treat! Wouldn't that be nice? I... um... I don't want you wearing yourself out in the kitchen after all. You need to save your energy for our guests."
"Nonsense Asuka! I'll be fine." Misato replied with an unhinged smile." It's very sweet of you to think of me like this, but it's really no trouble at all. I'll do all the work, you just close your eyes and think of Hakone! I guarantee this soup will take your breath away!"
"Yeah, permanently." Asuka muttered to herself as she finally retreated to the lounge.
Shinji covered his ears with his pillow and tried not to think about his roommates continuing their conversation naked. This wasn't as easy as it sounds. The boy was fourteen after all.
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Later That Evening...
Gendo pressed the doorbell once, firmly, and waited.
And waited.
And waited..
And waited...
He checked the address again. Apartment 0002, 2nd story, Second Street. The address was right. This was definitely it. Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki's apartment.
Finally the door slid open. Gendo was unprepared for the dishevelled creature that stood in front of him. A slightly built woman in her mid 20's wearing a pair of fishnet stockings, crimson bustier and pink feather boa, with plastic devils horns on her head and holding a shrimp cocktail in her left hand.
She looked Gendo up and down.
"Oh, hey Shigeru, the shtripper's here!" She slurred loudly back down the entryway.
"Cool!" Came the reply from an unseen voice."Send 'em in!"
"Come on in Honey, don't be shy!" The woman said leering at him.
"Lieutenant Ibuki." Gendo said."It's me, your Commander. What is the reason for this unseemly behaviour?"
"Ooh... Kinky!" Maya said with a somewhat lopsided drunken grin."This should be good! Who'd've thought old Fuyutku... Funutski... Tsufutski..... The Shrub-Commander had it in him?"
"I am not a 'stripper' lieutenant. As you so inelegantly put it. I am Commander Ikari and I Demand to see..... Arrgh "He was cut off as Maya wrapped the feather boa around his neck and dragged him through the door.
The sound of drunken cheers echoed through the apartment complex before being cut off by the apartment's front door sliding shut.
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Shinji's okonomiyaki yelped and tried to slither off his plate as he cut into it.
'Hmm... 'He thought. 'That probably shouldn't happen.'
He looked around the dinner table to see if any of the other guests were having similar issues.
Certainly Misato seemed to be having no trouble. The purple haired woman was munching away blissfully on a section of the savoury pancake while the rest of it wriggled vainly trapped on the end of her chopsticks. The others, however, were not faring so well.
Ritsuko was slowly managing to drive hers back from the edge of the table with an impromptu flamethrower fashioned from her cigarette lighter and a can of body-spray from her purse. The offending entree hissed and growled at her menacingly, but was unable to get close enough to land a killer blow.
Asuka, on the other hand, was fighting a losing battle with her appetiser, which had her pinned on the dining room floor and was trying to suffocate her by covering her face a la' the face-hugger from the Alien movies.
A much muffled "Verdammt Shweinhund! Sterben arschloch!" Could just be heard over her struggles.
Rei Ayanami appeared to be in a staring contest with her own first course. The blue haired girl and the fried item on her plate in a battle of wits and control for the future of the entire evening. Or so it appeared from the outside. Internally Rei was locked in an existential dialogue with the okonomiyaki, as each questioned the other on the nature of existence, what it meant to be human/foodstuff and whether this train journey of the mind stopped at Shibuse or not.
Meanwhile, Asuka's muffled cries were becoming weaker and weaker and the flame from Ritsuko's spray was beginning to fail. Shinji sighed to himself; he guessed it was once again up to him to save the day. He went to get up but immediately felt a sharp pain in his chest. Looking down he gasped as he realised his own savoury pancake had grabbed a Spork from the centre of the table and now had it firmly thrust against his sternum. He raised his hands in surrender and the injured okonomiyaki gestured threateningly with the Spork in a way that suggested that he should lie face down on the floor and not make any sudden moves.
Misato sighed happily and pushed her empty plate away from her.
"Delicious!" She said happily and beamed at her guests.
Suddenly there was loud explosion from the kitchen. The apartment's lights dimmed for a second and car alarms could be heard going off up and down the street outside the apartment complex.
"At last!" Misato cried."Soup's ready!" As she bustled off to the kitchen.
With Misato gone Rei acted with lightning speed. The two okonomiyaki threatening Shinji and Ritsuko were skewered neatly with flying chopsticks, each of them collapsing with a tiny high pitched scream. She then grabbed the Spork out of the dying grasp of Shinji's attacker and pinned her own entree to the table before stabbing it through the heart with a toothpick. Finally she grabbed one of Misato's cans of Yebisu, cracked the top effortlessly with only one hand and poured the contents over the last remaining okonomiyaki, the one trying to suffocate Asuka on the floor. The okonomiyaki fizzled and bubbled. Steam rose from it as it began to lose form and loosen its grip on the Second Child.
"Help!" Came a tiny voice from the okonomiyaki."I'm melting, I'm melting... Ahhhhhhh......"
Asuka's nightmare finally came to an end as her attacker slid to the floor and was absorbed into the seething pit of biological funk that was Misato's dining room carpet.
Misato came back in from the kitchen carrying a large pot with a ladle in it. Once again she beamed around the room. Her guests tried their best to smile back. So happy was she that the evening was going well that she failed to notice Ritsuko's singed and smouldering eyebrows, Shinji's bloodstained T-shirt, Asuka's beer-drenched hair and clothes and the fact that Rei was sitting watchfully at the table with a kamikaze headband on her head and ceremonial sake by her side.
"So," Misato said cheerfully. "Anyone want a steaming bowlful of Katsuragi's famous 'Secret Ingredient Soup'?"
"Let me guess," Ritsuko said dryly. "There is no Secret Ingredient?"
"I'll never tell, it's an old family secret! Now who wants soup?"
Misato never knew what hit her as an AT field suddenly sent her flying across the room and the soup to join its okonomiyaki brethren soaking into the carpet.
Everyone looked at Rei.
"Don't look at me." She said impassively.
Everyone looked at Misato. NERV's Operations Director had somehow managed to land on a hitherto unseen beanbag and was snoring away, blissfully unaware of her surroundings.
"Let us never speak again of what has happened here." Said Rei.
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"So, did you enjoy yourself last night Ritsuko?"
Startled Ritsuko looked around from her desk."Oh hi Misato! Oh yes, had a great time! We all did!" She smiled nervously."How about you?"
"Yeah, great!" Misato said with a sheepish look."Though I think I need to apologise to you all."
"A... apologise?" Ritsuko said, perplexed.
"Yeah, I didn't realise just how tanked I must have gotten last night. I really can't remember a thing after the entrees were put out. Next thing I knew I was waking up this morning still in my clothes from last night and the worst headache! Did I do anything too embarrassing? Tell me Ritsu, I feel really awful about this."
"No Misato, not at all! You were the perfect hostess in fact. I can't remember when I've had a better time at your place, honestly! And that soup you made! It was to die from... I mean for! Delicious! Everyone said so. Just ask them!"
Misato smiled happily."Thank you Ritsuko, you are a true friend!"
"Please, don't mention it!" Ritsuko said. 'Ever' she thought guiltily to herself.
"Oh no, I must mention it. In fact I must repay you for your kindness! Here!"
Her purple haired friend said producing something out of the plastic bag she was carrying.
Ritsuko looked at the container of thick, yellow-brown liquid the Major was proffering.
"What is it?"
"Ha ha, very funny! It's the soup of course! Everyone must have really loved it 'cause the bowl was completely empty, but I had a little bit left in the pot so I thought that the best way to repay you for your kindness and my own drunkenness would be to give this to you!"
"You shouldn't have, really Misato you shouldn't have! Really, I mean it!"
"Nonsense." Misato replied."Just enjoy the soup with my thanks. With all the take out you eat you could do with some home cooked goodness. I insist!"
Dr Akagi looked queasily at the container. Then an Idea struck her.
"In that case Misato, thank you. I would love to have some more of your delicious soup!"
"That's more like it Ritsuko! Now, I've gotta run!" She said heading for the door."Enjoy!"
"Oh, I will! Thank you very, very much Misato!"
The door shut and once again Dr Akagi was alone in her office. She looked at the container of soup before her and smiled. "I know just the home for you!" She said to the soup and laughed maniacally.
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As usual, there would be no witnesses. Security cameras were overridden. Motion sensors and infra-red detectors blacked out. Guards were either bribed or harmlessly chloroformed into submission and hidden in convenient broom cupboards.
Kaji pulled the hood of his jacket back from over his head. Time for some patented Kaji Snoopifying(tm). He swiped the stolen security card through the reader and stepped out of the lift ante chamber and into the rooms beyond.
The best way to describe the first room he found was like a hospital room designed by H.R. Giger. A bloodied mattress, dirtied and dripping pipework and medical paraphernalia hung about the grimy metal walls.
'Strange' Thought Kaji, reading the English word scrawled across the wall in metre high white letters. That certainly fit the mood rather nicely. Kaji took several photographs and moved on. He had never been in this part of the NERV complex before. Indeed the area he was walking through officially didn't exist. And yet from what he could tell from his investigations into the 'Special Projects' department of Project E, whatever was down here consumed over one third of the United Nations total budget allocation for the whole of the NERV organisation worldwide.
Eventually he came to another imposing steel door, swiped his ill gotten card through the reader. This time the reader prompted him for a password. Kaji was ready for this. He typed in the three letters that would take him through to some of NERVs greatest secrets. Y –U-I. The door slid open and Kaji walked through it into a room that would haunt his nightmares from that time on.
It was a simple enough room. Spartan in its accoutrements and furnishings. Just a large glass tube rising to the high ceiling amidst a mass of metal tubes and pipes, brain like in the tangle and pattern they described. Off to the side almost one entire wall of the cavernous room glowed a dull red. Kaji took several photos of the tube and walked across to the glowing wall. As he got closer he could see that it was actually also made of glass. He pressed his face up against it and thought that he could see vague shapes moving in the dull light. There had to be a light switch or something in here, he thought to himself. Before he had a chance to find it, however, he was brought up short by the 'beep' of the security lock of the door to the room being accessed, shortly followed by the sound of the door itself being opened. Quickly Kaji scampered to the only cover that the room afforded, behind the small plinth that supported the tube. From this rather exposed position Kaji could see all that transpired.
Dr Ritsuko Akagi walked through the door. Much to Kaji's relief she was alone. Easing his gun back into its holster he sat back and watched, and waited.
Ritsuko hummed happily to herself as she entered the room. "Good morning children!" She called out, and then giggled to herself. Kaji frowned, who was she talking to?
"Wakey wakey girls! Ritsu-chan has got a little something for you!"
She pressed a switch and Kaji thought he was going to lose his mind, or his breakfast. He wasn't sure which would go first. After last night's debacle at Sub Commander Fuyutsuki's apartment he was still feeling rather delicate.
In the now illuminated tank, or Reiquarium, as fanfic writers greater than I have dubbed it, he finally saw the true nature of the Dummy Plug System. A dozen or more naked Reis floated before the form of Dr Akagi. Each one with soulless vacant eyes and fixed smiles. Even from his vantage point he could hear their hollow laughter. Ritsuko continued talking.
"I've got something new for you today girls!" She said cheerfully."Some yummy homemade soup!" And she held aloft a small container filled with an unidentifiable liquid that reflected the light from the tank dully.
"Now your big Sister Rei-chan can't be here today, "She continued sarcastically." So there's no point wasting such good soup in her tube, so I think that it's only fair that you get to share the goodness this time around!"
The girls in the Reiquarium just stared blankly and giggled as if the unhinged scientist had made an amusing but slightly off-colour remark that they didn't really understand. As for Kaji, he now had his cell phone out and was recording the bizarre spectacle in front of him discreetly from his hiding spot. If for no other reason than he thought no one would believe him if he simply told them what he had seen, so proof was necessary to prevent the people he was working for from simply locking him up in a padded room like they had with Agent Oeda, his predecessor at spying on NERV.
Ritsuko had now taken a ladder from the corner and climbed up the side of the Reiquarium. She opened a flap on the top of the large tank and without any hesitation poured the contents of the container into the tank. She closed the flap and scurried down the ladder before replacing it against the wall. Quickly she tucked the now empty container under her arm, turned off the lights, and with a nervous glance at her surroundings she walked to the door and exited the room.
Stiffly Kaji got himself up from his vantage point and walked back over to the tank. The 'Reis' were no longer visible in the gloom, but the tank itself had changed. Whereas before it had glowed a dull red, now the light emanating from the tank was brighter and growing more and more so each second. The Giggling from before continued unabated, but was growing increasingly more shrill and forced as the brightness grew.
The liquid in the tank was definitely starting to swirl now and occasionally Kaji could catch a glimpse of an arm, leg or torso being carried around in its flow. The laughter sounded more like screaming now and the Kaji's skin was crawling in such a way that he knew it no longer wanted to be here. He couldn't say he blamed it. The brightness, noise and tension in the air built up and up until there was an almighty flash of light and concussion that knocked him off his feet.
Kaji shook his head and tried to accustom his eyes to the sudden darkness. No, there was nothing. No light, no noise, nothing. Just the dull hum of the cooling system and the tiny red glow from the security card reader at the door. The tank was completely dark and silent now. He fumbled in his jacket pocket for his flashlight, clicked it on and made his way to the door.
He wondered to himself if it was too early to take the rest of the day off, go to that little bar downtown and get completely smashed on Tequila shots, before maybe swinging by Katsuragi's place to see how his chances were looking. He swiped his card through the reader and was gone.
So now the tank room was empty. So there was no one to notice the light slowly return to the Reiquarium. Nor to see a pair of piercing red eyes open from within the murk of the tank.
And thankfully, perhaps, there was no one to hear a soul rending scream of terror that filled the darkness of the room. Then, as suddenly as it had come, the scream was cut off.
The next sound was the crash of metal on metal as the flap on the top of the tank was thrown open from the inside.
End of Chapter One
I originally meant this to be a bit of an omake for another story that I'm writing, with the characters all acting like fanfic stereotypes of themselves, but it kinda took on a life of its own.
So, what will be the repercussions from Fuyutsuki's 'Porn and Prawn Night'? Can you really kill a feral okonomiyaki with Yebisu? What's up with the Reiquarium? How come Ritsuko didn't notice the missing guards when she came down to the tank room? I there really a Secret Ingredient in Misato's Secret Ingredient Soup?
These and possibly other questions may or may not be answered in the next thrilling instalment of 'Neon Genesis Evangelion-Clone and Clonability'!
I'm writing this at the same time as 'My Iron Lung' but I'm still hoping to keep updating both stories fairly regularly.
Anyways...
Thanks for reading! Please review and etc. I mean it! Pretty Please! Constructive criticism is also always welcome!
Thanks for reading!
Ja matta!
Greenfang.