True Tales of Naruto- Chapter 1
In recent years, a man named Kishimoto Masashi published Naruto, a story about a boy who was misunderstood by everybody. All that the boy made people think of was the monster sealed inside of him. However, Naruto quickly began to make friends, and began working towards his goal of becoming the Hokage. This would have been a touching tale of hard work and perseverance… if it were true.
As I read this tale, some things didn't line up properly. As I looked more into Kishimoto's writing, I discovered that everything he wrote was a fabrication of lies. He was trying to deceive us all by telling us that Naruto was really a hero. But now, after months of research, I have uncovered the truth about this boy. A boy who should really be called a monster. A monster bent upon total destruction.
It was a typical morning in Konoha. Typical, that is, except for the faces of the Hokage of past generations engraved in the side of a cliff. The sculptures had been covered with graffiti. Naruto, a boy with spiky blond hair and a bright orange-and-blue jumpsuit, in another one of his nine-tailed-fox-induced rampages (the 4th Hokage did a very poor job in sealing the monster inside of Naruto, so it came out fairly often), was at work, painting fangs on the sculpture of the 3rd Hokage. Two chunin, sporting the standard green Konoha vests, rushed out onto the rooftop of the Ninja Academy, which was almost right next to the sculptures.
"Hey, kid! Get down from there; you've totally ruined the sculptures!"
"Yeah, you have no idea how much those mean to us!"
Naruto turned to them.
"Of course I do! Why do you think I'm painting on them!? Now leave me to my work, or I just might kill you!"
The chunin looked at each other, visibly frightened. Just then, Naruto's sensei, Iruka, another chunin with brown hair tied up in a high ponytail and a long scar going across his nose, joined them.
"Hey guys, what's up?"
"Oh, I'll tell you what's up. That little brat is painting on our beloved Hokage!"
"And he also threatened us with death!"
Iruka motioned for them to stand aside.
"Let me handle this, guys."
Iruka took in a deep breath.
"Hey, Naruto! If you stop, I'll buy you ramen!"
Naruto stopped painting and stiffened up, his burning red eyes glazed over.
"Ra…men?"
"Yes, lots… and lots… of ramen…"
Naruto sat there, shocked at the possibility of the savory taste of ramen at the Ichiraku noodle bar. Seconds later, he fainted, his eyes returning to their normal blue color, completely exhausted by the fox's possession of him.
Naruto slowly opened his eyes. He was sitting in the academy, tied up. Everyone in the class was staring at him.
"Wha… what happened…?"
Iruka smirked.
"Ah, you're awake. I was beginning to get worried."
"What's goin' on?"
"Your peers and I were just having a very important discussion on…"
Iruka paused, trying to think of something.
"Ramen."
"RAMENREALLYWHEREGIVEMESOMEPLEASE!!!"
"Only if you're good for the rest of the day."
"OKAYANYTHINGYOUSAYJUSTGIVEMERAMENPLEASE!!!"
"Well, we have a transformation test today, so you can have your ramen after that."
"DEAL!!!"
"Okay kids, line up!"
Naruto, still tied up, bolted to the front of the line.
"No, Naruto! We line up in alphabetical order, remember?"
"Oh, Iruka-sensei, I-"
"No buts. Alphabetical order."
Naruto started moving towards his spot in the line.
"Let's see. Uzumaki… Uzumaki… Wait a minute, that puts me at third-to-last!"
Naruto's turn had finally arrived.
"Okay, Naruto, I want you to transform into-"
POOF! Iruka looked up at whatever crazy thing Naruto had turned himself into this time. A naked, muscular man stared back at him, clouds covering his… anatomy. The man winked at Iruka, grinning and showing off his muscles.
The students all cried "EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!" Some of them started crying, and some of the boys covered up the girls' eyes. Iruka wasn't too pleased.
"NARUTO! What do you think you're doing!!??"
Naruto changed back to his normal self (if the word "normal" applies in any way to Naruto).
"I transformed into your innermost desire!"
All the students stared at Iruka, with shocked expressions.
"Uh, don't listen to him children," Iruka panicked, "he's lying! Naruto, how could you say such things about me?"
"Because it's true."
Iruka turned visibly angry, then calmed down.
"Okay, I guess you won't get any ramen then…"
Naruto looked shocked.
"Uh, I'm just kidding, sensei. I would never mean that stuff. Can we get ramen now?"
"I'll think about it. So maybe if you're good for the rest of the day…"
That night, Naruto and Iruka were at Ichiraku, slurping down some ramen. Iruka took out a stopwatch.
"Wow. That has to have been your calmest 10 minutes this whole year."
"Sweet! Hey, the graduation exam's tomorrow, right? I just know I'm gonna pass this time! By the way, I have a favor to ask you…"
"Hm?"
"May I try on your headband? Please?
Iruka pointed at his leaf headband, which all Konoha ninja wore.
"What, this? No way! If I took it off, then my forehead would be totally exposed! In the time I give it to you, some random ninja could jump out and stab me in the head with a kunai! But don't worry. When you graduate, you'll get one of your own. Then you won't have to worry about random ninja jumping out and stabbing you in the head."
"Then I'll do my best!"
Iruka flashed Naruto a thumbs-up.
"Good luck."
The day of the test was here. One by one, the students demonstrated a technique chosen at random by Iruka and Mizuki, a blue-haired man about Iruka's age who wore the same green vest as all the other chunin and jonin. Naruto was up next. Iruka took a look at his clipboard and turned to Naruto.
"Okay Naruto, we want you to produce 2 shadow clones."
Naruto performed a couple hand seals.
"No problem!"
A giant plume of smoke appeared. When it cleared, there were two perfect clones standing right behind Naruto.
"Okay, there are your clones, now where's my headband?"
"Cool, the kid actually did it!" Mizuki said.
Just then, the clones fell apart into piles of… noodles. Iruka looked frustrated.
"Naruto! Stop making those ramen clones!"
"Aw, but I can't do shadow clones!"
"Well, I guess you fail then."
Mizuki turned to Iruka.
"C'mon, that was a really cool technique! Couldn't we pass him if he (ahem) gives us the ramen?"
"Mizuki-sensei, are you asking for a bribe?" Naruto asked suspiciously.
"Interpret it as you will."
"Well, in that case… NO! It's my ramen! All mine, I tells ya!"
That afternoon, all of the parents were congratulating the students for passing the academy. However, Naruto was absent. He was the only one who failed the exam. He was sitting on top of a building that overlooked the academy. Suddenly, Mizuki appeared behind him.
"Hey, Naruto…"
"Oh, hey, Mizuki-sensei.
"Still bummed about not graduating?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I know a secret way to become a ninja, that no one knows about."
"Really? Count me in!"
That night, Naruto was sneaking his way through the Hokage's house, communicating via headset with Mizuki, who was right outside.
"Okay Naruto, the scroll should be in the next room."
"Next room. Got it."
"Good. Now proceed with caution; we never know what might be-"
Suddenly, Mizuki heard loud crashing noises from Naruto's end. Naruto had burst open the door of the target room and ran right into a closet. He staggered out to find the 3rd Hokage reading the scroll he needed. The 3rd Hokage was old and balding; he had retired when the 4th Hokage took over, but stepped back into the position when he died. Naruto stared at the Hokage, not moving a muscle. However, the Hokage failed to notice him.
"Hey, why are you reading the scroll of Forbidden Seals?"
The Hokage ignored him, and kept reading.
"Hello, did you not hear me break down the door and crash into that broom closet?"
Again, no answer.
"Dude! What is wrong with-"
Suddenly, the Hokage sprang up and kicked Naruto, cleaving him in two. Two halves of a ramen clone hit the floor. The Hokage stared at the "corpse".
"What's this? Oh, what has Sarutobi done nows? Killed another student, has hes? Too bad it was the nine-tailed kid too. Sarutobi coulds have used him. But silly Sarutobi has gone and killeds him. What is Sarutobi going to do nows? Hmm. Think. Think, we musts! Sarutobi knows! But first, we must dispose of the evidence. Yes, dispose of the evidence…"
The Hokage grabbed a bag, stuffed the clone inside of it, and dragged it out of the room. The real Naruto then entered the room and grabbed the scroll.
"Okay, I've got it!"
Mizuki was pleased.
"Good. Meet me at the ren-dezz-voos point in an hour."
"Uh, isn't it pronounced rendezvous?
"I can pro-nownkee it any way I want!"
Naruto jumped out into the ren-dezz-voos point, a clearing in the middle of the Konoha Forest. He looked up, and saw none other than Iruka!
"Iruka-sensei, what are you doing here?"
"What are you doing? Why did you steal the scroll?"
"Mizuki-sensei told me it was a secret way to become a ninja, just like you!"
"Yeah, but I didn't go around stealing scrolls when I was your age!"
Mizuki suddenly popped up out of some bushes.
"Actually, if I remember correctly, you did."
"Yeah, but that was 15 years ago! Times have changed!"
"Just keep telling yourself that. Hey, wait a minute. How did you even find us!?"
"Here's a tip; next time you use the headsets, don't broadcast on the same frequency as K-NIN."
"So that's what that music was in the background." Naruto said.
Iruka continued, "Mizuki, what do you even want with the scroll anyway?"
"I discovered that the seal of the nine-tailed-fox was done very poorly; that's why it kept getting out. If I read the scroll and performed te right technique, I could repair it, and save the world!!!" Mizuki said maniacally.
"You can't do that!"
"And why not?"
"Because I fixed it!"
"What!? How?"
"That's a secret!"
"Tell me!"
"No."
"Please?"
"No!"
Mizuki reached for a giant shuriken on his back.
"If you don't tell me, I'll kill you!
"Fine by me."
"(Crap, he called the bluff!) Okay then, I'll kill you. EAT THIS!"
Mizuki threw the shuriken. It missed Iruka completely.
"Ha! You missed!"
"(Dammit!) Who said I was aiming for you?"
Iruka turned to Naruto, who the shuriken was flying straight towards.
"Naruto! Get down!"
Naruto ducked. The shuriken flew over him, turned around like a boomerang and headed for Mizuki.
"OH, CRAP!" Was all he had time to say. The shuriken slammed into him, threw him back, and pinned him to a tree.
"Well, this sucks."
Iruka approached him.
"Not as much as you do."
"There's still one thing I don't understand. If we broadcast our ren-dezz-voos point on K-NIN, then where's everyone else?"
"Oh, they had other matters to attend to. Apparently, Lord Hokage was eating the intestines out of the body of a dead student."
"Figures. Blegh."
Mizuki died. Naruto joined Iruka and turned to him.
"Iruka-sensei, did you really fix the seal?"
"Nope. That was a lie."
"Then why did you-"
"It doesn't matter. What does matter is that you've saved the day."
"But I didn't do anything! And wasn't he a good guy?"
"Nobody else has to know that. And if nobody learns that, then you can be a ninja. And I'll give you my headband. And we'll go out for ramen!"
"Is this a bribe?"
"Interpret it as you will."
"Well, in that case… okay!"
Iruka took off his headband.
"Here you go, Naruto. You've earned-"
"HYAAAAA!!!"
A random ninja jumped out of the bushes, stabbed Iruka right in the center of his forehead with a kunai, and scurried off into the trees. Iruka fell to the ground. Naruto checked his pulse.
"Well, he's not dead. I should probably do something about this…"
Naruto then grabbed Iruka by the feet and dragged him to the hospital.