Prologue: The Two Meet (Eurobeat Edition)

It was an ordinary evening and Bayonetta was home alone, chilling on the couch and playing some Bayonetta. It wasn't a rare occasion, she enjoyed playing the game quite a bit. Maybe it had something to do with the amazing similarities between the game's story and things she experienced herself. In fact, the game got everything right, up to all her phrases and her moves. Bayonetta did not make too much sense of the similarities, though, as she rarely gave a single fuck about anything.

"Where's that witch Jeanne?" She thought to herself. "Isn't she tired already of teaching those students 'till late evening? I swear, I would have probably unleashed the Umbran Climax on their asses the first week of working in that school."

The sounds of a motorcycle cut through the peaceful quietness of the night as Jeanne approached the house. She did a sick drift and crashed her way into the garage through the closed gate, waking up everyone in the whole neighbourhood.

"Finally." Said Bayonetta as she got up from the couch and went to greet her Umbran sister. She did not put the controller down, however. Being in a completely different room did not stop her from making her way through the game and getting Pure Platinum medals only.

"Hello, Cereza." Jeanne sounded tired as hell.

"Evening, Jeanne. I've been thinking, aren't you tired of working in that school? I think we should break the monotony of our lives somehow. You know, I'm so bored I am playing that strange game on the console we've bought recently. Strangely, it resembles our adventures really well." She sighed, finally paused the game and put down the controller.

"You know what, Cereza? I have a dream I've had for quite some time. I hope you'll understand me." She paused for a while, then continued. "You've seen Initial D, right? I want to get into street racing and race that Takumi dude someday. You probably don't know, but I've been listening to Eurobeat ever since I've seen the First Stage. Cereza, I would be so happy if we can go together and form a racing team. We will dominate the Gumma zone and then we'll dominate the whole Japan and..." She was interrupted by Bayonetta.

"It's all great, my dear, but how are we going to obtain a car? I haven't seen Enzo for months now."

"Ahh, fuck the car, Cereza, we got the beast form after all."

So began their adventure to Japan. Upon arriving there, they bought an apartment near Akina and started practicing running multiple mountain roads. They practiced in Purgatorio, of course, as they did not want to disturb the people that drove by occasionally.

Hideki Kamiya was sitting in his office. He was bored to hell and decided to check his Twitter. He scrolled through thousands of Bayonetta 3 requests, banned some dudes that dared to tag him in their conversation and some other dudes who complained to him about the newly released sequel to the prequel to the sequel of the prequel of the reboot of another EA franchise.

"What did I ever do to EA so they sent me all these people who complain to me about their game?!" He thought.

Another notification popped on his phone. It was a request to port the original Bayonetta to the Oyua.

"Fuck this, I'm done with this shit." Screamed Kamiya as he ran towards the elevator and out of the building. He sat in his eight-six (what a coincidence, right?) and floored the gas pedal. He put a random cassette in and it ended up being a Eurobeat mix so he started drifting on the streets, causing several accidents. Police would have arrested him, but the Eurobeat blasting in his car proved him completely innocent and he was left alone.

"Wow, this is such a stress reliever! I may as well drive to the nearest mountain road." Kamiya though to himself and hit the highway.

Bayonetta and Jeanne were practicing drifting in their beast forms. It proved to be very difficult as cats don't usually drift. In fact, they only do so on YouTube. Jeanne was pissed off her plan did not work and the fact that they have spent all their money on an apartment made the situation even worse as she did not see the possibility of buying a car in the near future.

"Cereza, I think I'll have to teach history again." She said in frustration.

Suddenly, they heard sounds of a car powersliding through corners. A white Toyota appeared from the corner.

"Holy shit, it's an eight-six!" Jeanne screamed.

The witches entered the human world again and made Kamiya shit his pants and stop the car. Bayonetta approached the car. The window rolled down, revealing Kamiya. He was shocked to see Bayonetta, he even paused the playlist.

"Hey, what's your name?" Kamiya's voice was full of admiration.

"Bayonetta. Hey, how much did this car co.." She was interrupted.

"No, I meant your real name."

"Ehhm, Cereza. It's not very popular, though."

"Really? Wow, this is too good to be true. You know, this is the coolest Bayo cosplay I've ever seen."

"Coolest what? Listen, I don't know who you are I don't give a shit about your fantasies, but can you answer my question? How much does an eight-six cost? We are trying to get into street racing."

"Hey, have some respect. My name is Hideki Kamiya. I designed Bayonetta and you're cosplaying her!"

"Aaah, I see. Speaking the truth, I have another question I want to ask. How did you know my every step in two of my little adventures?"

"Well, I came up with them. I see you're good at roleplay as well." Kamiya still had not noticed Jeanne standing behind Bayonetta.

"What is the meaning of this? Don't waste our time!" Jeanne said loudly as she morphed into her beast form and ran off down the course.

"Wait, wait, what's going on?" Kamiya was confused. "Don't tell me I'm witnessing the real Umbra Witches here?"

"Indeed, we are Umbra Witches." Bayonetta mumbled and demonstrated some techniques she bought at the 'Gates of Hell'.

"Holy shit, what the actual fuck?" Kamiya was screaming in panic.

"Now listen up, dear. I want you guys at PlatinumGames to make a game about Jeanne. You know, she lead quite a lifestyle while I was asleep for 500 years. So much potential." Kamiya was still speechless.

Their conversation was interrupted as someone approached them in an AE85. The stranger got out of his car, ran up to Kamiya and started annoying him with questions about his eight-six.

"Who are you anyway?" Kamiya was pissed. He even forgot the fact he just met the real Bayonetta.

"My name is Itsuki and I love all AE86 cars, that's all."

"Can't you see, Itsuki? We are trying to set up a race." Said Bayonetta.

"Really? Then where's your car?"

"Well, you see, we Umbra Witches don't really need cars."

"You mean you're going to run?" Itsuki was almost laughing.

"Sort of... Listen, Kamiya, if I win you'll have to announce the new game about Jeanne the next day." Itsuki was dying of laughter in the background.

"Uhhh, ahhh." Kamiya wasn't very comfortable with that condition.

"Hey, man, you have a AE86 Sprinter Trueno, come on! You're gonna win! There is now way you're losing! Come on, a street racer can't simply decline a challenge." Itsuki was trying to convince Kamiya to accept and he was annoying as fuck so it was hard to decline.

"Okay, I accept, but hold on. If you lose you're gonna have to work at PlatinumGames for the rest of your eternal life. We're also going to record a video of you saying there will be no more Bayonetta games and no fucking ports, okay?"

"No problem! We're going to race on Akina on Friday. We'll meet you close to midnight." Bayonetta explained. "I'll see you then, Hideki."

As Itsuki witnessed the race being planned, the next day literally everyone knew what was going on. A witch was going to race an eight-six and a show was promised.