[Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this story. The second chapter is based on real-life accounts of other nurses who served during WW2 and the Korean War.]
Chapter 1: Major stand-off!
[Timeline: September 1950, South Korea]
Major Margaret Houlihan stood in Colonel Blake's office, lips pursed in a tight line with a determined expression on her face. The Colonel was helping himself to a very large whiskey, rolling his eyes to the heavens in a resigned manner.
It was late at night and his body ached from ten hours of back-to-back meatball surgery. He still wore his operating gown, which was stained reddish-pink from the afflictions of war. As he sank heavily into his chair, he braced himself for his Head Nurse's imminent verbal onslaught.
"I just won't stand for it any more, Colonel!" she ranted, her eyes flashing angrily at him.
"Let me guess," he sighed wearily. "You want to complain about Pierce and McInytre – again!
"They're a disgrace to the United States Army!" she retorted. "They don't show me or my nurses any respect and they behave like they're in some sort of Marx Brothers' film!"
"Well I sorta like the Marx Brothers," joked Blake, giving the Major a dim-witted grin.
Margaret stamped her foot impatiently on the floor.
"You're not taking this seriously, Colonel!" she snapped back at him. "I want to see some action taken against those two clowns!"
"Radar!" yelled Blake, at exactly the same time as his Company Clerk appeared in the room. Pierce and McIntyre, aka Hawkeye and Trapper, were already in tow behind him. "Get Pierce and …. Oh! …. they're here already … never mind. Dismissed!"
As Radar scurried from the office, Hawkeye sidled up to Margaret.
"Hello Toots!" he said, eyeing her up in a disdainful manner. "Fancy seeing you here!"
"That's Major to you, Captain," she corrected him, irritably.
"Okay," acknowledged Hawkeye. "Hello, Major Toots!"
Margaret tutted in frustration, raising her eyebrows at the Colonel, expectantly.
"What's the beef, Henry?" asked Trapper, rubbing his eyes in confusion, as if he had just been woken up from a very short sleep.
"Well the Major has a minor grievance … I mean we have a major problem … I mean …," stammered Blake, with his usual, bumbling, tongue-twisted panache.
Hawkeye and Trapper grinned mischievously at each other.
"Henry!" sniggered Trapper. "You're getting yourself into a right major quandary."
"Does one major and one minor make it less minor or more major?" asked Hawkeye, innocently.
"You … you … morons!" screamed Margaret, her frustration threatening to reach a new level of hostility. Blake finally got his act together before the incensed nurse threatened to put them all into traction.
"Now look people," he said, trying to assert some authority into his voice. "We're gonna be here for a long time, so can we at least try and get on with each other?"
Margaret glared frostily at the two surgeons.
"All I ask is that you keep your degenerative behaviour to yourselves," she said. "And keep your hands off my nurses!"
"That's a big ask, Margaret!" chided Hawkeye, shaking his head in a reproachful fashion.
"Yeah!" agreed Trapper. "Can we help it if our animal magnetism drives the girls mad!"
Blake spluttered into his whiskey, a wide grin splitting his face.
"Oh, you're all as bad as each other!" huffed the Major. "Well, we'll see who has the last laugh when I take this to high command!"
She turned round and marched resolutely out of the room. She almost fell over Radar, who was half bending down, listening outside the door.
"Get out of my way, you chump!" she exclaimed, as she pushed passed him.
"Sorry, Sir … I mean, Ma'am!" replied Radar in alarm, immediately saluting his superior officer. But the Major had already disappeared into the darkness outside.