Love Is A Choice
Dedicated to: Ianna, my friend/classmate who likes to read/write stories in class - just like I do
A/N: I do not own Kimi Ni Todoke
Love is a wonderful thing indeed.
So wonderful - that the two greatest emotions accompany it altogether. Happiness and sadness.
In the midst of all things, love is what makes the world go round – a man once said.
It is responsible for almost everything happening on earth.
In love, people make choices. Choices in which they carry with them up to their death.
Most are happy with it while some unfortunate ones regret to ever having made that one single choice that destroys it all.
"Fun day starts when jealousy breaks on the loose"
SAWAKO KURONUMA
"Kuronuma-chan! Will you please go out with me?"
My knees wobbled, almost making me loose balance on the flat surface. I placed my hand over my chest. My heart. It was beating as fast as a drum roll. My cheeks were probably burning bright red from this impulsive outburst. If I had been drinking water, I would have spit out what I have drunk right now.
What was I feeling? My stomach was lurching inside and giving me the so-called butterflies' authors in books liked to call. I glanced at the boy, standing in front of me. He had untidy flaxen hair that suited his olive green eyes that seemed to remind of the forest back at my hometown. His lips were curved up into an expectant smile. He was tall – as tall as Kazehaya-kun, perhaps. His lean body and fair complexion just complimented with his other features, balancing out the imperfections making him almost perfect.
"S-Shinto-kun," I finally managed to speak out to him. My voice was trembling. My stomach was making turns. My heart accelerated more and more. And, I am feeling weird. Really weird. The last time I felt weird was when someone called me Sadako for a minor mistake on his part. Of course, I would feel weird back then. Who wouldn't after being compared to a horror movie character?
He smiled at me. "Sa-wa-ko," he spoke emphasizing each syllable of my name in his Japanese tone. For a half-german, he sure is fluent in Japanese. "You call me Ryuu. Shinto's getting old you know." I gulped as I felt the tension rising up. An odd tension that is.
"Well, um"- I bit my bottom lip as I felt his heavy gaze on me. It's a famous habit of mine whenever I feel tensed. – "R-Ry-Ryuu-kun." I wanted to sigh in relief. I had to add –kun at the end so that things will not get awkward between us any more than it already is.
I took a little glance at him. He was showing this somewhat... disappointed smile. It had me feeling guilty. It was me, wasn't it? He was disappointed by me about the adding –kun to his name. It's a big deal for me. I don't just call any guy by their first names. Call me old trad freak. I don't care. I abide by the traditional rules my parents taught me.
"I believe you're not yet ready to answer my question." A sudden clashing of metals was heard near our place. I wanted to check it out but my feet didn't obey me for leaving. I know. I need to reply to Ryuu-kun.
"R-R-Ry-Ryuu-kun, it's just that - " He put a hand on my shoulder making me stop in mid-sentence. "Don't say you're sorry. I will give you time to think about it. I'm not rushing you, Sawako. " He gazed into my eyes. Olive leaves pictured into my mind. "I'm not."
"...Thank you," I replied. Although, only the wind might have heard what I said. I deem that he heard it for he smiled at me, patted my head and walked off into the cold autumn noon. All I could do was be grateful to such a wonderful person such as Ryuu-kun.
"He asked you out?" Chizu-chan shouted. I can totally relate to her reaction. It wasn't everyday a guy confesses to a girl like me. No. Never. He was the first one. The first one to do that. Well, does that make him any special?
"Interesting." I looked at Ayane-chan. She had her hand on her chin. Probably thinking about why the hell a guy like Ryuu-kun would confess to me. Why of all people – it has to be me?
In a few seconds, I was shoved into a tight hug by Chizu-chan who was practically squishing me to death. For a girl, she's stronger than any guy in our class. She could've killed me if it wasn't for Ayane-chan who told her that I might not be able to breathe.
"Sorry about that, Sawako-chan. I got carried away," Chizu-chan apologized, scratching her messy hair, making it messier than it was already.
"It's okay. I mean" – I looked at the two of them and forced a smile – "Isn't it something to be ignored? Or what?"
"No. It can't be ignored," Ayane-chan replied in a serious mischievous face. She had something in that tricky mind of hers. She was in-fact the game planner out of us three. Game planner, isn't right... what was it? Oh! Love guru! A love guru! She knows way too much about these stuffs that's why in our early days here at our school, she was rumoured to have slept with a hundred boys. Chizu and I were really gawking when we heard it but what made our jaws drop to the ground was when Ayane-chan answered, "So what if I already did? Got a problem with that?"
Luckily, she was just messing with those gossipers' dirty minds. She was really one deadly enemy. She can attack you at all sides – at the same time.
The boys started to get noisy. And when they do, that means only one thing – Kazehaya Shota has arrived. My head spun involuntarily as I caught a sight of a boy with black jet hair with a few pieces sticking out.
"Kazehaya, dude! Nice game yesterday, huh!"
"Have you finished the homework, Kazehaya? Let me copy! Just kidding."
"Dude! You're so lucky Kurumi-chan seems to be close to you! Ain't she pretty?"
I blocked my ears after hearing that sentence. Kurumizawa – she's a pretty French doll come to life. Unfortunately, she's not a good person at all. She's scheming little snake but even so I try my best to make friends with her – an offer which she always turns down.
Kazehaya-kun sat down the chair beside me. He's my seatmate after all.
"Sawako-chan? When are you planning to reply to Shinto's confession?" Chizu asked, taking a bite out of her Fuji apple. I wanted to laugh at her childishness. At the corner of my eye, I saw Kazehaya-kun stiffen at the mention of Ryuu-kun's name. Wonder what's wrong with him?
"Erm... I don't know, really."
"Jealousy's so not befitting of you Kazehaya. It drags you to the pits of hell."
Chizu and I stopped chatting. Ayane-chan was smirking at Kazehaya, who was reading a book – upside down? I tried deciphering the title but my eyesight's not working that well. I should've brought my corrective glasses today.
Kazehaya turned his head to the book he was reading. I'm assuming he saw that it was upside down for he grunted a low irritated moan as Ayane just snickered at him.
There was something going on. And I don't have a clue.
KAZEHAYA SHOTA
Shit. Of all stupid things to do, I just have to read a book upside down. I looked at Ayane, smirking at me. I bet she knows that something's way off with me. I let my eyes travel from her to the girl beside me.
Sawako.
"Ne, Kazehaya-kun?" I instantly stiffened in my seat. I'm going to get found out if I continued to act like this. I know. Sawako's not like Ayane who is a smart-ass detective. But, still, she is a curious person.
"Yeah?" I choked out that single word. It came out like a forced squeak. Sucks.
"What book are you reading?" She asked with her usual smile that always catches me off guard.
"It seems interesting." Sawako was not this friendly when I first met her. In fact, she's nervous whenever she tries speaking to people. Before, she doesn't know how to smile like she does now. Popularity struck her when she became like this. Well, she's beautiful... No wonder why many guys like her.
I heard Ayane instigate a stifle laugh, trying to hide her humor. Shit. Just plain shit. What would be Sawako's reaction if I told her I'm reading 'How to control Jealousy?' Oh what am I asking? Her look was still inquiring. However, I still bet she will laugh and question me why I am reading such a book.
"Uh... It's about Astronomy. You'll not like it," I replied. Ayane's laughter became louder as she clutched her stomach from the intensity of her stupid, loud laugh.
Chizu and Sawako turned their heads to look at their mentally-challenged friend. Who on earth laughs like that?
"Don't mind me. I just remembered something," Ayane said as she continued to laugh. The witch of her. I saw Chizu shrug and Sawako smile at her. They actually buy that crap?
"Ne, Kazehaya-kun." I was surprised to find Sawako already looking at me – again. "I like astronomy. Perhaps, I can borrow it?" She smiled again. Damn. She does? Shit.
"Uh...Uh..." – I stood up and nervously smiled – "I forgot! Pin asked me to see him before homeroom. I'll let you see it later." With that, I dashed out of the room. I was sure I heard Ayane's laughter grow louder as I made my exit scene. What a witch. And I was sure I heard Chizu ask Ryu, who was sleeping earlier, since when did I started to go to Pin without him dragging me down the hall. Well, she does know me well but still is dense.
I looked around the corridor. After I exited that room, my heart's pace calmed down. There were a few students out of their classrooms. At the corner of my eye, there were a group of sophomore girls, squealing and fidgeting as their cheeks flushed. Fan girls.
"Kazehaya-kuuuuun!" They greeted with their ear-piercing shrieks.
I returned it with a soft smile. Well, I'm not being conceited. But, I'm popular, aren't I?
"Shinto-kuuuun!" Another greeting from the girls. I turned my head to look at them. But, what I saw was the last person I wanted to see.
Shinto Ryuu.
He looked at me and smiled, walking towards me. When he was close enough, he stopped and said, "Kazehaya, what a coincidence this is."
"Shinto," I nodded, letting him know that I acknowledge his presence. "What does a prince-like guy doing, wandering, at this hour?"
"I wanted to ask you the same."
I hate him. I never did like him. Since that day he transferred here to the moment he and Sawako first talked. I already envisioned having him as a rival in many things.
KURUMIZAWA "KURUMI" UME
"Did you know about Sawako and I?"
I stopped in my tracks. Shinto-kun? I slowly took small steps to peek at them. What I saw stunned me. It made me turn back and put my right hand over my mouth to prevent the gasp, building up inside me. Kazehaya and Shinto... together... talking. I was curious – who wouldn't when two of the hottest guys are seen together. I bet Sawako would be shunned to shame and recoil back to her once-unpopular world. I moved closer to get a clearer hearing distance of their conversation. After all, they might talk about me.
"I guess. You do know." What happened with Sawako and Shinto?
"Shut up, Shinto. Do what you want. I don't care."
"Really? What if I'm just playing with her feelings? You don't care at all?" I wanted to scream and beat him to death. Even though I hate Sawako – who I swore to hate till the day I die, I still couldn't let pass anyone, who isn't me, hurt her. That job is specifically for me. I'm the only one allowed to hurt her.
Just then, I heard a body collapsing against the lockers, letting the sound of metals clashing be heard all around the silent hallway. The bell just sounded in time Kazehaya shouted at Shinto. Unfortunately, the bell was situated above me, making it hard for me to decipher what he said. I took a peek. Shinto was standing up, wiping the blood on the side of his lip. He smiled at Kazehaya who had his fists clenched at his sides..
"So you do? Finally, you admit it. Don't worry. I really do like her and once I make her say yes, I'll never let go of her," Shinto said as he turned around and disappeared around the corner, leaving an angry Kazehaya behind.
Oh shit! I'm late for class! I dashed out in the hallway, still thinking why I didn't comfort him instead of running like a cheetah to not get detention.
I was panting when I reached the door handle of our class. 2-B. I need to look like a calm and friendly Kurumi. I wiped the sweat forming on my forehead. When I was sure I looked okay, I entered the classroom.
I made sure I smiled to my best. I looked at the teacher and said, "Sorry for being late. I wasn't feeling well." That was when I realized that this wasn't my classroom. The teacher was Pin. Sawako, Yoshida, Sanada and Ayane were there looking at me questionably.
Soon, the boys loudly called out my name as hearts formed in their eyes. Fan boys. Oh how they make me sick. "Ms. Kurumizawa, I know you like me but please if you're going to visit me do give me a message first," Pin said, smiling at me with his shiny bright teeth. The nerve of that old man. Sheesh. I heard Yoshida, Sanada and Ayane laugh at his remark while Sawako looked at me and smiled.
With that, I closed the door loudly and walked away. I was so angry that I did not notice bumping into someone. "Sorry!" I said. I looked up and saw Kazehaya.
"Kurumi?" He said, in an inquiring tone. "You're classroom's that way. I believe."
"Oh. Thanks."
I walked ahead, fast. I turned my head to take a last glance at Kazehaya who just entered the classroom. Oh well, they're unlucky to be seeing such an old bastard man early in the morning.
AYANE YANO.
I was still humoured by Kurumizawa entering the classroom and Pin's awesome remark. I just got to love the pissed off face she had when she walked away. The door banged open again. But this time, it was Kazehaya. I heard that he went to talk to Pin but why did Pin came earlier than him? Obviously, from the very start he wanted to escape Sawako's question. I examined him from head to toe. Hey! I'm not checking him out, alright?
He had an expressionless face. His fists had scratches of blood here and there. Woah! Blood? Did he get into a fight? Unusual for him to be fighting. I met his gaze. It was stoic and nonchalant. I returned it with a rude smirk. He is fun to tease. His short temper always amuses me.
"Kazehaya! Where have you been?"
"No where."
"Sit down!"
Fun day starts when jealousy breaks on the loose. I eyed Kazehaya who just sat down the chair beside Sawako. He initially stiffened in his place. I could easily feel the tension between him sitting beside Sawako. He really does like her, huh?
"Sawako, what if Kazehaya asked you out first? Would you choose him over Shinto?" I asked. Sawako stopped in her tracks as I did the same. It was lunch time. I had a pack of juice and an apple in my hands. Yes, lunch.
"I... I really don't know, Ayane-chan," she replied as she continued walking towards out favourite bench. She laid down her lunch box and opened it. It contained various kinds of sushi. It looked really yummy that's why my stomach reacted. My eyes went to the apple and it looked inedible when I saw Sawako's food.
"You can have some Ayane-chan. I made it for us to share."
My eyes widened in happiness. "Really?" I picked up one sushi. "Thanks, Sawako."
"Where's Chizu-chan?" She asked. I took a bite out of the sushi and shrugged, "I bet he's with Sanada. I heard about them having a sushi eating contest at the place behind the equipment room. Wanna check it out?" I asked her.
"Sure."
YOSHIDA CHIZURU
This would be my victory. I won't let this thin Sanada Ryu tell his brother. I can't let him tell that I peed in my pants during third grade. No, he won't. He still was pokerfaced as ever. He wasn't saying anything nor smirking at me. It irritates me more.
"Ready! Set! Go!" That signal from Ekko made me stuff all of the sushi in my mouth. I was chewing and chewing. I will win! I will. I didn't know how many I already took into my mouth. My stomach was getting full and I was thinking about not eating sushi for a month after this.
"And the winner is Sanada-kun!" Tomo shouted.
What? I lost? I looked at my plate. There were still about ten pieces of sushi. I looked at the plate in front of me. Not a single piece was there. Sanada-kun was licking his fingers and about to drink his water. What a monster! Who could eat like that?
"Brava, Chizu. You did well."
I turned around and stood up. It was Yano-chi with Sawako-chan. "Yano-chi! I'm gonna get a nosebleed if you continue with your French words." She is really smart. Smart-ass.
"Kuronuma-chan?"
We all turned around to see Kazehaya. He was not his usual self. I tell you – not. He had this bandage wrapped on his arm. Did he get into a fight? If yes, with whom? Kazehaya did not go to Pin earlier. The liar. I'll beat the truth out of him later. But, seeing Sanada-kun put a hand on his shoulder. I guess that guy beat me two times in a row. He knows what happened.
SANADA RYUU
"Shota, you sure you want this?" I whispered to him. I knew what happened. He fought with Shinto. That guy was never really liked by Kazehaya in the first place. He rivalled him in all aspects – looks, grades, friendliness, popularity and Sawako's love.
"Yes, Ryu. I do," saying my name was carefully pointed out, extremely avoiding adding an extra 'u' sound at the end. I can't believe my name's one letter shorter than Shinto's. It's like the biggest threat name for Shota. Really.
"Kuronuma-chan, I need to talk with you," he said and pulled Sawako, who was completely showing a confused expression, by the hand towards the path going to the school aviary. They disappeared in the distance. I could only sigh.
"Sanada-kun, you know what's happening, right?" Ayane asked. I ignored her. She knew and we all know she does. She's like a detective in those shows where she easily traces bits and pieces of information she gathers. She's also like a psychologist who haunts your inner thoughts and reads them for further analyzing if you're a lunatic or just plain normal.
"Yes, Chizu lost and I will tell it to my brother," I replied.
"I knew you would say that. I knew you knew." Ayane smirked at me. See? No matter reply I give she still is right. What a psycho! I looked at Chizu who was already out to beg me not to. I wanted to laugh but that would be so awkward. They might all fall for me if I do. Conceited, right? Well, not much.
"Friends..." I shifted my gaze to Ayane. I saw Chizu did the same for she kept quiet. "They'll do anything to protect their treasured friends, don't they?"
There's another sentence hanging in mid-air. Why does she like to leave hard-to-solve or hard-to-decipher words? She's like a riddle maker or something. An alien, perhaps?
Well, I could conclude that she is human but has a mind of an extraterrestrial being.
"You've seen Sawako?"
We all turned our heads in the direction where the voice came from. It was Shinto Ryuu. My one-letter-more-than-my-name acquaintance. Ayane and I seemed to keep our mouths shut. Well, Kazehaya and Sawako are together and having a decent conversation, aren't they? Why bother them? And this loud, childhood friend of mine who is infatuated with my brother suddenly answers and breaks it to this devil right here.
"Ah! She and Kazehaya-kun went to the aviary," she said that with a smile.
"She's with Kazehaya?"
"Yes."
Things are looking grim, folks.
SHINTO RYUU.
"Kuronuma-chan! Don't go out with Shinto!"
Kazehaya isn't confessing? Instead, he is commanding Sawako to not accept my confession? Is he mad or something? He should be confessing, not lecturing. There's something wrong with this guy. He is too much of a coward. Couldn't he see? Sawako likes him. I just went ahead and confused her of my feelings. She only admires me but the one she likes – even love – is Kazehaya. Him.
Is he blind? Or what?
"Why?" I asked, stepping inside the scene. I need to do this to hear Sawako's reaction. If I just let them talk, nothing will happen. Things will be unclear. Sawako would follow him without a reason and Kazehaya would continue to be a coward.
They were startled. They looked at me with mixed expressions. Is that what I get when I'm actually helping them clear things up? "Why, Kazehaya? Give your reason."
"I-I-I..." He couldn't say it. I saw him clench his fists in frustration. Speaking of his fists, it was covered in a bandage. I bet Sawako saw it for she held it and said, "Don't do that. It will worsen."
He did what he was told as Sawako moved her hand away. She looked at me and I smiled. She did not, by the way. As an alternative, she gasped. "Ryuu-kun! What happened to your lips?"
Kazehaya flinched when he heard what Sawako called me. "Ah! This?" I touched my lip and laughed. "Let's just say, I fell down the stairs at home and it was hit by a mighty strong force." I made sure I emphasized each word.
"Let, Let me help you." She was about to touch my lips when Kazehaya did what I always looked forward to. The day we officially become rivals for Sawako.
"KURONUMA SAWAKO! I LIKE YOU!" He shouted.
Sawako's arm dropped to her side. She raised her right hand to her chest as she slowly looked at Kazehaya who was shocked at what he said. "You do?" That was an unexpected reply from Sawako. In a few seconds, Sawako smiled at him. "Well, I'm glad you said it, Kazehaya-kun."
"I like you too. But, I believe Shinto came in first. It's rude to avoid someone who confessed first than you," Sawako said.
Is she trying to make things hard for me and Kazehaya? Is she trying to make me hope for more? Is she trying to make Kazehaya wait for a period of time? She turned to look at me. Her eyes were happy and that smile was gentle. The very reasons I like her. She was beautiful, not exactly the smartest bee, and very kind.
"Ryuu-kun, thank you. I know you like me. But, there's someone much better than me for you. I like you, too, but only as a person I admire not really 'like'. I hope you understand me," she said. I know she tried to make it sound as nice as possible but it still hurt – the pain was still there, stinging my heart.
"It's okay. I knew it all along that Kazehaya liked you and you liked him back," I said, giving a half-hearted smile at them. I turned around and walked away. I didn't want to see them hug and laugh while I suffer from the aching pain.
"Shinto-kun?" It was Kurumizawa. I do not like her. She's friendly but it was all fake. I realized it after some time. Ayane, the famous psycho, glaring at her wasn't something to be ignored. But, now, she looked really sincere. She was worried. And, somewhere in my heart, something tugged unto it.
"Kurumizawa, I hate to break it to you but Kazehaya just confessed to Sawako and they are now having a... I don't even want to know or see," I said to her, hoping she would rage with jealousy.
"WHAT?" She screamed, completely shocked. I knew it she would show her true colors. "That is good. Too bad the girl Kazehaya liked wasn't me. Well, Sawako is a great girl, don't you think?"
"What? You're not mad?"
"No, I knew it all along." She smiled – a sincere and genuine one.
At that moment, the pain went away and a bright star was shining in front of me, letting me see another side of that Kurumizawa Ume. I know her first name's not that good to the ears. But, it would be pretty if my last name comes with it, don't you think?
AYANE YANO.
"So, you're now dating?" I asked Kazehaya and Sawako. They their heads, completely disagreeing. My brow furrowed. "Hooking up?" They disagreed again.
"Then what are you guys?"
"We're becoming best friends first," Sawako replied with a smile. That was well unexpected of them. Sanada and Chizu snickered at me for being wrong this time. Well, I'm imperfect as it is.
"Aren't you already best friends?" Chizu asked.
"Well, yes. But, we both believe that love has levels. There are a lot of stages to face first. And now, we're still in the best friends stage," Kazehaya replied.
"I never knew there was such a thing," Sanada-kun said, scratching his head. And that hit me. Why didn't I notice? Kazehaya and Sawako's view of love is the same. It isn't a game. It takes time and a lot of hardships to establish a solid foundation.
"Well, I knew there was."
"Really?"
"I'm Ayane Yano, aren't I?"
This is my first story for Kimi Ni Todoke - and, as well, my third story here in FFN.
I made this fic when I was still in school - around January 2010. This was requested by my classmate.
I know the ending is suckish. :)) My mind ran out of ideas.
I'm posting this because I want to share this one story.
I hope you like it.
OH. and Shinto Ryuu is an OC of mine.
He's not really in KNT. Haven't really finished the whole series. :D
To those who are reading Deceiving Hearts, I apologize for not updating.
I wanted to update today but my mood was ruined by the rescheduling of the U-Kiss Concert.
I hope you guys understand. :)
Please do review.
26 MAY 2010
7:21 PM
(:nineprincess:)