I'm not really sure what this is but I guess it's kind of a half fanfiction, half diary entry. I just had to write it. It's probably a one-shot, though I'm not sure. It really isn't about Leah, but about me, although it could be applied to Leah and Sam.

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I guess I should have known that it would end this way. I should have known that it wouldn't last. My life has been too perfect for too long. Something had to give.

I had always thought we were so perfect together; so similar, in subtle ways that just helped us fit together. Every one of our friends thought that we were right; so did I.

I was so busy focusing on the good parts that I neglected to think about everything that was wrong with our relationship. I was always the one pushing, always the one who wanted more. You never seemed to want that. I had deluded myself that we were more, that we could be more, but in reality we were just friends; the whole time. I wanted more, but you never did. I loved you—I still do—but you never loved me; at least not that way. You love me in the way that I love my brother; in the way that Emily, my best friend, and I love each other. Never more than that. I failed to realize this throughout our entire four month relationship. It wasn't until you realized it that I did.

You thought breaking up with me was the worst thing that you could do to my life. You thought I would hate you for it, that I wouldn't want even friendship. I could never lose you that way. I know you still care about me, or you would have just come out and said it. But you didn't want to tell me, didn't want to hurt me, because you still loved me, like a sister, like a friend.

You told me that you kind of got carried away, before, when you found out that I was crushing on you too. That once you got to know me better, you found out that there were parts of my personality that you didn't like so much. There were always things about you that bugged me: how you kept secrets, and didn't trust me enough to tell me. How you never seemed to want more from our relationship. But I overlooked those little annoyances, I saw the better you that I loved, and I thought we could be together so long. I really thought we were right together.

But I was wrong. And how could I hate you for that. It's so completely impossible for me to hate you when I love you so much. You did this, not wanting to hurt me, wanting to still be a part of my life, because it was the right thing to do. I was blinded by love, and so I didn't see all the ways that we weren't right together.

How could I hate you, when you taught me how to love? How could I hate you, when you showed me that not all guys are jerks, and some really can be great friends? How could I hate you, when every time I saw you, you smiled that smile that I loved, and I couldn't help but smile back? How could I hate you, when I learned so much about myself during these past four months? How could I hate you, when I could see how sorry you were that you had to hurt me, in the end?

You thought you broke my heart, but really you didn't. I'm a strong person, and it takes much more than that to truly break my heart. It hurt, I won't deny that, but in reality, I wasn't losing anything that I didn't already have. You were always my friend, and though I wanted you to be, you were never anything more.

When I first told my brother that I loved you, he wasn't entirely sure. He told me that love is when you will do the best thing for someone, no matter the consequence to yourself. Back then I thought I loved you, but I didn't know for sure because I hadn't been in a situation to find out. Now, I'm sure. I could hate you for doing what you did; I could refuse to talk to you or be around you; I could cry about it every night, and mope around and dwell on it all the time, but I won't. That is a stupid, immature way to handle it, and I refuse to do that to myself or to you.

Now I am 100 percent sure that I love you, because I was able to let you go. I know that this is the best for you, so I won't make it harder for either of us. If you start liking another girl at some point, or if another of our friends starts liking you, I won't be angry. If you start dating someone else, I won't hate either of you. I would support you, as a good friend would, if that was the best for you.

I remember when I read New Moon, it always irritated me how Bella never told Edward about everything he did to her when he left. But now I understand. She loved him, and she couldn't bear to cause him pain. Even after everything he did to her, she still loved him, and when he came back, she was just so entirely happy that she couldn't bring herself to ruin it. I guess, if at some point you wanted me back, I couldn't go around reminding you of when you broke up with me. I understand why Bella did what she did, and I'm sure that I would do the same.

I'm not trying to guilt you into changing your mind, or make you feel bad about everything. I just want to tell you why you haven't broken my heart, and why I will be your friend for as long as you want me to be, and why we can both move on in our lives without dwelling on the past. Though we didn't know it before, we were always just friends, never anything more. Now that we've both realized that, we can continue the way we always have, being great friends. And whoever you end up with, however far from now, she will never be good enough for you, just like I never was. Because no one is good enough for you. And if she doesn't realize that, than she's not the one for you.

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Thanks for reading. This is just the best way to get things off my mind. Everything in this is true, in case you're wondering. Life experiences really make good stories sometimes, don't they? This is exactly what I want to say to my boyfriend right now. I hope it can touch some other girls who have had similar experiences.