'What happened, it wasn't your fault.'

I continuously swirled my finger around the rim of the vodka bottle that had me hypnotized. Filling my glass constantly with the now-tasteless vodka, i could not taste it anymore. I could not go an hour without a glass, it is like my whole body has been took over by this substance, i think i have become immune. Immune not only to the addictive alcohol, but immune to all the grief I get. I brought my work colleagues into the awful mess that expanded. Thankfully i gained no pity except from Ash, I don't deserve his loyalty as a friend, after all it was me that defended a sex offender, it was me that branded a victim as a liar.

What made matters worse was a potential rape victim was brought into work, i tried my best to help her and what? She was lying, people like her make me sick. What is society today? If you're not happy enough in a relationship and feel the need to have an affair, just end it! It all piled on top of me. Earlier that day i had confiscated my favourite drink off someone. Someone that probably just funds his addiction off benefits, luckily, i'm not that person i got to work and hide my passion. Until that day, i was tipped over the edge, i took a shot. Unaware at that precise moment Ash noticed my exact moves. I tried to claim i didn't do anything until he found the bottle. How silly was I? I could have got sacked! I am very lucky and thankful he sent me home and covered for me.

The next day, Ash came round to my house. He couldn't help but stare at the empty vodka bottles.

'Want a coffee?' I asked, moving my weak, limb body over too the fridge where i held myself up by holding the fridge handle. 'Oooo, how about we, spice things up a bit?' I made a sarcastic remark whilst holding up a vodka bottle, probably at the worse time possible. I could see Ash didn't sense my joke that lay within the question.

'I'm joking.' I had to tell him or he would have proceeded to lecture me about the importance of my job and how the alcohol in my blood could affect it.

I had nothing to say to Ash and he basically was speechless. He left. And there i was, lonely, once again. I should be used to it really, after all i haven't had any sort of company for 3 years. I didn't even go out and party hard. I was seeking comfort from a bottle, in my own house. That is so sad. I had no friends after the newspaper article got released about me protecting my husband, i thought, 'why not move to Holby for a fresh start, past is past' How wrong was i?

The truth is, i have had this alcohol problem at my old hospital i was employed at, no-one suspected, but then again no-one cared because i defended a sex offender and what ever i did could not justify my actions. Branding an innocent 13 year old girl as a liar, when the only liar was my husband, who had me convinced she was lying. He was so naive and selfish he even got himself attacked to try and win me round. No, i wanted a divorce, i wanted to move on with my life, get the promotion, not drink but here i am; the complete opposite.

I thought about the alcohol so much and here i was once again, rethinking my life over, revisiting event that had not long ago occurred. Occupying my time with not television, not my phone, not even a social outing. With cheap vodka. The kind of cheap vodka that would get you leathered. The kind of cheap vodka that i've seen people die from. This wasn't social suicide. Maybe i was slowly and painfully digging my own grave, without even realising it.

Please review! would be lovely. I haven't wrote a full oneshot from a characters point of view, so it would be nice to see your reactions! (Even if it is criticism) x x x