Set in Chapter 3 of Dead Reckoning - The following will make no sense if you haven't read that chapter.

Disclaimer: All characters are borrowed from the Sookie Stackhouse Vampire Mystery series, copyrighted to Charlaine Harris. I am only playing with them. Not beta'd, so all mistakes are my own. Apologies.

Eric's thoughts as he is driving Sookie, Pam and Miriam home from Victor's Vampire's Kiss dance club. Eric has just finished squeezing Pam's throat and telling Sookie to leave it.

I wrote this before publication of the book, just after Chapter 3 had been published on the Penguin website, because after reading that chapter, I just couldn't stop myself asking...

What's Up with Eric?

What the fuck! What's up with me? I've just finished squeezing Pam's throat; actually crushing her larynx, so she could not speak. Of course, it will heal in no time; my beautiful child is strong, but for me to lose it like that! I need to get a grip, and not on the throats of those I love.

"Take me home," Sookie had said. And that was just what I was doing, as fast as I could.

Silence enveloped us tightly - Sookie, Pam, Miriam and me. The car's wheels roared over the tarmac; the sound somehow enclosing us even more claustrophobically inside the car's confines, away from the outside world. If only that were true! But the outside world would just not stay away. I pushed my foot further down on the accelerator, jerking us a little, as if we hadn't all been jerked around enough this evening. I had both hands gripping the steering wheel, vice-like. Don't crack the wheel, Eric, I reminded myself, because really, I felt like breaking something. Badly.

I stared straight ahead into the night as I drove. Rage still had me in its grip, vice-like too, squeezing me, misdirecting me. I'd taken this rage out on Pam, even though I wasn't enraged with her. And this had terrified my wife, Sookie. Damn!

What's up with me? Well, I guess I know the answer to that, in part, anyway. Alexei's blood! Yes, Alexei, my much younger, vampire brother; the demented, dangerous, deranged ... all the 'd' words, including 'dead', finally, and not soon enough. Appius's plan had been to strengthen the raving Romanov and to present him to the world. And I expect the world would have been very much interested. Yes, business would have been good! But 'making Alexei stronger' really meant, making Alexei saner! Huh? How? What had Appius been thinking? Years of being with Alexei must have affected Appius's wits too. And not in a good way. There was nothing good about Alexei.

Appius's get-Alexei-well plan had been a real kicker, which coincidentally, rhymed with sicker. And that is what the plan was. We were all to be one big, happy, incestuous family. Alexei drank my blood to gain my strength; I drank Alexei's to take away his tainted, maddening blood; Appius gave me his blood to help me deal with the tainted blood and then Appius took my blood, which I am sure wasn't really mine by then, just because he could. After that Appius involved Pam, as he'd observed what a controlled, faithful, intelligent child she was. Oh, yes, Appius had wanted all of that for Alexei, because my little brother had none of it. A resounding zero in the controlled stakes! And a good staking, with Alexei's name on it, would have saved Pam from a near-draining by the Romanov one particular evening. She'd needed my blood, tainted though it was, as well as human donors, to be able to heal. I'd hated to think about where Appius would go next with his incestuous plan ... Sookie? Probably.

Anyway, long unpleasant story, short - the get-well plan backfired. Fucked us the hell up would be a more apt description. We – Appius, Pam and I - all took on Alexei's uncontrolled emotions, see-sawing from anger and rage to deepest depression and apathy. It was a weakening, downward spiral for us, while Alexei strengthened physically, and just went completely nuts (as Sookie would say) mentally. No wonder he'd nearly been able to kill us all that fateful night, when Appius had lost control of him completely. Thank God, Sookie had taken Alcide's drug - now there's a phrase I never thought I'd think! The drug had suppressed her bond with me and the rest of the incestuous family. She'd been able to think clearly and be instrumental in Alexei's death...

But it seemed Alexei's taint still lived on in me. Rage! Depression! Ugh! When was Alexei going to truly die? That I didn't know the answer was one scary thought. But I wasn't the only scared one.

My bond with Sookie was screaming it at me. Fear! Waves of it were rolling through the bond. I'd felt fear from Sookie before; fear for herself, fear for me, but never fear of me. Yes, for some stupid reason, she had never truly feared me. Of course, she should have, but now, I did not want to scare my wife. I did not want to harm her or my child, who had suffered enough.

And yet here I'd been squeezing the life, so to speak, out of Pam; my immortal child and friend. Damn, Alexei's blood in me.

Fear, anger, frustration; the negative emotions rolled through me, eating me alive, undead even. Of course, Sookie sitting so stiffly, so silently, next to me was getting all this negativity too. I didn't need to look at her to see this; the bond was aching with misery now and she'd looked far too beautiful in that outfit to be this miserable.

I drove on into the night, still staring straight ahead, ignoring the car's occupants. Although of course, I couldn't – not really, not with the way we were all tied. Misery.

Misery; the feeling clawed at me, weakened me like the wretched takeover and its never-ending complications. But let's face it; there had been ... complications, before the takeover too. How else would I have ended up bonded? Was another problem Sookie's blood in me, or my blood in Sookie? I'd met her, bonded and fallen in love! Love! Me! I didn't want to... But, I didn't want to be without it, her ... even though it was a type of weakness, reducing my options, limiting my plans. Once, I would have got Victor off my back and Pam's, by giving Sookie to Felipe. I know he wants her, wants her badly, and then some. Felipe would have ordered Victor off to New Orleans, out of my back yard, faster than... But we were not going down that route, and neither was Victor, it seemed.

Sookie fidgeted a little in her seat, as we bounced over a bump in the tarmac. Then, she was still and silent again. I listened to her heartbeat pulsing life. She was so alive. It soothed my misery a little.

Ah, Sookie - Sookie Stackhouse, my bonded and wife - she was getting stronger, rising to the challenge of the supernatural world. I adored how she'd put that gloating Victor in his place with the "whole mammal package" comment. Oh, yes! Sookie was quite the mammal. If I hadn't been so angry at his insult, I would have appreciated it even more. I was so proud of her this night. She'd put Ana, the door woman, in her place too, made her be polite! But strong though Sookie was, Victor would not be happy until she was dead, as a doornail. Anything and everything to wound me, it seemed. How to protect my very mortal wife, Sookie Stackhouse? How to protect my child, her child-in-waiting, my retinue and last, but not least, myself? The questions roiled in my brain, without the answers.

I made a turn left toward Hummingbird Lane. The indicator flickered and staccatoed a loud rhythmic beat into our silence. It clicked off. Sookie's heartbeat continued to soothe me.

How to protect my wife? Of course, I could get another wife, a vampire wife, a vampire Queen wife, in fact, to watch my back. And to take care of my front as well, by the sounds of the letter I'd just received. Of course, that would be a pragmatic thing to do – secure a very powerful ally. Appius had known that. He'd been a good maker in his own way. But with Sookie, only just grudgingly accepting the status of wife, it didn't seem likely that she would be too thrilled to share the title with another, when we hadn't even had our own honeymoon yet. Not that she really could share. The vampire wife would take precedence. Sookie might even hate being divorced like that, more than she hated the way were married!

But did I even really have a wife at all? According to Felipe de Castro, it seemed I didn't. Felipe now challenged our pledging, formally, in correspondence! What was with letters these days! They were giving hate mail a whole new meaning for me! Felipe challenged the marriage, not through any irregularity, because he could have done that. I'd accepted the knife from Sookie, but it had only been witnessed by Victor who had forgotten about it! Conveniently! Especially convenient, when Neave and Lochlan had kidnapped Sookie during the Fairy War...

The steering wheel creaked under my grip. I spackled down my rage somehow and eased up on the tension, the steering wheel and accelerator, a little. Don't go back there, Eric. Don't!

What was it Felipe had said in his letter? Sookie could not be pledged to me. Of course, pledged meant pledged to become my vampire wife. Quite specifically, my vampire child and wife at some point in the future. Naturally, Sookie wasn't aware of this! I was sure she'd meant to find out more about the terms and conditions of our marriage, but so much always seemed to be happening, that that conversation was one we'd never had. And certainly it was one that I had not encouraged; it hadn't really been necessary. I'd agreed not to turn her, not that Felipe needed to know that. Bonding made making a child more secure, easier; pledging just reaffirmed the participants and intent, like a human engagement really. The final step might never happen... And pledging didn't mean turning now, nothing was imminent; I was just buying time. Time for Victor, and maybe Felipe, to finally die, that is!

Felipe didn't want Sookie turned now anyway, because her telepathy could be lost during the transition. So he proposed that if she couldn't be turned, she couldn't be my pledged, my wife. Ha! Of course, this was a big fat vampire excuse. He just wanted the easy access that a bonded-only Sookie would give him as King. He was ... trying it on. I would have in his position. Still, I knew that Felipe would want Sookie turned eventually, so the pledging could remain. If I didn't ever turn her (and I wouldn't without her consent), Felipe would try though. Oh, yes, Sookie could even become the Ancient Telepath if Felipe had his way. Why lose her skills to death, without at least giving turning a try? Luckily, she had more protection against that turning now, with Claude and Dermot still in this realm and if Niall returned... Well, he would be a powerful ally, maybe... Fucking fairies!

And thinking of fucked-fairies, whose fairy blood had Victor got hold of tonight? Hopefully, no one Sookie knew! That would be a real bad thing. I'm not sure the amount of it on Victor's glasses would have affected me though. I'd drained that fairy, Colman, Appius's killer, and not gone all berserker in bloodlust. I hadn't attacked Sookie or the other fairies nearby. Yeah, I'd been happy and healing from Alexei's wounds, but not sexed-up, blood-thirsty, killer-crazy. How to explain it? Maybe, the ingestion of Sookie's blood over time eased the frenzy that fairy blood could cause. And this fairy element raised yet another question – since when did humans know about fairies? After all, the server who'd thought at Sookie had been human, hadn't he? That probably needed further investigation.

I made a turn into Sookie's drive, still smooth after the resurfacing I'd gifted her, in what seemed like another age. Braking gently, I relaxed momentarily as we pulled up.

Sookie leapt out of the car saying a quick goodnight to Pam and Miriam, but not to me. No, I was the asshole husband that had lost it and wouldn't tell her what was going on. Without a backward glance, clinging to her silence and misery, Sookie made her way to the old house. No sex tonight then! The bond was dripping frost. No affection even. Not that I could blame her.

Things were not good between us.

I watched Sookie run up the stairs to her front door. Despite all the drama and stress of our 'fun' night out as a couple, she looked … she was ... a beautiful, human-fairy-telepath, who'd proved her worth again, in Vampire's Kiss. Not that she had to prove anything. Look how she'd picked up on the fairy blood; spiked glasses! Damn! She was so ... on it. Look how she'd used the bond to communicate the risk to me and, probably Pam. The wave of negativity had almost made me fall off my seat. She'd always been good at thinking outside the box; I just felt boxed in right now. Yes, I had to get my act together, Alexei hangover or not.

After Sookie had closed her front door, hard, I could hear her getting-ready-for-bed noises - running water, doors creaking, springs twanging. Sookie was in bed, a bed without me in it. Not exactly the position I'd expected to find myself in tonight.

I turned the car and started to pick up speed, as I headed toward Hummingbird Lane. A great sadness - Sookie's, Pam's and my own - almost overwhelmed me in the continuing silence. I actually sighed. Pam and Miriam still were deathly quiet. Of course, Miriam should not have been, I realised. Her breathing and heartbeat were painfully thready and weak, hard to hear even for vampire ears. Shit!

I pulled the car sharply over to the side of the drive. Suddenly, resolve and determination coursed through me. It was Sookie's, but I could feel it, and it was just what I needed. Swivelling in my seat, I looked back over my shoulder towards her distant old house, still just visible, silent and serene in the darkness. I recalled another night, when I had been very near here in Hummingbird Lane - running, scared and alone. In a way, much the same as now! Then, Sookie had found me, taken me into that very house; her home. She'd cared for me, protected me, loved me and I had returned those feelings; feelings that I had never thought to experience in all my vampire existence.

Things had been very good between us.

I felt an overwhelming desire to go to Sookie. Maybe this was an emotion recollected from the past when I was spelled, but I felt a deep-rooted need to let Sookie help me, help us, again. We'd had a closeness once. We'd shared life experience by her fireside, Sookie more than me naturally, with my very limited memory at that time, but a trust between us had developed and maybe that's what we needed now. Trust! I seemed to be following the stupid-ass Bill Compton approach to relationships – don't tell Sookie, the human, the important things. That approach had driven them apart and put Sookie in danger. And I knew Sookie wanted as much control over her life as she could have. So what was up with me? I needed to speak with Sookie. Trust her.

In the car's silence, just the engine ticking over marking the passing time, I made my decision.

I dropped my eyes from Sookie's house to the back seat. "Pamela," I said, as I flooded our maker/child bond with remorse and resolve, and released Pam from her enforced silence.

"Give your blood to Miriam and take her home. And then give her more blood, as much as you can spare, considering you are healing. We must keep your child-in-waiting ... well. Of course, take hers if she is healthy enough, but carefully! Keep up the exchanges until she is over this terrible ordeal." Fucking Victor. "Victor will be the loser in this, Pam," I promised, feeling my resolve harden further. And not the 'resolve' in my pants, the resolve in my undead heart. "And if Miriam doesn't respond because of her illness, don't be afraid to give her still more of your blood, Pam, just after you have fed very deeply from her."

Pam looked at me now, eyebrows arched.

"Accidents happen, Pam." I shrugged.

Pam's relief soothed our connection. Of course, accidents did happen and if Miriam was turned, well? It's not like Pam and I were going to start making a vampire army. Although maybe, that was an idea, but not an army made out of newborns. That, I'd heard, could go very badly wrong! Pam would have her child, then we'd go to Felipe, and apologise. Better to apologise than ask permission! And still, Victor would have to die. No change there then. And on this, Sookie and I were ... as one! It gave togetherness a whole new meaning, but it was a start.

Pam looked up - smiling, smirking, eyes holding a devil of a glint in them. Then, she bit into her wrist. That's my Pam! She got it. Action, not angst, was needed and action was one of my strengths. Sookie could very well turn out to be another.

Pressing the Lincoln's sunroof button to open, I explained, "I'm going to speak with Sookie." With that, I vampire-exited the car, straight up through the opening (obviously not for sun, just fast exits) and took to the night sky for the very short flight back to Sookie's house. I might have heard Pam mutter something like 'about time'. I was just relieved to hear her voice again.

Fuck! Flying felt good. The freedom would never get old. I could feel that Sookie was still awake. Our bond was so much clearer, now that Appius and Alexei were finally dead.

I dropped from the sky like the dead weight I was, landing with a thump on the drive. My hair, loosened from its tie at the nape of my neck, wildly flicked around my face. I pushed it back, as I pushed remorse and then hope through the bond. It was good for something! Sookie would never admit it, but we communicated better through the bond than in any other way. Well, apart from sex, that is.

Surprise, and then hope echoed back to me through our bond, as I saw the night-light flicker on through Sookie's bedroom window. I heard Sookie say into the silence of her room, "Come in, Eric." Her voice was quiet. It held a certain tension, but not fear. Maybe things would be alright. I floated up towards her open window, towards the light.

Yes, she is the light to my darkness.

This was best and this is right.

The End

A/N I am sorry if Eric is a bit soppy and sappy and sookied-up in this. I don't know how it happened! I usually like my vampires, with teeth, big fangy ones. I'm sure it's only a momentary lapse on Eric's part though!

Tidied up - June 2011