DISCLAIMER- Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyers, who alas is not me. I only wrote this cause I thought It was what Jasper might think. Sad as it is, Jaspers character was not my thought child. -Sigh-

Please enjoy anyway

We waited sheepishly for Edward to arrive with Bella. Esme and Carlisle were calm and collected as usual. Rosalie was her normal, vain self and was none to please that Alice was throwing a birthday party for Bella in our house. Emmett however managed to keep her distracted so as not to dwell on this fact for long.

I watched Alice in amusement as she fluttered about the house getting everything ready. She covered our surfaces in candles and roses, then placed a large pink cake on a table daintily beside a large stack of clear glass plates.

"What did she need all those for", I wondered, laughing to myself. It was not as if anyone other then Bella would be eating the cake. Just for effect I told myself. Carlisle must have also noticed this, as he sighed and shook his head a little, going back to his book.

After a while we heard the Volvo pull up outside the house. Esme came out from the kitchen and joined Carlisle beside the door. Rosalie and Emmett stood just behind them a little bit and myself and Alice kept place at the large staircase leading up into the second floor.

We could hear Bella's mumblings at the Japanese lanterns Alice had strung up, so we knew they were right outside the door.

As Edward opened, I saw Bella's eyes becomes wide in shock to see what Alice had done to our poor unsuspecting house.

Esme went to Bella's side immediately and I watched my adoptive mother, carefully hug the fragile human girl and ever so gently kissed her forehead. A task to me, so difficult. To be that near the blood, you could almost taste it. I shook my head to get rid of that thoughts and flicked my eyes at Edward to see if he had notice. Luckily he had not been paying attention to my mind.

Carlisle then put his arm across Bella's light shoulders and apologised laughing for Alice's over the top decoration.

Next Bella greeted Emmett and Rosalie. Well if you can call it a greeting from Rose. She didn't smile or talk, yet she didn't look disgusted either. Bella and Emmett cracked jokes at each other until Alice jumped forward letting go of my hand as she did and smiled the smile I loved so much. When Bella's eyes changed to me, I smiled to, still leaning back against the post of the stairs. I would not dare move closer to her just yet. I wondered did she notice I did not approach. There was no time to dwell on this however as Alice had decided it was time to open presents. Emmett has already disappeared outside to install the stereo Bella did not yet know she was receiving.

Myself, Rose and Emmett had all decided on this having guessed Bella's out dated truck would not have the best offering in sound systems.

Alice handed Bella the box and of course it was empty as she opened it. She thanked us in confusion.. Rose I saw was smiling, and I could not help but laugh.

"It's a stereo for your truck", I grinned "Emmett is installing it right now, so you can't return it"

She thanked us by name, raising her voice for Emmetts ears. We all heard his booming laugh from outside.

As Alice handed Bella, the present herself and Edward had gotten Bella, Emmett came bounding back through the door,

"Just in time" he shouted as myself and him moved a little closer in interest to see what the present was going to be.

Scowling at Edward, Bella placed her finger into the tightly pulled wrapping paper and flicked out to open it.

"Shoot" she muttered suddenly and pulled her finger out to examine were the paper had sliced her skin. A single drop of blood pushed its way to the surface.

And I lost it. The blood, it smelt so good. I wanted it and I wanted it now. I could feel my eyes widen at the sight, my nostrials flare at the smell.

Edward must have seen this coming as quicker then light he was shoving Bella across the table and screaming something.

I had no idea what he was saying and I didn't care. I just wanted the blood. Lunging forward I dived for her. But Edward got in my way, and as I slammed into him the hard sound of thunder filled the room. But I wasn't giving up. I wanted her blood and I was going to have it. Driven wild by the smell, I drove forward, snarls ripping from my body. Desperate to bite. Desperate to drink. The blood taunted me as I struggled to get closer. I snapped my teeth hard and fast but still Edward was in my way.

It came harder then, the blood. She had slit open her arm on the glass, and the smell filled the air like smoke.

"Let go" I wanted to say. To push Edward off. To let me have my prize. But within seconds Emmett's iron grip had in grasped me. I was locked in the prison of his strong hold, but I kept my eyes on Bella, wide with lust for her warm sweet blood though they were.

Before I knew it, I was being dragged from the room. No! They were taking me away from it. No! Stop! Its mine!. But I was not strong enough against Emmett even though he struggled to remove me. Within seconds I was away from the smell, but it imprinted itself in my head. It was calling to me, I could feel it.

"Jasper" it spoke "Jasper"

Try as I might, Emmett did not let go and I was suddenly outside the house.

"Snap out of it man!" my brother shook me hard.

Still I struggled from him, but his locked hands grew harder that it almost hurt me.

I began to calm as I breathed in the forest air, sweeping into the lawn of the house.

"Thats it, Jas. Just breath" Emmett was soothing me as I relaxed in his arms. The smell was gone now and I stopped the struggle to get away. After a few moments, when he was sure I was not going to run for the house, Emmett released me and placed a pitiful hand on my shoulder.

The yearning had been replaced with guilt, and it swept over me hard.

What had I done. I had lost control again. I was a failure to my family. To my mother and father. To my Alice.

And Bella. I must have scared her to death. If it was possible for me to feel sick with guilt then this was it, and my depression swallowed me as it had many times before. Pulling fully from Emmett I bounded away into the darkness of the forest, to be alone. I just wanted to be alone.