"…it wasn't until I got to kindergarten that I learned my name wasn't Garbage Face."
They're only five years old when they first meet.
Santana isn't good at making friends. She's not "girly" enough to play with the girls, a bit of a tom boy in her sneakers and her shorts and her dark coloured t-shirts with characters from boy cartoons on. Unpleasant looking bruises and scabs are scattered across her knees from falling over. Fresher ones are hidden by bandaids. She's covered in them, head to toe, all in different colours or with her favourite cartoon characters on. The most frustrating thing though is that even though the girls treat her as if she's a boy, the boys still treat her like she's a girl, pulling at her ponytail and teasing her. Santana thinks they're all really dumb.
On her first day, Santana is standing alone in the corner, everyone else's friendships already made and being put into practice on the other side of the playground. She's looking at the floor searching for rocks or sticks or something to throw at the other kids who aren't nice to her, when the tall blonde girl from her class skips toward her with a bright "Hello!"
Santana spares her a glance but then goes back to searching the ground beneath her feet. She's not sure what she wants, but Santana knows she's the prettiest girl in her class and Santana doesn't much want the prettiest girl to get mad at her for being so boy-ish like the others did, so she just stays quiet and carries on with her mission.
Brittany is every aspect of a perfect little girl, with light blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a scattering of freckles across her nose, falling onto her cheeks. She's wearing a dress with white socks that highlight her long thin legs, and reach up to just under her knees, which are knobbly on her skinny frame. She has her hair delicately tied into two braids, light blue ribbons matching the shade of her dress, and also her eyes. They're large, almost too big for her face, beautiful, deep and filled with some unknown mixture of excitement, curiosity and innocence (yet with some sort of knowing as if she's wise beyond her years). She almost constantly smiles, and Santana isn't sure how anyone could be so happy and so much prettier than everyone else and not even seem to realise it. She doesn't get it at all. She doesn't get why Brittany is even looking at her, let alone talking to her.
Brittany is unfazed by Santana's lack of response. "My name's Brittany." The way she says it, is as if she's super proud of it, as if she picked it herself. Santana adds that to the list of what she doesn't get about Brittany. Her Mami and Papi picked out her name, so why was she announcing it as if it was the bestest thing she'd ever done? She wants to tell Brittany that, but she's pretty and smiles a lot and Santana's worried that maybe if she tells Brittany, that she won't smile and everyone's always prettier when they smile, and she doesn't want to make Brittany feel worse if she becomes less pretty because of Santana too. Santana gets told she isn't very nice lots and she doesn't want to hurt another girl who decided she wanted to talk to her, especially someone as happy as Brittany.
Instead she settles for another glance up and a quiet, "I know."
Brittany beams at her expectantly, and it's putting Santana off her searching. Santana eyes her wearily from the corner of her eye. Her Abuela always told her to hurry up and spit out whatever she was thinking instead of looking so dumb, so Santana tells Brittany as much.
"My Abuela says you have to hurry up and spit out what you're thinking." She doesn't mention the dumb thing, because her Mami says it's mean of her to keep saying such nasty things to other people. She doesn't think that's fair because her Abuela says nasty things to her all the time and gets away with it. She takes a shuffle forward, scanning the ground still, wishing Brittany would go back and play with the other kind-of-pretty girls.
Santana doesn't notice, but Brittany's eyes widen in surprise and her eyebrows shoot into her forehead at her words. She quickly recovers, a serious look taking over her features. She leans forward, bouncing on her heels slightly, before asking in a lower voice than before, "Is that your imaginary friend?"
Santana frowns and doesn't think about what she's saying until after she says it, "No!" She scoffs. "She's… She's my Abuela." She doesn't know how else to describe her Abuela because she's never had to explain the word before. She adds, a little annoyed, "Imaginary friends are stupid."
The reaction is knee-jerk. Brittany goes from curiously leaning forward to taking a step back, scrunching her eyebrows up and looking super sad as if she's just been told she's getting a puppy for Christmas, but instead her Mami and Papi tell her they're only kidding and she's actually getting a whole sack full of coal. Santana remembers when her Abuela did that to her. She cried and then her Abuela shouted at her in words Santana didn't understand and it just made Santana feel worse. She decides she shouldn't say things are stupid around Brittany if she can help it.
She feels really bad for making Brittany look at her like that. Santana knows what it's like, and it makes her sad to think happy Brittany could be feeling as sad as Santana often does at home. She tries to amend it quickly, not wanting anyone to feel like that. "But uhm, if you had an imaginary friend, it would be… uh, I mean… I bet you could find a way to make it really cool."
Brittany's face lights up immediately and Santana just looks at her sort of stunned she could say things that could make someone look at her like that, when she looked so sad before. Like maybe she could be a good person, if she really wanted to be.
"What's your name?" Brittany asks, and she seems genuinely curious, tilting her head to the side as she waits, her hands behind her back, still rocking on her heels. Santana doesn't want Brittany to look sad again, so she tells her the name she gets called most when she has to stay with her Abuela, even though Mami and Papi call her something different the few times they're home instead of working.
"Garbage Face."
Brittany frowns and instead of her eyebrows scrunching this time around, it's her nose. Santana thinks she's going to cry again, and she's confused because she thought that's what Brittany wanted to know. She's also confused because how is Brittany still so pretty when her face is all screwed up? Brittany doesn't make sense at all. Santana is trying to recall what she said and if anything could have made Brittany feel bad, when Brittany says with a frown, stating, "Garbage face isn't a name!" She looks less like she's going to cry and more like the boys do, when they're about to start rolling around on the floor fighting. Santana's sort of worried Brittany will, and she doesn't want to hurt Brittany, but she knows her own name.
"Yes it is!" Santana says right on back, because it's what Abuela always calls her, so that's her name. Santana doesn't care how pretty Brittany is, she can't just decide if her name is her name or not.
Brittany is opening her mouth to say something stupid- no, silly – again, when she looks at Santana with those big wise eyes, her mouth in a perfect little 'o' as if she's just realised something really important. Her face softens and for some reason she takes both of Santana's hands in hers, covered in plasters and all. Santana feels her belly flop, because that's really nice of Brittany to do that, even though all the other girls say she's gross because she's covered in bruises and scrapes. Santana is fast learning Brittany isn't like the other girls (and not just because she's so much prettier either. Santana has come to realise she can't quite get over just how pretty Brittany is.)
"Are you sure your Mommy and Daddy call you that?" She has soft, almost sad eyes now, but she seems genuinely concerned, and her hands are holding Santana's sort of loosely and Santana feels funny because it's like Brittany already knows everything even though she knows nothing. She thinks it's weird how Brittany must call her Mami and Papi, "Mommy and Daddy" though because she's never heard what other people call their parents before now. She answers the question though.
"Well no, but my Abuela calls me it all the time." Brittany frowns at the word because she doesn't understand who or what "Abuela" is, so she ignores it. She can't believe that the dark skinned girl in front of her is called something like "Garbage Face" not when she has such a pretty face, if you look past the plasters and the bruises on her body, and past the frown that lingers on her forehead as if she's always a little bit upset about something. She's way prettier than the mean girls in her new class who told Brittany she could only pretend to be a pony because unicorns don't exist. Brittany thought it was silly because the whole game was about pretending, so who cares if her pony has a horn and is magical and can make rainbows? Brittany decided she didn't want to play with them anymore if they wouldn't let her be a unicorn, which by the way, are real, no matter what the mean girls say.
"My Mommy and Daddy call me Brittany. What do your Mommy and Daddy call you?" She smiles, and starts swinging their hands together falling into a natural rhythm. It takes Santana a while to remember the other thing she gets called, because it's been forever since she last saw her Mami and her Papi since they're travelling to see sick people to give them help, because they fix people and because they're good like that.
"San-" she's started it wrong and it sounded like she said "Sun" so she stops and moves her mouth in exaggerated movements so she pronounces it the way her Mami and Papi do when they're at home. "Santana... Santana." It's foreign to her mouth and she repeats it until she's happy she said it right.
Brittany smiles a huge smile and Santana thinks her belly must think it's one of those gymnasists that she's seen on her T.V, because it's doing flips like crazy. She can't help but giggle because bellies can't be gymnasists, but Brittany's smile makes her feel like it could be if it really wanted to and Santana feels glad she remembered the other name, and that Brittany seems to like it so much.
Brittany's eyes twinkle as if there are lots of little stars trapped in the blue of her eyes. "Santana…" The way Brittany says it makes Santana hold her breath. Brittany is the first person who isn't her Mami or Papi to say that name, and the way Brittany says it makes Santana like it a lot more. She uses a soft voice, almost a whisper but not quite, and almost breathes out Santana's name. The way she rolls the name around her mouth, testing it, tasting it, is different to how Santana tested it, and Brittany says it right first time without any practice at all. Santana wonders if maybe Brittany is an angel, because she's so pretty and nice. She sure looks like an angel.
"That's a really pretty name…" Brittany says, and Santana's breath comes back and she's very aware of how Brittany is still swaying their conjoined hands and they're just standing looking at each other, and Santana feels all warm and fuzzy and she can't tell if she likes it yet. She feels warmth spreading through her like it does when she's shy, but she doesn't feel shy right now, so she decides to blurt out, "It's not as pretty as you."
The tips of Brittany's ears turn pink but she smiles impossibly wide and squeezes Santana's hand, and Santana realises what she's said and feels silly for doing so. Before she can apologize, even though she knows what she said is true, Brittany says brightly, "You wanna play with me?"
"Play what?" is Santana's immediate reaction even though she doesn't much mind because she already likes Brittany. Brittany isn't like other kind-of-pretty girls who don't like Santana, because Brittany is the prettiest, but she's also the nicest, and she seems to like Santana back.
"I don't know." Brittany answers honestly, with a shrug, and she looks at Santana with a small smile. "What do you want to play?" She asks, and it's the first time anyone has asked what Santana wants to do rather than just telling her what she can't. A million things spring to mind, but she doesn't think Brittany wants to throw things at the other kids, and they don't have Santana's toy cars to play with, and she doesn't think Brittany would want to play Army with her because it'd mess up her clothes if she rolled on the ground in them. She doesn't really know what Brittany likes doing, so she just replies, "I don't know" and shrugs just like Brittany did before her.
Brittany looks across the playground at the other kids and frowns thinking, scrunching up her whole face. Santana grins because it's cute and Brittany is still better looking than any of the other girls in their class, even when she's pulling faces because she's thinking so hard.
"Can we play Magic Unicorns?" Brittany asks eventually, looking hopeful. Brittany looks so excited by the idea, so Santana just nods even though she has no idea what Magic Unicorns is, and truth be told wouldn't dream of playing anything with Unicorns in on any other occasion. This is an occasion though, because Brittany wants to play with her, and it's so nice Santana feels like maybe this is a dream.
Then Brittany is dragging her away from the corner, making fake clip-clop noises like hooves and skipping, still holding one of Santana's hands firmly in hers. When Santana stumbles along behind her, eyebrows in her hairline, surprised by Brittany's sudden change in character, Brittany stops and looks at her before telling her in all serious, "Sanny, you have to pretend to be a unicorn if we play Magic Unicorns."
"I don't know how…" Santana admits. She doesn't even think twice about the nickname Brittany has called her, too worried about expecting Brittany to yell at her because she doesn't know what to do. Instead Brittany just smiles brightly, pulling at her hand again. "I'll show you!"
They spend the whole day together, even back in class, and when some of the boys make fun of Santana for being like a boy but not a boy, she's about to throw a handful of crayons at them when Brittany says plainly, "She's a better boy than any of you" confusing them, and then goes back to telling Santana all about unicorns, carefully colouring a rainbow behind the cloud she's already drawn. When it's time to go home, Brittany holds her hand when they go to get their coats and then waits patiently for Santana to pull the straps of her boy-backpack up. Santana's not sure why Brittany is still here, because they're meant to go outside and find their parents to go home now, so when she's done, and Brittany is still looking at her, she just stands there awkwardly, not sure what she's meant to do.
"I like you." Brittany says with a smile and then she gives Santana a kiss on the cheek and a hug, and Santana just stands there a little limp and confused because no one has ever done this before with her. She feels light, as if she could just float away, and she tentatively wraps her arms around Brittany until Brittany pulls away and just holds Santana's hands, like she did earlier that day.
"Are we… friends?" Santana asks hesitantly, and Brittany looks at her funny. "Of course we are Santana. You're my bestest friend." Santana grins at that. She's never had a best friend before, and she's never been someone else's best friend. She just smiles at Brittany, not wanting the day to end, but knowing they should be outside by now and not still standing by their hooks. Santana is just about to say goodbye, when Brittany gives her hand a squeeze and leans in close and whispers, "Santana, will you tell me if anyone calls you Garbage Face again? They should call you Santana, because Garbage Face is mean." She seems protective, and Santana feels incredibly safe and happy. She gives Brittany a firm nod, and she's beaming again and they both just stand there smiling at each other.
Then Brittany gives Santana another kiss on the cheek and Santana feels her belly doing flips again, and the warm fuzzy feeling returns.
"Bye Sanny!" Brittany says, and then she's skipping out the door to find her parents, and Santana watches her go, happy.
They're five year's old when they first meet. It's not until she's older, Santana realises that the signs have been there all along, and she just wasn't able to piece them all together yet. Because when she was five, Brittany Pierce found her in the playground and made Santana her friend. When she was five, Brittany Pierce found her, as if she'd finally found everything she was looking for, even though she still didn't understand what.
So Santana knows what to answer, years later, when Brittany asks how long Santana has loved her.
"I've always loved you Britt."
It's not an exaggeration, or something soppy and romantic to tell Brittany. It's the truth. Because her belly still flops, and she still feels fuzzy, and it wasn't until she was older that she figured it out, and pieced all the little pieces together.
And she feels completely giddy with love when she hears Brittany reply with a shy smile, the tips of her ears tinged pink.
"I've always loved you too, Sanny."
A/N: Second one-shot, I had this in my head for a while... but yesterday at 1am, I decided to just write it, and it sort of got out of control! I don't have a beta for any of my writing, so I apologise for any mistakes or any British-isms, since I'm afraid, I'm not American. I sort of imagined this could have been one of MANY ways Santana could discover her name isn't Garbage Face, so I'm sure a tonne of alternative ideas could be made.
Thanks to anyone who reads and enjoys, and even more thanks to people who read this A/N. I put them at the end because it can be really annoying to read through a massive A/N at the beginning of a story, so you can choose to ignore these at the bottom if you want!
Reviews are more than welcome, and I'd appreciate friendly critique or suggestions (please don't be mean, because that'll make me sad and I wont be able to learn from my mistakes!)
-Madi x
