Dealing with Boisterously Irascible Men
(1/?)
Part 7 of my Hermione/Draco AU, and while this is not necessary to read before, it explains a lot of backstory, most specifically, the sign. Story wise, it is about 4.5.
Day one: The Bet
It was a quaint little apartment in the middle of down town London, and the noon sun barely kissing the foyer alights on the sign that reads in salutatory script, "Yes, I am dating Draco Malfoy. No, I will not answer any personal questions about it. However, should you require advice on how to deal with boisterously irascible men, please slip 10 quid and your address under the door and I'll be sure to get back to you. Probably when I need to rant."
Hermione, brown hair tucked up into a tight bun with several wisps of flyaway hair framing her face in a halo, sat comfortably in her pajamas on a large arm chair in her living room, enjoying the sun while she got some extra work done. Draco paced for a moment more before bounding over to her chair.
"I think I should move in." Draco said pompously, sitting down on the arm of her chair before draping himself over Hermione's shoulders.
"What?" Hermione asked, crossing her 't' carefully as her boyfriend smacked her elbow with his hand accidentally as he lounged.
"I think," Draco repeated in a drawl, making it quite clear that he was a bit put out that she wasn't paying much attention to him but was instead engrossed in her essay. "That I should move in."
"Why?" Hermione asked, placing her quill into her ink and turning her full attention to him. "My place is much smaller than yours."
"Yes, but you don't like the manor." Draco made a moue of disappointment.
"True." Hermione said, tipping her head back for Draco to properly despair at her hair as he attempted to run his fingers through it. "But I like my nice, clean bathroom."
"I could have a clean bathroom." Draco said, a bit miffed that she would think otherwise.
"Could, but won't, due to the fact that all your hair care products will simply not fit in my cupboards." Hermione said as Draco gave up on her hair and snuggled manfully into her shoulders. "Even if we stack them."
"I could cut back."
"I am not sure we could afford the therapy bills, darling." Hermione said, patting Draco's hand absently. Draco made a funny noise through his nose and Hermione had to restrain from giggling at it.
"I will not need therapy for lack of proper hair care." Draco scoffed, sitting up straight on the arm of the chair.
"Fine then." Hermione countered, "A wager. If you can go an entire week without using a single product on your hair, you can move in with me."
"Not even shampoo?" Draco asked in a horrified whisper.
"One bottle of shampoo and only because by the end of the week you would start smelling rather like wet dog." Hermione conceded. "But I will keep it here so you don't cheat."
"Would I really cheat?" Draco asked, affronted.
"Absolutely." Hermione deadpanned, "In a heartbeat."
"Fair enough." Draco shrugged, secretly reveling in the fact that she knew him so well. He stood and struck a ridiculous pose. "Well then, fair lady, I accept your challenge!"
"That's lovely. Now, can I get back to my work?" Hermione asked, and Draco stood huffily for a moment before storming out the door and slamming it behind him. After he left, Hermione smiled and began to chuckle, knowing that it was dangerous to encourage him, but okay to laugh at her silly man when he was gone. That and she knew that he was probably listening at the keyhole, waiting for her laughter.
Draco returned with a large bottle of shampoo that had an unpronounceable name from somewhere in France that Hermione had never heard of. Clearly it was the pinnacle of hair care products. He closed his eyes as he handed it over.
"Darling, you have to let it go before I can put it in my shower." Hermione said, tugging at the bottle. Draco finally let it slip out of his fingers and Hermione smiled before whisking away the bottle to her shower.
"What about soap? Lotion? Shaving cream?" Draco asked, clutching at Hermione's arm.
"One of each." Hermione conceeded. "To be kept here with your shampoo."
"But my skin!" Draco wailed, continuing to clutch.
"Draco, you have lovely skin, you really don't have to all that much to it." Hermione said exasperatedly. Draco preened at the compliment as she paused to wrinkle her nose. "Though you're wretched at growing a beard so the shaving cream is a must."
"That would be because my hair is so beautifully blonde." Draco said icily, "Platinum if you prefer."
"Sure you don't go peroxide?" Hermione teased, "Will I start to see roots by the end of this week?"
Draco made a noise that was rather alarming and spun on his heel before slamming the door behind him. He opened the door again, frowning as he glared at the door. He slammed the door harder, clearly not satisfied with the force previously. Hermione merely smiled and pulled a book off the shelf to read, curling up in the large arm chair. He'd be back for dinner. He always was.