She paces around the room, feverishly rubbing her hands together to the point her skin stung bright red. It's just so she wouldn't be so tempted to run her fingers through her recently styled red hair. Her thin snow white slip runs cool against her skin as she marches between the couch and the mirror. Good lord, she's not ready. Like hell she'd be ready. The amount of time put into planning this simply isn't enough. They had far less time prepping themselves for suicide missions and things turned out for the better. This though. This feels much more nerve-wracking than destroying the Collectors' base and shutting down all the Reapers permanently. The pounding of her heart back then has nothing on the flips her stomach has been doing since this morning. At this point, everything just seems to ache. Her feet in those pinchy white heels, the pins holding her hair in place digging into her scalp, her head just pounding endlessly.
God, weddings are awful.
Normally, she has nothing against weddings. They're a wonderful time to celebrate! You get to be happy for the couple getting married, great food, dancing – albeit she often stayed off the dance floor. Every wedding she's attended in the past never left her with a frown. After all the crap she has to go through being in the military, a wedding is one of the greatest things that could happen. Her own, though, would probably leave her pale, cold, and aiming to escape through one of the chapel's windows.
At this point, she'd rather be on another suicide mission. Crazy, but at least those didn't leave you nauseous. Can't feel nausea if you're busy tearing Reapers apart. Sometimes.
After so much pacing, Jane decides to give her feet a rest and not bleed on her pinchy ivory heels. She stares at herself in the mirror. At the hours put into putting her dark red hair into soft curls and braids that swing at the back of her head. The makeup feels a bit heavy on her face, soft jade eyeshadow helping highlight her emerald orbs. Her lips had been painted a shiny pink-red shade earlier. The one thing on her face that looks relatively normal aside from her freckles.
She doesn't have a problem with getting married. Hell, it shouldn't be a problem; they deserve it after all they went through. Everything they've shared may have been due to the fact they might be on their way to death's door, but the main part of it had been the trust and burdens they donned on their shoulders. To lead is one thing, but leading a group of loyal fighters and skilled soldiers into battle would always be a taxing responsibility. Garrus understood that after having a squad of his own at some point. They both knew just how hard it was to get a job done and come back alive. To tell families of the fallen that their loved ones had died under their watch while following their orders. It used to make her feel like a cold, heartless soldier for it, but Garrus always fished her out of those dark thoughts when she fell in.
Garrus had always been there and she knows he always will be. He'd always be watching her six whether she likes it or not. She trusts her crew all the same, but he has always been the one who would give her the answers she needed. Jane hardly sought sympathy alone; when it would be too much, she would vent to him. And if she didn't want to simply let it out, Garrus had been that comforting distraction or that voice of reason. The rest of the time, he was honest with her. He told her his thoughts on some decisions. He was the anchor that kept her from drifting into the endless speculations that always started with "What if". To cut it short and simple, she loves him. She would do anything for him and being able to actually marry him is so far her greatest joy.
So why the hell can't she get her shit together for this day?
"Shepard? May I come in?"
Shepard looks at the owner of the sweet voice and relief seems to relax her shoulders a bit. "Yeah. Come in." She gestures to the couch and smiles at her friend. Liara is one of the bridesmaid for this occasion and of course she had herself set on track. Her eyes seem to beam with the help of her silvery eye shadow and her lips are stained a darker shade of blue, almost navy. Her dress is strapless and snug with thin lines of silver going down the side of her dress which spilled into a flowery pool of sky blue on the floor. "You look gorgeous. What's the occasion?"
Liara smiles at her commander and friend and crosses her legs. "My commanding officer is getting married. Even better, one of my closest friends is about to get the rest and peace she deserves." She eyes the woman carefully. "You are not dressed yet. Is something the matter?"
"Well-"
They both turn as they heard the door burst open."You want to know what's the matter?" A familiar voice snaps as she steps into the room, hastily shutting the door behind her. "Grunt and Wrex are headbutting over who gets to be the best man." She quickly wipes a bit of what seemed to be food – hopefully dextro - off her mask. "And they're both drink of Ryncol! Keelah, I feel sorry for whoever cleans up their mess."
Liara and Shepard trade glances briefly before focusing back on the young Quarian. "I thought James and Kaiden were his best men." Shepard states.
Tali shakes her head then brings her hands up to fix her ceremonial hood. Light orchid with thin gold loops drape over her head and mask. The fabric at her waist hangs and flow over most of her lower body but exposed her left leg which was adorned with champagne colored belts. Now if only she could just wear the outfit without her suit.
"They are. It's just… Grunt and Wrex seem to have the wrong idea on what that means. Crazy bosh'tets." She sighs, shaking her head.
Shepard smiles and gestures for her to sit down. Tali gladly complies and sits with her legs crossed. "So do you plan on skipping straight to the honeymoon portion of the ceremony, Shepard?" She asks referring to the bride-to-be's lack of dress. She crosses her arm. "I'll be very upset if you do. I didn't come here in my best clothes just to see you two break protocol together. You do that enough for all of us."
The redhead rolls her eyes. "That'd be nice." And she means it. She sits in front of the vanity, this time facing her guests. "It's just jitters. I guess I'm more afraid of commitment than getting vaporized by Harbinger." Shepard laughs listlessly shaking her head. "Not sure if this is normal. To be this nervous for what should be the greatest day of my life. You'd think after everything we've been through I'd be so ready to get married, settle down, and adopt krogan children."
"Well of course you're not ready. Kee'lah Shepard, you aren't even dressed! You can't go down the aisle in your underwear!" She crosses her arms and huffs. Her head bobs once and Shepard could feel her eyes scanning her from beneath that mask. "I mean you could, but Garrus would have to work hard to keep everyone off you." It's hard to say, but she may have tossed a glance at Liara for that last part.
Liara clears her throat, shrugging off that last comment. She turns her attention to the wedding dress that hangs neatly by the mirror. "Why don't we help you into your dress? We can talk about what you're feeling while we help you get ready."
"I should get ready." She mutters to herself. Shepard runs her fingers over the pearly white chiffon layers. Unlike the dress gifted to her by Kasumi, this is soft and a little more reserved. It's not tight to her skin but something about it did feel suffocating. The skirt of the dress spills into ivory on the floor, a thin shimmering veil cloaking it. Intricate markings – more importantly Garru's clan markings – adorn the waist of the dress, accenting her assets with a lovely sheen.
She watches herself in the mirror as Liara's blue fingers worked on fitting her in the dress perfectly."I… I just can't believe it. We're getting married. We'll probably live somewhere tropical and warm, live off the royals from the vids." She laughs a bit. "Maybe even find out what a Turian-human baby looks like." Her hands curl into little fists to keep from wanting to wipe the anxiety – and the makeup - off her face. There goes her habit, the little nip she gives her lower lip when she's deep in thought.
Tali steps up to her side, putting a reassuring hand on her friend's shoulder. "Shepard, first off, a Turian-human offspring is impossible. And knowing you two, your child would probably start breaking rules while he's still in diapers." Tali quips. "Secondly, that sounds like a great plan. You two deserve it after what the Reapers put us through."
"Tali is right." Liara adds. "You've given us all our lives back." She zips the dress up and straightens out the wrinkles and bunches. She puts her hands on Jane's shoulders and smiles at her, nudging her to look at the bride she is. "You deserve this. A chance at something stable and peaceful."
"Stable and peaceful." She repeats quietly. That seems to just ring through her mind endlessly. Thinking about it now, she's always thought it was an impossible dream. Conflict is constant and politics has been either the start of it or the fuel to the fire. Her role as a Spectre had her dousing those metaphorical – and literal – flames constantly, endangering her and those who would run into the fray with her. With so many bullets to dodge, one was always bound to hit her one day. To put it simply, Shepard has never expected a long-lived life. She'd always thought she would die in the line of duty, out on the field shot by some Batarian or trying to trade her life for thousands of others.
Her lips curl into a small smile. "Stable and peaceful. And here I thought I was too crazy to reach that goal." She looks in the mirror again and sees the emotional scars on her face. How creases have made themselves home in the corner of her eyes and in her forehead. The split she had gotten in her lip during the battles had gifted her with a lovely scar. All these marks and white cracks in her skin show just how often she had brushed shoulders with Death. "You know, my parents were in the military. Mom still runs her ship pretty damn well. Her crew loves her even if she does kind of keep things a little too strict." She swallows the lump in her throat. "Dad would've been proud." She hopes they didn't hear the little crack in her voice just now.
"Where are you going with this, Shepard?" The Asari inquires as she straightens the hem of Shepard's dress.
"I mean… My family life was full of love as a kid, sure. But every day, I would worry about my parents because they're in the military. Every day was lived on edge thinking that one day, I'll see Hackett or some higher up at my door telling me they died in the line of duty. When they showed up with Dad's tags and hat, I just… I still think about it now. With Mom. With Garrus. With all of you, really." She looks in the mirror again. "Maybe that's why I'm so goddamn nervous. I finally have something stable in my life or close to it. I never thought the day would come. And now that it came, I'm… afraid." Her fists clench tightly, suffocating the veil they had been holding. "Nothing hurts more than having the things you love ripped away from you when you least expect it."
"Garrus is lucky." Pause. "Perhaps the concept of a carefree life is what makes you anxious. Because you don't know what it's like to be without worry. Worrying had been your crutch, Shepard. It gave you reassurance that you would do whatever it took to protect those around you. Your worries became your fears and they drove you."
"Probably better than how you drove the Mako." The Quarian quips in hopes of keeping the mood a little lighter. "But really, Shepard. You always worried about us when we could handle ourselves. Sure, we almost died a few times, but look at us now! You're getting married. This is more than just your chance at happiness and for you and Garrus to live happily ever after. This is the reassurance you really deserved. That things will go well." Her eyes are now those famous little white arches that would poke through the purple tint of her mask. "You can still worry, but only about bosh'tets like Grunt and Wrex."
Shepard smiles, laughing a bit as she shakes her head. "Don't forget Garrus. Turians don't know how to duck."
The Quarian scoffs. "Oh, relax. Garrus at least knows how to take cover. Maybe he'll take cover under your dress if Batarians or Cerberus ever decides to crash the wedding."
"Tali!"
"What? Kee'lah, it's not like Shepard would mind."