My body is violently shaking against him whilst he continues to sleep, he's out cold blissfully unaware of the pain I am feeling. My body is sweating but I feel cold, numb. I cry, silently. Tears roll down my cheekbones. My heart is beating so fast; so fast that I can feel it against my rib cage with my chest feeling like it is about to explode any second now, I can't breathe properly. I close my eyes and try and forget about what happened and the destruction that was my fault. I can't. The flashbacks hit me, I watched Kate scream as she was told her fiancé was going to die, I saw the chaos. I saw the disaster. It was down to me. If only I'd have listened to Gary, he told me the roof wasn't safe. I thought it would be fine, that he could patch it up. Rana was dead because I had chose to ignore the advice of a builder, it wasn't as if he didn't know what he was talking about. As for Kate, she couldn't hate me any more if she tried, she wished it was me that had died, I know it.
This was the third night I lay awake, Peter had been my rock, supportive and calm. He kept reassuring me that what had happened wasn't my fault, only I couldn't believe him. The guilt was eating me alive. He had managed to keep me somewhat sane, but for how long? I could feel myself falling apart, I was cracking. I felt almost as if I was drowning and I wasn't going to survive this. Eventually everything went black, I fell into a somewhat deep sleep. I needed the sleep, for days I had just been lay awake, I was replaying everything in my head, traumatised by the events every time they came back to my mind. Two hours later and I'm shaking again, this time I am screaming. "Make it go away!" Peter held me in his arms slowly rocking me back and forth whilst I sobbed uncontrollably. This time I can't breathe and I'm gasping for air. All I wanted was to be sick, I couldn't rationalise my thoughts, everything was going at one hundred miles per hour. All I could think about was how I'd murdered my sister in law.