Meet Russell is a parody of Meet the Medic!
It sure was a nice setting in the mountains. The environment was quiet, but also beautiful with only tweets (the natural kind, not the social media kind) to be heard. The sky was dark, but it was that dark setting that somehow made the environment calm, cozy and peaceful. But that didn't last for long, as there was some sort of interruption. A light started glowing from the distance. Could it be-
BLAST!
It was an explosion! What a weird turn of events over here! And here we have two pets running away from the terrifying action: Pepper Clark (the outgoing comedy skunk, playing the role of Scout) and Vinnie Terrio (the cool, but silly gecko, playing the role of Demoman). Both were bandaged and the latter was in a wheelchair.
"Come on, come on!" yelled Pepper as she was running beside Vinnie. "Almost–"
Before finishing the sentence, a rocket lands and explodes on impact beside her, knocking her to the ground. Vinnie just moved away, leaving her behind. What a jerk! Pepper groans in piercing pain as she struggles to get up, and feels hopeless as soon as she sees three more rockets heading right towards her.
"Whoa, who the–?!"
The rockets launched the poor skunk into the air, and screamed until she hits herself on a window of a building, forming large cracks on the glass. A bird watched her from inside the building.
"Russell…" she says in pain, gradually sliding down from the window.
Tune the Meet the Class theme, because it's time to Meet Russell!
Inside this building, we see the setting of a surgery room. And we see many birds perched here and there around the room. We see Penny Ling (the adorable and sweet panda, playing the role of Heavy) lying on an operating table, somehow alive despite her chest being open with a severed heart. Presumably, what's keeping her alive is a medigun nearby that's focusing on her. Nearby is Russell Ferguson (the smart and "sensible" hedgehog, who here plays the role of Medic! Meet him). He's telling a story that's somewhat funny. Let's hear it.
"It gets better," Russell continued, "when the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again!"
He bursts out laughing, and shortly followed by Penny Ling's soft giggles. A table with equipment right next to her somehow collapsed on its own, scaring Penny Ling. Russell finally calmed down as he leaned on Penny Ling's stomach.
"Where was I?" he wondered as he tried to get back on track with his job as a medic.
"Oh, well, you were telling me how you lost your medical license."
"What? No. I was telling you a joke."
Afterwards, a bird pops out of Penny Ling's stomach.
"Hubble? No!" yelled Russell after noticing, shooing the bird away. Long story short: Russell hatched an egg, named the bird Hubble, and cared for it. "It's filthy in there! Ugh!" he warned.
He turns to Penny Ling, who's glaring at him because she took that as an insult to her body.
"Animals. Am I right?" he said jokingly, wanting Penny Ling to relate. This just caused her to look at him in misbelief, because… well, they're animals too.
"I'm sensing irony," she commented.
"…Of course! I meant that," he lied. He then changed the subject by proceeding to lift Penny Ling's heart from her chest, with the intention to pierce a small device with pins into it. That machine will "übercharge" her heart.
"Now, most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage," he started. Before doing anything to the heart though…
BLAST!
Out of nowhere, the heart explodes on its own, sending a stray fragment to poor Hubble nearby, knocking him away. Russell just looked at his empty hands in surprise.
"…I didn't even do anything to the heart yet!"
"What was that noise?" wondered Penny Ling.
"I'm pretty sure you saw what happened. Well, never mind that."
He decided to open a giant refrigerator nearby, containing many spare hearts. He looks at the many hearts in front of him.
"Ah, perfect," he commented as he chooses a bird heart. Grabbing it, a desperate and freezing alligator was revealed behind it.
"Free me," said the alligator.
"I enjoy your suffering, Wiggles," Russell rejected and immediately closed the giant refrigerator.
"Where was I?" he said, holding the bird heart, then picked up the Über device.
"Are, there we go." As soon as he inserted the pins of the Über device into the bird heart, it exploded. A stray fragment of the heart knocked poor Hubble nearby, again.
"Huh," commented Russell, "I guess bird hearts are too vulnerable for metal pins."
"What was that noise?" asked Penny Ling.
"Yes, I heard you the first time, Penny Ling," pointed out Russell, "That's just the sound of learning and progress."
I should choose a stronger heart, thought Russell. He reopened the giant refrigerator, and chose a chinchilla heart.
"Free me," repeated Wiggles the alligator in the giant refrigerator.
"Yes, I heard you the first time, Wiggles," he repeated, closing the giant refrigerator with a chinchilla heart in one hand and an Über device on the other.
"Where was I?" he said. He realized what he said, then sighed. "Yes, I heard you the first time, Russell," he said to himself. Then, her pierced the Über device into the heart. Pleased that it didn't explode, he moves it against the medigun to übercharge it. He begins laughing hysterically as the medigun is charging the heart. Red light comes from the heart, making the whole room red. Penny Ling looked slightly away, feeling slightly scared. Russell closed his eyes, hoping it would be a success, and so did Hubble and the other birds. When it was all over, Russell opened his eyes to see the heart shiny; it was a success. He was surprised that it looks good too.
"Oh, that looks g–"
BLAST! The heart was so overwhelmed with the übercharge, it exploded on its own. The stray fragment knocked poor Hubble (again!) and knocked him away.
"Are you kidding me?!" commented Russell. Penny Ling looked at Russell, and saw him opening the giant refrigerator. He thought about the choices of hearts, and took a cat heart from the giant refrigerator. It's bigger and would withstand more than the prior hearts. He took it from the giant refrigerator and comes face to face with Wiggles.
"Free me."
"If this heart fails too, yours is next," warned Russell. He was in a bad mood too. Slamming the giant refrigerator, he inserted the Über device into it, and übercharged it. The heart was glowing red like the last heart, and a few seconds later, it was übercharged. Waiting for a few seconds, he poked the heart softly. It was much tougher than a chinchilla heart, and he was relieved. Now to move onto the next step. He dropped the übercharged cat heart in Penny Ling's open chest and climbed on Penny Ling on the operating table, getting into a comfortable position to put the new heart in her. He was struggling as the rib cage wasn't wide open enough to allow the cat heart to be inserted.
"Penny Ling, could you hold your ribcage open a bit?"
Before Penny Ling obliges, she asks: "Is it going to hurt?"
"No, you'll just open it a little wider; that's all."
Penny Ling obliges, and Russell pushes the heart in. Unfortunately, the heart wouldn't fit. It was time to force it in a little. That wouldn't hurt, right? He pushes the heart in, but– BLAST! The heart… exploded. A stray fragment of the heart… well, it passed Hubble nearby this time. At least it didn't hit him. He sighed in relief, until Russell threw the Über device at his face, knocking him away. He didn't mean to hurt the bird, but he was furious and had to take his anger out somehow, by throwing the Über device anywhere without taking aim. It was time for the last resort!
"Right! That's it!" shouted Russell furiously! Penny Ling looked at him for a few seconds.
"What was that noise–"
"I heard you!"
Russell pulled the giant refrigerator open again, and was going to take the alligator out. But, something caught his eye. There was a heart nearby, labeled "Lauren Baxter".
Mm… thought Russell. A human heart? I guess I can try this.
Feeling eagerly hopefully, he took this heart, and the alligator from inside the giant refrigerator glances at Russell.
"Free–"
Russell cut off what the alligator was saying by closing the giant refrigerator; he was just too excited to try out this special human heart. He inserted the Über device into it, and übercharged it. After it was übercharged, he had the excited look on his face. Hopefully, this heart works. It's a human heart, so it's got to be strong, right? He climbed on Penny Ling on the operating table and dropped the heart in her.
"This is a human heart, Penny Ling," stated Russell, "so I'm sure this heart won't explode."
"That's a relief after so many attempts," said Penny Ling, "but don't you at least have a spare panda heart?"
"Well, your one was the only panda heart I had, until… you know. Now, please open your ribcage a little. It's going to hurt, but don't worry about that."
"Don't worry about pain?" repeated Penny Ling, "is that even possible?"
"Let the doctor do this," said Russell with doubt, "even though I always dreamt of being a detective instead."
He pushed the heart in Penny Ling, but due to the size of it (human hearts are a lot bigger than pets' hearts), it was hurting Penny Ling. The poor panda moaned in pain!
"I-It hurts!" she yelled.
"Sorry, Penny Ling," he said, then held her hand. "I promise, it'll be worth it. We'll go through this, together."
That was very sweet of Russell to say, and hearing it made Penny Ling feel happier and fuzzy. But Russell felt the need to point something out.
"By the way, did I mention you shouldn't be awake for this?"
Penny Ling looked at him with an unamused expression. Way to ruin the moment, Russell.
"Well, that makes me feel a lot better(!)" said Penny Ling.
"Aw, thank you!"
"I was being sar– Ahh!"
"Sorry!" exclaimed Russell after pushing the heart deeper in her, and had to think of something to cheer her up. I can try to think of a joke. After a few seconds of thinking, he thought of one.
"I have a joke. You know, Sunil's parents always wanted him to become a doctor. But guess who became the doctor instead?" He laughed, but Penny Ling didn't.
"That's kind of mean," she commented, but couldn't help giggling a little.
Russell thought about it, "Well, they do say laughter is the best medicine."
Out of nowhere, bird poop fell on Russell's shoulder from above. He glared at the birds at the ceiling, but Penny Ling explodes in laughter instead. At least she laughed. He pushed the heart further in.
"It's weird, you know?" pointed out Russell, "I've always dreamt of inserting something inside you, but this was not what I pictured."
Penny Ling stared at him silently, but thoughtfully.
Finally, it was over! Russell wiped his forehead and got off her.
"After the different hearts and attempts, it's done, Penny Ling!" stated Russell.
Penny Ling felt calm and relieved after the pain she went through. She then spat out a tooth. Russell held it and was curious.
"Well, I was expecting a rib to break, but a tooth?"
Russell looked at Penny Ling and comforted her as he chucked the tooth away. "Don't worry. Teeth grow back."
He turned to injured Hubble beside him and whispered so Penny Ling wouldn't hear: "Unless they're already adult teeth."
Hubble tilted his head. Now, time to end the surgery! Russell aimed the medigun at Penny Ling and healed her. Her stomach started closing with the human heart inside, and she was looking in amazement.
Once she was fully healed, her stomach was fully closed, as if nothing ever happened to her! She took a deep breath; it felt like being in a fresh environment!
"Hey, my tooth did grow back," said Penny Ling in happily as she felt it. Russell smiled as he gave her a hand and helped her up.
"What happens now, Russy," wondered Penny Ling as she sat up.
"Now? Hehe…" They then both heard a muffle from the giant refrigerator beside them. It sounded like the alligator said, "Free me."
"Get lost!" yelled Russell at the close refrigerator, "Oh, wait. You can't."
Transition time!
Russell and Penny Ling leave the building with the medigun, both prepared. What was in front of them was just chaos. Explosions, fire, people and pets falling and running. Speaking of that, they see Vinnie in a wheelchair heading towards the two pets and yelled for help. But, due to his clumsiness, his wheelchair tripped over a tiny rock and fell off. Russell closed his eye a little, almost feeling Vinnie's pain as he fell in front of the hedgehog. Luckily, he took out his medigun and healed Vinnie. He could stand up and run now, and felt better than in the past few hours!
"Thanks, Russell," he said. But being able to run, he still got on the wheelchair and headed towards the other direction. Russell scratched his head in confusion; Vinnie really is silly sometimes. Then, Russell's eyes caught Pepper on the ground nearby, injured, in tears and in heavy pain. Not to worry, because Russell used his medigun to heal the skunk! Pepper got up, and her bruises disappeared! She was so pumped with energy, she tossed a rock in the air.
"Oh yeah!" she cheered, until the rock descended back down and bounced off her head into the air again, causing her to fall, again. Russell facepalmed at that. A pet from the other team was approaching from behind a large rock, but thanks to Pepper, the rock that bounced off her head also bounced off this pet's head, causing him to fall too.
Penny Ling was looking from behind a huge rock, and saw many pets heading towards them. She looked at Russell.
"Russell, are you sure this will work?!" She asked.
Russell chuckled, "Go get them, Penny Ling!"
He flipped the switch on his medigun, activating the übercharge within it, and charged Penny Ling with it. She left the cover and ran towards the enemy pets. Her whole body became a shiny chrome red color. It worked! Whatever the enemies were throwing at her didn't do anything; she was invincible, so she was just walking right towards them!
Nearby, there were four friendly (human) girls hiding behind cover: Blythe, Youngmee, and the Biskit twins. The enemies were too overwhelming, and they had to hide.
"What the huh?" asked Blythe as the girls looked at the two pets walking confidently towards the open.
"FUCK EVERYBODY IN THIS SERVER!" yelled Penny Ling confidently and happily as she passes the girls and went towards danger. The girls looked in surprise.
"She didn't mean it!" pointed out Russell to the girls, "She's just crazy right now!"
"Even those pets are, like, way more useful than you, Blythe!" commented Whittany. Brittany agreed, but Youngmee just pushed Whittany on the ground. Blythe chuckled.
"Why is Russell's quick-fix making Penny Ling invincible?" wondered Youngmee.
The invincible panda went to the enemy pets and just hugged them tightly, exhausting them afterwards. Russell was just watching from behind and saw the whole thing.
"Way to go, Penny Ling!" he cheered as him and her climbed up a pile of exhausted pets and stood happily. Thanks to Russell, he turned his team to victory! But, he realized something.
"Hey, if this medigun is making Penny Ling invincible, then how come I'm not invincible too?"
As he was wondering, a spy appears from behind and backstabs him. Surprise, surprise.
And that, pals, was Meet Russell! But wait, there's a small scene.
After it was all over, everyone was back at the hospital. There were many injured, and it was time for treatment. They were at the waiting room, and a patient walks out from the room. To our surprise, the patient was Russell! The waiters looked up, hoping they were next.
"Well, it's kind of weird for a doctor to get treated," commented Russell, walking out and feeling fresh, "but it does feel good."
"Glad to hear that," said Sunil, walking out the room with him. He was the replacement doctor who treated Russell as he was injured. "But I did not like your joke you told Penny Ling previously."
Russell looked at Sunil with curiosity. Does he mean that joke about his parents wanting him to be a doctor?
"Sorry about that. I'll make it up to you."
"Do not worry," said Sunil, "In fact, I think you already have."
Russell gave Sunil a worried look, "What do you mean?"
"I helped somebody."
"Oh. That's nice. Who?"
Just then, Russell felt a tap behind him. He turned to find… Wiggles?! He was no longer in the giant refrigerator. In fact, he wasn't frozen anymore. He gave a smug, ready to beat him up.
Russell smiled awkwardly. He was only strong when the alligator was frozen. He knew he needed help. "If only Hubble were here to help me."
"Oh, but he is." Stated Sunil with a smirk.
"What?"
Just then, he felt tweeting from inside his chest. …HUBBLE?!
Did Sunil place the bird in him during the surgery?! Well, it seems so, because he just grinned. That's what you get.