Hear You Me
He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to do it tonight, and the feelings of sheer pain and anxiety he was feeling all confirmed that is was going to be another sleepless night for the turian. Garrus studied the make-shift bed warily, it's sheets still as neat as when he made the bed four days ago, and it appeared more intimidating to him than any enemy he had ever been faced with.
He remembered their bed on the Normandy; where they had spent their first night together, and where they made love one last time. It had been in that very bed that he had slipped that tiny ring on her finger, where he promised to protect and love her forever. But Shepard wouldn't come back to him that night. When they forced him back onto the Normandy, he knew she was gone; the revered Commander Shepard had fought her last battle.
She made sleep impossible most nights. Out of the corner of his eye, he would catch a glimpse of vibrant red hair. At night as he lay on his small bed roll, he would feel a body against his. On the morning breeze, Garrus would breathe in a new day, and the ghost of a perfume forever embedded in his senses.
One of the things that haunted him the most, was what became of her body. She had wanted to be cremated, and to have her ashes scattered over the river in her hometown. "Don't let them put me in a box, Garrus," She had told him, "I spent my whole life in a box. I don't want to be buried in one." But he didn't even know what had become of her…Was he doomed to fail his love in everything she wanted?
With her, he felt wanted. He felt loved, for the first time he felt truly and unconditionally loved. She had told him herself that she wanted him, needed him, and he never thanked her for that. He had finally told her he loved her, but he had realized too late that she deserved so much more than that. She deserved to hear how much she had changed him, and just how complete she made him feel. Could he have ever put into words how perfect Shepard had been in his eyes? He didn't know, and now he never would.
Here he was, lucky to be alive after going against all odds to give the galaxy another chance, and still physically strong enough to prove he was capable of such a fight. But on the inside, Garrus was a complete mess. Most nights, he lay on his bed roll, staring up at an unfamiliar sky on an unfamiliar planet. With only Tali, Joker, and himself stranded on an alien planet with few rations, their time was undoubtedly limited. The thought of the end was welcoming, a dream come true for the grieving turian. At least he would see her again, with her green eyes shining brightly and her red hair gleaming in the sunshine. He longed to touch her skin again, to feel her warmth against his chest, to taste her kiss…
But all he had to love anymore, was a memory.
Author's Note:So sorry for the random dose of angst here! I woke up after a horrible nightmare, and had to do something to get it out of my head. I just stared down at my keyboard and typed, I didn't even bother going back and reading this, to be quite honest! I'm afraid it'll depress me if I do! But, I hope you all enjoy it, nonetheless!