Light of Hell

Sam sighed wearily as he walked through the bunker towards the library. It had been a long day with trying to play nice with Crowley and Rowena in order to save Castiel and get a way to stop Amara. And to top it off, she had been there and now Crowley and Rowena knew about her and Lucifer and Amara knew about her. People he didn't want to know knew that she was pregnant.

He probably could have been much firmer and told her to stay at the bunker rather than come with but he knew that she would have just followed them and probably undermine what they were doing and do things her own way. In the end he and Dean agreed that it was better she come with and then be able to help as much as she could. He didn't like it but it was better than other alternatives since she started wearing clothes that were more maternity like.

Sighing Sam ran his fingers along the titles of the tomes preparing to do what he usually did when he was kept up and that was research. He did agree with Dean that they had to save Castiel from Lucifer. The ward and Crowley and her going in didn't work so they had to find another way. And he wasn't looking forward to a showdown especially if they took what Amara implied her seriously… which he did.

"Burning midnight oil, Nanny?"

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. "Not that it's any of your business, Sherlock, but yeah."

Sherlock Holmes studied the younger Winchester, noting the rigid posture and the tense shoulders. There seemed to be a lot of that these days. Of course he knew one source since it wasn't that hard to tell and had marveled that both Winchesters couldn't see it then until it was spelled out to them. The other parts varied. "Considering that I maintain this pitiful excuse for a library I'd say it is. You didn't put the tome on heavenly aspects back in its proper place."

Sam turned and shot a glare at the Librarian. "I did."

"Then explain why I found it in section M?"

Sam growled at that figuring the librarian was doing it on purpose again. They had never really clicked into getting along. At least not the polite kind of getting along. From the time they met, Sherlock had snubbed all three of them with various forms of name calling and insults and questions that poked at raw subjects. Sure Sam got a laugh at the different descriptions to Dean's libido but he rankled at being called Nanny and a few other choice conversations plus it seemed that Sherlock lorded the fact that he had to ask him for help regarding the Purgatory problem over him. He straightened up and saw that Librarian looking ready to burn midnight oil himself and holding the book being mentioned out at him. He turned back and went looking.

"You're not going to find much there."

"Fine," Sam growled more in annoyance. "Why don't you tell me then?"

Sherlock tossed the tome he was holding at Sam. "You're onto something here and I found it in section M."

They both knew that Sherlock wasn't going to give the full story and he did like to play games with them. Angela said he took to heart that knowledge is worth more when it was earned. Sam held the book after awkwardly catching it, surprised that Sherlock would be throwing it at him. "That the hell Sherlock? You know that this is not like other books."

"It's hardy. Believe me, Thomas one of the stationed Men of Letters here knew his stuff about preservation," Sherlock replied as he looked around the library. He looked back at Sam, "It's a lot tougher than you think, Nanny."

"Stop calling me that."

"I will when it stops being so."

Sam gritted his teeth and glared hard at the librarian who was staring at him with an impassive face. He knew that was a futile battle and why he was called that. He threw the book back at Sherlock and said, "Go away."

Sherlock caught the book and threw it right back. "I don't think so. You are onto something or trying to understand something and it's in there."

Sam looked ready to punch the librarian in the face but was too tired to do so. And he wasn't about to start something that would stress out Angela. She had enough of that today. He would have said something when Samadean, the Xana, came out and held up his hands, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sam, please don't throw that again. And Sherlock…"

"Oh the cute invisible teddy bear," the librarian deadpanned.

The Xana ignored the snide comment and stood his ground. "We really shouldn't be fighting."

"Oh stuff it," Sherlock retorted. He walked behind some stacks and came out carrying two other books. He tossed them one at a time at Sam and smirked as he managed to catch them albeit awkwardly and didn't drop one. "Nanny here is onto something or has an idea and I am certain he hasn't mentioned it to the Licentious One. And it has to do with a certain annoying wench with a penchant for being annoyingly right and full of hope."

"Hey," Sam barked.

Sherlock looked at Sam and rolled his eyes. "Please. That is mild and it's not like I really insulted her. She would let me know."

"Come on you two," Samadean piped up. It was hard since he was ridiculously short but he could make his point. "Sherlock, you figured out something and Sam is onto something. Just work together."

"Like the Nanny would ever ask for help."

"I did," Sam gritted out. "I asked you for help when I saw what was happening to Angie after she got back from Purgatory. I asked."

Sherlock looked at Sam. He did and he did his best with the boundaries Sam had set. It was frustrating but he had to give it to the man for being firm in his decisions. "And we resolved that issue yes. Which is why I am asking: why do you keep leaving relevant material in section M?"

"Because of what Amara said to Angie about knowing her."

"You really think that Sam?" Samadean looked at the hunter. "You really think that Angie was what they say?"

Sam looked at the Xana and then the librarian. "I'm not discounting it," he said. He walked away carrying the books that Sherlock threw at him and went to one of the tables. He thumped them on the table and started opening them to where he last was reading.

He had been cross checking specific references that sounded like something Angela would do. That and given what he had seen that he could no longer say were flukes or one time deals… He didn't have trouble believing that. That and he knew reincarnation and old souls were actually pretty real. He just wanted to come up with something or find something that could help as long as it didn't come at the expense of Angela or the baby. Already she was feeling hurt that Castiel seemed to have given up and was completely under Lucifer's thumb but hopeful. He managed to give a slight smile to Samadean when the Xana joined him and pulled a book towards him.

He was at reading and making notes for at least an hour when he heard feet shuffling in. He figured it was his brother coming to tell him to put the books down for the night and was prepared to tell him to shove it. He was tired but… he didn't want to disturb her.

"I have heard that in times of duress a possessed being can be snapped out of it and they take back control."

Sam stifled a groan and murmured, "No shit Sherlock. I did that and with Lucifer."

"And have you considered it? With you or Dean of course since you are Castiel's friend," Sherlock replied as he stood by Sam's chair holding another book. "After all you and your brother have managed things that others with the same professed bond couldn't. And there are things she couldn't have done if you weren't there." Sherlock paused when Sam looked at him and then shrugged. "Just observations."

Sam looked at the librarian with a raised brow. "She's been doing this since before she met us," he pointed out.

"True but," Sherlock turned a page of the book he was reading. He put his book down and pulled another and flipped the pages so they were side by side. "The last time B.W. was vastly different than A.W."

Sam followed Sherlock's finger, ignoring the fact that the librarian calculated time before and after meeting him and Dean for Angela. Still the librarian made a point and he read them side by side. He was quiet as he read it as he ran his fingers down the lines. It was more telling to him than what she had told him over the years and he could understand why. He looked at Sherlock and asked, "How is it possible to get this?"

"Apart from observation, how else would the Men of Letters learn about it?"

Sam knew the answer before he asked the question. He just had to hear it. He looked back at the manuscript obviously recorded by someone and it was excruciating detail. Sam swallowed slightly looking at the two accounts. The more recent was observed but the other… it was a personal account that was recounted and to another person. The who didn't matter but… Sam looked away feeling like an ass. Now he knew why she only gave what she did and didn't like to talk about it over much. It made the things Dean alluded to and what he had done topside recently seem like a picnic in comparison.

"That is only what one does for survival but it is nothing compared to what it means to fight for something worth fighting for," Sherlock said in an almost sage-like manner.

Sam glanced at the observed account which skipped through several incidents. Some he recalled clearly and others he couldn't because he had been incapacitated at the time. It was different and he had firsthand experience recently. "I know and… I feel guilty for tearing her away from what she has always done and that was help others first. What she does and what me and Dean have always done was think of each other first and then others. I did that."

Sherlock stared at Sam for a moment before reaching over and giving a head slap to the back of the younger Winchester's head. It earned a choice cuss word from Sam and a reprimand from Samadean. He ignored them both and said, "That is the stupidest thing I ever heard from you yet Nanny."

"Well it's true you fucking librarian," Sam spat back with a heated glare. He wasn't overly concerned that he would wake Dean and he knew his wife would be dead to the world since the confrontation with Lucifer and stare off with Amara exhausted her though she would refuse to admit it. "Before meeting me she was the most unselfish person I have met and because of me…"

"Don't be stupid, Nanny," Sherlock interrupted. He thumped the book he had been holding on the table. He pointed at it and continued, "She'll always think of others before herself. You of all people should know that." He turned away and walked back to his domain, "Why do I even bother."

Sam pursed his lips ready for a few choice words when he was interrupted by Samadean, "What he means is that… well Angie never stopped being who she is. If anything more people have been saved. And mostly because you and Dean have stuck beside her especially when she needed it the most." He jumped down and started walking towards the library. He paused a moment and turned to look at Sam and said, "And you said it yourself that it wasn't wrong to think about the self. She did willingly jump into hell for you."

"And I would do the same for her," Sam replied with a sad smile. "Same vicious circle, Samadean. It's why we are saving everyone."

The Xana didn't say anything but left Sam to his readings. His research was trying to find a means of defeating Amara. He knew what Sherlock had been poking at and one of the ideas floating around was the fact that in her previous life she did defeat the darkness. It wasn't that he wanted her to do it but hopefully he would find something and they could replicate it and without unnecessary risk to her, the baby and other people. He looked at the book Sherlock dropped.

Sam knew that Angela could do a lot of things. To see it in print and from various people was a different story. He knew she always said that she didn't know who it was they were talking about and that she never met that person. He always assumed it was because she didn't see herself as others did. Now he was seeing that she could. She just didn't want to acknowledge it. And it wasn't a humbling of oneself. It was self-loathing.

As he looked at the books he pulled, he thought about what Sherlock said. As much as he despised the librarian, he knew that the man had a point and was good at what he did. He did help him and determined what they needed to do to help her with her Purgatory problem. As much as he didn't want to, he was going to have to make nice with Sherlock and there was no better time than to do it now. He started to get up when he almost ran into his wife and ended up jumping back at the sudden appearance.

"Please don't tell me you jump at me getting too close."

Sam made a face but it turned into a smile as he eyed the tired grin his wife was giving him. "I just didn't expect to see you there." He paused to move a stray lock and mostly to touch her. "What are you doing up?"

Angela shrugged like she didn't know. "Couldn't sleep," she offered with a smile. "You?"

"Late night reading," Sam offered right off the bat. He wasn't going to lie to her since she could see what he had out but he would tell her if she asked. "Usual."

Angela hummed at that and nodded. She shifted to look at what was on the table. Sam watched as she studied the books. It was obvious what they were and he wasn't going to hide it. He watched as she read the one that chronicled her account in hell, when she was a prisoner. He silently swallowed as she looked at it with that same look she got when researching for a job. Finally he said, "Angie… I…"

"I remember when I recounted this," she interrupted as she tapped the page. "And it was at a time that when the memories were worse than nightmares."

"I'm sorry. I was just…"

"Not everything is in there."

Sam looked at her and then the book while frowning. She didn't seemed distressed or anything. "What do you mean?"

"What it means. Not everything is in here."

Sam wasn't sure where this was going and the question was on the tip of his tongue. But he didn't want to ask. He stood there watching her run her fingers on the page, her lips spelling out the words on the page. Finally she said, "It was a battle for survival. Being tortured, made to do the things I did. I held out as long as I could."

"Angie, you don't…"

"It was a group of souls fresh into the pit. The product of crossroad deals. The leader was young, in his twenties but already wise with the world." Angela stared at the page fingering it. "He knew that he deserved hell for what he had done. So did the others. They were the ones that kept me alive at the worst of it." She smiled slightly as she continued, "He told me that they were there by choice and so was I but I was a product of my nature being played upon."

"We know you were tricked," Sam explained.

"Doesn't mean that it was right for what I did," Angela replied softly as she looked up at Sam. "I protested to the point where they deceived me so I stayed alive down there." She looked at Sam, not going into detail on what that meant. "The escape was to get all of us out."

"You mean…"

"I came up with a plan and I knew for certain that there was a chance it wouldn't work; the odds weren't in our favor. And they protested like hell that I was going to take them with me out of hell." Angela paused as she looked at Sam. "I don't believe the saying that one good deed is not enough for redemption. One good deed is the start. Took me awhile to convince them but they were with me in the beginning."

"In the beginning?" Sam had read the account and what she had mentioned at times but this was somewhat different.

"Yes. We started off with the plan and made our way through hell." Angela paused a moment to think a bit. Then she continued, "There were others that joined. Word spread about me and… I took care of a few souls after their turn on the rack. It was all I could do. They joined and followed. It was a ruckus that made a few choice prison breaks look like it was nothing. But it came with a price.

"One by one they stayed behind and pushed me forward. I did what I could do to try and keep them with me. But it was a fight that…"

Sam wasn't sure that he wanted to hear more. He did because it did clear up some questions. He didn't because it was a time that his love didn't talk about and it she didn't like because of what it did to her. He reached over to close the book she was looking at but was stopped by her. He looked at her as she looked up at him with that serious expression of hers.

"It ended up being just me and him through the next to the last barrier. He stayed behind to get me through just before the hell hounds were upon us." She showed Sam her left and moved to a spot just above the bite mark Cerebus gave her to another faint mark. "That was a claw from one that I fended off that attempted to tackle us. But there were a lot of them. He shoved me through and closed the gate. All I heard were snarls and snapping. From there… well you know."

"That's… that's something you've never mentioned before."

"Condemned souls risking more torment to set me free and for what? Easing their suffering on the torture they received?"

"Because you showed kindness no matter who it is."

Angela smiled tiredly at that. "You always believed that haven't you Sam?"

Sam smiled at her, "Always. Never stopped."

Angela smiled and gave a kiss to his cheek. "Maybe there are answers there but couldn't they wait until morning?" She gestured at the table.

Sam looked at the table and then at her. He nodded, "Alright. Just let me fix this and I'll be right there. Okay?" He kissed her on the cheek.

"Alright." Angela looked at the book she had been fingering and then turned to head back to their room.

Sam watched her go back to bed and then turned back towards the stack of books. It was a lot to process since it was something new and she told him for a specific reason. It wouldn't be too far a stretch to think that she suspected what he was up to. No doubt she had time to think about it and probably came to similar conclusions. He felt guilty for doing this without talking to her and he didn't want her to worry but she knew.

He picked up the books to stack them and put them in his spot in the library where Sherlock wouldn't bother them. And he would have to talk to him in the morning, a chore he didn't look forward to. The last one was the one that Sherlock thumped in front of him and as he closed it, a slip of paper fell out. Actually it was a piece of parchment wrapped around something hard. Curiosity taking over, Sam unwrapped it to find a coin, a very old one and something written on the parchment.

It wasn't her handwriting since it lacked the elegance he had seen from samples dating back to when she was girl and since then. And it definitely wasn't Sherlock's or his or Dean's. It had the look of someone who studied penmanship since the letters had the tails and the curls and stuff. The coin was more like a medallion and had a sigil etched onto it. Sam knew enough to know that it was Enochian and an angel summoning sigil. He looked at the writing and read it while his thumb rubbed the sigil that felt warm and familiar.

Hope leaves it's light even in the most dark of places no matter what happens to it.

Truer words weren't spoken or even written. While it could be taken as a pick me up phrase, it could also mean a person and what they did. It certainly had Sam thoughtful of that as he fingered the coin as he headed to his room to find her already asleep. He looked at the medallion with a thoughtful look before setting it down on the nightstand and sitting down by the bed. Absently he picked up another book he had pulled from the library and opened it.

He wasn't going to get much sleep that night but he would do what he could. She would do the same in his position and she would keep fighting in her own way. She always said that she was a taint but given everything that had happened, the people they've met… she was different and more. Sherlock was right in that he was onto something and there was a lot of material to work with even being a light of hell.

A/N: Sam's doing a bit of night reading and has a talk with Sherlock about an idea brewing. Tag to Hell's Angel. Enjoy.