Notes: A brief one shot that started as a response to all of the hair comments in Bay Window. It's meant to take place during the remodel itself. And based on some of what I included, I'm letting this take place in production order, so it's before New Years, not after like it aired.
Riley frowns, swiping through page after page of pictures on her phone. Every once in a while one of them strikes her, so she taps it to get a better look but the results aren't anything like what she's hoping for, so she moves on. Nothing is right. It's either too similar to what she already has. Or too boring. Or too short. Or too ugly. She's been looking all morning and it feels like the whole thing has been a waste of time. She's never going to find the right one.
Two short knocks on the frame of her door make her look up. "I know I'm a bit early but I thought you might want some help setting up."
"Dad and I actually took care of that earlier." Riley smiles for Lucas, who's entering through the main door since the window is temporarily out of commission, and gestures towards the laid out drop cloths and covered furniture. "But...I guess we can hang out until everyone else gets here."
"Sounds good." Lucas nods. He takes a seat on the opposite side of the stripped down bench in the bay window. He rubs his hands on his knees and exhales, but doesn't say anything else.
The silence hangs thick in the air and when she can't come up with anything to fill it Riley turns back to the app on her phone. It never used to be like this. Sure things got quiet between them sometimes but it had always been because they were comfortable, not because they didn't know what to say. Stepping back and doing what she had down in Texas was supposed to make sure that this never happened.
Where had things gone wrong?
Riley keeps searching through the pictures and swiping. She's not entirely sure how it's possible but everything looks even worse than it had before.
"What're you doing?" Lucas asks after several excruciating moments.
"Oh, it's, uh, just an app that lets you try on different haircuts." Riley tilts the screen so he can take a look. "I have an appointment tomorrow and I'm trying to figure out what I want."
Lucas shifts in his seat. "Trying to figure out something special to impress Charlie?"
Even hearing the name puts a hot and sour taste in Riley's mouth. The perfect guy that she's supposed to be giving a chance so she can put Lucas behind her and all she can ever think about, even when she's with him and he's doing everything right is the guy sitting next to her now. She would never make a change just to impress Charlie and it almost hurts to hear Lucas imply that she would. Especially when he should already know the reason she wants to do something different; he was there for most of the conversation.
She shakes her head. "It's just...time for a change."
"You're into change lately."
"Huh?"
"Your room, your hair..." Lucas lists. He glances away and Riley can almost hear the third item being left unspoken.
Us.
It sets off a spark in Riley. Why can't he let that go? She was just trying to do the right thing for everyone involved. It wasn't just some whim. Just like changing her room wasn't. Why does everyone think they have a say in what she does? Why isn't anything good enough for them?
She sighs and turns back to her app. "And I guess you have an opinion on that too?" She bites off.
"On what?" Lucas asks. The confusion is evident in his voice.
"Let's hear it then. We already know what Maya and Farkle think, we might as well hear your voice too." The sarcasm comes too easily after keeping her mouth shut for so long; Riley feels guilty even as the words come out but she can't stop herself. "While we're at it let's get Zay on the phone and see what he says. I'm sure he has a lot of thoughts on the subject."
"On the subject of...your hair..."
"Well I might as well get everyone involved in the decision making process since nobody likes what I choose for myself lately."
Lucas reaches over and plucks the phone out of her hands, setting it to the side. "Riley, I don't understand. Are we still talking about getting your hair cut?"
"We're talking about the things that need changing." Riley stands. She can't just sit next to Lucas and talk to him right now. Who knows what will come out of her mouth and she needs to stand firm in her position. She needs to let Lucas and Maya be happy so she can't change her position now and if she keeps talking to Lucas and looking at him she just knows she's going to break. So instead she goes to her closet door where there's still a mirror they haven't covered to protect yet and starts to fiddle with her hair, trying to pull it up in a mock up of different lengths. "I thought it was just my room. Everyone else thinks it's my hair. Why not do both? Why not do everything?"
Lucas follows her right over to the closet, places a hand on her shoulder and turns her around to face him. "Because then you wouldn't be the Riley Matthews I-," He drops off and they both stand frozen, the only sound in the room their breathing. After a long moment of staring at each other, he removes his hand and starts talking again. "I can't begin to understand what's been going on with you lately Riley. I don't get what happened with us that things changed so quickly and I'm still not sure I know what it is that you want now. But I do know that no matter what, I want you to be happy. So if making all of these changes is going to make you happy...I could never stop you. Even if I think you look beautiful with your hair just the way it is." He reaches over and brushes a strand behind her ear. "You should always do what's going to make you happy, Riley. No matter what anyone else thinks about it."
"Lucas, I sti-,"
"We're back with the paint!" Auggie's voice sounds loudly from down the hall. Her dad had taken him along on the early morning trip to the hardware store to get the last of the supplies needed for the day of work they have planned.
Riley's never been more thankful to be interrupted. All it had taken was one quiet moment and her resolve had started to crumble. It's so easy to believe Lucas when he says that her happiness is supposed to come first. It's so easy to believe that he really could still care about her like that. It's so easy to believe that she could tell him the truth and somehow it would all work out. But she knows that none of that is right, and that the reality of the situation is so far from all of that.
"It's not that easy, Lucas." She finishes, shifting a small smile onto her face. "But thank you." Riley steps past him towards the door before he can say anything else. It's going to be a very long day.