This reminded a bit too much about that day in the bunker after he had returned from 1943. Except this was so much worse. They had been hunting Lucifer, trying to catch him so they could free Cas, but something went wrong, their holy oil trap hadn't caught fire when it was supposed to. So now Lucifer was still free, Sam was lying unconscious on the floor of the old factory, and Dean himself was pinned to a wall unable to move under Lucifer's invisible strings.
Dean watched as Lucifer slowly approached Sam, stopping only a few inches from his head, looking down at him, with his head tilted, like he was considering if he should kill him or not.
"Don't you dare touch him!" Dean shouted.
Lucifer frowned and looked around before he finally looked in Dean's direction and faked a surprised face.
"Oh, it's just you. Phew, for a moment there, I thought that it was someone who could actually stop me if I tried to break poor Sammy's neck. But you can't really do anything, can you Dean?" Lucifer said. He stepped over Sam's body and walked over to Dean.
Dean felt a bit of relief seeing that Lucifer at least, for now, would leave his little brother alone. But now, with Lucifer this close, Dean could really see the devil's evil smile that looked so wrong on his best friend's face.
"So, Dean," Lucifer said "tell me, how were you gonna stop me from hurting that precious brother of yours? Hm? Were you gonna reach out to Castiel?" he bit his lip and frowned. "I'm sorry but my brother is not gonna be so easy to get to this time, I mean, I'm not gonna make the same mistake as last time when he ruined my fun with Sam, so this time, I've locked him away deep inside his own mind, right now I think he is on some trivial vampire hunt with you guys. Extremely boring if you ask me, but then again I've never understood the guy." Lucifer said and shrugged.
He looked at Dean like he was waiting for the hunter to say something.
"Come on then," Lucifer said "do your thing. Do one of your little 'I need you' speeches. I've been through Cas' memories, and there are a few of those. So come on, give me your best shot."
Dean felt the anger built up inside of him. Lucifer was just trying to make a fool of him, but what else could he do than try and reach out to his friend? Lucifer was probably going to kill him, and then Sam, and if Cas ever came back and found out what Lucifer had done, Cas would never be able to forgive himself. So Dean didn't really have anything to lose, but everything to win.
"Cas, I don't know if you can hear me," Dean took a deep breath and tried to hold his tears "Cas, I'm so sorry that things have come to this. I don't know why you let Lucifer in, but it doesn't matter. All that matters right now is that you fight that son of a bitch. Please Cas, I need you to do this. For Sam, and for me, but most of all for yourself, man. I know this is not what you want, Cas…"
Up until now Lucifer had just been staring at Dean with an amused smile, but now something happened, he clenched his fist and seemed to be struggling to maintain control over his vessel.
Dean felt hopeful, it looked like he was actually getting through to Cas.
"Cas, I know you got this, buddy, I know you can gain control!"
Lucifer growled and looked down like he was in pain. When he looked up again his facial expressions had softened, it was the way Cas would look at Dean, and Dean felt the invisible grip got looser.
"Cas?" Dean asked.
"Dean," the angel in front of him said in Cas' deep voice. "I don't know how long I can hold him, he is too strong." He closed his eyes in pain.
Dean lost all hope again. Since they had found out that Lucifer was possessing Cas, Dean had replayed all his interactions with the devil disguised as his best friend in his head. Gone over every little detail that had seemed off. The movements, the choice of words, the voice, all the things that he only far too late realized not were like the real Cas would do or say, but now he saw them all clear as day. The angel that stood in front of him was still Lucifer.
Lucifer opened one eye and looked at Dean.
"Hm," he said and stood up straight again. "guess I didn't quite fool you this time." He had dropped the fake Cas voice again.
Once again Dean felt the invisible force pin him to the wall. He grunted in pain.
"Quite impressive I must say." Lucifer said. "Your little speech on the other hand," he made a grimace "not really Oscar worthy. I didn't really feel it, Castiel definitely didn't feel it. I don't think he even noticed."
"Just kill me already." Dean growled. If Lucifer was going to do it anyway, he could just as well get it over with instead of dragging it out.
Lucifer laughed. "What would be the fun in that? Besides, I still need you to get to Amara. But first I want to talk a little about what you have done. Maybe even thank you. Hm, didn't think I would ever thank a human for anything, but you sure have done something special."
"Oh yeah, and what is it that I've done that is so fucking special?" Dean asked, still full of anger.
Lucifer tilted his head and smiled. "You broke an angel."
The anger in Dean slowly turned to sadness. He looked down, he couldn't look at Lucifer. Not when it was Cas' face he saw, and he deep down knew the devil was telling the truth.
"Aww, don't be so sad about it." Lucifer said and made a frowny face, mocking his grief. "It's thanks to you that it was so easy to make Cassie say yes. He felt so useless, unwanted and unloved. So much pain in here." Lucifer said and placed his hand over his heart, over Cas' heart.
"Stop it!" Dean hissed.
He didn't want to believe it, believe that that was how Cas felt. Dean felt so shitty, was that really how he had made Cas feel? When in fact it was the exact opposite of how he felt about the angel. If only he had actually told Cas how he felt.
"You didn't know? Well, that would explain why it was so easy for me to fool you for so long. I mean if you couldn't even feel his depression, then how were you supposed to notice my tiny mistakes, in an otherwise pretty impressive Castiel impression."
Dean could say he had had other things on his mind lately, that his fear over whatever hold it is Amara has on him has given him a hard time focusing on anything else, but what is the point? He has let Cas down, again.
Lucifer patted Dean's shoulder. "Let's not make this all too sad. Let's look at the bright side, you are not the only reason poor Cas is so depressed. I mean, all of heaven hates him, and you can't really blame them, can you? Civil war, the fall, and so many deaths. But that doesn't have anything to do with you. Or maybe it does." Lucifer smiled. His eyes were cold, nothing like the warmth in Cas' eyes when he was truly happy.
Dean turned his head, to avoid looking at Lucifer.
Lucifer snorted. "You're no fun when you don't answer. Let's move on then." He said and turned around, he took a step toward Sam.
Dean panicked. Lucifer would kill Sam, using Cas. He could not let it happen. And since there was nothing else he could do, his only chance was to try and reach out to Cas again.
"Cas, I know you're in there somewhere!" Dean yelled. "Please, Cas, fight him, he is gonna kill Sam. I'm sorry Cas, I never wanted to hurt you. You're not useless. And Sam and I, we do want you to stick around, you're family, we love you. You're one of the few people we have left. I want you around, I…"
Lucifer turned around, he looked angry. "I think it's time for you to shut up." He growled.
Dean smiled "He can hear me."
An angel blade dropped from Lucifer's sleeve into his hand. "Not if I cut out your vocal cords, I'm sure Amara won't mind." He walked toward Dean again.
"Now, Cas, fight him. I know you can do it, I trust you, I've always trusted you, always believed in you."
Lucifer stopped. This time, there was no doubt, his struggle for control over his vessel, Cas' body, was real. "Don't listen to him Castiel." Lucifer growled. "He is only saying it to save his and his brother's lives. They don't care about you, they never have, you're just a tool to them. These humans are not your family."
"I know we haven't always treated you right. I know that we have let you down, that I have let you down, Cas, I know. But believe me, Cas, we do care." Dean took a deep breath "And I do love you."
"Fine!" Lucifer spat. "I'll let you take over for a little while, Castiel, so you can talk to your boyfriend, but have in mind, if you cast me out, I'll find another vessel, and I'll come back, and I'll kill…, no, I'll destroy Dean Winchester. Tear him apart, piece by piece while you watch."
Dean saw Lucifer's evil smile one last time before he felt the invisible strings disappear, he looked down for a brief second, and when he looked at the angel again it was truly Cas who looked back at him.
"Cas!" Dean said and took the few steps over to his friend. He had missed him so much, and worked day and night for weeks to find him, and get him back. He hugged him tight.
Cas dropped the angel blade and hugged Dean back. "Dean."
The angel was breathing heavily, surely struggling to keep Lucifer down.
Dean let go of him. "Cas, you have to cast him out now, when you have the chance."
"No!" he said with fear in his eyes. "You heard him, maybe if could get to the cage, or…" he looked down at the angel blade, and then back at Dean.
"Hell no!" Dean said, with more anger in his voice than he had intended to, but he was not going to let Cas kill himself, or jump into the cage.
"You're right." Cas said and made a painful grimace. "We still need him to fight Amara. I'll get Sam back to consciousness, and you'll make an angel banishing sigil."
He almost fell, but Dean caught him and hold him up be his shoulders. He looked at him with tears in his eyes.
"Cas, don't you understand? All of that doesn't matter. We're gonna find another way to get rid of her, but first you need to get rid of Lucifer. Please, I don't wanna lose you again. Can you stand on your own?"
Cas nodded, and Dean slowly let go of his shoulders and made sure he wasn't going to fall before he hurried over to the duffel bag Sam and him had brought with them. He carefully pulled out a handmade glass jar. It was specially made to contain supernatural creatures, and with the symbols he had drawn on it in his own blood, mixed up with a dozen different magical ingredients, should the jar (according to the Men of Letters' books) be able to contain even a thing as powerful as an archangel, at least for a while. He took the jar back to Cas.
"We're gonna trap Lucifer in this. Trust me, I've spent weeks on checking up on this, and this fancy jam jar should do the job. Later we can bring it to Crowley, I'm sure he'll find a way to send the bastard back in the cage, he doesn't want him around either."
Cas closed his eyes in pain. Lucifer was clearly listening to Dean's plan and didn't like the sound of it. Cas fell to the floor, Dean couldn't catch him, because he couldn't drop the jar, it was their only shot at getting rid of Lucifer. But Dean was quickly at Cas' side. He placed the jar on the floor, out of Cas' reach just in case Lucifer would gain control again and try to destroy it. He got Cas to sit up and hold his head in his hands.
"I'm gonna take off the lid, and then you're gonna reject him, okay?" Dean asked, and hoped Cas would stop arguing with him. It looked like Lucifer soon would take over again.
But luckily Cas just closed his eyes and nodded. Dean let go of his face, and held the jar in front of him, and took off the lid. Cas threw his head back and opened his mouth. Dean mumbled a spell in Latin that should make sure that the blue light that was Lucifer would get trapped in the jar. He had practiced the spell for over a week, just waiting for this moment where Lucifer would leave Cas' body. When all of the blue light was peacefully swirling in the jar, he put the lid back on.
He looked up and saw that Cas was barely holding himself up. Dean placed the jar on the floor, and carefully helped Cas to lay down.
"Just one more thing Cas, and then I promise we'll go home." Dean said.
He reached over and took Cas' angel blade, he needed to make one more symbol on the lid.
"Dean, use mine." Cas said when he saw that Dean needed blood. He reached out his hand.
But Dean just smiled at him. "It has to be from the same person who drew the others." Dean said and made the cut in his palm. Even if he could have used Cas' blood he wouldn't.
He made the symbol and finally felt a little more relaxed. It was over, Lucifer was gone. He placed the jar back on the floor and turned to Cas. He took the angel's hand that was still lying on the floor.
"It's over Cas. You're safe now." He said with a smile.
Cas returned his smile, and Dean felt how the pain in his other hand disappeared.
He sighed. "Dammit Cas, you're barely alive and you use your mojo on fixing something that is barely a papercut."
"Help me over to Sam so I can get him back to consciousness." He said and ignored Deans complain.
Dean was torn, sure he would like to have Sam awake again, but he was pretty sure that Sam wasn't hurt, and Cas was already pretty much drained.
"Are you sure?" Dean asked.
"Dean, please. It's my fault he is unconsciousness in the first place." Cas said.
"No, that was Lucifer, you – "
"Dean, please." Cas begged him.
"All right." Dean mumbled and got up.
He helped Cas over to Sam, and Cas placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. Sam immediately woke up and looked confused up at Dean and Cas. But before Sam got to say anything, Cas collapsed in Dean's arms.
"Is he…?" Sam asked.
"Yes, he's Cas again. He… he is okay." Dean said "You?"
"Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm fine." Sam said and got up. "What happened, how did you do it?"
"I just told Cas some things I should have told him a long time ago. Helped him gain control." Dean mumbled. He didn't really feel like talking about his feelings for Cas right now. He would rather get back to the bunker, lock the jar with Lucifer away and take care of Cas.
Sam looked surprised, he was pretty sure he knew what those 'things' were, but he could feel that Dean didn't want to talk much about it at the moment. But he still needed to ask "So you told him that you lo– "
"Yeah, I did." Dean cut him off, not even surprised that Sam knew about it. "Can we cut the chit-chat and get back to the bunker already, I want to let Cas get some rest."
"Of course." Sam agreed. He looked at the unconscious angel in Dean's arms. "Do you need some help with carrying him to the car?"
"No, I'm fine. You can get the jar and the rest of the stuff." Dean said.
Sam nodded and went to gather their stuff in the duffel bag, and then carefully picked up the jar with Lucifer inside. In the meantime, Dean had picked Cas up bride style and carried him to the Impala. He carefully placed him in the backseat.
"I can drive if you wanna stay in the back with Cas." Sam offered after he had locked the jar with Lucifer into a box, that was specially designed for the jar, they had in the trunk. The box was full of symbols that would protect it from supernatural creatures if it fell into the wrong hands.
"You sure you're good to drive?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, I'm feeling good." Sam insured him.
"All right." Dean said and got in the backseat. He put Cas' head in his thigh and hoped it would do as a pillow.
They drove for about twenty minutes without talking. Sam felt it was best to let Dean start a conversation if there were anything he wanted to talk about, like the fact he had confessed his love for Cas, and that that had helped the angel fight Lucifer. But knowing his brother, that would probably never happen. Sam realized that being the people that both Dean and Cas were, they may not even talk to each other about it, and just go on as nothing had changed.
Sam cleared his throat "Dean?"
"Yeah?" Dean said and briefly meet his brother's eyes in the rearview mirror before Sam looked back at the road.
"Promise me that you and Cas are gonna talk about all of this." Sam said and meet Dean's eyes for a few seconds again.
After everything Lucifer had said, Dean knew he and Cas had to talk, though talking about such feelings as love not was something he was very good at, and neither was Cas. "Yeah, don't worry. This time, I'll do the right thing." Dean said and looked down at Cas who was still sleeping.
Sam nodded. "Good." He said, and they went back to silence.
After another twenty minutes or so, Cas finally began to wake up. He opened his eyes and it took him a few seconds to realize he was in the Impala. There was a hand on his shoulder making sure he wouldn't fall off the seat, and his head was resting on someone's thigh. He turned his head and looked up at Dean, who was looking out the window. Cas smiled. "Hello, Dean." He mumbled.
Dean looked down at him with a smile. "Hey there, Cas." He said all tender, so happy to see the angel was awake. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Yes, I'm feeling better."
"It's good to have you back, Cas." Sam said from the driver seat.
"Thank you, Sam. It's good to be back." Cas said, and turned his head in Sam's direction. "I'm sorry that I hurt– "
"Hey, hey…" Dean said and got Cas to look at him again "We talked about this. None of it was your fault. It was Lucifer's, okay?"
"But I let him in, it was stupid, I – "
"It's okay." Dean cut him off. "Lucifer is gone, and you are gonna be all right. We don't need to talk about all of this right now. Just get some rest, and we'll talk about it later, okay?"
"Okay." Cas whispered. He was so tired that he could barely keep his eyes open. "Is it okay if I keep lying here?"
Dean smiled down at him. "Of course. Just try and go back to sleep, we still have a good hour drive to the bunker, I'll wake you up when we get there."
Cas fell asleep again, and Dean and Sam didn't talk for the rest of the ride. Since they didn't want to wake him up. When Sam had parked the Impala in the bunker's garage, Dean woke Cas up, and the brothers helped him in. It was late in the evening by now, so they got him to bed right away. Dean stayed with Cas for a bit longer, while Sam went back to the car to get the glass jar.
"You need anything, Cas?" Dean asked as he stood in the doorway.
"No, I'm fine. Thank you." Cas said.
"All right. If you need anything you know where I am." Dean said and turned off the light. "'Night, Cas."
"Goodnight, Dean." Cas mumbled, he was almost already asleep.
Dean closed the door and went to the kitchen to grab a beer with Sam before both of them went to bed too.
For the first time in a long time, Dean fell asleep easily. With Cas safe and back in the bunker, he had one less thing to worry about.
When Dean woke up it was a few minutes past 6 am, so that was not bad. But he couldn't go back to sleep, in his dream he had heard Lucifer repeat his words. That Cas had felt useless, unwanted and unloved. So most of all Dean wanted to go straight to Cas' room and talk to him about all that had happened, but the angel needed to rest, so instead Dean got up and headed for the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee.
When he entered the kitchen he saw that Cas was there, sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He looked up when he heard Dean.
"Good morning, Dean." He said. He looked better than he had the night before, not so tired and worn out.
"Morning, Cas." Dean responded and poured himself a cup of coffee. He took a sip of the hot drink, impressively good. "That's some great coffee, Cas."
"Thank you, I learned to make it when I was human." He answered with a bit of sadness in his voice.
Dean immediately remembered how he had kicked Cas out of the bunker then, the only place he had been safe, and Dean had taken that away from him because he had to keep Sam safe and alive.
Dean placed his hand on the angel's shoulder and sat down next to him. "I promise you Cas, that from now on that the bunker will always be your home. No more being on your own, you belong with us. Not the other angels, not in heaven. You have always been too good for that place."
Cas looked at him with confusing in his eyes. "Heaven is the place where all the good human souls go, it's a place for eternal happiness."
"Well, yeah maybe. But it is also full of dicks, and you deserve better." He said as a matter of fact.
Dean removed his hand from the angel's shoulder and looked down into his cup, Cas definitely deserved better. In fact, he deserved better than he could ever give him.
There was silence for a moment before Cas spoke: "Well, every human soul generates its own heaven, its own happy place. When Lucifer began to see me as a threat after I broke through to help Sam, he locked me away in my own head. I thought I was here, with you and Sam. Guess that makes the bunker my happy place. As long as you and Sam are here that is."
Dean looked up at him and saw a small smile on his lips, it made Dean smile too.
"When I heard you, when you reached out to me, I realized nothing of it was real." Cas continued "I got sad, realizing that some of the best time in my life was a lie. And for a moment, I thought about staying. Just do the easy thing and give up. But I couldn't do that, not when I knew that he would hurt you and Sam." He looked down.
"You did the right thing Cas, you came back to the real world. I know it sucks most of the time, but if you really are happy here with us, I promise I'll do anything I can to make sure it's gonna stay that way." Dean said. He wanted to make sure Cas knew that he had made the right choice. "All the things I said, I meant them. You're important to us Cas. You're important to me."
Cas looked up at Dean again, and waited for the hunter to continue. Dean swallowed hard, when he almost had lost everything in that old factory, the words had come so much easier. But now when the people he cared about were safe, and he was so close to Cas, big words like 'I love you' suddenly seemed so much harder to say.
Instead, Dean closed the little space there were between them when he leaned forward and kissed Cas. Somehow that was easier. Cas didn't get to respond to the kiss before Dean broke it again, but he barely moved his lips from Cas'.
"Please don't ever leave me again." Dean whispered before he kissed him again.
This time, Cas kissed back, and Dean felt so relieved. He put his hands on each side of Cas' face. He felt safe, he felt happy, he finally had his angel.
"I promise." Cas said when they broke the kiss.
Dean smiled. "So is it as good as in your happy place?"
"Better." Cas said. "You never kissed me there. I never dared to dream that you would love me like this."
"Well, I do. And I'm gonna show it to you. Every day." Dean said and gave him another kiss.
When they broke the kiss, Cas smiled at him and said: "I love you too."