So I was reading "Violence is Golden", a story that I assume was titled due to a phrase I used in "Fanfiction Force", and I had the idea that I needed to create more humorous works besides the uber serious works that I kind of haphazardly put together at times. It's been a while since I did a Final Fantasy Tactics fanfiction, so without further adieu…
A better sequel to "Saving the Suicidal"!
Legendary Garb
The Story of the Buttpants
A Final Fantasy Tactics short fanfiction
By: Novalon
The sun shone hotly, giving a strange sort of accomplishment to the previous battle.
"Nice work, Gyrick. The Marquis never knew what hit him."
The ninja wiped his brow as he acknowledged Ramza's statement.
"Something tells me if we had to fight again, the same will not work."
Ramza shook his head, sighing, "I expect if we do fight him again, there will be a similar amount of resets."
The ninja looked on at the scene of Rafa hugging Malak before querying, "What for?"
"Did you see what he was equipped with? If that is the kind of thing he takes on an excursion to rooftop fighting, think what he might use somewhere else!"
Agrias nodded in approval.
"I agree, I feel my use of the Holy Sword was well spent in that last fight. I do not relish having to fight the Marquis again, especially since he has knowledge of how we operate."
"I don't think anything will prepare him for several Holy spells to his face, provided that I am given significant speed boosts."
Blake, the Wizard/Calculator, halted from writing a proof on the side of the roof, nodding to Ramza and his ability to instill faster motion.
"I am inclined to agree with you, Blake…" began Ramza, "but if he has equipment that we can take, your talents would be hindered in favor of more covert operations. What do you think, Musty?"
The Engineer frowned, "I'd rather not face him again. Something about those two women he was with didn't seem right to me."
"I didn't know you swung that way, Musty." Chuckled Gyrick.
"No! That's not what I meant… something just gave me this… soiled feeling… when I looked at them."
Ramza nodded, "I got the same feeling… I assume that if they do not hold Holy Stones themselves, that they are some kind of demonic servants… remember Velius' bunch?"
"Don't remind us…" grimaced Agrias.
Ramza motioned to Rafa, who was continuing to hug Malak, "We'll see what we can do with worthless #1 and worthless #2 there… I would like to check out the rest of this place to see if we can find any equipment that may help us in our battle against Lucavi."
The search was providing the group with more than they could ever hope for. However, the finding of Izlude's broken body filled several members with sadness.
"Crushed… what a way to go." Muttered Gyrick.
"You know what way I'd want to go?" began Blake
"What?"
"Getting laid."
Gyrick chuckled, "Is that all you ever think about?"
"No… I think about other things…"
"Like?"
"Whether it should be at my place or hers…"
Gyrick could not help but laugh at that comment.
"Where is Ramza?" asked Tim, the confused squire.
"Are you sure you want to be asking that one? I think the last place you would want to be is anywhere near him, especially after that last stunt you pulled." Admonished Rad.
Alica smirked, "Monster duty… it suits you."
Lavian smirked, "I can think of other things that would suit him, though. Personally, I think Ramza let him off easy."
"Hey… me and Ramza go way back… I did go to the academy with him, after all." Defended Tim.
"How in the hell did you get into the academy?" asked Rad.
"Money… and lots of it."
"Figures."
Ramza rifled his way through the wardrobe, finally coming across something interesting.
"What the… this looks like some kind of new under-armor wear."
Conveniently, there were instructions and detailed blueprints right inside one of the armor pockets.
"The ability to supercharge oneself at will…? To move faster, to hit harder, to have more courage in battle? Amazing…"
He looked at the back of the armor.
"There seems to be a place in the back that looks to be rather exposing… perhaps this facilitates the great power involved."
He made up his mind; he would use whatever it took to save his sister.
Ramza felt renewed vigor as he left Riovanes. However, he was oblivious to the conversation behind him.
"Is he wearing assless chaps?" Asked Blake, in stupefied awe.
"He must be taking Alma's kidnapping very hard." Said Agrias, shaking her head.
"Very hard? Speaking of Musty…" chuckled Gyrick.
"I do NOT swing that way, damn it!" yelled the Engineer.
The group chuckled.
"What's so funny?" They heard Ramza ask.
"N-Nothing…" stuttered Agrias, "just remembering Tim's look of utter fear…"
"Ah, carry on then… say… what do you all think of my armor?"
"It's very… er…" Began Blake.
"It kicks ass, Ramza." Stated Gyrick.
Mustadio groaned at the pun.
"Very good, the mystical butt-pants I found are made of the finest material, I have already begun to learn new skills as a result!"
"… butt-pants?" Blake shook.
"My faith just plummeted." stated Gyrick.
"If by faith, you mean faith in humanity, then I'm with you." added Blake.
Thus, the group, lead by the heretic, Ramza, made their way to look for Alma. What exciting adventures await them? Will Ramza ever tire of the constant breeze at his hind end? Will the sight cause Agrias to renounce her faith as well? Does Mustadio really "swing that way"? Am I asking too many questions?
Well too bad. But feel glad that I've decided to end it here.
- Novalon