Author's note: I wanted to try my pen on a parody. It resulted in a quest to safe the country, an enemy who's into asides, a couple of naughty dwarfs, suggestive remarks (not that many mind you: the story is T-rated) and references to and quotes from various films. The fact that Naked gun 33 1/3 that was part of my research got stuck in my video recorder for many months is not responsible for anything.

Scene 1 – a rose is a thing of danger

In the castle's garden a pretty girl and a young woman walked side by side. The latter carried a flower-basket that was empty safe for a pair of garden shears.

"Look Charlotte: there are journalists waiting for grandma and Joe to arrive!" the girl cried out as she gestured toward a gate where reporters and camera-teams gathered. "I'm so glad they're returning! What do you think grandma will say when the reporters ask her how her honeymoon was?"

Charlotte was about to reply but the girl already continued: "Now I'm gonna act like grandma."

She took a sip of her water bottle. "Of course grandma would never drink out of a bottle, so this was just me. Hold on." She cleared her throat and in a polished voice, very unlike her own she said: "The weather has been lovely and my husband and I enjoyed having some quiet time together."

Charlotte nodded and the girl laughed. "Normal people wouldn't want quiet time Charlotte! Not on their honeymoon, hello! But most people who get married aren't old right? Well, of course grandma ain't old. Not real old. Like ninety or so, but still, she's not young you know. But Joe looks like a passionate man. He would wanna... you know?"

The girl meaningfully raised her eyebrows. Charlotte fainted.

"Charlotte? Earth to Charlotte?" Mia said. She poured some water over Charlotte's face. When Charlotte regained consciousness she blushed, got up, and handed Mia the garden shears.

"Why don't you pick her some flowers for her room princess Mia?"

"She'll like that won't she?"

Mia tried to cut a rose but she cut her sleeve instead. On her second attempt she cut her thumb.

"Whoops," she said.

A bodyguard holding a first aid kit jumped from a tree. He swiftly put a bandage on the princess's hand.

"Cool, thanks."

After bowing deeply the man got up in the tree again. Charlotte quickly took the shears away from the girl and walking from flower bed to flower bed she cut along.

"I'm so relieved that Parliament decided that I won't have to be a Queen yet," Mia said. "Oh I know: some of the MPs just wait for a chance to get rid of me but I'm not gonna be scared away by them. Besides, did you know that during sessions of Parliament many of them knit? Like they're not even MPs at all! Weird! Anyway, I can finish University and prepare myself and then when grandma's getting tired, I'll step in. I'll be fine right?"

"Uhuh," Charlotte replied.

On one of the castle's towers a herald emerged. He blew a trumpet.

"Her Majesty is about to arrive!" Charlotte nervously told Mia. "She is to meet the Prime Minister first and then she and Joe – I mean, Sir Joe, will go to her – their- suite! At tonight's official ball to mark the anniversary of the Renaldi reign, founded in 978 Anno Domini, they'll dance together!

Mia yawned, grabbed the flower-basket and said: "I'll put the flowers in a vase. See you Charlotte!"

Running over the lawn the princess left a trail of roses. She slipped repeatedly but her bodyguards - jumping from trees and emerging from bushes to protect her - ran along with her and prevented her from falling.

Scene 2 – baths are fun!

A light breeze played with the curtains in the Queen's sitting room and with the two flowers that remained of Mia's bouquet. From another part of the suite came a cry and the sound of boxes falling.

There she was: princess Mia sitting on the floor in her grandmother's dressing room, covered up to her shoulders in shoe boxes.

"Well, at least I got them all now," the girl reasoned. Getting up she tried on a pair of very high heels. She stumbled out of the dressing room into the bedroom and kicked the shoes out. The left one ended up in a small chandelier. Mia moaned. The right one connected with a frame on a night stand. In a hurry to see what damage was done Mia jumped on the ancient four poster bed. It proved to be bumpy and she almost hit the bed's tester before falling back on the mattress. "A ceiling for a bed? That's just so... grandma," Mia said staring at the carved and painted tester that showed flowers and eyes. "That would freak me out. I hope I won't have to sleep here when I'm a queen."

She got to her knees and reached for the frame: its glass was broken. She carefully took out the postcard that had been framed. It showed a long train riding into a small tunnel and in print the words 'Cremallera de Montserrat'. The princess read the backside. There was no address on it, just the words I will soon return to duty. Mia shrugged and opened the night stand's drawer.

"I'm not curious, I just wanna know," she said as she checked the drawer's contents. She found a sconce and sighed at the old fashioned style of her grandmother. When she found a Disk World Novel* she paged through it. A shining golden key that was secured in the margin nearly blinded her and she put on a pair of sunglasses.

"Interesting!" she said when reading the key's label: belongs to the secret vault underneath the royal bath.

Mia hopped to the bathroom and walked around the bath.

"Yeah!" she exclaimed when spotting a pink arrow pointing to a key hole. She put the key in, turned it and soft tinkling sounds accompanied the opening of the vault.

"Wow!" Mia said when seeing the sparkly contents. She dropped herself to the mozaic floor and going "Oh!" and "Ah!" she took out tiaras, bracelets, necklaces, brooches, rings and earrings. She threw a diadem into the air and amazingly it landed on her hair. She did the same with a brooch and it magically pinned itself onto her shirt. Two earrings sparkled their way up and fell down in slow motion. Smiling broadly Mia bent her head backwards to receive them. Her eyes widened when she saw them come down right above the bath. She rose and stretched out her hands to catch the jewelry.

TINKLE TINKLE

Mia couldn't prevent the earrings from disappearing into the drain.

"Oh s**t!"**)

Endnotes

*) Disk World novels are written by Terry Pratchett. You should try one too: if it doesn't make you laugh out loud, you'll smile, but in a better way than Wednesday Addams did after announcing that she desired to be perky.

**) = there is no p**p in the wonderful world that is Genovia!