"Beautiful Disaster"
By AmandaSpencer
Author's Note: This is based on the song "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson. I was sitting listening to the C.D. and suddenly Logan was there in my mind, every confusing, sexy, frustrating, deceivingly sweet inch of him. It just sort of spewed out from there. I also wrote it in just under an hour so forgive me if it's a little sloppy. Hope you like.
Legal: I do not own the characters of Veronica Mars, I have borrowed them for my own purposes. Likewise I do not own the lyrics of "Beautiful Disaster."
Takes place during/after WOCD Songfic
She was laughing as she walked into the newspaper room, the next day and he was sitting there. He looked up as she walked in an their eyes locked. Just that easily the air was sucked out of the room and she felt the loss smothering her. He looked away for a moment and she was freed from whatever spell he seemed to be practicing on her. She moved away leaning against one of the desks while she tried to retrieve whatever sanity she had left. Her eyes went back to him, drawn irresistibly back to his. He was starring. Mrs. Stafford walks in, breaking the spell again and Veronica tells herself she's relieved until Mrs. Stafford announces she's been fired and they need to work independently. As soon as Mrs. Stafford leaves the room she finds her eyes going back to him, so she snaps the class back into action, distracting herself..she wishes.
He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme, I know...
Logan was such a contradiction. The arrogant spoiled little rich kid one minute, wreaking havoc everywhere he went and yet..the other side. So fierce to protect his friends and loved ones, so destroyed by losing Lily..just like her.
He's as damned as he seems
More heaven than a heart could hold..
She knew his family life was bad, worse than most probably but he used his biting wit to hide whatever scars he carried. Except they drove him..drove him to strike out at anyone who could hurt him and drove him to throw himself into danger, risk anything to save someone he cared for. And when he lost..the grief he carried broke her heart, watching him cry.. it was almost too painful to be borne.
And if I tried to save him
My whole world would cave in..
It Just ain't right
Lord, it Just ain't right..
She stared into his brown eyes and wondered what he was looking for in hers. Some part of her, the part of her that had melted while he cried his heart out in her arms, wanted to go to him just hold him. She wanted to walk into his arms and let his arms keep her close, just lay her head against his heart. The safest place on earth, wrapped in each arms because they understood each other so well..too well. But she'd reached this uneasy truce with the world around her for the first time in over a year, even if Logan wanted her the rest of the world wouldn't be so accepting and another life of hers would be destroyed. She couldn't risk it.
But what I don't know
I don't what he's after..
But he's so beautiful..
He's such a beautiful disaster..
The question was; What did Logan want? For almost four years they'd been friends, for a whole year they'd been bitter enemies and now in just a few short months they'd made their way back to tentative friends until that kiss. The kiss that was ping-ponging around her brain relentlessly. The image of him stepping out from behind that wall and punching Ben..Logan had rushed to her rescue, her white knight and for a brief moment the most beautiful person she'd ever laid eyes on.
And If I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Lord would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster?
She thought about yesterday morning when she sat next to him at the table he was watching her from now. He was joking with her, laughing with her and she was glad they'd found a way to do that again, just laugh together. When she'd agreed to help him look for his mother she'd mostly done it just to humor him, she'd never expected the ties that would bind them together. She'd seen him in a rare moment of weakness and for a while she'd worried that it would be enough to make him lash out again. She didn't know if she could fight a grieving Logan and suddenly she didn't have to. Logan had switched back, from the psychotic asshole who terrorized, to the funny friend who smiled his beautiful smile at her once more.
He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with..
More damage than a soul should see..
She hadn't realized all year while he lashed out at her, just how angry he was, how hurt. Lily's death had ripped a part of him away, just as it had to everyone who loved Lily. Except Logan had loved Lily with a big part of himself, maybe the biggest so he lost the most. Then his mom left him, taking the easy way out. Didn't she know that she was leaving him alone..so alone. There wasn't anyone else Logan let in, Duncan was the last person he cared about and she knew better then most what it felt like to be left with one person to care if you lived or died.
But do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Baby, Hold me tight..
Of course, Logan was responsible for her being alone. He was the ringleader in the "I Hate Veronica Marsfanclub. Really she should just walk away, pretend the kiss had never happened. If she could forget.. The bell rang startling her from her thoughts and her gaze went straight to Logan. He was looking at her, shuffling the pages over his desktop randomly while the classroom emptied. She waved at a few people, smiling at them blankly as she pretended to save her own work until the room was silent. The two of them starring at each other again.
I'm longing for love and the logical
but he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waiting so long..
He smiled. "Hey." She smiled back at him, warily.
"Hey."
"I was hoping you'd call." he admitted moving closer.
"I didn't know what to say." She shrugged uncertainly.
"Anything.." his smile slipped.
"I don't want you to start hating me again." She told him baldly and watched him flinch.
"I'm not. I don't hate you. Veronica.." he reached out to lift a strand of hair away from her face and she suddenly realized how close he was. Close enough to touch, to reach out for. "I swear I'll never hurt you again." he swore quietly.
"Logan.." she tried to figure out what she wanted but it was already too late, he pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. Just like last time her world dipped and spun and she held him closer.
He's soft to the touch
but frayed at the ends, he breaks
He's never enough..
And still he's more than I can take.
He kissed her as if she were someone he let in, someone he would let himself love and she felt..wanted. Needed. Maybe they needed each other, to keep one another sane. But if they gave in now, if he let himself love her than he would never take it back and she would have the power to destroy him.
But what I don't know
I don't know what he's after
but he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster?
She broke off the kiss, taking a deep breath as she stared into his searching gaze. Gently she touched his face with her fingertips. It felt as though she'd never seen him before yesterday, had he always been so..beautiful? His eyes were so full of emotion she didn't know how he ever hid anything behind those dark eyes. He was frowning, confused by her slow exploration and she swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly. She shook her head at him, how could she explain? She was overwhelmed, scared of losing this moment, terrified of what lay outside the door. She pressed her face to his chest, breathing in the scent of him, gathering fragile moments in case they were all she would ever had. Life had taught her how cruel it could be. She hugged him, laying her head on his chest to listen to his heart beating and he tighten his hold on her, leaning his cheek on the top of her head.
"Don't let go.."she whispered, feeling the tears escaping.
"I won't." he promised, squeezing her closer.
He's beautiful
Lord he's so beautiful..
He's beautiful.