Bootprints- Part one
A/N
This is a long Drabble two-shot. It's partially based on the song Bootprints by King Creosote. The song doesn't quite fit the stories feel, I don't think. But the lyrics are the basis for it~ I was originally going to make the song into an animation...But I'm better at writing and I've lost my stylus. Anyway, Enjoy~
Vbj,b bvn,v,gjfbhukaggjlvgj,lalalalala
GO!
"Honestly, you have no idea how much Garlic bread I've eaten." Britain moaned, slouching back onto the sofa. His cheeks were flushed from the heat in the house, practically all the nations were attending Italy's first time eating pasta two-thousandth anniversary. America squeezed into the space beside him and puffed out his cheeks in agreement.
"Try me, I've had around twenty slices, Feliciano just makes rootin' tootin' garlic bread!"
" 'Tis the future."
" What, Garlic Bread?...Britain, you have now gone past the limit of crazy on this earth and entered crazyspace. Please, enjoy your stay."
" Your the one calling things rootin' tootin'! They're not even words!" Britain laughed a little and took another glug of the beer in his hand; only to find that he had already previously emptied it. He looked at the brown bottle confused for a while, then turned to Alfred, pointing the bottle at him accusingly.
"Did you do this?" He asked, trying to give a menacing glare at the other, but failing badly under his influence. Alfred stared at the former empire, not quite sure what to say,whilst the latter jeered at everyone that walked past.
"Shagster! You know that pint that you just Got from Feli's fridge? Yeah, the one you had to queue up for. It's mine. Whaddya mean no it's not? It is!" The 'proclaimed' gentleman shouted, only moving his hands from his slouched position.
" Prooshaaaa~ If you let me have that beer, I'll drink it from your mouth! No? Then get Francy McFlouncy, but only if he's got a beer...Yes, I'll have a threesome if you get it. Fivesome tops, Prussia..."
America spat out his own beer in shock, causing the Briton's attention to turn to him.
" Are you drinking that? " He asked, nodding his head towards the drink firmly grasped in Alfred's hand. America quickly thought of a plan to get some of Arthur. Honestly, that's all he ever thinks of, getting Arthur. ' It's called Fan service ' he'd tell himself, when in reality he just wanted to confirm bosses were in a 'special relationship' after all... And a virgin like Alfred needed to be broken by an expert, apparently Britain matched that criteria.
Alfred jumped up after figuring his plan and held the half-empty bottle in front of Britain's face. He laughed to himself in a drunken manner at the ingenious plan that he'd made. It was called...Drunken spreading of Artie's legs mission! Or DSALM for short. Of course, no-one will find that out... Alfred noted. Holy flip. Just thinking about the outcome of this charade was making him excited...
England took a swipe at the beer suddenly, but Alfred whisked it away in a quick motion.
" If you want it, you'll have to follow me, Iggy~ " He taunted, skipping away from the drunk nation. Immediately, another country took his place at the sofa, it was honestly packed at Feli's, so any seat was first come, first serve. Britain frowned at Alfred as if he'd told him to jump off a cliff; then turned to Romano to swindle his beer off him instead.
'Dammit. That lazy ass!' Alfred thought, still standing in the middle of the crowd ' There's got to be a way to get him to follow me!'
Perhaps, luckily for him, Mother Pangea was looking apon him that night; fore, as if on cue, Russia forced Romano out of his spot,then sat down in it himself. Britain was about to jeer at the ominous Russian; but stopped in his tracks when a series of 'kol's' were emitted from Ivan smiling mouth.
England jumped up and latched onto the American's arm with a manly meep. Taking this as an O.K. to go, America lead Britain upstairs. Behind them, the other nations were beginning to wonder where their host had scampered off to.
"Like, where is Feli, Lithy? I totally need to tell him I kinda, like, puked on a really fab tailored suit!" Poland cried, glancing about for the cute nation like a meerkat.
"Yeah! The awesome me needs to know if there is a bedroom to rent!"
"You dummy, why would you want to sleep with that idiot?"
"Who said it was him?It's not Just him, that's for sure. Ksesese!"
On the stairs, Hungary and Japan rushed past the two blondes, in an almost stealth-like fashion; causing England to fall against the wall for support.
"Artie you ok? Did they hurt you? Can you still walk? Are you able to suc.-"
Britain lifted his head off the wall and placed a finger on Alfred's lips.
"I think I know where Italy's ushered off too~" He chirped in a slurred sing song voice, skipping clumsily up the stairs.
Alfred grudgingly followed, shooting out a hand whenever Britain tripped over in his drunken state. This was not hot. At the moment, Britain was putting WAY out of the mood he'd first out him in. If only he could just hurry up and get it over with! Honestly, a drunken person laughing to himself about some stupid plan he'd come up with and hadn't told anyone about sucked...
Britain barged through the door of the room he had previously been leant against and shouted, " Hey, Feli. Stop wanking 'yerself over Ludwig and get downstairs, Poland's chundered all over...Flippin' Bloody mother fucker!"
Alfred popped his head round the door after Britain's outburst and gaped at the sight before him.
Now stopped in what America imagined as some hot friction between the two, Feliciano sat naked on the stripped bed with his usual dazed expression plastered across his face. Also sat naked, a very embarrassed looking Germany, who then started scrambling around for his clothes, and his partner in crime's.
"Britain, it's rude to stare." Alfred laughed obnoxiously, Seeing the thick-browed's expression as a mixture of shock and inquisitiveness. Arthur shook his head back to reality after Italy and Germany went out the room quietly, as if they'd committed a crime. Well, Germany walked out like that. Italy actually skipped out comforting Germany by saying, and I quote, "Ve~ It's alright Germany, Britain's to drunk to remember, and America is probably mentally wounded, but it's okay~ If you want, we can carry on after the party!".
England sniffed and turned to America with puppy dog eyes usually associated with the American.
"My life is depressing!" He wailed, tipping his head back. America jumped about frantically, not sure what to do with a childishly crying nation. He settled on crouching down beside the other and placing a hand on his shoulder. This seemed to work, as Britain stopped crying and faced him; emerald eyes glistening from tears.
"Why are you depressed..?" Alfred asked carefully, hoping that it wasn't because of the revolutionary war again ...Arthur closed his eyes and hung his head. After an awkward silence, he wailed,,
" I haven't had sex in the longest time, Alfred! It's depressing! Even Ludwig can get it! And there's no chance my boss will let me hire a hooker so that's not good! And pleasing yourself only goes so far! It's awfully bland, doesn't even come close to handcuffs whips and oil! "
The bespectacled nation blinked a couple of times in realisation. ' Britain's up for it!' Alfred thought, doing a little victory dance in front of the other. He also thought, ' He's a kinky masochist. ' But that was nicely tossed to the side.
Suddenly, Gilbert poked his head round the door, a couple of beers in each hand.
" Limey, guess who's got beer! " Prussia smirked, walking up to said nation, and helping him up. Britain's face lit up and he promptly latched onto the Albino seductively
" Beer later, who have you chosen? "
America's jaw hit the floor, he was not going to miss out on this. He jumped up and hopped over to the two.
" Let me! Honestly dudes, I'll be like, super awesome yo! " He said, jiggling about with excitement. The others slowly shook their heads.
" Sorry, Yankee. Europeans only. Plus, have you ever had sex before? Starting off with a orgy could be really unawesome thing for the people either side of you. " Prussia sighed, placing a complementary hand on America's shoulder. England placed a hand on his other shoulder and nodded in agreement.
America turned on his mega pout, how dare they not let him be part of this epic event? But, after thinking about it, he would rather have Arthur all to himself than shared with some others...Putting his arm across his chest for protection, America charged towards Prussia; causing him to topple onto the ground. Britain stared with shock as Alfred raised a fist to the innocent albino, then brought it hard to his face. Prussia scrambled out the room clutching his jaw,
" Alright America! Don't get violent just 'cus your too unawesome to get any!" he squealed, slamming the door behind him.
Once silence returned to the bedroom, America stood still for a while, trying to steady his breathing; Britain sat down and scowled at the back of his head. America hadn't meant to actually hurt anyone...That's not what hero's do! But recently things were so depressing back home...Not in the same way as Britain, not entirely anyway; but he couldn't take the burden of the money problems he was having right now!
" I was looking forward to that " Britain muttered, keeping his glare at the back of America's head. America gave a sigh and crouched beside the other, carelessly disregarding the evils directed at him.
" I'm terribly sorry, mate. If you let me...You know...I promise it will bring you happiness. "
" You can't be sure of that, America. Not even you are aware of your performance. It could be crap for all you know. " Britain scoffed, smiling a little. America kicked himself for being too forward, then tried again.
" What is happiness? " He asked, Britain gave out a loud laugh in response.
" Happiness is like wetting yourself, of course! Everyone can see it, but no-one feels the warmth like you do."
America was again lost for words at Arthur's drunken statements, and the room was caked in silence, the awkward type.
" But, I suppose if you insist...I'll accept. Not that I like you! I'm just really desperate. But if it's good I will consider..."
"Artie, just shut up." Alfred laughed, gently grabbing Arthur's chin and turning it to face him. Forest green met aqua blue and remained locked, each one of them edging closer. In a matter of seconds each would be sent into the bliss of years of hopes and dreams. Their lips hovered over each other; just for a moment, testing the warmth.
" Dude! You reek of Garlic Bread! " America splurted, jumping back from Britain's lips. Britain's face remained in a shocked pout and America began to wonder if he did the wrong thing. Suddenly, Arthur let out a honest laugh.
" I did say I ate a lot of the stuff!"
Britain let out a content sigh as he tried to stand up. Tried being the key word in that statement, Alfred got up himself then lent a hand to the other.
" Let's get you fresh." Alfred ginned with his Hollywood smile, heading out onto the landing and dragging Arthur with him.
Both stood in front of the bathroom door, both trying to ignore the moans and pants from behind it.
' Seychelles! You devil! ' A French accent moaned, following with an erotic scream.
" Well, France is being straight for today. " Alfred stated simply, grasping Arthur's hand. Britain sniffed melodramatically,
" M-my colony... Can I un-hear that? "
Alfred gave him a ' say what now? ' look and Britain smiled and pointed to the door coyly.
" Perhaps they will let us join in, Alfie~" He smiled innocently,eyes sparkling. America shook his head, did England just call him...Alfie? Suddenly, an idea popped inside his head.
He lifted his leg and brought it down on the locked door, releasing it from it's hinges. The two naked nations inside whipped their heads to the sudden movement in shock and embarrassment.
" Quick guys! Prussia's having a ficken epic gangbang and he needs people! " Alfred shouted, pointing frantically behind him. France looked longingly at Seychelles telepathically communicating that he wanted to go. Seychelles crossed her arms in a huff as France placed a rose on his vital regions and barged past the two at the door then skipped down the stairs.
Britain was still frozen to the spot, jaw to the ground, as he watched Seychelles slip her blue dress on. Alfred was prodding his arm to get him to stop staring; but nothing happened until Britain got a nice wet slap on the face with a Tuna.
" You really are a pervert, Britain. " She laughed at him then also made her way downstairs. But not for the same reasons...I hope.
After walking into the bathroom, the duo studied the toothbrushes before them. One was neat, one was messy and one was brand-spanking new.
" Germany's, Romano's and Italy's " Alfred stated, pointing to each in turn.
Britain quickly picked up Italy's and put it in his mouth.
" Mine now. " He mumbled, a grin reaching both his ears. Alfred grabbed onto the handle and pulled, Arthur's head jolting forward in an attempt to keep it locked in his mouth. Alfred quickly moved his hand, turning Britain's head to the side. His teeth released the toothbrush's head whilst America was pulling on the handle; the latter falling back with the sudden release of tension.
Acting spontaneously, Britain grabbed a bottle of toothpaste from the sink and forced America's mouth open with his spare hand. Whilst Alfred was in shock, Arthur squeezed the contents of the bottle into his gaping mouth.
" ARTHUR! This isn't toothpaste it's lube! " Alfred spluttered as the ' toothpaste ' filled his mouth. Britain dropped America from the head lock and looked to the sink to see the real toothpaste mocking him,
" Damn, we could of used that. "
" Damn, France used that. "
And then the silence came.
After dwelling on their rather disturbing thoughts, Britain reached out for the next best toothbrush, Germany's. Italy's had rather inconveniently fallen into the toilet, so Alfred quickly flushed it, so that the evidence was removed. Britain double checked the toothpaste was actually toothpaste before squeezing it onto the brush and brushing his teeth.
America was stuck between using the messy toothbrush or waiting for Arthur to finish; he kept on glancing from the sink, to Arthur, from the sink to...Wait a second!
Britain was licking the toothbrush suggestively in front of The innocent blue-eyed nation, smirking at the reaction. Alfred edged towards England little by little, until his reached out and seized the other by the waist. When their eyes met, Alfred felt a hot flush spread across his face and lower regions.
" Your teasing me on purpose..." He grimaced, pressing their hips and foreheads together. Britain kept silent with a prominent smirk on his face, and reached for the toothpaste again. He lifted his other arm, holding a finger up in between their faces. America brought back his head a bit to allow Britain to do whatever he was doing. Britain ran the tube along his finger, leaving a trail of the minty paste.
" W-what's that for?" America stammered, moving his head away from the
prods of England's finger. Britain raised an eyebrow suggestively.
" Oh, Alfred. My needs are simple really; suck it like you mean it." He Taunted seductively.
America's mind struggled to figure what was happening. This wasn't the usual Arthur...This wasn't the Arthur he was looking for. ( These aren't the droids your looking for..Speheheheheheh...) He fell for the shy at romance, pedantic, stubborn Brit. Not the let's have drunk sex I'm horny one.
Maybe it was his eager body or guilty mind, but he ran his tongue up the length of Britain's finger; manoeuvring his tongue around to spread the white paste down his hand. Whilst doing so, America glanced up at the green-eyed nation to see if the job he was doing was satisfying to the other's needs; and, as expected, the cocky smirk was still prominent on his face.
Alfred engulfed the finger in his mouth and began sucking off the toothpaste. It made his mouth cold and fresh, Alfred made a note in his head to ask Italy what brand it was. Suddenly, the finger was quickly removed from his mouth and wiped down on a towel.
" Alright, it isn't a bloody blow job!" Britain snapped, wiping his hand again on his red jeans.
" But you said to-"
" Never mind what I said you fucker! I've sobered up from five minutes ago."
Alfred gawped in dumbfounded fashion whilst Britain fished out his phone from his pocket. ' You two faced dog! ' Alfred laughed to himself, half-glad that the real Britain was coming into view. A wet flannel hit his face, interrupting his thoughts; the sender giving a small sly smile.
" Don't think I'm done with you, I meant what I said earlier. It's just this place doesn't seem fit for sexual activities. I'm calling a cabbie." He lectured, punching in the number for a local taxi chain.
" Hello? Yes, I'd like to have a Taxi come to 13 Pasta street. Yes, it'll be the one with a bunch of good for nothing hooligans having a party. The name's Brit...Kirkland. Yep, Kirkland's the name. Always have been, always will be." Britain said, trying very hard to hide his slight drunken slur.
" Oh? Where am I going to? " He exclaimed,glancing at Alfred for assistance. Alfred shrugged his shoulders dramatically and Arthur gave a sigh.
" Excuse me a moment, let me find out for you."
Britain placed a hand on the speaker and stepped out to the landing,
" FELI! What's the hotel called? " He shouted down the stairs.
" Ve~Arthur, isn't motel sex more your style? " Italy shouted back, a more devious grin than usual on his face.
" Just tell me the bloody hotel name! "
" Merda tight! Make sure the paparazzi don't bite! "
" My sex would get more views than yours any day! Especially if I- "
" Artie, dude! Just tell the man the hotel! " Alfred shouted in embarrassed frustration, starting to get nervous of the plans Arthur had in store for him. Britain quickly turned to face America, a look of realisation on his face.
" Ah, yes...Sorry." He said, nodding a little then lifting the mobile phone back to his ear.
" Sorry 'bout that. The hotel is called Merda Discaria. Yes, ok. See you in ten." And with that, he hung up and grabbed America's hand.
" U-uh wait a second mate." Alfred muttered nervously, he wasn't sure if he wanted to have his first time now...It wasn't as if he didn't like Britain; in fact it was practically impossible to find any more love for someone anywhere else! ( It's just Alfred had a very unique way of expressing his, almost like in shojo manga. Or a really typical fanficton. Perhaps just a little like this one...) But ... He wasn't entirely sure if Britain really felt the same as he did...He was drunk after all, and any claims made might be false. The man wanted to do business with Prussia for Christ's sake!
Britain loosed his hand and looked up at him with a look that was filled with disappointment. Alfred laughed at the other's pitiful look and changed his mind about backing out; before reaching for a bottle of smell and spraying it on his neck.
" Just want to be fresh, see? " He smiled, placing the bottle back down and grasping Arthur's hand again.
The two snuck out of the house and waited at a run-down bus stop. A light drizzle began to patter in the shelter's roof and the two edged closer, for warmth. Of course.
" I'm surprised you've not done it before, 'y know..." Britain mumbled into his jacket, not maintaining any eye-contact with the other. Alfred gave a reassuring squeeze on Arthur's hand and sent a smile his way.
" Well, perhaps I was waiting for the right opportunity. The right person to give the right chance at the right moment...Perhaps."
" Yeah. But what about that time with Russia?"
" No chance. "
" Why did France give you the statue of Liberty?"
" Not for my sex, that's for sure."
" And why not with Canada? Your geographically together..."
" Woh Woh Woh, hold on a second!" Alfred shouted letting go of The Briton's hand suddenly and facing him. " Matthew is my brother! "
England looked away, a red streak bursting out from his ivory skin.
" W-well..." he stammered, wishing that it was possible to melt. Alfred tried to maintain his angry pout, but the corners of his mouth began to curl.
" You've done it with your Brothers!" He screamed in hysterics. " Man that is totally whack!"
Britain's natural instincts with the American kicked in and he clipped the back of Alfred's head with his hand.
" Only to be politically correct! there's no way I would ever have a foursome with my brothers otherwise!"
Silence fell upon the street...Until...
" PAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA! all at once! Man, you get around! SPAHAHAHAAA!"
America was on the floor now, only interrupting his laughter with ' Ow. Dude it hurts!' or ' MY RIBS! MY RIBS! THE PAIN!'.Britain was crouched in his personal emo corner, etching a curse circle in the dirt with a stick.
The two over emotional nations were interrupted by a taxi pulling up and a man stepping it of the driver's side.
' Mr. Kirkland? ' He asked, not expecting what he found. ( What he found being a young man on the floor, and another with a scary mist being emitted around him.)
Britain stood up and brushed his jacket down, then, rather unconditionally forcing America up and into the side of the car.
" Alright, I get it! I'm sorry!" America apologised, wiping away the last of his laughter tears, then sitting in the backseat. ( Sitting in the front seat, gotta make my mind up' which seat shall I taaakeee? * coughs* Please excuse me, I am a hopeless narrator.)
In the car journey to the hotel, only two things were said as the taxi trundled along in the warm, Italian rain.
" How about we start this night again, hey Alfred?"
"Sounds good to me, Arthur."
A/N
Ah, not much action in this chapter( Action...as in * waggles eyebrows suggestively and deepens voice* Le action~ )Not by our two over the pond nations anyway. XD
Yes, as I said before, this is a two-shot. Mostly because, on the device I'm using, this shows as nine and a bit pages of writing. Also, I am in the midst of a mind blank~ I know the plot for the next instalment...But I'm running out of funny things =3= I have a chat up line that good ol' Wales knows( Yes, you were mentioned in the fic there..Could you see? XDXDXDXD * hands magnifying glass for you to use* ) that will be used...But apart from that. I'm skint on funny ideas. And I don't really wish for this to be an angst fic, 'y know what I mean?
Now, do a favour for me, luvvies.
REVIEW AND SUGGEST FUNNY THINGS~ Oh, and favourites are also highly welcome.
Thebritishgirlchild~
I shan't interrupt my trouser's sexy time!