TO: Legolas
FROM:Aragorn
WHAT:Slumber Party
WHERE: My house!
WHEN: Tonight
Legolas Greenleaf stared at the engraved invitation in complete befuddlement. It had to be a joke....no! It was obviously a code....no! A trick! Aragorn was so smart...that was why Legolas had the looks, the fighting skills, cunning, and all other good qualities and Aragorn was Kind of Gondor. Legolas smiled to himself, and pocketted the invitation. He would *be* there.
*****
The doorbell of the huge palace rang....it played the melody of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'-some novelty doorbell thing that Arwen had installed, before her unfortunate and untimely demise. Aragorn swung the door open to reveal the entire fellowship, sans Boromir, and with a couple of non-descript elves, hobbits and a cave troll.
"Hey! What's with the cave troll!? I didn't invite you! Go away!" squealed Aragorn, making shooing motions with his fingers; each nail on said fingers was hot pink with little rhinestones.
The cave troll took one look at Aragorn's hands and fell over laughing; Legolas easily stabbed him in the head, and all of Aragorn's guests piled into the entranceway.
"Oh, it's my new look!" Aragorn giggled. "What do you think?"
Everyone stared.
"Did you just....giggle?" asked Gandalf the White, staring at the King of Gondor.
"Oh, did I? Sorry, boys!" Aragorn giggled again.
"Boys?"
"Excuse me?"
"I think the passing of his little tramp of a wife has driven him completely round the bend..."
"Okay, boys! Time to play truth or dare!" Aragorn shrilled, clapping his hands delightedly.
"Good Lord..." groaned Legolas. So much for top-secret fellowship meeting...this really was a slumber party!
"Okay, I'll go first..." Aragorn said. "Glorfindel; Truth or dare?"
"Oh, for Lorien's sake, I-"
Gandalf silenced him with a look. "Everyone, may I see you for a moment?"
Everyone but Aragorn (who was painting his toenails fuschia) piled into the kitchen.
"Bloody hell-" began Sam.
"We have to humor him," Gandalf proclaimed.
"Why?"
"Because I'm the wizard and I say so. Besides, this fanfic'll run into a deadend if we don't."
"Oh."
So they filed back into the room, where Aragorn was tying his long, once-kingly hair into pigtails.
"Hi!" said Gondor's king, brightly.
Glorfindel sighed. "Truth."
"What?"
"TRUTH!"
"Oh. okay....what's the worst thing you ever did?" asked Aragorn, with another giggle.
"I killed someone." said Glorfindel, raising an eyebrow and looking evil.
Everyone gasped. "Who!?!?!"
"The little bitch-slut...."
Everyone but Aragorn nodded. "Ah."
"What little bitch-slut?" asked Aragorn in perplexity.
"Oh, you know, Arwen? Buried the body. I'll show HER to steal my horse and save Frodo. Ha."
Aragorn gasped and leapt on Glorfindel, trying to rip his long blond hair out in huge clumps. Sam screamed like a girl; "DON'T YOU DARE KILL THAT ELF!!" he shrieked, and leapt on Aragorn. Frodo snorted. "Don't be such a girl!" he shouted, and leapt on Sam. Merry grinned evilly. "DOG PILE!" he wailed, and leapt on Frodo. Pippin leapt on Merry, because Merry leapt on Frodo...and of course, Pippin did everything Merry did.
Everyone else looked on in amazement. Glorfindel crawled out from the pile, looking perfect. (He's an elf. Live with it.) Just as he stands, the audience hears a sickening
CRUNCH!!
and everyone on the pile winced, and fell over.
"Dammit Sam, you killed Aragorn," muttered Frodo. Merry and Pippin glanced around, then pointed to one another. "He did it!" they both cried in unison.
"Well, we need someone else to rule Gondor...and replace that idiot doorbell," proclaimed Gandalf. (yeah, so he proclaims a lot...so?)
Everyone stepped back a pace, except Legolas, who wasn't paying attention.
And THAT, my fine readers, is why Legolas is now the King of Gondor.
(And I know how stupid that was. Thanks.)
PS: You're probably wondering who joined Legolas on the throne. And since this is a badfic, we might as well turn it into a Mary-Sue as well: yes, it was me.
FROM:Aragorn
WHAT:Slumber Party
WHERE: My house!
WHEN: Tonight
Legolas Greenleaf stared at the engraved invitation in complete befuddlement. It had to be a joke....no! It was obviously a code....no! A trick! Aragorn was so smart...that was why Legolas had the looks, the fighting skills, cunning, and all other good qualities and Aragorn was Kind of Gondor. Legolas smiled to himself, and pocketted the invitation. He would *be* there.
*****
The doorbell of the huge palace rang....it played the melody of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'-some novelty doorbell thing that Arwen had installed, before her unfortunate and untimely demise. Aragorn swung the door open to reveal the entire fellowship, sans Boromir, and with a couple of non-descript elves, hobbits and a cave troll.
"Hey! What's with the cave troll!? I didn't invite you! Go away!" squealed Aragorn, making shooing motions with his fingers; each nail on said fingers was hot pink with little rhinestones.
The cave troll took one look at Aragorn's hands and fell over laughing; Legolas easily stabbed him in the head, and all of Aragorn's guests piled into the entranceway.
"Oh, it's my new look!" Aragorn giggled. "What do you think?"
Everyone stared.
"Did you just....giggle?" asked Gandalf the White, staring at the King of Gondor.
"Oh, did I? Sorry, boys!" Aragorn giggled again.
"Boys?"
"Excuse me?"
"I think the passing of his little tramp of a wife has driven him completely round the bend..."
"Okay, boys! Time to play truth or dare!" Aragorn shrilled, clapping his hands delightedly.
"Good Lord..." groaned Legolas. So much for top-secret fellowship meeting...this really was a slumber party!
"Okay, I'll go first..." Aragorn said. "Glorfindel; Truth or dare?"
"Oh, for Lorien's sake, I-"
Gandalf silenced him with a look. "Everyone, may I see you for a moment?"
Everyone but Aragorn (who was painting his toenails fuschia) piled into the kitchen.
"Bloody hell-" began Sam.
"We have to humor him," Gandalf proclaimed.
"Why?"
"Because I'm the wizard and I say so. Besides, this fanfic'll run into a deadend if we don't."
"Oh."
So they filed back into the room, where Aragorn was tying his long, once-kingly hair into pigtails.
"Hi!" said Gondor's king, brightly.
Glorfindel sighed. "Truth."
"What?"
"TRUTH!"
"Oh. okay....what's the worst thing you ever did?" asked Aragorn, with another giggle.
"I killed someone." said Glorfindel, raising an eyebrow and looking evil.
Everyone gasped. "Who!?!?!"
"The little bitch-slut...."
Everyone but Aragorn nodded. "Ah."
"What little bitch-slut?" asked Aragorn in perplexity.
"Oh, you know, Arwen? Buried the body. I'll show HER to steal my horse and save Frodo. Ha."
Aragorn gasped and leapt on Glorfindel, trying to rip his long blond hair out in huge clumps. Sam screamed like a girl; "DON'T YOU DARE KILL THAT ELF!!" he shrieked, and leapt on Aragorn. Frodo snorted. "Don't be such a girl!" he shouted, and leapt on Sam. Merry grinned evilly. "DOG PILE!" he wailed, and leapt on Frodo. Pippin leapt on Merry, because Merry leapt on Frodo...and of course, Pippin did everything Merry did.
Everyone else looked on in amazement. Glorfindel crawled out from the pile, looking perfect. (He's an elf. Live with it.) Just as he stands, the audience hears a sickening
CRUNCH!!
and everyone on the pile winced, and fell over.
"Dammit Sam, you killed Aragorn," muttered Frodo. Merry and Pippin glanced around, then pointed to one another. "He did it!" they both cried in unison.
"Well, we need someone else to rule Gondor...and replace that idiot doorbell," proclaimed Gandalf. (yeah, so he proclaims a lot...so?)
Everyone stepped back a pace, except Legolas, who wasn't paying attention.
And THAT, my fine readers, is why Legolas is now the King of Gondor.
(And I know how stupid that was. Thanks.)
PS: You're probably wondering who joined Legolas on the throne. And since this is a badfic, we might as well turn it into a Mary-Sue as well: yes, it was me.