Thought i would rewrite this & make it not so fast-paced, im changing the script a bit too & until Atem & Loretta are together i will switch back & forth between her & him, please let me know what you think so far, Ive just started ch 2 where things will get a bit more romantic
Love at first glance
Living in Egypt's capital of Cairo was a girl by the name of Loretta who lived with her Mother & Father; Rosetta & Abydos, respectively, her elder sister Rachelle & the twins Celina & Rafael. Loretta had a very adventurous spirit & when she went out with Rachelle to explore the town around them, often she'd disappear without her elder sister knowing which way she had gone so would have no choice but to go home & wait for her return. One day however she didn't return & would end up meeting someone she had only heard about around the village.
Walking around town Loretta got bored with looking at the stalls, yes she loved jewellery & shiny things but there was something else that caught her eye, the Palace. The Pharaohs Palace, It was a magnificent structure surrounded by high walls & Lion statues that lined the main entrance. wondering around a bit more she found that she was now in the outer courtyard of the palace, "Oh no, i better get out of here, I would get into so much trouble with mum if i got caught" thought Loretta to herself as she did a quick about-face straight into the toned chest of a tall, very handsome man who was probably no older than she was "Watch where you are going, peasant! The Pharaoh doesn't need to be pestered by silly little girls" he scolded at her harshly "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on to the Palace grounds, I got lost" she stuttered at she quickly moved backwards out of his arms reach.
Nodding slowly in response he let her stand up "That may be, but right now if you don't mind I have better things to do" he snapped whipping his cape around as he turned to walk away "T-Thank you Sir" she stuttered again bowing slightly.
Making her way back home Loretta began to think about what had just happened "How could someone like that work for the Pharaoh? From what I've heard he's kind & gentle, that guy was downright rude...Hmph" she finished with a shrug.
Walking through the door of her parent's house her Mother turned to look at her with a concerned look on her face "Loretta! Where in Ra's name have you been, you missed lunch" "I'm sorry Mother, I got lost" she said looking down & away from her Mother "You didn't get into any trouble did you?" Rosetta questioned putting her hands on her hips "No Mother" "good, right because you missed lunch & ran away on your sister, who has also been worried sick about you, you can spend the rest of the day up in your room until Dinner" "Yes Mother" said Loretta as a single tear made its way down her cheek".
In the Palace
"Seto?" questioned a young man who had a very deep baritone voice "What was the commotion outside in the courtyard?" "Nothing to worry about your Highness, just some young girl who had wandered into your palace 'by accident' " Seto said with a bow marking his phrase with air quotes "Oh?" said the Pharaoh raising an eyebrow at his priest "you were very hard on her, I'm sure she wasn't doing any harm" "Im sorry my King, but we can't be too careful, many people have entered your Palace to try & take your life so I'm only doing it to protect you", sighing the Pharaoh nodded in agreement "Yes, I suppose you are right Seto, but i would like to meet this girl & personally apologize to her for your rude behaviour" "What! You have to be kidding Atem, don't you think going down the village is a bad idea" said Seto with his mouth wide open, turning to his Priest, Atem pushed up on Seto's jaw with his index finger & smirked "Not if you are the on guarding me, I am the Pharaoh & as such i wish to be taken down the village to visit that poor girl you spoke so horribly to" "Yes your highness" Seto said with a bow, just then the pair were interrupted by a member of Atem's royal court.
Going down on one knee Shada bowed before the Pharaoh "Excuse me your Majesty" "Oh Shada, what seems to be the problem" said Atem as he turned around, watching Shada stand up "Shimon has called an urgent meeting, you are needed in the throne room right away, Sire" "Thank yo, Shada, i shall be there soon..." turning to look at Seto, Atem frowned "I guess our trip will have to wait till tomorrow morning" he said as he walked off, following Shada to the throne room.
The Next day
"Loretta..." Called Rachelle to her little sister "Mum wants us to go down to the market, do you want to come with me?" "Coming, im just getting my dress on" she called back as she flicked her long black hair out from the back of sky blue halterneck.
Coming down the stairs Rosetta turned to look at her daughter "Now your not going to run off on your sister this time are you Loretta?" she questioned "No Mother, i will come straight back home with Rachelle...Theres nothing worth looking at anyway" she said with a sigh, muttering the last bit under her breath "Good girl, now off you go, I want you two home within the hour" "Yes Mother" both girls said as they walked out the door, walking past the stalls Rachelle stopped every so often & picked out various fruit & vegetables that were on her Mothers list, for a week day the market was very quiet until someone exclaimed "The Pharaoh is coming!"
Dropping to their knees everyone made a pathway for the Pharaoh & his head priest, as well as the guards that were escourting them, clearfully looking up the first thing that caught Loretta's eye was the last person she wanted to see "Oh Ra, now what am I going to do, I bet he told the Pharaoh yesterday that i was on his grounds...Im in so much trouble, please dont recognise me" thought Loretta to herself as she started to shake a little "Loretta..." Rachelle whispered "Whats wrong, why are you shaking?" watching tears roll down her sister's face Rachelle brought Loretta close, hugging her until she was interupted by a shadow.
Looking up quickly & then back down Rachelle bowed her head low "P-Please your Majesty, please forgive me, I'm sorry for looking directly at you, I was startled" "Pharaoh, what are you doing" said Seto raising an eyebrow "Its ok Seto, relax no harm has been done..." he chuckled, crouching down in front of the two sisters "Who is this?" he asked tilting his head to the side "She's my little sister, your Highness" "Is she ok, why is she crying?" he asked as his knee touched the ground in front of Loretta "I dont know, Loretta, are you ok?" questioned Rachelle turning her head to look at her sister.
Looking at Rachelle out of the corner of her eye Loretta nodded then turned her eyes back to the ground. Studying the girl that was in front of them Seto's eye went wide "A-Atem, this is this girl who I spoke about yesterday" said Seto as he stood at Atem's side motioning to Loretta with his eyes "Wow" thought Atem to himself as a light blush covered his cheeks ", Loretta...Please look at me, I give you permission" slowly but very hesitantly Loretta looked up at the Pharaoh still with tears covering her lower lashes "Y-yes your Majesty" seeing Loretta look up Atem gasped & went wide eyed "T-thoes eyes, how beautiful" he thought to himself which brought a small smile to his face "Did you accidently come onto my Palace grounds yesterday" "Y-yes I did your Majesty, I-I'm so sorry, please dont arrest me, my Mother would be so disappointed for lying to her" said Loretta as he dropped her head again & started to cry.
Gently placing his hand under her chin he brought her head back up to look at him which caused a gasp from the people near by "I'm not going to hurt you Loretta, I brought Seto with me so he could point you out to me so I could apologise to you for Seto's rude behaviour, so im the one that should be saying sorry" he said wiping a tear from her eye with his thumb which sent a calming shiver down her spine.
Loretta didnt know what it was about him but something just felt right, was it his enticing deep violet eyes or the charming smile he put on just for her, "What am I thinking, we can never be together, he's the King for Ra's sake & im just a lowly peasant girl" , noticing that she had become very quiet he took her hand & helped her to stand up "Loretta?..." he questioned "Is everything ok?" nodding again she looked down & away, blushing slightly due to developing a small crush on this very handsome man. "I must return to my Palace now, it was a pleasure to meet you Loretta" "Thank you, your Majesty, it was an honour to meet you too" Loretta said with a bow, picking up her hand Atem kissed it & smiled "I would really like to see you again, I am holding a celebratory feast at the Palace tomorrow night for my 18th birthday & I want you to be my guest of honour..." turning to look at Seto while still holding Loretta's hand & smirking "And as punishment he can escourt you to the palace & then home again" "What!? Pharaoh you cant be serious! Im not a guard" said Seto as his mouth hung open making Atem laugh, "No but you are a member of my Royal court & must do as I say" "As you command my Pharaoh" Seto said with a sigh.