Disappointment grasped at her heart more so than fear. The thought that she could redeem him just as Luke helped redeem the one he loved without any logical reason, without much bonding time, with the knowledge of the past horrors…Luke still saw the light in his father. And yet, he wanted to crush away at the same darkness he saw in his own nephew before it started, but that fear amplified and caused the already spiraling downfall of Ben Solo. Rey felt that the parallel was too good to be true; the Force seemed to reaffirm the hope and confidence that she developed in helping Ben. It was the Jedi way, not the powers she had, but the principles as Luke implied to her, that the Jedi are supposed to be selfless and compassionate to others-even if they didn't deserve it, want it, need it, or were even on the same side.
Rey needed him to complete her training, to truly be a Jedi, like Luke when he redeemed Darth Vader. Luke told her that you only look upon the deeds of the Jedi, he only saw failure-but Rey found inspiration to do the same with Ben. She held on to the hope fiercely, and she knew that Ben felt it in her heart whenever they encountered each other's presence. Before she went to him though, she sensed his worry and conflict. Not just the pull to the light, to her, as well as to Snoke from the dark. Rey felt his fear of turning her over to Snoke as condemnation to death. Yet even he had a hope, for her to turn, just as she had hope for him to turn. Rey wondered if he knew her secret worry about him getting caught and turned over to the Resistance for his own death sentence. His mother told her privately that she does not wish it so, but that the others would easily remove her rank and replace her under the premise of a compromised mind and execute him anyway.
It made sense, each side was supposed to kill the other to succeed and complete their quest over the galaxy. Oddly though, even though both sides have been at war for decades before them and most likely decades after them, Rey actually felt out of place. It was just like the dream that the Force showed them time and time again. It wasn't war, it wasn't peace, and it wasn't even the galaxy. It was just them. Alone. That was why she felt out of place, not because she was Force-sensitive and others weren't in the war, it was just the fact that she had compassion for a man she barely knew, and when it boiled down to that simple dream, it was only them. Nothing else existed or mattered.
When Rey touched his hand, time seemed to stand still. He learned about her just as she learned of him; their past, their present, and one glimpse of their future. It was strong and vibrant, and reinforced her determination to go see him. Luke doubted her resolve, she did not. When she arrived to the First Order's massive dreadnought, one look at each other and it was clear-they were bound to each other until the end of time. Together as enemies, friends, or something else, neither of them were sure-but that's where their hope from that brief glimpse into the future burned bright.
Rey stood there now, only feet from him. Watching him closely, she wondered what he'd thought. They entered each other's mind before outside of Jakku, when they felt they were doing as they were supposed to-be enemies. Things seemed to make sense then-rather; it seemed clear, cut, and defined. That was easy. Now things were complicated, even more so after they killed Snoke and the Praetorian Guards together, neither of them really knew what to do…
The second time they saw each other's minds it was willing on both parts, when they touched hands on Ach-To. They reached for each other across the void. Had Luke not interrupted, Rey was sure one of them would pull the other towards them. It felt like the right thing to do. Now, only silence fell across them. No bonds, no tricks, no heartbeats, not breathing, not even their voices filled the room. Just the fluttering of sparks and embers falling gently to the ground. He looked upon the corpse of his dead abuser, and Rey towards her only friends. They looked back at each other silent, wondering who would talks first. Where to go from here?
Out of fear of losing the other, of fear of reverting back to the way things were instead of moving on, Rey and Kylo desperately reached for the saber that broke in two. All things went black and silent, both unaware that they knocked each other out.
When Rey came to, she realized that she was the first to wake, seeing Ben sprawled out across the ground of the Throne Room. She instinctively reached for the broken saber, not that it was for function, but sentimentality. Getting up quickly, she was ready to leave. Hesitating she wondered what would happen to him if she left him. Would he hunt her down? Would Hux let him live knowing that Kylo brutally killed Snoke? Rey couldn't take him with her, knowing that too would condemn him to death. That's not how Jedi are supposed to be-conflict is supposed to be the last resort. Leaving him meant that he'd have a chance to live, even if it meant that he'd come for her after her "betrayal." It's something she'd do if the tables were turned. She couldn't stay knowing she's outnumbered, she had to go. Breathing deeply, she made her choice.
Although the embers rained down, her eyes blurred, and her ears were ringing. For a brief moment she wanted to see his mind one last time, to see the one strand of light connecting them…but she resolved not to. She would not be like Luke in that respect-invading Ben's mind and expecting the worse of him. Surprising herself, she allowed he knees to fall in exhaustion to the ground next to him. Subconsciously, with no sense at all, she brushed his hair from out of his face, like she wanted to whenever she saw him. Especially now that his hair was very disheveled. Rey couldn't sit by him long, but she savored what remained of their truce, regaining her physical strength to leave the dying ship. Hesitantly, Rey touched his shoulder since he lay on his side. Her hand lingered there as she thought. She thought of his childhood compared to hers; he did not always spend time alone. Ben was kind and loving once, his family adoring when they were around. In spite of his handsome face and wealthy status, it did not comfort him. Rey saw flashes of his sad beautiful eyes over the years becoming less loving and more abandoned. Rey wished his lovely eyes had hope in them again, if only for a moment. Rey knew he saw something similar in her. A kid abandoned on a dry desolate world, all the love gone from the eyes…but never the hope. Rising once again, she left for the escape pods, wishing Ben all the best, even if he did not wish it for her. Who knows now what would come next, but Rey would not let dread destroy that light of her heart and mind.
It had been a couple of years since the incident. Things seem relatively unchanged, but Rey could tell something was drawing to a close. Rumors throughout the Resistance spread that even though Kylo Ren was Supreme Leader and that the First Order continued as it was in spite of Snoke's death, there was a coup planned. Seemed like General Hux had major ambitions, or just disliked Ren for the death of Snoke, who really knew? Both sides seemed unchanged and unfazed by everything that had happened…but it felt so different for Rey and Ben…at least she thought it did.
It was night, Rey sat up in her bunk of the small quarters. She was alone, as usual. Finn, Poe, and Rose provided company when she desired it; Leia came and went on missions just like the rest. It was rumored that she died on one of the away missions, but Rey knew better. Since Rey had favor with the Resistance officers given her Force-sensitive abilities, she technically had status on the ship as a high-level member, upgrading her to the small private quarters. It was no larger than an escape pod, or at least that's how it felt.
Falling asleep, Rey started to drift off from the solitude, not a whole lot on her mind. The whirring of the machines ever going, the lights dimly blinking, it took a lot to just drown it all out to sleep.
All of a sudden though, she felt weightless. Silence filled the room, deafening her ears. Then she heard it, though her eyes were closed. A heartbeat filled the void, soft breathing nearby, a dark looming presence, and deft boots on a marble floor. An ungloved warm hand brushed hair away from her face to behind her ears. Her eyes opened confirming this was not a dream.
Across from her not even a foot away was Kylo Ren. Unmasked, ungloved, unsmiling. It was those same sad eyes that haunt her so. Usually their glaring at each other gave off a false sense of confidence, but after both of them had cooled down from what had happened, neither one was really ready to fight and confront the other at this moment; so once again they enjoyed their mutually understood truce. Rey sat up. They were silent like last time, but the feelings between them were calmer. Perhaps it was time or just the distance, maybe it was both.
Without saying a word, Rey looked at him and shifted to the other side of her bed, looking between him and the empty spot next to her. With those sad haunting eyes, they never left her, but he did acknowledge the gesture and sat down beside her. This was all mind projections, neither one of us are really where the other one is, Rey thought. Still, his presence was surprisingly comforting to the loneliness each usually felt. Both of them coyly looked over their shoulders to briefly look at the other from time to time. Never really looking directly at the other for long, but definitely not looking away. Quick little side glances happened for a short while that seemed to stretch into eternity.
To each of their surprise, Rey leaned her head upon his strong broad shoulders. The intimate gesture was surprising enough, but the fact that it seemed like the other was really there, when Rey expected to fall down onto the bed once she realized what happened, suddenly felt normal to them. Another unexpected gesture came to Rey's amazement, Ben's hand on his left thigh went palm up slowly, leaving his lap, offering it to her. Without hesitating, she took her right hand and took it. They were holding onto each other slow, soft, and lovingly, not wanting to let the other go.
Their pulses slightly quickened when the silence was broken by conversation. "Why did you really kill him?"
Ben's voice was deep and clear, "You already knew why I killed Han. You said I'm a monster, and I am." They both looked deep into each other's eyes now, unaware that they were still holding onto each other. Rey felt a pang of shame, "It was a test that much I can tell. I wasn't referring to Han Solo this time."
Ben looked at her curiously. "I refused to submit to the Supreme Leader for the final time. I thought you would know."
"I refuse to believe that. Tell me the reason why. You know why I had to, but why did you?" She spoke clearly and quietly, almost hushed. She guessed the reason, but somehow hearing it would confirm it.
"Because he tortured you." Ben's deep smooth voice entranced her. They just looked at each other silently for a long time, still holding on to the other's hand. Rey remembered when Ben read her mind as she slept, seeing the oceanic planet in her mind. She also remembered the horror and pain Snoke inflicted on her mind and body in the Throne Room. Electric bolts coursed through her mind to her whole being making her wish she was dead. Somehow even then, Ben was there in the residual space of their bond, biding his time, calculating how to kill Snoke without his knowing it.
Before either one of them could speak, an interruption on both ends occurred. Hux came to Kylo's chambers to request his presence in the main part of his ship. Finn burst through the doors to get Rey. Both Rey and Ben looked to the other spot to see if the other was there, but they were not. The connection was broken when both of them didn't want it to. They continued with their routines, reflecting on what just happened. Who knew what came next.
Although nothing lasts forever, both of them enjoyed the silence they shared together, until the next time.