Title: Parallels
Rating: M
Pairings: Maura/Jane and Maura/OFC (Maura POV)
Warnings: Death (Minor Character), Violence, PTSD and mentions of suicide/depression.
Summary: It's funny how they parallel each other.
Takes place 2 years after "…And now she's mine" and is the final part of the series.
Maura/Jane. Rizziles. Sad but with fluffyish ending.
I jolted up in a cold sweat. I panted and glanced around my bedroom. My relief came when I saw Jane sleeping softly on her stomach. I smiled and rubbed her back.
It had been 2 years since she left Casey and I returned to the HMS Dragon. 4 years since I reenlisted in the royal navy and 6 months since I left again.
Jane and I moved in together after my final tour ended. She returned to BPD as a Sargent and I went to back to being the M.E. as I was finally able to fire Pike. My welcome back to BPD was warm and simple, it was as though nothing changed. We'd work during the day and would spend time together at night.
I heard a soft cry through our apartment, not wanting to disturb Jane, I quietly got up and tiptoed around the apartment to her our daughter's room. Little Maura was 4 now. After Jane left Casey she filed for full custody due to the abuse he inflicted on her. I wish I was there to stop it but wasn't. Jane doesn't talk about it but sometimes has panic attacks and whenever she does I am here to hold and coo her.
I walked into little Maura's room, she was sleeping soundly but kicked and cried in her sleep. I picked her up and sat in the rocking chair across from her bed. She was in my lap and as I rocked back and forth my mind wandered.
"Maura come on. We're going to be late!" Maria said.
"I'm coming. Just putting on my navy suit." I responded.
It was December 17th 1999 and my wife and I were heading to dinner. She was a girl named Maria, I met her while on break at a bar. She was a beautiful woman who gave me drinks and thanked me for my navy service. We have dated for 3 years and I asked her to marry me on august 7th.
"Mommy why can't I come?" We heard.
She had a four year old daughter from a previous relationship but after we moved in I started taking care of her. She calls me Maura and her mother mommy.
"Valarie, this is for grownups. You have papa to play with." Maria answered.
I smiled, at first neither of our parents approved of our relationship but eventually they warmed up to the idea.
When Maria's mother died, she made me promise to protect and love her daughter. I did and told her I would lay down my life for Maria. She smiled and with her last breath wished us well.
We left Valarie with her grandfather and went to dinner.
At dinner we talked about our future and enjoyed the simple moments. I took her for a walk in the navy yard shortly after and we walked by the beach. I smiled and under the full moon I kissed her deeply.
It was perfect, we were perfect, and life was perfect.
But life can be cruel as well…
December 18th 1999:
This was the day that ruined my life. I was at work on the navy shipyard preparing a group for supply transport when I got a phone call.
"Hello?"
"Listen carefully. We have your girlfriend and child. If you want them to live you will do as I say."
"Don't you touch them!"
"Very well but you must do as I say."
"Very well."
"Come find me and they will go unharmed. You have one week."
"Bastard. I'll kill you-"
The line went dead.
The next 5 days were a blur. I ran from the shipyard and searched everywhere I could. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat and worked around the clock to find him.
December 24th 1999
Christmas Eve. A day that should be spent holding my child and wife not searching for them. Using some detective work and my training as a Lt. I was able to find the location. A small warehouse in the outskirts of Dublin.
I quietly walked in to the warehouse, weapon drawn, and anger burning. I would snap at any minute if I wasn't careful. I wondered into the center of the warehouse and heard a shifting noise. I quickly turned around and saw Maria tied to a chair.
I lowered my pistol and ran to her. She had tears in her eyes. I ripped the gag from her mouth and kissed her deeply. She was alive, scared and hurt but alive.
"Mau-Maura?"
"Shh. It's ok. I'm here."
"Maura behind you!"
"AHH!
I felt a deep stab in my shoulder. The blade was twisted but I refused to scream again.
"So you found me, good job Lt. Isles."
The knife was pulled out and I gripped my shoulder in pain. I growled but turned to face my attacker and shield Maria.
"How do you know my name?"
"That matters little." The man said. He was thin but muscular and wore a ski mask to protect his face from my glaring eyes.
"Alright I came as you asked now let them go."
He smiled and laughed. The anger grew through me and I pulled out my gun. I fired near his head but missed on purpose.
"That was your warning, now let them go."
"Very well." He said throwing me a knife.
"Untie your lover. She may leave but you may not."
I untied Maria and ordered her to leave.
"But Maura-"
"Maria, go damnit. I-I won't lose you."
Maria hid and I turned to the man again.
"Where's Valarie?"
"Who? Oh the little girl. She's safe for now."
He snapped his fingers and another man appeared. He held Valarie in his grasp and held a gun to her head.
"Ma-maura! Help me."
I aimed my gun at him.
"Shoot my man and the kid dies." The masked man said.
I trembled, hesitation was not something I was used to. Hesitation was weakness and would mean the difference between life and death. Damnit! I lowered my gun and looked at Valarie.
Bang!
A loud gunshot echoed through the warehouse. Pain shot through me as my arm became numb.
Clink.
My gun hit the floor and my arm became weak.
"Lt. I know you from when you came toKosovo. You and your men killed my family and now it time for justice."
I remember now. It was June 1999 and we were assisting NATO in the Kosovo war. Our men were deployed to a small village just south of the capital Pristina. We were told to kill the Serbs that were forcing the families out of their homes. We had intelligence that they around and forced them into a small house.
"Burn it." I ordered.
"But Lt. what if there are hostages?"
"I said burn it."
My men held a flame and burned the house to the ground. The village was declared cleared out of the Serbs. I looked back to the blaze and helped put it out as to not burn the entire village. We left without saying a word.
He walked to me and pushed me down. He then kicked my gun away.
"You killed my family in cold blood. Now you will know the pain of that."
The man began to head to Valarie.
"No!" I screamed and willed my body to move.
The unmasked man interfered and aimed his gun at me. I grabbed him but he tossed me. I laid on the ground and noticed a crowbar next to me. I quietly reached for it. He mad his way to me and I slammed him with it.
He stumbled back and I hit him again. I then took the gun and shot him. I aimed the gun at the other man and shot.
Nothing.
I looked again to see the gun was empty.
"Damnit!" I said and threw the gun away. I limped to the man.
His grip on Valarie tightened. He fired at me but missed. I continued to walk toward him until I was in front of him. I noticed him trembling almost in fear of me.
I grabbed his neck and growled at him. I kicked his gun away. He fought and kicked begging desperately for his life. Valarie was able to escape and so I glared at him.
"Get out" I said coldly.
I dropped him and turned toward Maria and Valarie. I began to walk toward them, glad that they were alive. I felt a shift behind me and then a painful cut across my back. I collapsed and panted in agony.
"Foolish woman. Kindness and mercy are weakness."
He stood next to me holding a machete. It was somewhat rusted and dripping with blood. My blood.
"The wicked shall pay for what they have done. For my family, yours must pay."
He began walking toward them.
"NO!" I screamed but couldn't will my body to move.
I stood carefully on my hand and pushed myself up. The pain in my back felt like it was ripping through every layer of muscle. I had to move though. He was getting closer to them. I willed my feet to move and then slowly jog and then run.
He raised the blade to Maria first. Why wouldn't she run? Was she scared, paralyzed, stupid, trying to be brave? What?
"Maria Run!" I screamed.
I was so close, I could see her face, just a little farther-
Blood splattered on my face. It was warm, salty and burned whatever it touched. Maria was slouched over. The machete went through her chest. He pulled it out and she collapsed with a loud thud.
He then made his way to Valarie. I ran in front of him and grabbed the blade. It sliced my palms and he cut my chest. I let go and fell.
He smirked and grabbed Valarie's neck. I grabbed his foot weakly and he simply shoved me off. He plunged the blade into her as well. Blood dripped on the wood and on me. He pulled the machete out and set Valarie down.
"Now you know my pain. Is your hate stronger than mine?"
""BASTARD!"
He smirked and then walked away.
"We'll meet again Lt. and we will see if your existence is worthy or not."
He left. Left us there to die. I stood weakly and picked up Valarie. Her weak body bled onto my shirt. Her soft cries of pain made my heart ache. Each step felt like the weight of 1,000 boulders strapped to my feet. I had to walk, for her for them.
I laid Valarie next to Maria. There was nothing I could do, she was already dead by the time I put her down. I wanted to cry so bad, scream my pain but couldn't. Maria was still alive and I had to be strong…for her.
I pulled Maria into my arms and held her. Her screams of pain and loss were unbearable. There was no pain like that of a mother losing her child...her only child.
Blood poured out of her wound. I tried to put pressure on it but blood stained my hand in a matter of seconds. My hands began to tremble as my body began to shut down. Her breathing was more labored and she couldn't support any weight.
"M-Maura?"
"Shh. I'm here."
A few more moments of silence. She looked over at Valarie's body. I couldn't bear to see the pain in her eyes.
"Maria, I- I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't strong enough. I-"
"Maura it's alright."
"NO! It's not i- I couldn't save her and I'm losing you. I should have been there. Just one more step and I would have…Take me with you."
"Maura. It's not your fault. You must live for me. For both of us."
"No please. I don't deserve life. I killed so many. I couldn't- I couldn't save you."
"You came. That's all that matters."
I was shocked. I held her closer and looked deep into her eyes. I saw so many emotions. There was regret, sadness, pain, acceptance and love. A deep love that even death couldn't take in her final moments of life.
"Maura. I love you, let it go." She whispered.
I kissed her deeply. I poured all my love into the kiss, and all the breath I could muster. She tried to respond as strongly. I gripped her closer and felt a lone tear run down my cheek. I felt her become weak and pulled away. She was no longer afraid of death. She looked at me one final time and smiled.
She died with a smile…
I finished rocking little Maura and placed her back in bed.
I walked to the bathroom. I turned on the light and saw my reflection. My body and heart were wounded from war. Scars lined my body everywhere. Some were from war while some were self-inflicted. The pain of losing Maria was too hard on my heart and I destroyed every Christmas gift in a drunken rage after I got released from the hospital.
I returned to the navy for six months until I was placed on psychiatric leave. I returned to Boston and finished medical school. My body healed but my heart never did... I always blamed myself for her death and before being appointed at BPD buried myself in work. I tried to jump from the Charles River Bridge one night but stopped myself when I heard Maria's voice in the wind.
I met Jane soon after. She reminded me so much of Maria. Her long black hair flowing with each step, her deep raspy voice, her strong loud personality. It's funny how they parallel each other but how they were so different. Jane was more like me when I was a sailor; a strong willed protector who would never back down. While Maria was more passive like I am now.
I was always protective of Jane even before we dated. When Hoyt captured her, I felt the same anger that burned against Maria's captor. I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't lose Jane. After we dated I became more protective of her. She knew some of my past but never asks beyond what she needed. Now she is the more passive one in our relationship, it really is a parallel. Strange how that worked out.
I removed my shirt and looked at them closer. There were many and even they were parallels.
There were the ones that marked my palms after grabbing swords to protect both my women. There was the one across my abdomen that gave me my second love. There were the self-inflicted ones across my wrist that years of pain and guilt brought.
And then there was the one that carved my back from my left shoulder to right hip. My most devastating scar and the weight it carried with it. Pain suddenly shot through my back and I gripped my back in agony.
The memories shot through me and I looked down to my hands. They dripped in blood. Maria's blood, Valarie's blood, countless blood of war victims, and my blood. I couldn't tell the difference. The smell of iron and burning flesh filled my nose and I felt bile clench in my throat. I leaned over the toilet and purged the memories.
The fire.
The rusty blade.
The taste of iron.
The salty burn of tears.
The constant dripping of blood.
All of it.
"Maura babe what are you doing?" Jane said.
I turned and saw Jane leaning against the doorway. Her gentle hair flowing and her eyes beaming with concern. I assured her everything was ok but she saw through that quick. She ran her hand up my back and gasped. She never saw that scar but knew the story behind it. I stood and held her.
I regained enough strength for me to carry her. I held her honeymoon style and carried her to bed.
We cuddled and she simply held me.
"Sorry to wake you. Just the memories came back."
"Don't be sorry…" She felt under my shirt and rubbed the scar. I moaned as though her touch could erase the memories. She smiled and lifted my shirt off.
She brought her lips to each scar and kissed down.
First my shoulder, my palms, my chest, my abdomen.
Then went for the other scars:
My heart, both wrists, my neck, and my lips.
I kissed her deeply and then kissed her scars.
Her neck, her palms, her lower abdomen, her belly button (Technically a scar).
I pulled back and looked at her. She smiled and kissed me again. We pulled apart once our lungs demanded it. I pushed a hair out of her face.
"Why do you feel like a dream?"
"I'm not. 100 percent real."
A moment of silence.
"Why do you always feel so inevitable to me?" she asked.
"You can't help who you love." I simply said.
She smiled and kissed me again, then rolled onto her stomach and fell asleep.
I stared at the ceiling and my mind began to wander.
There were so many parallels between Jane and Maria. I saved them both from war, I fell in love with them both. They both have a child.
But there were so many parallels between Jane and Me. Our bodies were injured for love, we'd die for each other, we're both protective and both have a hard past.
So once again I find myself raising a young child who isn't mine. Once again I find myself loving a woman and loving her deeply. Once again I protected this woman from death and war. Once again the pain of war has marked my body and my heart. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I sigh as I look at my damaged hands. Sometimes I question why I was allowed to live. I sometimes can't tell what's real. I look into the dark room and feel it. The pain and darkness began to gnaw at me again. I tried to play it off but it began to crawl like insects.
It's haunting how I can't seem
to find myself again
My walls are closing in
I shook as the familiar hole grew in my chest. I turned my head and saw the walls moving, getting smaller and smaller until they closed me off. I saw the images on the walls. The ruins of a house, children so thin i could see their ribs from afar, women and men stripped bare and placed behind barbed wire starved and suffering.
One child even begged me for a small piece of bread from my rations. I gave the family all my rations: a canteeon of water, a palm size loaf of bread, three packages of MRE (Meals ready to eat) and a small candy bar i stole from another fight.
I shudder but try not to move as Jane sleeps soundly.
I felt this way before
So insecure
Was I going to be good enough for Jane? Would I be able to protect her or would I lose her?
Why? Why did I live? Did I deserve her?
My body doesn't have nearly as much strength and still...
Crawling in my skin
These wounds the will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Fire spread through me. It begn at my back and raced through my fingers. I gritted my teah and grasped at the bedsheets. My back arched of it's own accord trying to escape the pain. my muscles released and i whimpered very sofly.
Confusing, confusing what is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming
I was walking trough a small village. My rifle was strapped to my left. the small dirt road crushes under my boots. I hear a loud scream and rush toward it. My squad stayed behind. I ran and ran till i got to a small house.
A child lay dead in the grass, the wound a serilic K. Cutthroat. I growled and took of my hat. I closed the child's eyes and walked inside.
Confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling
Confusing what is real
I opened my eyes and glanced around again. I felt my neck, my pulse was high.
Adrenaline i rationalized.
A noise slammed in front of the door. I gripped the pistol that i keep near the bed and aimed.
"Maura! What are you doing?" Jane yelled.
She grabbed my hand and i tighted. I felt the urge to strike but had to remember that this was Jane.
"Jane." I warned.
She understood and released me. I relaxed a little and set the gun back. So many questions ran through my mind as the guilt and shame consumed me. Jane noticed and hugged me. I gripped tighter.
"Maura. I love you, let it go." She said.
I gasped and looked at her. I heard those words before. The words of death. A creul reminder that i was able to live.
Why?
I held even tighter and looked at the sky from our window. A single star burned bright that night. I looked at it until it finally click.
Jane. She was why I was allowed to live. Maria may have died but my ability to love didn't and I was granted a second chance. The parallels were coincidences. Jane was not Maria and I loved each as separate entities. The past didn't matter to Jane or make me any less capable of loving her.
I let go and spooned her so I was the big spoon. My strong muscular arms wrapped around her and I never let go. I wouldn't let go.
I loved Maria. I love Jane. They were so alike. Maria died. Jane lives. I couldn't protect Maria from death. I couldn't protect Jane from abuse. I lost Maria and I REFUSE to lose Jane.
We would only have a few hours berore our daughter woke us. It felt so good to say that. Our. Jane was willing to give her all to me and i must do the same. There was a spot in my heart always reserved for Maria. But the rest of it was for Jane.
I would fight the darkness and protect Jane from everything. Even myself.
I lost my love once and I refused to let it happen again. Even if that means fighting the darkness alone.
I feel asleep with a final though in my mind.
Jane, you are my second chance
and i may not be perfect
I may be broken
but no matter what happens
I WILL PROTECT YOU.