A "Better than Me" Songfic.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of S. Meyer's works.

"Better than Me" - Hinder

I suggest you listen to the song while reading. It's much better that way.

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As I ran into the night, under the shadows of the trees, everything I once had was gone. My life...my love...everything was over since my angel was no longer there. My blessing became a curse. I was a beast, a demon, a devil that longed once to make an angel fall.

I think you can do much better than me

After all the lies that I made you believe

The look on your face...the pain and the despair flashed before my eyes everytime I blinked. The twisting of a dagger in my chest, over and over. For...a single word shattered you.

A single word, ripping and tearing your wings. Leaving nothing but feathers...pieces...that was all.

Your eyes became empty after the anger, your legs shaking from the tearing of your heart.

Guilt kicks in and I start to see

The edge of the bed

Where your nightgown used to be

What had I done? No, it was for the best. You wouldn't lose your wings, you wouldn't lose your purity. Not if I could help it.

I told myself I won't miss you

But I remembered

What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

I missed your warmth...your scent...your touch...your lips.
Those of which, were lost due to what I am. A monster...a bloodsucker.

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

But, the blooding draining from your beautiful skin, the crimson blush which I loved, looked as if it would never return.

But, no, you would forget. You would forget me...the darkness...the bloodlust, and go into the light in which you belonged. While I would live forever, eternally in shadow. The pain, like a wave, consuming me in the dark depths of the sea. And the flames of hell and the pain of purgatory pulling me down...and down.

This was no place for an angel.

While looking through your old box of notes

I found those pictures I took

That you were looking for

I jumped into the car, turning the key and speeding away, leaving you behind. My body unfeeling, nothing left. Everything left for you, my angel, my savior.

As I drove, I pulled out the main thing from my pocket you should not have inorder to forget the darkness. The pictures...the memories.

I stare at your face, seemingly nervous at my cold countanance. Then, as I look at myself, the feeling of hate coursing through my body, making me quiver. I see the fold between your and me, remembering that only I showed.

I flip it over, so I can see only you.

If there's one memory

I don't want to lose

That time at the mall

You and me in the dressing room

The memories playing in my mind as I drove down the streets. The sign saying I've left Forks long behind.

I told myself I won't miss you But I remembered What it feels like beside you

The bedroom...my eternal sanctuary. The picture of you sleeping soundly and at peace, suddenly turning to you on the cold wooden floor, lost in pain...numb. The loathing of myself strengthening.

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

The warmth your skin provided me...as you descended from heaven, and pulling me out of purgatory by the touch of your hand...by the touch of your lips. Filling me with light, peace, and...heaven.

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder

Wish I never would've said it's over

And I can't pretend...

I won't think about you when I'm older

I said I wouldn't ever see you again, and you wouldn't ever see me again. Your fate was safe when you were away from me. I don't deserve you at all.

You said that you wanted to be like me, "Superman" and "Your equal". Truth was...I was never your equal.

Cause we never really had our closure

This can't be the end

I couldn't go home now, no...I stopped the car, running out into the trees. The first tree in my path, a grandfather oak, my fist slams into it as it cracks right down the middle, splitting into the earth and along the large roots.

I turn and slam my other into another tree, the forve taking out the whole middle, splitters flying into the air as the booming and cracking echoes into the sky.

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

I take out more and more trees, pretending that the tree I strike...is me. The picture of your face and the tears you are shedding behind my lids. Damning myself to hell for it, that it was me who caused it.

The dagger, no...the sword stabbing me now turning and turning.

My voice echoes into the night sky and I roar out in pain, as if I was being burned to ashes and torn.

Truth was, I was being torn...

My roar become hoarse and weak as I slump to my knees and hands, digging into the earth. My eyes shut tight and my jaw clenched. I open my eyes to slits, glaring into the sky, into the new moon with hate.

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And I think you should know this

But suddenly...I see your face there. And your hand reaching to me as you fly back, away from me, farther away... My eyes widening as I stretch my hand to catch yours.

But, as I do, you fade with a cry of tears, a cry of my name.

My hand falls back to the ground and my eyes shut, sobs coursing through my being. My pain unbearable. The sword digging deeper.

The snow begins to fall as the flakes fall onto my face, acting as my silent tears, which I can never even shed for you...my love.

I roar out your name, hoping for you to come to me, to save me from hell once more. But, then as I finish screaming, I realize it's not a roar...but a cry. A cry which matched yours.

You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

As I look back at that time when I left, as I now lay beside you. Your angelic face in my sight, your angelic lips there for me to touch with my own. And you...beside me...protecting me from the darkness with your heavenly light...your love.

You forgived me, for what I had done. But now I realize...as I had seen in your father's thoughts...the empty shell you were when I left you.

I left you in darkness, I stole your heart, and...I clipped your wings...stealing your soul.

I realize...the pain I felt was nothing in comparison to yours...

I left knowing you loved me.

To you, I left...without ever loving you.
The thought making my body quiver at the memory of you...when I was no longer there.
The things you felt...

The fear...the pain...the loss...the loneliness...the feeling of being empty.

I look down, smiling sadly at your sleeping face. My head lowers slowly and your sweet breath comes against my lips. Then, you whisper my name, and grasp my hand. Warmth and light seeping into me. I bring your hand to my cheek as you gently stroke it, as if awake. Gently...as if I was porcelin, like how I treated you.

You are, and will always, be better than me.

And where ever you may go, I shall follow.

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