I guess this is the end. I can't believe it, at least not after everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna end. I always knew that the chances for us live till we grow old were small, we are warriors after all, but this is too much. She's asking me for not drop the ashes, this is a nightmare! She wants me to let her die; I can't stand the thought of her leaving me. I don't care about the souls, what's right or beliefs, I only care about her. She's my destiny, my soul mate, my one true love and I can't live my life without a destiny.
I feel pain in a way that I didn't even know it was possible, my soul is hurting. I look into her baby blue eyes and see pain, sorrow, love, faith, regret and redemption; I broke the stare in the moment she cries. A part of me feels like I should give into her and say goodbye, this is for the greater good and we always do what's right, we always give in. Should I pay such a high price for it? Would she do the same? I don't think so, she saved me from that fate when I killed Korah and should be punished with death penalty, why shouldn't I save her now? The souls will be avenged when her time comes.
"Do you understand what you are asking me?" my head is down while I let my tears fall free from my eyes, I don't want her to see me like this, it'll only hurt more "Yes. Gabrielle, listen to me, this is the only way and you know it." she lifts my chin and the vision is heart breaking. Xena is before me, trying to be strong for both of us, trying to convince me to break our hearts, but she can't stop her own tears at the thought. She says I'm the light that pushes away the darkness, her darkness, however without her darkness there's no light, everything is just empty.
"Would you do it if the roles were reversed? Would you stand the thought of me dying in front of you?" she wouldn't do it, I can see in her eyes, they show me so much pain and love, she would never leave me "There is not the point, I don't need to think about it because you would never do such a terrible thing!" she shakes her head trying push away the thought "It was an accident! You didn't know that those would be the consequences, please Xena." I'm pleading, I can't do it! "That's beside the point now, this is for the greater good, let me go." She says those words while caressing my cheeks, making me close my eyes in the process. I will never let you go; you should've known that by now.
Our time is running out, I can see the last rays of light. I turn my back to her, I feel her presence, and she puts her right hand on my shoulder. She wants to say something, anything that will make me feel better; the only problem is that such a thing doesn't exist and she knows it so she stays quiet. I want to be strong and do what she's asking me, I want to be selfless and let her go, although when it comes to her I can never be selfless, I'm selfish and again, she knows it. "I love you, Gabrielle, forever." It comes out as a whisper, but I manage to hear it anyway and I make my mind in that moment and I drop the ashes on the water, it feels like it's happening on slow motion, while I do it I just keep one thing in mind 'forgive me for not being strong, Xena'.
I don't know how much time has passed since I dropped the ashes, the last rays of light are gone and she still here. We're quiet, I keep my back to her, I can't face her right now not when I know I let her down, my tears keep falling, but I somehow feel relieved. She sits beside me and grabs one of my hands that are on the fountain while I stare my reflex on the water. I contemplate say something, but I don't know what she's thinking and I have no intentions of setting her off. We can feel the tension in the air and I can only hope she will say something soon.
"I understand." I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders now, who knew two words could hold so much. "Xena… I…" I can't find words and I decide to look into those icy blue eyes, hoping my eyes will speak for me. This is so strange, I'm a bard, yet I seem to be unable to say the right words or words at all "Gabrielle, I asked you to do something that I knew I wouldn't be able to, I'm not disappointed in you, deep down I knew you would do this." she's suffering for both of us, I can see it even though she's trying her very best to hide it. She lost the best opportunity to redemption herself because I couldn't let her go, still she refuses to hold it against me, I'm blessed. "Xena, I know I should be sorry, but I'm not because you're with me right now and that's all that matters to me. Your path is my path." She's holding me now and I think she finally understands me, wherever she goes I go "I wouldn't have it in any other way." she seals it with a kiss, a kiss that I'm eager to respond, although I feel like I'm in heaven now I've never felt so unworthy of her. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to redemption myself with her, just like she does with her sins.
We are on the ship now, I'm enjoying for the first time the fact I'm not seasick so I'm in the deck staring the sea thinking about nothing just appreciating the view. "So where to now?" Xena appears in the deck and her voice brings me back to reality while she puts her hand on my shoulder making me look into her eyes "I think we should go south to the land of the pharaohs, I heard they're needing a girl with a chackram." we share a knowing smile then we start laughing. "Well, the girl with a chackram needs a girl with a sai, you know." she's holding me staring my green eyes and my lips "Don't worry, the same goes for the girl with a sai." She closes the gap between us and again, I'm eager to respond.
In the end I got the life that I've always dreamt about: warriors, fights, saving the ones who need, being a hero. I just didn't dream about having her in every one of these moments and more, it's okay though, because I don't think my dreams would make her justice. I'm happy to say that this is not our ending and the more I think about it more I think we won't have it, because as cheesy as it sounds our love is eternal and transcendental and we'll always find our way back to each other.