It had been one month, twelve days, and five hours since he last saw Kate. One month, twelve days, and five hours since he last felt whole. Instead of trying to be a productive citizen, he sat inside most of the time he forced himself awake. The month had passed so slow, like he was trying to run through molasses.
It had been one month, twelve days, and five hours since Kate had died.
He still had nightmares about it. Alexis would wake him up because he would yell himself hoarse in his sleep. He guilt tripped himself and wondered if he would have noticed the glint of the gun behind that damned tombstone a second earlier, a millisecond even, he would not have the feeling of complete and total despair that buried deep into his chest. Martha and Alexis had been walking on eggshells, both understanding how devastating this had been for Rick. It was devastating for everyone.
Both Ryan and Esposito tried to work for a few days after, but then put in for all of their vacation time. The Castle's hadn't talked to either of them since her funeral. They were all dealing with it in their own way, none of them doing it well.
Lanie had tried to talk to Castle, but he refused. He couldn't even remember what sun felt like on his skin.
No one could see her body at the hospital. The doctors said when they cracked her ribs open to fix the damage done by the bullet, they couldn't stop the blood from pouring out. She bled out on that godforsaken metal table and Castle wasn't there to help her.
The doctor's had to restrain Rick from running into the room to see Kate, but the look that was etched into the features of her father's face made him freeze. He had lost Kate, but her father had lost everyone important to him.
Kate's funeral was held a few days after. Everyone was still in a daze for what happened. Rick had refused to believe the truth until he saw her casket. He was asked to speak and tried to find the right words to describe the woman who had changed his life.
"To say that I am a changed man is an understatement. Kate Beckett saved me from myself and for that, I will be forever grateful. Anyone who saw Kate work knew the passion she held in her heart. She was reserved from sharing her feelings, but when a smile broke through her face, the world stopped turning for just a moment. Her laugh could cure anything. And I am sad so many people missed actually knowing her.
"To most, she will always be my Nikki Heat. Professional bad-ass. To me, she will always and forever be the woman I loved. And I don't know if she ever heard me. I regret so much about our relationship. The fact that I wasn't able to hold her when she got sad, get into little fights with her about stupid things, and kiss her good morning kills me inside.
"I know she's watching over us and trying to tell me to stop being a drama queen. But I loved her like I will love no other woman.
"Kate Beckett, it was a pleasure knowing you."
By the time Esposito and Ryan had returned to work, it had been one month, twenty-five days, and fourteen hours. And it hurt then as much as it did when they had first learned of the news. The new captain came in hard. Gates wanted to get another detective in with them, but both refused. No one would understand how they felt. But she was adamant. Valerie Quinn started to lead them. She transferred in from Washington, D.C., so they boys had to aquant her to life in New York. They were polite and they tried to be warm, really they did, but she wasn't Beckett. She had dirty blonde hair that was in a pixie cut, tall even without heels, and shared everything. She was the opposite of everything Kate was.
And Valerie knew it. She didn't press her new partners but she had read enough about the incident online and had picked up Richard Castle's books to understand how much that woman had meant to the group of friends. She knew her placement was only temporary at least.