Walk The Line

Cowritten with: majincammy

Tagline: "Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they become us."

Summary: In the wake of a horrific accident, Arizona's sinks into a deep depression where not only Callie, but Sofia also fails in rekindling her love for life? Despite agonizing pain and the realization is she losing it all, can Arizona overcome in order to save everything she loves?

Author's Note: Hi guys! So majincammy and I started writing this fic after the finale and we were hesitant to post it at first but after the season premier and with everything else going on, we decided that it was the right time. We're exploring a different route with Arizona but we really like this fic (me more than her probably) and we hope you feel the same!

Darkness doesn't really have a name; it doesn't have a face or a voice, or anything recognizable. It does not play favorites, it does not sacrifice, it has hatred, cruelty, and bitterness all wrapped up inside of it. Darkness consumes the shadows; it fights away all that is fated to be, the darkness eats away at the light, destroying any hope or faith that may accidentally find itself in its contorting path. Darkness consumes life, love, and dreams. Darkness does not have a name, but if it did, Arizona Robbins is sure that it would be her name.

Maybe darkness wouldn't be her name, but she was being consumed by it. A pit of pure blackness radiated in her core and burned like an ember. It sucked all the healthy, happy, and childlike wonder for the world she once had and used it to fuel the rage that just wouldn't dissipate. It rolled in her like a never ending wave of hate and fear and sadness. A never ending wave lapping at her, forcing her under and drowning her in despair she could never even imagine.

She never used to be this way; at least, she didn't think she had been. She used to be the person who believed in love, believed in the happily ever after's and that everything happened for a reason, and that reason was that at the end of the day, you were going to be more than okay. But, after watching life being ripped away from her, after hearing those heart wrenching cries, after the darkness swelled in her soul and destroyed any possibility of being that happy woman again, Arizona knows this is who she is now. The darkness courses through her veins black as night and after those chilly nights of desolation, she knows that her heart is thickened with the obscurity, so much so that not even a glimpse of love could save her.

Arizona stared out of the window in her apartment at a black starless sky. It reminded her of how she felt: empty. Her arms ached and she just let them hang loosely at her sides as she watched nothing, just like how she felt inside. Nothing. Movement behind her startled her, but she didn't jump or move or even make a sound. She just stared out of the window and ignored the presence which stood behind her timidly.

"Would you like to go to bed, Arizona?" a small almost cowardly voice asked from behind her. Callie was still walking on eggshells and afraid of saying something that would set her off. The problem was just hearing that timid voice had already caused the rage inside her to smolder and thicken.

"If I want to go to bed, I'll roll my useless ass in there," she replied coldly.

Things had not always been this way, before she would have jumped at the chance to be in bed with her wife. But, that was before; before the darkness, before the pain, before the excruciating reality of what her life would consist of from this point forward. It was before nobody came to help them for days, before her wife took the whole fucking day to think that something might be wrong because she had not called to tell her she made it safely. Things are different now, Arizona is different.

"You're barely getting any sleep," She can hear the disappointment in Callie's voice as she sighs behind her and it sparks another burning ember inside of her. She doesn't get it; Arizona mumbles as she grinds her teeth, staring blankly out the window, she just doesn't get it. How could she understand when her legs are still capable of walking her around in this apartment, when her legs are very capable of walking her right out of their life? And honestly, sometimes, Arizona really just wished she would. That's how far the blackckness had taken her.

"I don't need sleep. It's not like I'm doing anything that requires energy. And if I wanted to sleep, I sure as hell don't need your help to do it," Arizona snaps, her eyes still focused on the black sky. The darkness of heavens is familiar to the darkness in her soul, except, the sky has twinkling stars, it has hope, but Arizona doesn't.

"I was just asking, Arizona," Callie replies in a tender voice.

"Well don't! I don't need you treating me like I'm a child, Callie! I got around just fine without you before and I sure as hell can get around without your help now!" Arizona barks, her stomach fuming with disgust, but a moment later her face contorts into a heartbreaking frown which Callie catches the reflection in mirror. "…It's bad enough you have to clean me up like I'm a child." The whispered words broke Callie's heart… again.

"Okay, Arizona, okay…" Callie waved her arms slightly and then stood there, staring at Arizona's reflection. The distance she felt from Arizona was as far as the stars shining within that reflection. Her wife was lost and nothing she tried was bringing her back. She was scared; so scared for herself, for her daughter, but mostly for Arizona, because she was starting to feel as though her wife may never come back. She waited another moment, staring at the reflection for anything from Arizona, but when nothing came, she shrunk her shoulders and turned to walk into the bedroom. At the door, she spun around and looked at her wife sitting in the hospital wheelchair and sighed deeply. It's been months and Arizona won't even consider buying her own and she didn't know how to broach that subject.

Maybe she never would.

Callie never wanted to be a single parent. Nobody ever does really, but Callie Torres, well; she never wanted this life for herself. With George, she thought he would be a great father and a great spouse, and they could make it work. But, they didn't. And then when she got pregnant with Sofia, she thought Arizona would bail and she would be doing it alone, but she didn't. She said she was in, all in. She misses that, the other partner helping her through this. But that Arizona, much like Mark, is gone, and she is doing this alone.

Sofia hates the color yellow, Callie has realized, after trying to put yellow outfits on her and the little girl screams bloody murder at the top of her lungs. But Callie hasn't done laundry yet, and it's wishful thinking to think that Arizona has, so, the only thing Sofia has left to wear to daycare is a yellow sundress Abuelo Carlos bought for her.

As soon as the kid sees the dress coming, she starts screaming and crying and Callie groans with a sigh. Reaching down, she manages to hold her squirming daughter as she slips the dress over her head, much to Sofia's dismay as she kicks and squirms and slaps at the fabric. Squalling louder, Sofia's face begins to turn red as Callie slides it down over her body in a grumbling sigh.

Sofia is screaming in unhappiness and honestly, Callie wants to scream too. Scream at the top of hear lungs to the high heavens. Maybe God would even hear her and finally take pity on her and her crumbling family.

Callie wishes she could time travel. She would go back in time and make sure none of the staff got on that damn plane. That plane ruined her life. And most people think only three people died in that crash; the pilot, Lexie, and Mark, but Callie knows Arizona died in that plane as well. If she could just go back in time, she would make that flight not happen. Or force her wife to let Karev take her place. Or go back far enough to force Nick to get treatment sooner so that her wife wouldn't have been in that situation.

A fucking plane crash!

Sometimes, it felt as though the world just didn't want her to be happy. Things were just going to well for her. Arizona and Mark were finally getting along and they had the most beautiful child together. Everyone was happy, especially Callie. She was over the moon and had everything she wanted. Mark was finally giving them some space and she and Arizona were in a honeymoon phase of their relationship. Everything was shiny and happy; sex almost every chance they could, even with a child making them lose sleep. But then the universe topples everything into the abyss, just like always.

A break up over kids.

Reuniting over the gun of a shooter.

Another break up in the middle of an airport.

A child made out of sadness and longing for the love of her life.

Reuniting again after all the anger and sadness finally disappeared.

Things were going so well and then a plane crashes out of the sky and ruins her perfect life.

Sofia is sniffling and whining as Callie slides the comb through her blackened hair and she can't help but think how Arizona is kind of like that now. Sofia's hair at least, and the fact that she is even using Sofia's hair as a metaphor for her wife makes her chuckle. But it's true, she is stubborn and fickle, she is dark and angry, but if crafted in the right way, absolutely stunning. Even now.

The tiny tot is all but having a meltdown in cries when Callie places the comb aside, picking up the wailing baby in her arms as she rocks her softly and a part of her breaks inside at the realization that Arizona can no longer carry their daughter. Even though it has been months since the diagnosis of her partial paralysis, it is moments like this that still destroy Callie. Arizona cannot sway her side to side like this; she cannot run with her or teach her how to swim or ride a bike. Well, she could but she refuses to go to PT, to be a charity project and if Arizona Robbins is one thing, she is certainly stubborn.

"Callie! What are you doing to her?! Make her stop!" Arizona's voice erupts from the living room, annoyance clear in her voice and Callie swallows as she gently runs her fingers through the back of Sofia's hair. She knows she is only angry because she cannot be the mother she swore she would be to their daughter, but all this anger and frustration is getting the best of Callie, and Sofia too. The little girl has been nothing but a handful since Arizona came home and she knows that she can sense the tension and aggression in the air.

Gathering her things along with Sofia, Callie stepped back into the living room and glanced at Arizona. Her wife looked disheveled, hair everywhere and dark bags under her pretty blue eyes, most likely caused from the bad dreams she tries to hide. Even after all their time together, all the progress they made with one another, learning how to deal with each other, a plane crash and paralysis diagnosis later and it's like two strangers trying to live together. Well, one trying, the other slowly dying in front of Callie's eyes and she felt powerless to stop it.

"I'm sorry; I haven't had a chance to do get the laundry done, so she's unhappy with this dress. We're leaving in a minute," she whispered softly as she made her way through the living room, making a mental note of what she still needed to grab.

"PT at one, will you stop by to see me?" Callie asked hopefully.

Arizona had one hand rubbing her head, her eyes closed in frustration, "I know what time my therapy appointment is, I made the damn thing." She slapped her hand against the side of her wheelchair. "I don't know, depends on how I feel after PT, so maybe."

Callie swallowed the large lump that formed in her throat as she stood and stared at the back of Arizona's head. She hadn't moved in two days. At all. Not one step… well, not one of anything she can manage. How did her life end up this way, so out of control with a stranger for a wife? She spun on her feet, grabbing her things including the baby bag and walked out of door, slamming it behind her.

The vibration of the door rattles the pictures on the wall and Arizona winces at the obviousness of her wife's annoyance toward her, about their situation. If she is being honest, she wishes that she could be the wife that Callie needs her to be, that she could be the mother that Sofia needs. But like Mark and Lexie that night, Arizona died in that crash. And she knows that, no amount of therapy or PT will ever bring her back.

Sighing, Arizona stares out at the sky that is now flooded with white fluffy clouds and birds that are flying freely above the city. She wishes she was one, she wishes that she could just lift up and fly away, that she could be that free and not require help from others or a metal chair to get around. She wishes she was a bird, because if she was, she'd fly as far away from Seattle as she could. Fly as far away from Callie as she can, because no one deserves a wife who is nothing more than a burden.

Glancing down at the metal band on her ring finger reminds Arizona of what once was. Her face falls for a brief moment to expose the emotion that is surging through her. Their wedding day had been the happiest day of her entire life, the day that she stood in front of their friends and family and became wife and wife, nothing had been better than that feeling. But that feeling, much like everything else, has all but washed away from her now and the ring is just a bitter reminder of how much of a failure she really is. How she is failing Callie, and Sofia, but mostly herself?

Squinting, she looks back out at the sky as a form of tears prick in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Callie," Arizona whispers. She knows it is too late for Callie to hear her, but she wishes that her wife could.