Please be kind, this is a story that lies close to my heart for it describes a lot of my own personal feelings when it comes to my own, at times chaotic life. I own nothing but my own characters and storyline, the rest is the property of the lovely J. K. Rowling.
Guileless Honesty
Chapter 1
Train ride to the unknown
Hayley sat in the train compartment; her mind was a chaos of thoughts and feelings.
There was a lot that coursed this.
Firstly there was her mother who had just died recently. She had loved her mum and all, but both Hayley and her mother knew that she would die sooner or later with the terminal sickness that her mum had. So Hayley wasn't as upset as she could have been, she had been as ready as a child about to lose a parent could be. But she was the only one who Hayley had ever had that close to her.
Secondly she was now on her way towards a father who had just recently got the knowledge about his fatherhood to Hayley.
And thirdly, she was going into a world that had abandoned her mother. For you see her mother's old world had been very different from the world Hayley had grown up in.
Her mother had been born into what was the magical world, the world of wizards and witches. But when her grandparents had found out that her mum didn't have any magic in her, she was thrown out of her family.
Her mother had been forced to live in the non-magical world, or as wizard-kind called it 'the muggle world'. There she had to take care of herself, and learn as quickly as possible, and as much as possible about a world she had never known, only heard of in her parent's horror stories.
For you see Hayley's grandparents were very much against the muggle world and any kind of muggle influence. So much that they had huddled under an evil wizard that promised to get rid of all the 'dirty blood'.
When she got out into the muggle world, her mum had even changed her last name from Mulciber to Alford, to protect herself from any squib hating relatives. For that was what her mother was, a squib. A child born to magical parents, but without any magic to speak of.
Her mother had lived many years without contact to the magical world. Until one night, when she fell under a fierce depression, and went into the pub which she worked in, to get drunk. There she met a wizard who like her had drunk himself into a stupor.
Things went as those kinds of things go, and her mother Helen got pregnant with Hayley. But finally, seeing a purpose in her life, she kept the small child, and raised her as good as she could.
Hayley and her mum had lived in their little terraced house in Liverpool, until Helen got too sick and had to be moved into a hospice.
Shortly before her mum's death, they had been contacted by the Ministry of Magic because of her relation to those that had served under the evil wizard, and demanded of her last living "Not imprisoned" relative, her father. That he was to take care of her.
After her mother's death in late June, she had been in the custody of the ministry, were she had had a small apartment for herself. But there was a lot of stress around her because of the defeat of the evil wizard who she had found out was named "Voldemort". So she had not had a calm moment after her temporary move to the ministry.
So even now just sitting in the train compartment she was not completely relaxed. She was fidgeting, and was starting to go into a panic attack.
What if her dad didn't want her? She had been told to go from the train to the castle where he worked, but what if there was no one to get her from the train because they had forgotten it, and what if she got lost?
She had been so nervous that morning. That she had forgotten to go to the bathroom, before an escort had followed her to the train and left her in the compartment. And she was about to burst. What if she accidentally wet herself? She didn't like to use public bathrooms at all, so the one on the train was out of question.
"Take a deep breath Hayley", she tried to calm herself. "Take a deep breath, and try to do as the psychologist told you to do"
Her psychologist was not one who she had been close to; she didn't even like him at all. But he had had a good idea about how to help Hayley to calm herself down.
He had noticed that she had a good memory for melodies and song texts, and had therefore suggested that she should try to concentrate on that instead, when she was about to panic.
Her mind quickly found a song that she knew well, and she started to hum. Every so often a few words slipped out of her shaking lips. "Hmm hmm, army dreamers", "Mammy's hero". Small tears ran down her face, and she started to rock back and forward. She hugged her legs close to her and started to remember.
Hayley had often heard Kate Bush's Army Dreamers, for a whole week she put her mum's record with her on. And she had always switched the needle back to the song, again and again a few times a day. She couldn't get enough of it. And her mother had let her, knowing how much Hayley could fall in love with one song and keep repeating it on occasion.
Helen had even at one time before she got to sick, danced with Hayley across their small living room while they were both either humming or singing to the song.
She remembered her mum's smile; it had lit up her whole face so that even Hayley gave a little twist of the lips. Even though the song had been sad, Hayley couldn't help but smile at her mother's antics.
Now the song calmed her down, and instead of panic, small pearly tears fell down the little girl's cheeks.
Hayley leaned back in the seat. Taking long calming breaths, she looked out of the windows. Forests, mountains and rivers flew quickly past, as if it was the landscape itself that was moving so fast and not the train. Hayley almost didn't feel when the train moved. But she could still hear the soft bumbling of the train, and it was soothing on her frayed nerves.
She looked with wonder in her eyes out on the landscapes, the power of the rivers, the beauty of the hills and valleys, and couldn't help but to be in awe of the majesty of the towering mountains.
Hayley had never been that far from her home in Liverpool, she had occasionally been at the sea with her mum. But travelling was not something that she was accustomed with.
She had heard many exiting stories from the patrons whenever she came to the pub where her mother Helen had worked. Hayley would often come to the pub after school, seeing her mum servicing the men with beer and the like, and Hayley would sometimes help her by cleaning the tables.
There had been one man that Hayley always could count on to be there whenever she came to the pub. Old Oscar had always had a story ready for her. He would sit there at the bar with his big beer belly jiggling with laughter from something that the barman had said.
Within a few jumps Hayley would be sitting next to him, asking the same question as always. "Do you polish the bald spot on top of your head?" This would bring Oscar into guffaws and bring a smile to everyone that heard his laughter. And he would answer as always. "Some polish their holy halos to look better. I just need to shine my head."
It had been the first thing she had said to him when she first saw him. Her mother had been terrified that the then new customer would leave because of Hayley, but she was relieved when Oscar had answered. Since then, Oscar had acted as a grandfather towards Hayley, and Hayley had surprisingly quickly taken a liking to the old man. Even though she never spoke to strangers, there was just something about Oscar
Oscar's hair or at least the hair that he had was as white as snow. And it was the same with the thick beard that covered his chin. So in Hayley's eyes she also began to see him as a grandfather, and a sort of father figure.
When she sat next to him he would then buy her a small packet of snacks from the bar, and proceed to tell her about all that he had seen as a truck driver, and she would tell him about her day at school.
It was always a comfort to speak to him, for just like her he was a bit on the weird side. She would of course talk to her mum, but there was just something about him that made her feel a little less lonely.
He even told her how to defend herself if the bullies in school came a bit too close.
She had visited him at the pub once while she and her mother was at the hospice, at her mothers insistence, because Hayley was about to drive both her and her mother crazy if she staid any longer in the Hospice without some kind of break in the endless routine.
Hayley reluctantly had agreed to visit the pub.
Her mother had told her to take the bus,"You have done that many times before sweetie. You know the way and when to get off, it's not that hard." Hayley had started to protest, she knew how to get on the bus, but she had only ever gone with the bus together with her mother. What if she did something wrong? What if got of the wrong place or was assaulted? She had never tried it on her own before. She always had mum to hide behind, but now that was out of the question. Hayley didn't want to stay at the hospice, but what if something happened? She knew she was more afraid then what was useful, she couldn't help it. That was just who she was.
She was afraid of being alone, and not knowing what was going to happen.
Helen had assured her that everything would be alright, and that she would be so proud of Hayley if she did this one thing.
Hayley had taken a big gulp of air and let it out with a whoosh. Her mum had said that if she was stubborn enough, then she would be able to get through this; she knew how stubborn Hayley could be. Often her mum had said that she was more stubborn than a mule.
So she did it.
The trip had been scary for her. When she paid for the bus she had stumbled over her words, and she had been very nervous while driving and kept looking out of the windows, to be sure that she got off the right place.
When she had got off she felt like a heavy weight had come off her shoulders. She had done it.
The whole way down to the pub she had held herself as if she owned the whole world, and it felt so too for her.
When she got into the pub, she had jumped onto her stool as always, and as always old Oscar sat right next too her, with an elated and surprised look to his face.
She had then proceeded to tell him of her small adventure on the bus, and how she and her mother and moved into a hospice. She had left no details out.
And Oscar, he just sat with a small smile and listened to every word that she said.
At the end Oscar gave her one of his rare hugs, and told her how proud he was of her. And how scared of new things he had been when he was her age.
Hayley was startled at first by the hug, but slowly leaned into it. It calmed her down to be somewhere that she knew, and to hear the deep rumbling sound from Oscar's chest as he spoke.
When it was evening, Oscar accompanied her all the way from the bus and to the hospice.
She had been reluctant to say goodbye to him, knowing that it would be a long time before she saw him again. He had walked with her to the hospice door; given her a hug goodbye, and waved at her while he went over to the bus stop.
When she thought about it, she was surprised that it had only been a few weeks ago. Everything had happened so fast.
While in the hospice, some one from the Ministry of Magic had come to visit them. Telling her and her mother, how she after her mother's death had to be moved to her unknown fathers care, because Hayley was related to a family of Death Eaters and was born with magic. And that they had to make sure that Hayley would not end up in the wrong environment.
Hayley did not fully understand their reasoning, but took it as it came.
And now she was on her way into the unknown. She had taken on her favorite t-shirt with Simba and Nala from The Lion King on it, her jeans with patches on the knees that had a drawing of a little mouse driving a car on both of the patches, and her plush red spring jacket.
She wondered what her father would say when he saw her. If it was him that would collect her from the platform at this 'Hogsmead', or if some one else was to make sure that she arrived safely at the school were her father was.
She wished that she had Susu with her, but her mum had said that he had to stay at the barkeeper's house until she knew for sure that her father was alright with a dog, and that she had the energy it took to take proper care of the little black Scottish terrier.
He always loved a cuddle, and how she needed a good cuddle right now.
Finally after a few hours, Hayley saw small buildings in the distance. She checked that she had everything in her jacket pockets, (She still found it pretty cool that her bags had been reduced to such a small size by the ministry worker) and prepared to go out of the train.
The brakes squealed almost painfully to her sensitive ears. And the train stopped.
With a shaking breath, she stepped out onto the platform.
She squeezed her knees hard together, and started to jump a bit up and down. If she didn't get to the bathroom soon, she knew that she would have an accident. Her bladder felt like it was about to burst in a violent explosion, that would surely take a part of the platform with it. It just hurt so much.
Hayley stood squirming, looking out for anyone that might have come to get her. The minutes seemed to be even slower than possible.
She got more and more nervous as more minutes seemed to pass. And the fear of that she might have been forgotten came up again, lying upon the fears and frustrations of those few hectic months.
Tears started to run down Hayley's face, and frantic sobs sounded from her, while her body began to shake.
Soon she was all out crying. She was crying so hard, she almost didn't feel the wet spot that was slowly spreading and running down her legs, colouring the wooden platform below her in a dark revealing colour.
All she wanted now was her mum, or at least someone that she knew. Why did everything have to happen so fast? It felt like she didn't even have time to breath.
Hayley was so caught up in her thoughts. That she didn't see the tall older woman who ran up to her, and held her until only a few quiet sobs remainded.