It started with a funeral.
It was an unusually cold day in the middle of July, the day before had been blistering hot, though today, for some reason, rain fell in a torrential sheet over Peach Creek Cemetery, soaking the large crowd huddled in a semi circle around the grave; much to the dismay of the three boys shivering near the back, their grumpy whispers easily getting lost to the wind.
"This is stupid" Eddy snarled, pulling the black leather jacket a size too big tighter around himself, glaring at Edd next to him. "Theres no reason we should even been here. It's fucking July, and its fucking raining."
"Eddy will you cease your complaining?" Edd snapped back, trying and failing to keep his teeth from chattering, wringing his hands in an obvious show of discomfort. "We are here to pay our respects now will you kindly shut your mouth. Also watch your language." Edd glared forward again when Eddy offered no response other than to roll his eyes and grumble under his breath, Edd already too strung out to bother with Eddy. Edd personally didnt want to be here either if he were completely honest with himself. He didn't like cemeteries, they made him nervous, well, more nervous than usual, and crying people made him want to cry, and he usually avoided the affair all together, and again, if he were honest with himself, he didnt know why he had insisted to his friends that they'd be there that day either.
Albert Barr had passed. it had happened quietly, with the news traveling mostly through the other parents of the cul-de-sac until it had reached the group of children that grew up there. Edd himself had come down for breakfast and found the gist scribbled on a post it on the table. Kevin had been absent for about three days before the news broke, and as Edd stared at the blank expression of the redhead a few rows in front of him, he was struck with an odd sense of deja vu. Kevins' mother had passed away herself, a few days after Christmas when they were eleven. Edd remembered her funeral, they had all gathered in the same spot, under the same umbrellas, with the same people around him.
Only then, Edd remembered Kevin had been a mess, the young boy trying his hardest to hold in his sobs as he bit his lip raw, his red hair standing up on end as he ran his hands through it repeatedly. His father had stood impassive, his own red hair combed flat and his eyes unseeing and cold, completely disregarding the child next to him.
Kevin had lost it on Edd that day when Edd offered his condolences, actually hugging him tightly and sobbing into the shoulder of his sweater. He hadn't worn glasses yet then and Kevin's tears had left the side of Edds face wet. The memory of the funeral made Eddwards palms sweat.
Today though, Edd watched as Kevin simply stared at the pastor with a bored expression, sighing lightly when Nazz leaned up and whispered something in his ear. He supposed it was merely Kevin's maturity shining through. At seventeen, he cut an impressive figure, his height only rivaled by Ed and Rolf, the latter also standing with a flat expression next to Kevin.
Edd sighed as Eddys complaints reached annoying levels again and the white noise cut through the blood lightly rushing in his ears. He looked away from Kevin to glare at Eddy, only to see Ed hush their short friend loudly himself.
"Everyone's here Eddy, plus the whole team is supposed to be here so I have to be here so you'd be here anyways so shut the hell up." Ed snapped, flicking water from his wet hair at Eddy and straight up ignoring the indignant noise Eddy gave him, Edd offering a shrug himself when Eddy turned to him for help.
Edd reached up with two fingers and felt his fluttering pulse on his throat, counting the beats to assure himself it wasn't going to slowly or too quickly with how tight his chest felt and how nervous he was. His anxiety usually was bad, but this was steadily climbing into uncomfortable levels.
He felt a hand creep onto his own frail wrist and saw Ed, leaning behind Eddy to grasp at his hand and pull it away from his pulse, his eyes slightly narrowed. The action behind his head caught Eddys attention and he turned to see Ed pulling Edds hand away and his annoyance melted instantly.
"You alright Double D?" Eddy asked, Eds large eyes shining behind him. "Getting too nervous?"
Edd offered a shaky smile to his friends, his hand automatically coming up to cover the gap in his teeth even as gratitude flooded him at his friends concern. His compulsive pulse checking wasn't a problem in his mind, but it worried his friends, he had meant to stop doing it so much around them. "I'm quite alright friends, now please, enough talking, were garnering quite a lot of attention." Indeed a few of who he assumed were Kevins relatives had started glaring daggers at Eddy sometime back, Edd just hadn't wanted to say anything. Ed squinted at him for a second longer before turning away and facing forward again, Eddy following suit. His friends concern calmed him for the time being, the heavy and ever present knot of anxiety in his chest growing slowly looser.
After what seemed like an eternity later, the pastor was finally reciting the final prayer, relatives and friends alike moving forward to place roses they all carried into the hole in the ground. Edd, personally not wanting to go anywhere near a six foot hole in the floor containing a corpse, had opted out of a rose, as well as Ed and Eddy had and they slowly began to drift towards the gate where Ed had parked, Edd frowning as the rain continue to pour around them. Edd's eyes drifted from staring at the grey clouds above him to land on the crowd in front of him, a pair of vivid green eyes suddenly capturing his and forcing the air from his lungs.
The way Kevin stared at him through the throng of people was slightly unsettling and Edd felt a chill scurry through him that had nothing to do with the chill outside. He swallowed, unable to break the staring contest he had somehow found himself with the handsome redhead. Kevin wasnt carrying a rose himself, simply standing hand in hand with Nazz, his thick red hair standing out in a sea of black. Edd's pulse began to flutter and he could feel his breathing growing choppy, his finger tips beginning to tingle with the beginnings of an anxiety attack and he silently thanked whatever deity was watching over him that Sarah chose that moment to appear, Jimmy on her arm.
"I'm gonna go with Jimmy alright big brother?" Sarah smiled when Ed nodded, giving Jimmy a fist bump and Edd inhaled deeply as he watched them float towards Jimmys car, his airway now free without the weight of Kevins eyes pining him in place. Great full for the distraction and desperate for something to do with his hands, Edd took off his glasses and polished them on his sweater, turning so his friends didn't see him fidget.
"Fucking fuck that took a year and a goddamn half. Lets get the hell out of here." Eddy finally grumbled, shoving Edd in front of him in a subtle hint to Ed that they should leave, now.
"Language Eddy." Edd scolded, mostly out of habit at at that point, too glad to be leaving the graveyard to give his vulgar friend a full lecture. He turned back around as he climbed into the back seat, his eyes finding that bright shock of red hair immediately. Kevins face was now lowered, him and Nazz still in their vigil at the foot of the grave, Edd's heart went out to him.
Edd focused on keeping his breathing steady on the bumpy ride back to the cul-de-sac, noting how slowly Ed was driving. His hands were still trembling slightly, but he could still taste the metallic knot of barely contained panic scratching at his throat. His index and middle finger on his left hand slowly crept up and found his pulse, the rythmic pulsing calming him somewhat.
"You Okay back there dude?" Ed asked, his large eyes watching his frail friend from the drivers seat.
Edd didn't trust his shaking voice, so he sent what he hoped was a reassuring smile to his friend and continued to stare out the window, counting his heartbeats under his fingers and timing his breathing. He solidly ignored the glance his two friends shared.
The drive back didnt take too long and Edd breathed a sigh of relief as they pulled down the familiar street.
"Sure you're not down for a movie Double D?" Eddy asked as Edd climbed out of Ed's truck in front of his house. "Its still pretty early, plus i know your parents aren't home."
That stung a bit, but Edd kept his trained smile in place, shaking his head at Eddy's invitation. "I'm actually a bit tired Eddy, I'll text you after my nap, shall I?" He prayed Eddy would buy it.
The shorter boy seemed to, offering instead a shrug as Ed waved a farewell, the old truck puttering towards Ed's house further down the street.
Edd finally exhaled heavily as his friends left. He loved them for putting up with his delicate state of mind to the point of straight up babysitting him, he really did, but sometimes he just needed the silence.
He unlocked the door with shaking fingers, pausing for a second to look across the street at Kevins house, the same shiver ghosting up the back of his neck as he remembered the weight of Kevins green, green eyes as they held him in place. The lights were all off, and the car his father used to drive sat in the driveway, covered in a sheet. He wondered what would come of it.
Eddy was right. His parents weren't home. Then again they never were. Edd walked slowly up the stairs, ignoring the small stack of sticky notes on the kitchen counter. The notes had decreased in amount since he was younger, and content as well. Nowadays they just contained his list of chores, a number to contact them and the date of their return.
They could wait.
Instead he dragged himself to the shower, slowly peeling off his cardigan and dress shirt and dropping them with the rest of his clothes into his labeled hamper before removing his beloved hat, placing it gingerly on the counter next to his glasses before turning the water on as hot as it would go, lowering himself into the water, sitting down on the floor of his shower and letting it run over him, keeping his eyes closed and his head back, not looking at his arms, or his thighs, just letting the water soothe his frazzled nerves.
After a bit he finally opened his eyes, his hands coming up to smooth his long curls away from his face and choosing a spot on the wall to stare at until the pounding of his heart ceased. His eyes eventually wandered to his arms, torn and warbled with scars from battles lost over the years and fresh cuts from this morning when he stood in this exact shower, trying and failing to convince himself he could handle this funeral. His mind reached out, yearning for the small box he kept hidden beneath the sink that contained his beloved razor. But no. He made it. He deserved a day of peace.
Edd liked to think of himself as a relatively sane human being, and in these quiet moments, without Ed and Eddy watching him as though he would dissolve any second, without the painful knot of anxiety in his throat and weighing on his chest, and without the whispers in his head that he was most certainly not a sane human being, he could pretend that he was, and sane human beings didnt cut into their skin when they became too frustrated with the volume of their thoughts, or freeze with fear at the thought of going outside. Sane human beings sat in the shower and didnt do anything like that. So Edd would do just that. He wasn't going to lose it, he decided, praying the panic attack that had been threatening him all day would listen and cease its ascendance. Not today, he begged.
Not today.
He closed his eyes and tilted his head back again, his mind a calming shade of green as his breathing evened out.
The rain was finally starting to let up as everyone took their leave, pausing to shake his hand or offer their quiet condolences. Kevin accepted Rolf's fist bump and watched as he left, muttering something about the rain on the turnips or something like that. Only Nazz remained, her hand still firmly clasping his and her blue eyes fixed on her black pumps.
By the time everyone had cleared the cemetery, the rain had slowed to a gentle patter and Kevin and Naz were all that remained, the latter waiting for the last car to drive away before breaking the silence.
"How are you feeling?" She murmured quietly, releasing Kevin's hand and stepping forward to drop both of their roses into the grave in front of him.
Kevin felt his heartbeat quicken, thumping loudly and swelling his chest as his friend turned to look at him and he finally let the grin he had been holding in break across his face. "Better than I have in years." He really couldn't remember the last time he had felt so light. " like I just lost ten thousand pounds and I could fucking fly."
Nazz's own somber expression dropped and a pretty grin spread out over her face. "Good dude! I don't think I've seen you look this good in years." She turned up to the sky and scowled. "Though why it chose to rain today of all days is beyond me. It's the middle of summer for fucks sake."
Kevin wrinkled his nose, he wasn't too thrilled about the weather today either. It felt like a day to mourn, and for Kevin today was the best day of his life. His elation was cut short however, as his gaze drifted from the open grave to the slightly worn headstone directly next to the one now bearing his fathers name. "I'm not too happy about where they put him either."
"It's tradition Kev." Nazz chided dismissively as she leaned around to pat the slightly older headstone.
"It's annoying." Kevin rolled his eyes. He wouldn't have buried his father anywhere near his mother if he had any thing to fucking say about it. He didn't want his weekly visits with his mother to turn into visiting his father as well, the fat bastard didnt deserve the company.
But whatever.
Stepping around the grave and placing his own hand on his mothers stone, reading Jessica Barr and letting the familiar roll of grief pass over him before he smiled, taking Nazz's hand again and jerking his head in a sign for them to leave.
They walked side by side, taking the familiar route through the graves that they knew so well, his friend often accompanying Kevin to visit his mother on Sunday evenings. Nazz held the umbrella over them and Kevin reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his red hat, running a hand through his hair to dislodge the gel before shoving the cap on.
Their walk was quiet and peaceful, the rain adding a gentle soundtrack to Kevin's thoughts, the giddiness and nerves coursing through him and chasing each other around in his mind.
"It was really great that everyone showed up." Nazz started with an air that Kevin recognized. He narrowed his eyes in her direction before answering.
"Yeah, it's pretty rad."
"I mean, like, everyone showed up." She continued, her eyes firmly fixed somewhere up ahead.
Kevin bit his lip, suspicion creeping up his neck. "Again, it was pretty rad."
Nazz nodded, finally looking at him and giving him a sweet smile before going in for it. "Edd was there."
Even though he knew where she was headed with that, at the mention of his name, Kevin's heart flipped and the butterflies attacked his stomach, he could almost hear the blood rush to his face as he blushed from here to Spain. Those wide blue eyes, still so vivid even at the distance he was standing at, he couldn't help staring, the feeling of elation playing hell with his nerves as he admired the skinny boy knowing he was now free to do so. He turned away, a smile fighting it's way out as he dropped Nazz's hand so she wouldn't see how sweaty is was now. "I saw that."
"Did you talk to him?" She prompted, nudging him with the umbrella handle. "He looked really handsome in that cardigan."
Kevin rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, still flushed a bright scarlet. He did look really fucking great in that cardigan. "Nope. I was standing next to you the whole time."
"Why not?" She pouted.
Kevin shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets and struggling to keep his face straight. "Give it time Nazz, I'm working on it. Up until two days ago, it wasnt even in the equation, plus I've waited way too long. I'm gonna do it." His heart stuttered at the thought of what he was saying, but he wanted it too much to offer the discomfort much thought.
"You better." Nazz grumbled. "I've waited too long to see you actually happy Kevin Barr, I'm not gonna let you chicken out of this."
Kevin smiled as they approached his beloved motorcycle, resting his hand on the handlebars and turning to stare down the path he had watched Ed's beat up pickup truck putter down not ten minutes ago.
"I won't."
Please review if you enjoyed it. This is my first story in this fandom and frankly I'm terrified.