Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 32nd cycle. Now cycle 33!
Hear that little bird twitter! Been thinking about doing this for a couple days, then this morning decided to just go for it. If you go there, find 'gleekathon' and there I'll be. There's also a video explaining everything... Yep... ;) Check it out!
"A Lot Can Go Wrong"
Quinn
Some would say it didn't take much to throw someone down the wrong road… and Quinn had taken more than enough already. This had lead to the kind of thinking that made Coach Sylvester's previous remarks about how they resembled each other come back to mind… She was looking to sabotage New Directions' shot at Nationals.
It wouldn't last, the 'fury' extinguished by Santana and Brittany. But until then, the thoughts existed in her mind, fuelled by so much pent up anger and frustration. Everywhere she would turn, it seemed she found herself face to face with those who troubled her, and as much as she tried to contain – again – it only got harder with time. This had now gone and made it 'okay' to do as she wanted.
She didn't say anything, to anyone… as though deep down she knew they'd just try and talk her out of it… As well as they should. Well, she had told someone, vaguely. She'd told Finn she had plans for New York…
She couldn't see the club how it used to be right then. It was as though all she could see now were the parts that teased at her problems with a hot poker, like she couldn't see the rest. She was there, but she'd been so consumed by the bad parts, by trying to put on the old Quinn smile, that she might as well have been invisible.
Nothing made sense anymore and she was just trying to find something to hang on to, get back on her feet. For so long she thought getting that prom queen crown would do it… But it didn't happen. There had been people she'd tried to hang on to… That only made it worse…
So now here they were… It had been one thing after another, piled so high that no one saw or realized the thing at the root of it all… And everyone freaking out over Nationals, all of a sudden it came together with a deranged clarity…
If they didn't get their shiny trophy, maybe they'd know what it had felt like for her… even just a part of it…
Later, maybe she'd see how pointless it had been to try and take that route, that she hadn't been thinking clearly… Why would she want to destroy it? It was hers, too… It had been a good thing, sometimes the only good thing she had going…
And realizing that, in Santana's words, suddenly she'd felt… heavy… Everything had fallen into her gut and forced her to sit… This wasn't her… Maybe it had been, at one point, but it wasn't anymore, was it? At least she didn't want it to be… Only every now and then her old ways still had power over her, most of all in moments of weakness.
It was so easy to hide back there. She knew that was what it was: she was hiding. Being a Cheerio, without really trying it could launch you into a place where people admired you, saw you as important. At first it had been what she wanted, just to be noticed and to be seen as someone who'd made it up to the top.
She'd come to realize how fake and fragile that appreciation could be… She'd learned it through Glee Club… But then that didn't mean she was in the clear. It was one thing to see everything and everyone for what they were, but it was a whole other one to actually react in consequence, instead of carrying on like nothing had changed, even though you knew everything had… The rose-colored glasses were gone.
She was trying to protect her heart. It had always been the most vulnerable part of herself, which was why it had to be guarded, at all cost. If anything got too close, then she could get hurt… It had happened before, so many times, too many times…
She didn't want the job though… Protector of her own heart… But who was she supposed to trust enough to keep watch of it? As much as she needed it… Oh, how she needed it… she feared what would happen if she entrusted it to the wrong person… Because no matter how bad things were now, she didn't know how she'd ever know to deal with that…
She hoped they never had to know what she'd tried to do. Santana and Brittany, they'd keep her secret, and she wanted to keep it that way. Whatever would happen, she'd always remember how close she'd gotten… Still could fall…
THE END
A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.
In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are
always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!