Kat: D= Yes...Yes I know..... But I can't help it!!!! It's South Park!!! IT'S SO ADDICTING!!!!!
Readers: Ugh....
Kat: At any case, like I said....this is a South Park Story...which myself and my co-author Soul Flash both worked on just the other day! With our combined teamwork, we will take over the South Park community!!!! ::laughs insanely...glances awkwardly and coughs:: Anyway...ENJOY!!!
Title: Borderline between Weird and Wonderful
By: TheOneWhoLivesInYourCloset and SoulFlash
Summary: Kyle's day couldn't possibly get any worse. From getting detention to being alone with his worst enemy, nothing could make this even more horrible for the poor Jewish boy. But this is South Park, which means anything could get even worse....or better?
Warnings: Well...BoyxBoy goodness of course. And I think the f-word is located somewhere in here. So rated T for THAT!
Disclaimer: If South Park was owned by myself and Soul...well...Anti-Yaoi people wouldn't be watching it, now will they? So it's not owned by us, and probably never will be.
((Kat's note- I lost a bit of the beginning, so I wrote up that part quickly. The rest of it is all Soul and me!! :3))
Well.
Another day of Hell for Kyle Broflovski.
Now, for someone as smart and actively academic as our young hero, you would think Highschool would be rather enjoyable for him. But this was South Park, making that simple hopeful thought go right down the toilet and into the stinky sewer, where starving rats would feed off it and scurry off into the sludgy darkness.
The Jewish redhead let out a soft sigh as he opened his rusty locker, wondering why the school wouldn't just replace these health hazards-
No wait, he knew.
They were cheap.
'At least this year is almost over....' Kyle thought as he reached into the pitch black darkness of the locker, pulling out a 'European History' Textbook, knowing he would need it for his next class. Being a sophomore, soon to be a Junior, Kyle was slowly counting down the days until he would graduate from this hellhole and leave this horrible place to his forbidden memories. He had already started looking for colleges to go to, as his mother instructed, and so far a few of them actually appealed to his tastes. But that paradise would have to wait for two more years.
"Damn..." Kyle muttered under his breath as he closed the locker, stuffing the book under his arm so he could put the lock on.
And that's when it happened.
Kyle's day pulled a one eighty and went to a whole new level of 'God Kill me now'...
"HEY, HEY THERE HE IS!! COME ON BUTTERS, MOVE THOSE SKINNY LEGS!! HEY!! HEY JEW!! REDHEAD RETARD!!!!"
Said Jewish Redheaded Retard gritted his teeth in annoyance and he slowly turned around to the one in charge of the terrible noise, knowing already who it was.
Eric Cartman, AKA the Terrible Noise, came running up to his enemy, his hand grasping the rather fragile wrist of his lacky, Butters. Sometimes Kyle was surprised that Butters still followed the moron around, he was so much smarter then that. The redhead watched as Eric stopped in front of him, panting heavily as if he just ran in the Olympics. Kyle definitely admitted that Cartman wasn't exactly a 'fatass' anymore, as he was on the Wrestling Team. Now, all that blubber was probably pure muscle and big boned. It still didn't mean he was scared of the idiot.
"What?" Kyle muttered in an annoyed way, holding his book in that 'This better be good' way.
"Can I copy your homework!?" asked the brunette, looking up at the Jew in a pleading sort of way, "I didn't feel like doing it last night!!"
....
Of course.
"....No." Kyle hissed, remembering the last time he let this retard copy his homework. A Saturday detention and a screaming session from his mother. He was not going through THAT again, never again.
"WHAT!? YOU SELFISH JEW!!!" Cartman screaming, making Butters squeak and hide behind a few lockers to get away from his 'boss's wrath. It was at this exact moment that Kyle's savior arrived--or, more like his Super Best Friend. But he was still a lifesaver in the Jewish boy's opinion.
"Hey dudes." Stan Marsh said, walking over to the group after he gave his girlfriend a kiss goodbye. As he saw Kyle's annoyed look and Eric's enraged look, the jock couldn't help but let a loud sigh.
"...Is uh, everything okay?" the raven haired boy asked, though he wished he didn't.
"THIS SELFISH ASSHOLISH JEW WON'T LET ME COPY HIS HOMEWORK!!!!" Cartman screamed, making Butters and Stan wince.
"YEAH, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GET IN TROUBLE AGAIN!!" Kyle screamed back, the blonde and black haired boys wincing more. They should be used to this arguing by now, but as they were older, the screaming matches grew louder and louder. Stan now knew one of the Kenny just didn't show up to school.
He's been killed enough, he didn't want to go deaf in the process.
"U-Uh, f-fellas..." Butters piped up, slightly playing with the sweater he was wearing for the day, "T-The bell's going to ring soon, w-we don't want to be late!!"
Kyle and Cartman still remained in the same stance, glaring and daring one to yell at the other again. Stan sighed and put his hand lightly on his friend's shoulder, "Yeah come on dude, Butters is right. We have like, a minute." he said, making Kyle sigh and drop his stance.
"Yeah, let's go....though Cartman shouldn't even show up, since he's going to get detention anyway for not doing his homework..." the boy let out a cruel snicker at this as he went off with Stan to class, Butters quickly following after him.
"GRRRR SCREW YOU JEW!!!" Cartman snarled angrily before following after them quickly.
"Alright now, kids in seats. Kids in seats." Mr. Garrison muttered with a sigh, waving his hand absentmindedly as he usually did now. His life, like Kyle's, wasn't exactly a peach either. Just when he thought he got rid of these fourth graders forever, the principal kept moving him up a grade each other, the horrible brats following after him. Now he was a 10th Grade History Teacher, and that same class from 6 years ago was staring at him right back in the face.
Sweet Jesus, why....
"Alright, Alright. Before we start, everyone pass up your homework from last night. If you did it, then great job you don't suck at life. If you didn't, then be prepared for hell. Excuse me, detention." Mr. Garrison sighed, leaning against the chalk board and waiting for all the homework to be passed to the front.
Kyle grinned slightly as he handed his and Butters' homework to Bebe, who held onto it for the teacher to collect. He was all set, just waiting for Eric Cartman to squirm out of this one. He couldn't wait to see his face when Garrison told him he had detention....hell, since Cartman never does his homework anyway, maybe he'll get suspended.
OR EXPELLED!
Ah, but that's only in Kyle's deepest fantasies...
But as Garrison collected the papers and began checking through them for the names, the phone rang. Blinking, the sexually confused teacher put down the papers on Stan's desk and picked up the phone. "Hello...? ...Yes this is he....REALLY? Y-YOU MEAN IT!? T-THAT'S AMAZING!! ...Y-Yes sir, I'll be there in a second!!"
The class blinked as they watched their teacher go running to the door, glancing at them all. "I'll be back in a bit, the doctors just told me they might be able to make me a woman again! Oh goody!!!" he cheered. Cartman let out a smirk, he was off the hook for the damn homework. But that smirk only lasted for a split second as Garrison turned to him, "By the way Eric, since I know you didn't even do your homework anyway, you get an hour detention after school."
Eric died inside.
Kyle mentally cried in happiness.
"W-WHAT!?" Eric yelled, standing up from his seat and nearly knocking the entire desk over, due to his muscular qualities, "BUT IT'S KAHL'S FAULT!! HE DIDN'T LET ME COPY HIS HOMEWORK!!"
Kyle smirked wickedly at this, 'Heh, not gonna work fatass...finally, you get what's coming to you.' he thought.
"Oh....well in that case, Kyle you get detention too."
Now it was Kyle's turn to die inside.
"WHAT!?" the Jew explained, also standing up, "But the last time I let the idiot copy my homework, you gave me a Saturday!!!!"
"Well yeah," Garrison let out a shrug, "But today I'm very busy, and you wasted my time into giving Eric a detention. If you just let him copy your homework, I'd just give you a detention and we can all be happy!" and with that, the teacher left.
Wow. Mood swings much?
"....Maybe Mr. Garrison really should be a woman," Bebe mused as both the Jew and Nazi stood there in class, bewildered, horrified and wondering if God really did hate them all that much.
As lunch and the last two periods came and went, Kyle was stuffing his books rather angrily into his locker, Stan standing beside him as emotional support.
"Hey, sorry about this dude. It's only an hour though, what's the worst that can happen?" For the second time that day, Stan Marsh wished that he didn't ask questions.
"WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN!?" the rusty locker slammed shut, a rather angry Jew turning bright red from Stan's apparently very stupid question, "DUDE, THIS IS ERIC CARTMAN. ERIC THE NEO NAZI CARTMAN. WHO KNOWS WHAT HE'S GOING TO DO TO ME!!!!" he screamed, but then sighed and tried to calm himself, "Sorry dude...just angry and annoyed I guess..."
"I can tell."
"It's just..." Kyle growled, "I REALLY hope there's someone else in that library with me. God, I'd even be glad if Craig is there!! I'll just talk to him the whole time and stay away from that monster of a human being." he muttered, walking with Stan down the hallway. Meanwhile, walking in the opposite direction, Eric Cartman and Butters were walking towards the Gym, the older boy really wanting to get his anger out on a punching bag before he headed toward his One hour nightmare.
"I swear Butters, being trapped in a damn library with HIM...it's inhuman! I'm sure it's all just a scheme that the Jew rodent is planning! He's going to get me cornered and rob me of everything I own!!" Cartman hissed, his paranoia already kicking in. The timid blonde boy squeaked and lightly patted the other's shoulder.
"H-Hey, don't worry about it Eric! You're the toughest sophomore in this school! I-I'm sure you can take Kyle is anything happens!!" he tried to cheer on, making Cartman slightly smirk at his little lackey.
"Yeah...you're right...." he smirked, "I'm going to.."
"Keep my guard up..." Kyle muttered as he watched Stan run off towards his girlfriend, turning to head up the stairs towards the library, "I won't let him..."
"Get away with anything...If he tries one trick with me..." Cartman growled, stopping to punch at a locker hard, causing it to dent and Butters to squeak.
"I'll make him pay!!!" both enemies shouted in their separate areas.
....So maybe he was a little bit of an asshole, Eric Cartman didn't deserve THIS.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" Cartman screamed, his fists pounding on one of the library tables, his worst enemy being the ONLY OTHER PERSON IN THE ROOM, "You don't expect me to sit in here for an hour with a no good, lying, sneaky Jew rat?!"
"Yeah well I'm not exactly pleased to see you either, asshole." Kyle muttered with gritted teeth, his fingernails sinking deep into his pants. Why....Why is God deciding today to play a horrible cruel joke on him? There wasn't even a teacher in the room to monitor them, just a security camera. And himself. And the creature that seemed to crawl straight from hell. He hated this school.
"Shut up, Kahl!" Cartman snapped, giving him a menacing look. "You make me sick. You planned this all out, didn't you? You purposely got me detention by not letting me copy your homework, just so you could get me alone in a room and rob me." He stood up from his seat, taking his time in stalking over to Kyle. As soon as he reached him, he leaned into his face, giving him a dark look. "Well, guess what? You're not geting anything from me."
"......Where the hell do you get ANY of these ideas Cartman?" Kyle growled, staring at him straight back with an even darker stare. "I am NOT here to rob you, I don't even WANT to be here. Being alone with you is like being tortured mercilessly in my own opinion!! Now just go back to your seat and shut up for the next 57 minutes!!!" he exclaimed, his voice getting louder with every word he said.
"No!" Cartman shouted, face getting closer to Kyle's. "I will not let my guard down. I am staying right here and keeping my eye on you until this is over. You're not getting away with anything, Jew." His voice had lowered to a dark whisper. True to his word, he stayed his ground... inches away from Kyle's face.
Kyle growled and glared at him back, "You're probably the most annoying, paranoid insane-AH!!!" As he was speaking, he was standing up from the table, taking a slight step closer...unfortunately for Kyle, he tripped.
Unfortunately for Cartman...Kyle tripped right on him.
"Mmmph!" Was all Cartman could manage as Kyle fell right into him, their lips crushing together. Gravity sent them crashing to the ground before they even knew what was going on.
They both stayed there for several seconds. Neither moved. Cartman's mind froze as it tried to process the position he was currently in.
There... there was no way he could be enjoying this. This was Kyle, the same sneaky Jew he had known all his life. There was no way he, Eric Cartman, could be enjoying this! Besides, for all he knew, this could be some kind of distraction so that he could steal something from him. 'That asshole!' He thought angrily.
'He's such a sneak! Although...' Although Kyle wasn't pulling away from him and carrying on with his 'plan.' Not to mention his lips were pretty nice and soft for a Jew rat.
Meanwhile, Kyle's eyes were very wide...almost a bit too wide for his head, a visible red blush on his cheeks. This...wasn't happening. He did not just trip and kiss Eric Cartman! He was also NOT enjoy how soft, yet slightly rough they felt against him. Why was this happening!? If anyone were to come in RIGHT NOW, they would think of this moment as something completely different.....And why wasn't he pulling away-....did his eyes just close? Cartman noticed Kyle's eyes close, and he felt his cheeks heat up.
'He's actually... ENJOYING this? Is this some kind of sick twist to his plan?! God, that asshole! Does he know how much I'm beginning to like this?!' He considered pulling away to yell at the Jew, but realized this may be his only chance... after all, this was the greatest he had felt in awhile. For some reason, this kiss gave him a high he hadn't felt before in his life.
It felt great, and he didn't want it to stop so soon.
In a daring move, he pushed forward, just the slightest bit, forcing his lips harder against Kyle's. 'Yeah, that feels nice...' He could get used to this. His heart pounded wildly in his chest, but that only enhanced the amazing feeling he was getting from this kiss. He clutched onto Kyle's shirt to ensure he wouldn't escape before he got his fill.
Kyle's eyes widened even more--if that was even possible-- as his arch enemy deepened the kiss between them, and even gripped on his shirt.
...WHAT WAS GOING ON!? Why wasn't the idiot yelling at him or something like that-....Oh no....he....he didn't just.....Did Kyle, the 'Filthy Jew'...just moan?
...This WAS the weirdest day of his life.
For some reason liking the moan that just came from the Jew above him, Cartman pulled him closer, wrapping his arms possessively around his back. Not one to be submissive, he flipped their positions to where he was on top and in complete control.
Needless to say, Kyle would respect Cartman's 'authoritah.' Somewhere in the position switch, Kyle's hat was knocked off of his head, allowing Cartman to tangle a hand in his hair. Kyle blushed even harder, letting out another soft moan when he felt Cartman's hand run through his hair...it felt....really good. Why was it feeling good!? And why did he think it was hot that Cartman flipped them over?
...Because it was.
Even Kyle had to admit that, it was pretty hot. He reached up slightly and gripped onto the Nazi wannabe's right shoulder, holding onto him tightly.
A few seconds later (what felt like an eternity to him), Cartman broke the kiss, gasping for air. Before his mind starting working again, he instinctively leaned back in and pecked Kyle on the lips.
When his brain started to function again, he stared at the Jew in front of him in disbelief. 'What... what the hell was that?! Don't tell me I actually-'
"U-Um...." Kyle panted slightly, his brain going back to normal as well, face flushed and a very deep red.
"....What....just....happened...?" he managed to whisper, his hand shaking slightly and still gripping onto the other boy's shoulder.
"I... don't know." Cartman panted as well, still feeling fuzzy and warm from their... questionable exchange.
"But I liked it."
He realized his hand was still in Kyle's hair, and noticed how soft it felt. It felt really nice... Still feeling a bit daring, he began to run his fingers through it.
Kyle blushed and watched the fingers run through his, making his eyes close and almost made him purr like a small kitten on catnip.
"N-Nn...I..I think I...liked it...too...." he muttered shakily......why did it suddenly feel like he was in sappy romance novel?
"Good," Cartman whispered, "Because now... you're mine, Jew." Kyle blushed a little at the possesive tone...then blinked...then it dawned on him....WHAT WAS GOING ON!? He immediately sat up, grabbing Cartman's shoulders, "Do you realize what is happening Cartman!?!?" he yelled, eyes wide, one possibly twitching.
"We just made out for five minutes on the floor, and now suddenly I'm yours as you pet and stroke my hair?!" Kyle exclaimed, twitching and blushing even more, "Do you even see how NOT RIGHT this is!?"
"What, are you taken or something?" Cartman asked, chuckling slightly, pushing Kyle back down again. This did seem wrong to him, yes, but he wasn't about to let Kyle know that. This was the perfect opportunity to watch him squirm underneath him. Both literally and metaphorically.
The Jewish boy growled, "N-No!! But you and I HATE each other!! HATE!!" he exclaimed, blushing harder as he fell to the ground, "A-And what if someone walks in!? How about that!?"
"Don't care." Cartman smirked dangerously, leaning in close to Kyle's face again, though this time it was intentional. "That felt too good not to do again. Besides, who the fuck stays after school on a Friday? Notice that none of the teachers were willing to babysit us? Not even they want to stay in this hellhole. Now come here, before I go insane." He wasn't sure if he was really going to kiss Kyle again. This was really for the purpose of teasing him.
But how could he resist such soft lips?
Before he knew it, he was kissing the Jew for a second time.
Kyle was about to yell at him back, only to feel his lips crash into him again, "M-Mmph!?" he blushed a deep red, feeling his eyes close a second time. He couldn't believe this was happening...especially when his own arms wrapped around him.
Cartman didn't let the kiss last as long this time, mainly because he had more control over his actions this go around. Besides, he was merely trying to prove a point to the Jew now. There was no way he could deny the electrifying feeling that shot through his veins when they kissed. And if he couldn't deny it, there was no way that Kyle could deny it. He smirked into the kiss when he felt Kyle's arms wrap around his shoulders, his point proven. He broke the kiss a few seconds in, smirking at Kyle. The look on his face was priceless. Not to mention cute.
Kyle was blushing red, shaking a little bit. And he couldn't deny it...it was...it felt so good. He didn't even THINK he liked guys kissing him! ...Well...he thought about it, but never thought it was going to happen.
"...I-I..." he couldn't finish his sentence as he panted heavily, his eyes slightly lidded from what just happened.
"Heh heh." Cartman chuckled softly, tucking his face into Kyle's neck, his hold on him tightening. "You can't resist it, can you, Jew? You're enjoying this. I can tell. Don't try to tell me you're not."
Kyle blushed a very deep red, gasping as the other boy's grasp on him tightened. "I-I..." he stuttered, his fingers lacing into the other's shirt. "I-I...I don't know..." he replied...in such a shy tone.
Cartman's face changed from devious to annoyed in a second. He sat up, letting go of Kyle, and crossed his arms over his chest. "Goddammit, Kyle! Fine, I'll just sit and wait until you figure it out. Take your precious time." He turned his back to face Kyle.
Kyle sat up and growled, glaring slightly. "....." he began thinking about it...should this really happen? If Stan or Kenny found out...hell, if ANYONE found out....Two boys who hated each other since elementary school.
An intelligent Jewish redhead.
A Jew-hating Nazi brunette.
.....Did this seem RIGHT?Cartman leaned against the nearest wall, folding his hands behind his head and stretching his legs out. He considered this for a second. Maybe if he played this right he could... that would definitely take care of Butters... God knows how long he's been trying to pry him off of him.
So annoying, always following him around. He was fun to pick on when they were younger, but he had been an old toy for awhile. But still... this was Kyle.
He sighed, looking over at the other boy. "Well?"
Kyle shakily looked at him....Oh what the hell. It's not like this was love or anything. It was...an experiment....
Yeah...let's go with that.
Without warning, Kyle practically mauled the other boy to the ground.
"Wha-!" Was all Cartman could manage as he was attacked. "What the hell?!"
Kyle DID NOT know what he was thinking...something inside him just screamed 'ATTACK'. ....Now he felt like a pokemon.
Yeah, that just lightens the mood.
"Kyle?! " Cartman shouted, his back slamming on the floor. "The fuck?! Are you that eager for more?" You might think that he would be smirking at this comment. He wasn't. His eyes were wide as he looked warily at Kyle, not know what to expect out of the feisty Jew.
"Oh just be quiet, I can't control with what my body wants!!!!" The said Fiesty Jew exclaimed, turning a bright red as he said this. He also was wide eyed, looking rather crazed...then again when you're trapped in a dark room with Eric Cartman, you probably wouldn't be quite that sane either.
Cartman hesitated for a split second, then said, "What does your body want, exactly?" Feeling he was up against some competiton concerning dominance, he boldly brought a hand up to Kyle's hair again and stroked it. A weak spot? We'll just have to find out...
Kyle blushed red, Oh no...if this...this evil demon find out where his weak spots were...he'd be putty, goo in his hands. "....A-Ah..." he shuddered, slightly closing his eyes and mewling a little.
Damn Nazi.
Said Nazi grinned. He had him exactly where he wanted him. If this damn Jew wasn't so adorable, especially when he mewled like that, this would just be an interesting way to pass the time. However...
"What if I told you..." Cartman began, whispering into Kyle's ear again, "I didn't want this to be just a one-time thing?"
"......" Kyle almost once again died inside.
No seriously, he could feel his heart and all the rest of his organs turn to dust. Did Eric Cartman just say he wanted this to be a...full time experiment?
"......Yo-You're serious?" Kyle squeaked out, turning a deep red, "W-what!?"
"I'm," he moved his head slightly, speaking against Kyle's hair, "Seriously."
He blushed red and shyly looked down, "B-But...w-why....?" he managed to ask in a meek tone.
Was he speaking in a meek tone? Dammit, what was he a damn school girl from some anime cartoon?
"Because," he whispered, "without you, I'll go insane."
Kyle's eyes widened...and for once, the Jew was completely dumbfounded.
Cartman observed him for a moment. He grabbed Kyle gently by the shoulders, looking him square in the eye. "Come on. Don't tell me you don't want this. I mean, for God's sake, look at you-you're as red as a damn cherry. And don't tell me...I'm that bad of a kisser?" He pecked Kyle on the lips to prove his point.
Kyle blushed even harder at this, eyes widening even more. "I-I-I-I..." he stuttered, not able to form the words he wanted to say.
Cartman frowned slightly. He wasn't getting any real answers out of him. "Kyle Broflovski..." He said in a stern, but soft tone.
He shuddered when he heard Cartman say his full name, and softly looked up. "...Yes....?"
"Tell me. Am I that bad of a kisser?" Cartman kept his hold on Kyle, but moved his hands down to hold his arms. "More importantly, do you want this? Give me a real answer, and not this stuttering crap you keep sputtering out."
Kyle blushed a deep red and shakily shook his head, "N-No...you're a...you're a good...kisser...and I think....I...." he whispered the last two words, "want this...."
Yep, he said it. He didn't want to, but he did. Eric Cartman WAS a good kisser, he had to admit it. How he was a good kisser he'd never know, but he was. Cartman smirked, enjoying Kyle squirm underneath him like this. To get the best reaction out of the Jew yet, he figured that he would have to drop the largest bombshell of them all.
He leaned in close to Kyle again, clutching onto him. Chuckling, he slowly whispered into Kyle's ear, "I love you."
...Well.
That did it.
Kyle practically collapsed on Cartman, between the worlds of unconciousness and bewilderment. His face was so red it defied the color of cherries, and his eyes looked like they would pop like balloons.
Cartman simply laughed, holding the Jew securely in his arms. He stood up, easily lifting the boy, glancing at the clock.
"Hey, wake up, Jew. It's almost time for us to go. Detention's almost over." He shook Kyle gently.
"Ehhh...?" Kyle groggily awoke, looking about. "Wha...What happened......?" he muttered, looking about and feeling rather snug and warm in Cartman's strong arms.
"Well, you basically just spent the last hour kissing me and you fainted like a girl when I told you I loved you. Now come on, let's get out of this dump. I'm starving." He let go of Kyle to grab his stuff, and headed out the door. Before he was completely out of the door, though, he dismantled the camera from the wall and stuffed it in his bag. "I'll just take that..."
Kyle chuckled at that as he packed some books into his bag, turning around to smirk at him slightly, "You going to keep that for your own personal pleasure...?" he asked slyly, walking over to the door.
"I certainly can't let any of THEM see it, now can I?" He laughed, walking out. "But who knows? It may serve me well in a few ways... Coming?" He held out an arm to Kyle, prompting him to take it.
Kyle chuckled slightly and took his arm, "Yeah Yeah, I'm coming..." he said softly with a little smile, his hat back on his head.
Cartman smiled and, seeing the hat, swiped it off of Kyle's head with his free hand. "Lose the hat. You look better without it." he said, giving a quick kiss to Kyle's cheek.
Kyle blushed and grinned slightly, "Fine, Fine..." he cooed, giving a peck back. .....Okay, today may have been weird...hell, today might've been the craziest day out of his sixteen years of life.
But it definitely wasn't the worst day ever.
~~END~~
Kat: : D Now be good puppets...
Soul: And review our story!
Both: DO IT!!!