I don't know him too well. He was always surrounded by people, but he seemed so lonely. So...sad and plain. I liked plain, I feel it the only necessary way to be. But, he was the one person who...moved me. Like that time the ASB Student Council went to lunch and I arrived second, him first. He said hello and he said that he was happy to see me because he thought he was early. I don't know why, but when he talked to me, I fell. My knees just kind of gave out under pressure and I fell to the ground. All of my stuff fell out of my bag, and he helped pick it up. I was really tired that morning, so I packed a lot of things I shouldn▓t have, such as a bottle opener and the leaf he gave me, which I turned into a bookmark. He thanked me and when I asked why and he explained, I got red. I pretended to be mad, then, when Manabe came by, I got really mad. They said 'Oh, Machi must like red'. I really don't know what I like. I guess I like Mogeta, because that's what I'm told. I really don't know what I like unless someone makes something up. But, everyone tells me I like Mogeta because I always watch it on T.V. and I have a lot of the things. So, I guess I like Mogeta and red, too. I really don't know. I've always been raised to be perfect. I hate it, and it's really gotten to me. I can't stand to see anything clean or perfect or new. So, I have to ruin it. I know it makes everyone mad, and I really think that it saddens him, but I do it anyway. My problem comes from the fact that I was expected to be perfect to be the heir of Father's company. Since Manabe's mother dropped out of the heir race, I should be the proper heir, but I'm not. My mother since then had a son, who became the heir. I never speak to him, because I am such a dull and boring person. I still am, too. I will always be dull, I will always be a 'slob' as I've been told, I will always be the one who the family set aside, and I will always be just Machi Kuragi. The plain, boring Machi Kuragi that everyone looks down upon and laughs. The same Machi Kuragi that the 'Prince Yuki Fan club' hates because of my feelings. What I feel is what I feel...right? I think that that's what people say, but I never really understand. "I'm so stupid..." I yell in my head. "I'll never result to anything...All I'm good at is doing what I've been told!!" I was actually yelling, now. No one was home except my father▓s servants, and they were all outside cleaning, so no one can hear me. You see, my mother left my father after my second brother was born two years ago, and his mistress left him too, only she took Manabe with her, so I live alone with my father and about ten servants. He works all the time at his company and the servants find me dull and unapproachable, so they never talk to me, I don't have an friends, only my fellow student council members, Mother told m not to approach my own brothers, out of fear that they will become dull and boring like me, but Manabe comes to visit me once every two weeks at home. So, I live a very lonely lifestyle. I suppose Mother was right, I am dull. Whenever she talks to me on the on the phone, she tells me to be more 'open' next time. How can I? All I can do is what little information she gives me in things, so I can never really be 'open'. I have no friends, so I can't talk about them, and I am not allowed to tell certain information on the council, so I can't really say much about that, so I don't say much. I found a pair of scissors. I don't really know if I should do it again, but I did anyway. I sliced my half my arm, from my wrist to my elbow, and hand up to my fingers. I left an X on my hand and a lot of cuts in my arm. I didn't pay attention to the tears pouring out of my eyes and the blood out of my left arm. I only did it once before, but Manabe found out and he got a little mad.
"Look, Machi, I know things are a little hard on you, what with your mom pushing you and all. But, that's really dangerous. Some people die from doing that too much, you know. So, just try to be a little more careful, okay? If you ever need someone to talk to, you know that I'm always open." He said. I still remember that from about six months ago. I don't really care right now. I raise my hand to my head and let the blood and tears pour out of my body. My shirt was a little bloody and I needed to wash my entire face. When I got into the bathroom, I washed my face and I cleaned my cuts. I wrapped them in medical tape and went to my room to change. The student council was going out to eat, so I guess I'll join. I put on a skirt and a long sleeved shirt, pack my bag and I head off. "I hope he's not there yet," I thought. On the subway, I sat there and I looked down. People stare at me as if something's wrong with me, but I don't really care. My hand really hurts, but I try not to make it obvious. I ended up wrapping my hand, too, so I hope no one notices. It's snowing lightly, but I still don't like it. It's so pure, so clean. I want to step in it with shoes that are covered in dirt. But, it's there, and there's nothing I can do except run in it, which I am doing now. I found the place that they decided. It's the same place again, that restaurant that Toudou-san wanted to go to, and the President said we should go to again. I'm not sure what's so good about it, all I know is that my arm really hurts. I'm starting to think I should stop. I was fine the six months I didn't, so I should have been fine, but I wasn't. I hope that I don't let Manabe down. The restaurant is a block away from where I stop and try to conceal the pain. I saw the President.
"Machi!! Over here," he yelled to me. I was about to leave, but he came over to me. "Thank goodness you're here. I thought I was early again, but, as usual, here you are! How are you?" I just looked down. He saw my hand. "Machi, what happened to your arm? Are you okay?"
"Um...I was making breakfast this morning, and I burned my hand, so I had to wrap it up. Its fine, President. But, as I told you before, I'm sure that my tastes, even if they are in treating my injuries, are any of your business, President. Please, don't worry about me." I said. A tall man with long hair ran over and hugged me. A woman did so as well.
"Ah, Machi Kuragi of the School Defense Force!! It has been so long since we last saw each other, how are you? Mine, this is the treasurer, here in our presence!! Ah, wait, did you arrive early only so you could spend personal tie with Yuki? Ah, such a lucky, lucky man Yuki is to have such a lovely young lady in his presence. Yuki, I wish to complement you on your choice of women. May I say, Tohru-kun wasn't good enough, what with her choosing Kyon-kiji over you? Now, we shall leave, post haste!!" He said.
"Um...Nii-san, please, get off of her. We are not seeing each other, and Honda-san is too good for me, not not good enough." With that, he let go of me. They said something, but I wasn't listening. I thought about what he said. '┘too good for me', he said. What does that mean? Well, I wonder.
▒Does he like her? She chose someone else, but does he have feelings for her? I wonder...can I? I don't know, maybe...no, that's impossible.▓