A/N the bold print indicates actions
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Harry: I never paid much thought as to how I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like-
Draco: A pretty shit way to go, why are you quoting twilight?
Harry: Because I feel like it and besides it's the only way I'll see Cedric again.
Draco: For the last time he's not Cedric, it's the same actor who played Cedric and Edward Cullen, jeez get it right.
Harry: What are you doing here anyway? Other than destroying me dreams.
Draco *looks around to find that he's in the Gryffindor common room*: Waiting for Hermione.
Right on cue Hermione walks down the stairs, convenient huh?
Draco *on cue*: I cannot live without my life I cannot live without my soul!
Harry: Stop quoting Eclipse
Hermione: For god sake the author stole it off Wuthering Heights and for the last time Draco I am not interested in ferrets.
Draco: Harsh.
Scene Change: Malfoy Manor
Snape: I am a man more sinn'd against that sinning. *Falls to ground overly theatric pose*
Lucius: WHY do I need to be Goneril? I am a man - as shown by my impressive son-
Snape *coughing*: Whore, whore
Lucius * acts as though he hasn't heard*: and Bellatrix is evil enough.
Snape: No she's too evil, she's playing Edmund.
Lucius: Grr… I hate-ith King Lear
Voldemort enters dressed as Shakespeare wearing a Britney Spears pigtail wig (they were all out of Shakespeare ones and that was the next best thing)
Voldemort: Come on it's my life ambition to produce a Shakespeare play.
Snape: I thought your life ambition was to be a Spice Girl- I mean kill Potter
Voldemort: I can have more than one life ambition, I am a Dark Lord after all *flounces out of room*
Narcissa and Bellatrix *sitting in coner, Narcissa dressed as Kent and Bellatrix dressed as Edmund*: Drama Queen.
Scene Change: Gryffindor Common Room
Harry: It's totally original and scary, they're like super, sparkly, fast, amazing vampires.
Ron *in child's voice*: Sparkly
Hermione: Don't pollute his mind with that crap
Harry: It's not crap
Draco: Listen to squirrel face, it's crap
Hermione: Squirrel Face!
Draco: You have big teeth and I need to think of something to get payback on Ferret
Hermione: If this is what you say to the woman your trying to court
Draco: Don't worry I gave up half an hour ago
Hermione *incredibly happy*: Really!
Draco: Nope, My love for Pansy is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for you-
Hermione: Piss off
Draco: Fine, but don't come crying to me if no one ever recites Wuthering Heights to you again.
*Draco walks out of the Gryffindor Common Room*
Scene Change: Dumbledore's office
Dumbledore: Minerva have you had any success in findng a play for the end of year celebration?
McGonagall: I've found this one called King Lear by Tom Riddle and to be honest anything will be better than last years Rocky Horror Picture Show, personally I think Potter and Malfoy played Frank'N'Furter and Rocky a bit too graphically. I don't even think that scene they played was in the script...
Dumbledore: Yes several first years had to go to counselling. I think we should give this Tom Riddle a go, make the neccessary preparations. I'm glad his middle name isn't Marvolo, then I'd be worried, I mean Voldemort a playwrite!
Harry *Pops head round office door followed by Draco*: What about Twilight, its a tragic tale of love through the ages and how it can conquer all, with amazing sparkly vampires-
Draco *interupts*: you mean beasteality and paedophilia. How about Wutherng Heights its a wonderful tale of love and hardships?
Harry and Draco: please, please, please, please, please, please
McGonagall: silencio, we have already decided boys, Professor Dumbledore I'll owl them immediatly *Harry and Draco walk away looking disapointed*
Dumbledore: Excellent
Scene Change: Malfoy Manor
Voldemort: Yippee, yippee, yay yay it got accepted! *does happy dance while Death Eaters back off*
Bellatrix *murmers to Narcissa*: I quit, anyone for Othello by Grindelwald?
tbc
With the preparations underway will Draco ever court Hermione? Will Harry stop obsessing over Twilight? Will Voldemort ever produce a Shakespeare play and become a Spice Girl… er I mean kill Potter? Will Ron get more than two brain cells? Tune in next time for more Adventures Of The Retarded Kind
Should we continue this? Please review