I'll do it, tonight I won't hold back. She doesn't love me like she used to if she ever even did because who could love me when I am out of my mind she must have just been passing her time, so there is no reason for me to be here on this hell hole called earth. I picked up the knife she earlier had held to my throat, her words from earlier ran through my head, she said it would be ironic if I died by the knife she had bought me, little did she know that's what I planned to do with this oh so cherished knife, the present she bought me while she still supposedly loved me. I took a drink from the vodka bottle on the table as regrets started to fill my head. I just hoped my sister won't be the one to find me first, it would be heart breaking for her, Natalya and I have always been close, my only regret is leaving her but she has her husband and even a baby on the way to distract her, while I have nothing. I used to have a love even happiness but its gone, my love is engaged to someone else. I picked up the ring box with the lovely engagement ring I had picked out for her in it and tossed it out the window to be buried by that damn ever falling snow I hated so much. I took another drink of vodka, now I don't want to cause much of a hassle for those cleaning up my body after I end up killing myself, I'm not worth it, so I might as well do it in the bathroom, the easiest room to clean blood out of in this house. I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, my cold seemingly harsh features stared back at me, I smiled my first true smile since the day she left me. The fact I knew I wouldn't have to see her with that bastard anymore made me excited, she could be with him while I went with my sweet temptress, death.
I picked up the knife and examined the blade, sharp enough to pierce my skin but not sharp enough to let me died to quickly, my death will be slow and tortures like I deserve. I'll only allow death to embrace me slowly, I will not allow myself to enter her sweet embrace without pain. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, rolled up my sleeve to expose my snow white skin, extended my arm over the tub and placed the blade at my wrist and started cutting up until I reached my shoulder. I watched the blood fall onto the bottom of the porcelain tub. I repeated the task with my other arm. This I decided, was still to slow for me. I decided to cut my jugular vein. I placed the knife at my neck and in a quick, fluid motion I slit my own throat. My heart seemed to start beating faster and a blackness was spotting my vision and for the second time since she left me I smiled a genuine smile.