Description: My take on snowells in 4x20
"Harry, what's wrong?" Caitlin just had to ask because they'd been trying to figure out her Killer Frost problem for quite some time now and the more he talked and tried to help, the less sense he was actually making. In fact, it quickly escalated to a point in which she started to think she was losing her mind because she couldn't make head nor tails of what he was saying.
"What…?" He stilled then, his gesticulating ceasing as he froze, just staring at her, his blue eyes confused.
"Come on. I know you well enough to say that something's on your mind. What is it?" she asked, the words leaving her mouth before she could even stop them and just then she saw his pupils dilating. Damn it, she'd been thinking over and over about what he'd said to her that night in the Jitters and apparently, she had it all burnt into her brain now. The truth was, sadly, that no matter how hard she tried to get to the bottom of what might be there just between the lines, she could never truly figure it out. Because he'd seemed to be so cheerful and open that night and then he'd quickly closed himself right back, focusing all of his attention on stopping DeVoe and making her feel like she was crazy, like she'd read too much into things. And women tended to do that, didn't they? She just never thought she'd one day become one of them.
"Using my own words against me, Snow?" he asked, his tones playful.
"Well, those are the words of a genius, so why not?" she prompted, aiming for something lighter and then she noticed a slight scowl marring his features. What was that all about? "Harry? You know you can talk to me," she encouraged him. "I can clearly see that something is wrong. In fact, you've been acting all different ever since Ralph died, but I know it's not about him. You never really grew attached to him like Barry did."
Harrison sighed, looking away and running his hand nervously through his hair, messing it up and making for an alluring sight. Only she had to focus, she reminded herself, because he clearly needed her help in something.
"You know, honestly…" he eventually started again, setting his hands on his hips and finally looking at her, though his expression seemed to be closed off, "I never thought that telling you would be the most difficult."
Caitlin frowned on hearing that and then she made a few steps closer to him, waiting for some kind of an explanation.
"Or maybe I did know it perfectly and that was why I didn't listen to Cisco and tell the whole team right away," he then added with a sigh, his eyes now boring into the floor.
"Harry, I don't… I don't understand," she had to admit, just staring at him, trying to find some answer in his expression, but she came up with none. He still refused to look at her and she came back in her mind to all those weeks prior. She then suddenly sucked in a breath when remembering when the change had actually happened, when he'd proclaimed to the whole team that he was going to make his own thinking cap, an intelligence booster as he called it. And she said yes. She said yes because she knew him all too well as to be fooled that he wouldn't go through with this plan anyway. Only she did ask Cisco in the end to help him.
"Did something happen with the booster?" she eventually asked whereas he chose to remain silent. "I thought Cisco was going to help keep you safe."
"Oh, he did. It was me who screwed up. I was so… stupid!" Harrison suddenly raised his voice and Cait's eyes opened widely.
"Harry, my God, what did you do?" She didn't know how it happened but she was just now standing directly in front of him, his head finally raising as he met her eyes. What she saw in them terrified her because it was pure emotional anguish and regret. He looked like a man struggling with something horrible, not wanting to accept it as true, yet unable to fight it, ready to just give up.
So he told her. He had to eventually. He had to rip the bad aid because she out of all people didn't deserve to be kept in the dark. So he just said it. I used dark matter. It had the opposite effect. Gideon… my intelligence… I'm losing everything…
Caitlin was just standing there with her eyes widely opened and she didn't even register that they were slowly flooding with tears. She seemed to hear bits and pieces from what he was explaining to her, his eyes still focusing on anything but her. She felt as though someone hit her in the head, her hearing seemed to have disappeared as his words started to drift away from her, replaced by a terrible silence and then ringing in her ears.
"Snow?" When Harrison finally found enough courage to look at her again, she was gone. The door to the lab closing behind her.
He didn't even know why he did it. Maybe it would be easier for them both if he let her go and minded his own business, but… The truth was that there was no business he could actually attend to right now as he was rendered useless to write even a simple math equation, all his knowledge disappearing, fleeting away with speed matching Barry's. Or maybe not. He still knew who he was. He still had his memories and that was the most important, he realized as he followed Snow into the hall and then caught up with her, grabbing her arm and turning her around. Next thing he knew, he saw her face which was tear stricken and he froze.
"How could you be so stupid?!" she suddenly raised her voice, attacking him.
"I know, Snow. I know."
"Do you have any idea what you have done to all of us?! To me?!" she kept on screaming, throwing her hands up into the air, tears flowing down her face and despite that, she was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Or maybe he was already losing more than he realized. Maybe he was losing his sanity as well. "I can't do this again! Harrison, I just can't!"
"What?" he finally asked with a frown, confusion replacing shock. "What are you…?"
"I already lost so much! I can't go through this again! Not with you! With you I just can't!" She suddenly got to him and started hitting his chest with her hands made into fists.
"Snow! Hey! Caitlin!" he finally screamed her name, catching her wrists in the air so she would stop hurting him. "Stop!"
Their eyes met as she actually listened and then she was suddenly leaning forward and her lips were on his, kissing him, letting him taste her tears when he actually responded, forgetting about the place they were in, about everything but the feel of her fitting perfectly into his arms as he let her wrists go and pulled her closer, needing to kiss her some more, to feel more of her against him.
The kiss itself was chaste, desperate, deep and completely overwhelming when adding all their emotions to the mix. Eventually, they stopped and she just buried her face in his chest, sobbing into the fabric of his black sweater, her arms closed around him as she held on to him tightly.
For the next few minutes he could only stand there completely shocked, holding her and going through what just happened in his already deteriorating mind.
He could still taste her tears on his lips when she eventually moved away and brought her hands to her face to wipe their remnants.
"I… God, I'm so sorry," she apologized quickly, her body starting to shake. She couldn't look at him just yet, feeling embarrassed about what she'd just done. "I didn't mean to…"
"Did you now?" he asked and she just had to look into his eyes then. What she saw there undid her completely because it was everything. It was the same look she'd been so sure she'd seen before he retreated, kept his distance from her, dedicated himself to stopping DeVoe and only that.
Without another word he pulled her closer, quite literally aching to kiss her again and he did, doing what he should've done the first time their lips touched. He was taking his time, moving his mouth against her own before slowly deepening the kiss and drinking her in. God knew he never wanted to stop… but he would have to. Because he'd made the dire mistake of choosing wrong.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Caitlin," he whispered when he pulled away, cupping her face and resting his forehead against hers, feeling her breath on his face. "I'm sorry for being so stupid. For thinking we'd have more time once DeVoe was…" He sighed and then he opened his eyes to see hers boring into his. "I'm sorry I kissed you," he then added. "There isn't enough time. We just… we don't have time. I kept telling myself there's gonna be more. That I had my own thing to do and you still had to figure Frost out and now…"
"We've both lost what we thought mattered the most," she spoke to his surprise. "I lost her and you… you're losing yourself. But now I know something else is more important, Harry."
"What is it?"
"This. Us," she told him when reaching for his face and placing her hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment, reveling in the simplest of her touches.
"I wish I could take it all back…" He sighed. "I'm sorry for hurting you."
"We can always ask Barry to run back and warn us…"
"Don't even joke like that."
There was sudden silence as sadness overcame them. She aimed at a lighter tone, she wanted to make him laugh, but she failed miserably. Yes, she should have known better.
"The worst part is that I'm going to lose you, too," he then said when pulling away, his hands dropping from her face.
"What do you mean?" She frowned.
"Once my intelligence goes, everything else will follow. I think I may end up a vegetable."
She sucked in a breath before finally composing herself and saying, "No. We won't let that happen. I won't let that happen! Luckily for you, I've studied brains when trying to figure Killer Frost out, so I won't rest till we find a solution."
"That's what Cisco said."
"Well, then it's official. We are not giving up on you, Harry. I am not giving up on you."
"And I'm in love with you," he suddenly confessed, deciding he had nothing to lose now anyway. "I know I should have said that sooner. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it's too late."
Her eyes sparkled when she heard him say that and then she answered with conviction, "It's never too late. And in case you haven't noticed by now, I'm in love with you, too."
It must've been what she just said because he suddenly felt like being selfish. He knew they might not save him in the end, that he might lose everything including his own self and his memories, but for now he didn't care. He was still himself. He might not have the knowledge he'd gathered from all his PhDs anymore, but he still had the most important part of him, his character. Then again, if anyone could achieve the impossible, it was team Flash, so he had hope. And it was enough for now.
Next, when using the opportunity of empty Labs with Westallen home and Cisco on a date with Gypsy, he reached for Cait and brought her closer, kissing her again, for now needing to just lose himself in her. And then they would work on a cure, he thought when pulling her towards his room. They would work together and they would find a solution. After all, they had multiple earths at their disposal and multiple versions of Harrisons Wells out there. They had Snow with her brilliant mind and expertise. They had Cisco and Barry who never gave up and Iris who was always an inspiration and muse for the latter. They could do it, Harrison actually believed it and once he fell into his bed, pulling Snow with him, their bodies already naked, ready to collide, ready to finally join, to finish dancing around each other and just be together. He believed. And she believed, too.