Authors Note: So, I had to write a new ending for Sophie's World for my philosophy class. And if anyone else has read Sophie's World, they know it's a horrendous book. It's more making fun of Sophie's World than it is a story. Whatever! Thought I'd post it regardless.
Sophie and her mother began preparing for her philosophical garden party as planned. They decorated the garden and brought out trays of sweets for their guests. Just as they finished their preparations, their guests began to arrive. Joanna and her parents arrived, some boys from school, and a few of Sophie's neighbors. However, the party was still waiting for Alberto Knox to arrive.
The quests sat in anticipation for Alberto's arrival and some were getting restless. They began fiddling with their food and attempting small talk. To Sophie's relief she spotted Alberto heading towards the party, but her smile of reprieve soon faded as she saw the mob of creatures that followed him. There were elves, warlocks, orcs – he basically had all of Middle Earth following him up the pathway.
"Mother, how are you going to accommodate all of these guests?" asked Sophie.
Her mother looked at her with ridicule, "Sophie what on Earth are you talking about. Alberto is only one person."
Sophie rubbed her eyes and looked again at Alberto and the mythical creatures. Was she the only one seeing them? How philosophical!
Alberto approached Sophie and gave her a curt nod. He turned towards the restless guests who were now subjecting themselves purely to the control of their socially unacceptable unconscious thoughts.
"Alberto, why am I the only one who can see those creatures?" asked Sophie.
"What creatures? Har har just kidding. It's all part of the plan Sophie, remember? I must now announce the bad news to your family and friends." said Alberto with a matter-of-fact tone.
Alberto turned toward the crowd of guests who were now attempting to shank each other over the last piece of cake. With a smile he began, "Friends, we do not have much time. I must tell you now that all of your endeavors and worries are completely meaningless and you exist solely to meet the needs of a very annoying young girl named Hilde Moller Knag. Upon learning this information, I decided we must act swiftly to escape the realm of this novel. Once to accept the information I have just told you, you will see that I have managed to enlist the aid of the armies of Middle Earth to help us battle Hilde Moller Knag and her family in order to regain our freedom as real, meaningful people. Any questions?"
Everyone looked blankly at Alberto. He smiled. "Well if no one has any questions, we must be off. Come Sophie, Aragorn, Legolas."
Alberto and the creatures broke into a swift run towards a magical den. Sophie had no choice but to follow.
"Where are we going Alberto?" asked Sophie with some relative ease.
"Oh I thought you would have figured it out by now. Apparently you're not as smart as I initially thought and I am a terrible teacher. How disheartening. We're going to the den over yonder to escape into Hilde's world of course." said Alberto.
Sophie was too embarrassed to speak. It seems as if she had not completely comprehended Alberto's lessons.
The band of miscreants ran into the den just as they heard a crash in Sophie's garden. Immediately they were transported to the "real" world. Hilde must pay for her treachery and selfishness. How dare she allow for Sophie and Alberto to live a meaningless existence at her benefit.
Upon their arrival, the troops – lead by Alberto and Sophie, naturally – rode on horseback to Hilde's location in Lillesand. It didn't take long at all. Gandalf rode ahead with Shadowfax, and Aragorn scouted out the area to make sure there we no other threats than Hilde.
Sophie was still confused, but blindly accepted everything Alberto told her. "Alberto, I still don't understand how you managed to summon Middle Earth's armies?"
Alberto looked at her with disappointment. "Sophie, I was able to summon them because they too are just part of a meaningless existence. They are eternally bound to a book, and thus because we too have accepted our meaningless exile, we are able to see them. Duh.."
"Oh" Sophie said, as she tried to grasp her mind on such an abstract concept.
After an hour of travelling, they finally arrived at Hilde's house. It looked exactly like Sophie's – how dare she copy Sophie's life. Her attention, though, was drawn back to Alberto who was giving the massive army a pep talk.
"My brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of.." began Alberto.
Aragorn rose from the crowd of men, elves, and dwarves with anger. "How dare you plagiarize the words of the king of Gondor!"
Alberto rebutted, "But, dear Aragorn, how do you know that you were the one saying those words and not another Aragorn. Everything is meaningless anyway."
Aragorn sat back on his horse, still angry. Sophie heard him mutter "I delivered the speech better" to Legolas before Alberto continued.
Alberto fidgeted trying to remember when he left off, "Hmm, now where was I? Oh yes. And break all bonds of fellowship! But it is not this day. This day we're going to make Hilde pay for making Sophie and I mere figments of her and her father's sick twisted imagination. It will be a small victory for all of us meaningless characters. I bid you stand, 'Angry Fictional Characters!'"
The army began charging at Hilde's garden. Upon seeing Sophie, who was leading the army, she became excited.
"Sophie!" Hilde shouted, "We have so much to talk about!"
"Let's talk about how you imagined me to be a meaningless fictional character bound to a meaningless life for all of ETERNITY!" yelled Sophie as she threw several copies of Sophie's World at Hilde. "I HOPE I WAS ENTERTAINING!"
Hilde began screaming. "It's not my fault! Ahhhh!"
When Hilde saw Alberto and Middle Earth's army running towards her, blades and bows drawn, she tried to hop the fence and run out of her garden. Screaming, she ran, but the army chased her down. Eventually it was just Sophie and Alberto left in the Garden.
Sophie looked distraught and plagued with guilt. Alberto tried to comfort her. "Sophie, it's time for another lesson. Philosophy is painful."
Sophie and Alberto laughed as they heard the clanking of swords in the distance.